General Sex Advice Thread

Will a chick notice that is my first time even if I fake it like am I pro?

Anyone here have experience on having sex with phimosis?

>>17872863
I'm pretty shy about sex. I have an almost 3 year girlfriend and even then I rarely go down on here, I feel like a pervert whenever I start foreplay. Like taking her shirt off is TOO MUCH.

Yeah, we do it, but its more about tease than sex. My moderately over-weight body and lack of confidence really takes me away.

>>17872870
If you have natural talent, or read up a bunch, it'll be less obvious. But it will be obvious that you're not a regular if you're not at least informed on the basics.

>>17872870
I had sex with this girl without telling her I was a virgin, she had no idea and thought I actually was very experienced

It comes down to your performance though

How rough is too rough during sex. Give me insight and new moves

>>17872872
Foreplay is just as important as the sex. But I think that maybe you're psyching yourself out. Sex isn't dirty unless you MAKE it dirty. She WANTS you to do these things with her, and that makes it not perverted.
If she were to guide your hands in taking off her shirt, would you still feel bad about it?

>>17872884
>How rough is too rough during sex

Depends entirely on your partner.

>>17872870
Can you fake anything you never did like you're a pro?
She will know. Be honest, she'll likely help you out. Virginity is only a big deal to virgins, everyone else barely cares

>>17872872
You've been with her for 3 years. She's already seen you without a shirt an is still with you. She's won't be surprised, she either doesn't care or is used to it by now.

Stop being a prude, go wild with her, by this time you should have done everything you two would like to try at least once

>>17872871
skipping that one, no phimosis, sorry pal

>>17872884
When Pain>Pleasure

BDSM aside, if pain is getting in the way, it's too rough. You can't see pain so just ask your partner

>>17872887
It feels best when she does, I guess I'm at the point where I'm pretty consious about it, but still...I feel certain shame when doing it myself, as if I didn't deserve it.

I'm gonna try going /fit/ and being more bold overall to see if it helps me psicologically, but any advice would be nice.

How long does the average girl takes to cum? About the same time as a dude?

>>17872898

Usually longer. There was a survey a few years back and if I recall correctly the estimates the people involved gave were 3-5 minutes for guys and 10-20 minutes for women to reach an orgasm. But these are obviously averages, it varies greatly.

>>17872898

Dudes can come in anywhere between 2 seconds and 2 hours

Girls are the same. Keep in mind some (I'd even say most) of them are multi orgasmic, so if she cums too fast, just go for for the second round without waiting to find out

I quit smoking a few years ago and switched to an ecig.

I noticed if I ingest nicotine before sex, my erections aren't as strong. I also notice if I'm vaping during the day, I don't get random erections like I usually do.

This is kind of helpful, because lately I've been trying to focus on my career and not women, but now that my career is stable I'm thinking about dropping nicotine altogether.

Anybody have any experience smoking/vaping and having a normal sex life? I usually avoid nicotine 1-2 hours before sex and have no issue, but it still concerns me that I'm not popping boners throughout the day.

>>17872907
>>17872910
Thanks.

>>17872924
smoking causes ED. enough said

>>17872929

Yeah that's what I figured. Looks like I know my new years resolution.

Gonna switch to weed and 0 nicotine juice until the withdrawals end.

>>17872924
I had a similar problem but then I started using one of these to get rid of my sexual problems

https://youtu.be/v38--6zDjN4

>>17872896
Don't go ask /fit/. They aren't very... empathetic, and can end up killing self-esteem rather than fixing it.
I'd recommend doing some cognitive behavioral therapy.
Every time you start having those negative thoughts, start asking exactly where those thoughts are coming from. Are they left over from some useless religious baggage? Are they self-depreciating thoughts from people who AREN'T interested in having sex with you?
If either of those are the case just remember that you are doing this FOR your girlfriend. You are making HER happy by doing these things. You're not taking advantage of her, you're not defiling her with your unworthy body. She picked you, and honor her decision by letting her have that part of you.

>>17872924
Nicotine causes restriction of blood-vessels, which is why smokers also have poor circulation in their hands and feet, and develop varicose veins.
Be warned though, cetain strains of weed have been known to cause whiskey dick as well, so try to get a strain with an 'uplifting' effect instead of a relaxing one.

>>17872940
>Are they self-depreciating thoughts from people who AREN'T interested in having sex with you?
this is true mostly, I've always felt ugly and rejected, only recently I found out it was all psicological and confidence would've gotten me girlfriends pretty early in life if I wanted to (or at least friends)
>She picked you, and honor her decision by letting her have that part of you.
Damn, this really struck something, I've literally never seen it that way, thanks anon :)

>>17872871
I've heard people have good results by just lubing the shit out of everything. But I've also been told that the best way to handle it is through surgery.
There are methods for stretching the foreskin to help alleviate it, but those methods might not work if the foreskin is too tight.

>>17872951
No problem Anon. It's always been my trick for when those destructive thoughts come creeping in. If I can't respect myself, I can at least respect someone else's wishes.

>>17872954
I've doing stretching, it's working but the phimotic ring is still quite small so I'm afraid of showing it to a girl.

>>17872966
If you can find a European girl, she'll be far less freaked out by it, since they aren't into circumcision over there.

>>17872863
how do I initiate something sexual with a girl? Like I can get them to go out with me, I can get physically flirty with them, if my autism isn't on full blast I can usually get them alone and kiss them. But how do I get them alone and get sexual without going too quickly? I fear that I'd just start taking my pants off and pulling her clothes off right away if given the opportunity and I really don't want to fuck this up

>>17872871
My bf has it, and we have sex fine. You just have to be cautious and gentle with entry.

>>17872924
I quitted smoking mainly because the guy I like can't stand it and I was very surprised that he noticed that fact through sex (I haven't smoked in front of him but he was aware). He said that while smoking girls have different consistency of saliva and other liquids, like from vagina as well.

>>17872995
Dude have you never watched a movie?

Place hand on hips/thighs/ribs when making out, and slowly progress towards what you want to touch. Move you hand around in the same distance but advance slowly. Shouldn't take too long too, 5 mins at most.

If she doesn't like it, she'll remove your hand, and wait until it gets hotter to try again. If she does, keep at it for a while and start again, but under her clothes.

>>17873006
Yeah, better circulation makes for slicker mucous membranes.

>>17872995
You have to make them feel like they are the center of attention. You have to genuinely not care if you get your dick wet or not.
If you care more about making them feel good, they're more likely to reciprocate.
Don't assume familiarity. If you're on kissing terms, move to stroke a hand in her hair or stroking her hand.

>>17873021
Then, if she starts to hold you tighter/pull you closer, move to kissing her neck or drag your hands up her arms and then down her back to her hips. This move works facing her, or from behind. Hugging her from behind works great if she's the shy type, because she doesn't have to feel embarrassed about you looking at her face.

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this one is not about the sexual act itself, but more about the circumstances around it.

recently, for various reasons, i had to quit my job and come back home and do some other stuff. so this way it has really become complicated for me to bring girls home. to that point that i have even stopped getting erections in some situations, sometimes even when i masturbate.

in practice, i could bring some girls home, but this whole situation made me feel quite unwanted, insecure, weak, you name it. so i practically lost all of my abilities (which werent that much of abilities) to seduce females (no matter if id seek for a girlfriend or just something not so serious).

im a guy in his late twenties, had numerous relationships and women before, i never held my confidence in material stuff, i was humble. but now i feel like im 15 again, and not in a good way.

is there a way to overcome this in this particular period, or should i just make peace with it?

>>17873031
And then, pull back slightly. Let her know that no matter how much you want her, you can hold off if she's uncomfortable. "God, you're magnetic; but I don't want to hurt you" works if she's a bit on the cheesier romantic side. "What do you need from me to make you feel good?" Is a way of preserving a bit more manly dignity.
Women generally like it when a man takes the lead, but builds consent into the plan, with contingencies. If she doesn't want to get naked, but is cool with being rubbed through her clothes, DO NOT try to take it further until she's aching and moaning. And then you can ask again.

>>17872884
tastes vary. i had one girl who wanted me to slap her so hard over the face when we had sex that it sometimes turned me off. she also wanted me to stick it up her ass quite often, but when i did it i could see it hurt her pretty fuckin much, to the point of tears, but she wanted me to go on. i didnt enjoy that really.

but to every girl after her i come off as a too much violent guy during sex. i guess she moved my standards.

some are even to sensitive if you lick their nipples too hard.

>>17873038
What part of being 'back home' is the most bothersome for you?
Is it a lack of freedom?
Is it a lack of privacy?
Is it disappointment in your accomplishments?
Is it that you're worried about judgment from your playmates?

>>17873056
>Is it a lack of privacy?

mostly this


>Is it disappointment in your accomplishments?
partially this. i mean, i am practically more successful in my field way more than other people my age. but i see people who are not obsessed with being successful and live their live (and sex lives) way more relaxed.


>Is it that you're worried about judgment from your playmates?
my friends are quite supportive and would not judge me on this. i am (and i am ashamed to admit it) way more worried about judgement from females. i always feel like they are judging me and laughing at me at every possible moment they get the chance to. i mean, it is just how i feel.

>>17873057
Sorry for playing 20 questions, I just want to figure out how best to help you out dude.
Do you have your own entrance to the house?
Do you get more fulfillment out of your job than you do sex?
What kind of women do you usually like?

>>17872870
depends on how good you are and how many virgins she's slept with
>>17872884
too much pain spoils the pleasure, everyone has different thresholds
>>17872898
depends on how in-tune they are with their body. you could plow a virgin for hours and they might not cum, but if a girl communicates with her partner on how to get her to the goal she could cum very quickly (sub 10 minutes)
>>17872924
restricts bloodflow, difficult to get hard when your boner juice isn't flowing
>>17872995
from kissing/making out, you start touching. start in "safe" spots like the small of her back and shoulders. from the small of her back, you can progress to the booty, which is relatively safe but gets the point across. pretty much let your hands move slowly to the spots you want to touch.
if she seems like she's not into it or removes your hand from a spot, STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING and don't press further. a competent lawyer can turn that into sexual harassment/rape
>>17873038
If you're able, you should try to get your own place. if bringing a girl back to your parents' home is weird, that should help make it seem natural. if not, just make peace with it. some girls understand that life hits some people hard so being in your parents' home isn't that weird
>>17873048
underrated. consent is the name of the game

How can you last longer? I barely last that long and sometimes its embarrassing

>>17873119
Get out of your own head, and focus on what motions your partner is enjoying more. Once you take the concentration off of your own pleasure and onto theirs, you'll be able to hold out longer.
Also: if you can, jerk off earlier in the day before you expect to be having sex.

>>17872993
I'm Brazilian.

>>17872999
That's reassuring, thanks.

How do I know when a girl is wet enough to enter? (How to get her there?)

>>17873150
Treat her body like you would a game of cricket in darts. Try to start with the lightest, safest zones- hands, hair, knees, small of the back. Firm but gentle stroking at first. Some kissing with light-tongue.
Then if she starts leaning into your touches, move to slightly more sensitive areas: Neck, hips, under-breast, maybe thighs. Stroke and knead at the muscles in her lower back, and butt. Stroke your thumbs along her ribs.
Take your cues from her. If she's moaning or wiggling, just ask her point-blank "Do you want this going any further? Tell me to stop if you're not enjoying yourself" This lets her know she won't ruin the mood by directing you, but still gives her the ability to enjoy your lead.

>>17873162
Don't immediately try to get under her clothes. If she's cool with you massaging her breasts through the fabric of her shirt, then stroke a hand up the outside of her thigh and ask 'would you like me to give you a hand with those pants?" And if she agrees, take some time to rub through her pants/skirt, then through her panties. Keep your other hand busy rubbing her other sensitive areas or digging your fingers into the roots of her hair. Running your fingers over the fabric of her panties should let you know if she's wet enough to put anything in. If you can feel the wetness through them, she's already there. If not, keep up the stroking(the entire vulva, not just the clit or the slit), and then tease at the top of them.

>>17873079
np, i appreciate it

>Do you have your own entrance to the house?
no

>Do you get more fulfillment out of your job than you do sex?
these are two completely different things. i mean, i dont know, never thought about it. i just feel like whatever i do, i have to be a useful part of that group, or society in general. in a way, that gives me confidence for other things as well.

>>17873119
damn, i had the opposite problem for years. its difficult for me to cum besides masturbating.

I really want to get into shibari, but I haven't bought any rope yet because my bf doesn't seem very sure about it. I mainly want to learn self tying, and in a non-sexual way, but I also want to be tied up by him, and try things together. We also have one of those bondage starter sets but he takes it out rarely, even if sometimes I ask about it. Why do you think he's acting like this? It seems like he's less into more complex stuff, but why? Shouldnt it go the other way? He also eats me out less than before even if I'm always clean and trimmed, but when I ask him about all this stuff, he never gives me an actual answer. Has any of you had to deal with such a situation (from either point of view)?

>>17873173
If you get the green light to go under her underwear, also see if you can't get her bra off and start massaging her breasts. Always start by cupping the breast and going gently against gravity. Firmly roll your thumbs over her nipples. While you do that, slide a hand in her pants and cup her vulva. Press your cupped hand against it, and move in rolling circular motions until she's gasping and/or rocking against your hand. You'll be able to tell from there if she's ready. There should be enough lubrication to coat the labia minora and get your palm a little juicy in the center.
Ask if she'd like a little more serious fun, and rub the tips of your fingers around the slit. If she tries to push herself onto your fingers, go for it and carry on like that for a bit until there's no resistance to them at all. You should be able to take it from there.

>>17873180
Short answer: he's either lazy or intimidated by not knowing anything.

>>17873173

Thanks mate, appreciate it.

>>17872951
I'll add on to this and say that if it's something you see as a big deal, then try talking to her about it, if you haven't already. Like the other anon said, she's still with you for a reason, and if you bring it up she's only gonna want to help (unless she's a heartless asshole or something). Just make sure that if/when you do, you let her know that it's a psychological thing that you need help with, and not something that she's doing wrong. The last thing you want is for her to think that she's doing something that's making you uncomfortable.

>>17873173
I appreciate your explanation but that honestly reads like a aircraft manual.

>>17873175
Well, here's the advice I'd give:
Try to remember that you're the same person you were before moving back home. You're an adult living with roommates and should set up the living arrangements the same way you would if your roommates weren't your parents. Let them know that you need certain things in order to be a whole person, and having privacy and consideration in your lovelife is one of those things.
And if possible, date laid-back women and/or grad students. They generally understand that shit happens even to the best of us, and won't consider you less of a capable adult based on your living situation.

>>17873143

I'm brazillian too, I've only ever met one guy who was circumcised (friend of mine in school told me), so chances are chicks had already seem a phimotic dick before yours

But look into it, it's worth exposing it, just don't get rid completly from the foreskin in case you go to surgery

>>17873206
well, people are complex and there isn't really a 'push button to start' option.
I try to be specific because I myself are very detail-oriented and took a lot of time coming up with scenarios, because if someone is inexperienced, telling them "you'll know" isn't all that helpful. It's easier to figure out if you have a general template you can follow at first, then modify after experiences.

>>17873219
damn man...

thats some nice shit. ill think about this. thank you.

>>17873222
I would never get myself cut unless it's absolutely necessary, I'm slowly making progress so I hope I don't need it.

>>17872863
Is it a big turn off if I'm a virgin at 24?

Will a girl turn me down for that reason alone, assuming a girl desperate enough to sleep with me exists?

>>17873241
No prob. It's all about perspective.

>>17873284
There's a cream for this shit that helps skin get elastic, have you looked into it?

>>17873314
How women feel about it will depend on how YOU feel about it. If you act like it's a tragedy, they'll feel like you're pathetic and desperate. If you treat it like an unfortunate but not important circumstance, they will too.
Just treat it like never having owned your own house yet: you want it, but you're not going to kill yourself to get it if it's not the right one. If the sex takes a back seat to getting to know her, she won't feel too awkward about it.

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>>17872870
No she won't. Current gf is the second girl I have been with. Before her I had only had sex once. I just let myself go and tried with wathever I felt doing in that moment. She didn't believe I was inexperienced when she asked me with how many I had been with before.

I'm 18 btw

>>17873322
No, do you know the name?

>>17872870
Also: don't try the things you see in porn. Those things usually look great but don't feel that good.

>>17872871
Used to have. Sex was painful yes. Did some stretching exercises and now all's good. But of course my case wasn't a rough one, if you have a severe case of phimosis you better get a surgery

>>17873314

Let me put it this way: making sexual discoveries and exploring different things is fun as hell. Variety in sex is good.

That said, girls might have lost their virginity somewhere between 14 and 20 years old on average (obviously largely depends on who you are targeting). So it might have been at least 4 years since a girl might have had sex with a virgin, and that is if theh lost their V card to one.

At that age, everyone who's sexually active and had healthy experiences already feel confident enough on their skills in bed. In my experience, it's very exciting to teach something new to a partner in bed.

So you're a sex experience that girls don't come around often (if ever), and also a "blank slate" for whom to teach everything they know about it.

Face it lightheartedly and a girl might even think it's awesome that you're a virgin and want to take you to bed. Don't be dramatic about it, nobody wants to deal with drama, only to have a good time and fun in bed.

>>17873349
I've seen it floating around in other phimosis threads. I can't remember the exact name but it sounded like it was something you'd need a prescription to buy, so maybe you'd like to ask a doctor for that.

>>17872884
Basically what everyone else has said. I've been with girls that I couldn't freaking lick too hard, where as my fiancé is into bdsm (as am I, I've just taken it vanilla before because I understand that not everyone is into that) and likes me to slap the shit out of her, choke her, and spank her Ass until she's bruised. Completely dependent on the individual.

I would like some advice or hints from the guys about making my boyfriend feel sexy and/or desired.

I love him, we've been together for 6+ years. I think he is the bees knees. He put on weight recently and is now self conscious when we have sex, and feels I will cheat. I have no interest in that, sure he's a bit softer round the edges but Iam still very much in love and attracted to him.

I've been initiating sex more frequently lately, which is helping a bit, but I would appreciate a man's input into what else I could do to make him feel loved and/or desired? He's afraid that I'll cheat because I'm "out of [his] league" but frankly I think that's bullshit and more to do with his confidence issues.

What do, men of /adv/? I really love thiis guy and think he is great.

tl;dr I got insecure boyfriend, how do I help make him feel sexy and loved

>>17873409
Also want to mention he never came out with crap about me being supposedly out of his league since he put weight on. I told him I still find him sexy but he gets so upset about his weight recently. Advice appreciated.

>>17873381
That's a bummer, I never mustered the courage to see an urologist.

>>17873420

He only has two options actually: either accept his new body, or work out to lose it

You can only help him supporting, whatever his option is. It's not sex related at all.

T. Someone who gained 10kg in 2016

>>17873460

By your english I don't suppose you're bound to our shitty public health system, so what's holding you up? Shame?

Dude the guy/girl lives on seeing dicks, he might see more than a dozen in a good day. And phimosis might be more common than the most common stds, just show the guy your anteater and move on!

>>17873420
It's a subtle emotional manipulation technique that he might not even realize he's using. He's setting up the situation so that if you WERE to leave him, he feels blameless and justified in making it seem like you were just too shallow, and it lets him wallow in a pity party whenever he feels like it.
Bring up that angle to him. Tell him that it shows a remarkable lack of trust in you and your judgment while you've been nothing but supportive.

>>17873581
I actually am, I'm pretty poor. Buy yes, I should ask someone about an urologist in my city, I just don't know who, my family is pretty much all women.

Male, 20 years old
6.5" dick, average girth
Will I fit inside a 12 or 13 y/o girl?

>>17873661
Of course it will, how do you think niggers will rape your ass in jail?

My bf asked me to initiate sex/seduce him with an attitude that I'm "out to get him". How do?

>>17873670
I don't think my butthole is equivalent to what I'm asking.

>>17873698
Out to get him, like a stalker, a serial killer, or just a seductress? Because those three flavors are similar but distinct and require different approaches.

>>17873705
I'm pretty sure and hoping he was implying seductress.

>>17873706
Are you wanting a plan for a whole evening or just the sex part?

>>17873714
Just sex I guess. I think he was asking for it as a regular thing for the way that I approach sex rather than a one time thing he wants.

I'm a guy who's had sex literally 3 times with 2 different women. I haven't been able to cum any of the times. Possibly cause I was drunk and it numbed the feeling(most likely) or because of semi death grip fapping. either way I feel like a failure as a man. Should I just simply have sex sober or possibly stop fapping for a while? Any advice?

>>17873180
He might be super vanilla, where BDSM does absolutely nothing for him and maybe even wigs him out a bit. Some people just are not into that stuff.
Or perhaps he's secretly submissive and is turned off by your submission.

My boyfriend is fairly vanilla. He's not super dominant and definitely doesn't have a sadistic bone in his body. I've eased him into choking me, but he only does it because I grin like all hell and I get so turned on. He likes to see me pleased, and that's why he does it.

Now I've had partners in the past who are really skeeved out by the idea of me being choked. Even though I assure them that I love it, it makes them feel awful. I didn't press the issue.

>Shouldnt it go the other way?
It's a mistake to assume that all men are pervy, kinky horndogs. It's simply not true. And the men who have a slightly lower sex drive sometimes have a bit of a complex about it. You might be inadvertently making him feel like less of a man if you question him in that way. It's a school yard status quo of talking about hot chicks and doing nasty things to them. To the guy who isn't into those sort of things, he may be left feeling like there's something wrong with him. Try not to make him think something is wrong with him.

>>17873735
I'm in the same situation. I've had sex/blowjobs drunk and sober probably 6 or 7 times and have never finished.
I think it's partly due to jerking it "idiosyncratic masturbatory style).
I know I have a harder time finishing drunk, so try sober, and cut down on masturbating definitely.

>>17873119
Real talk, I love it when my partner gets off. I don't really relate entirely with the worries of cumming too soon. I'd like it if I get fingered and rubbed beforehand, since I get off on that easier than I do PIV, and getting me off first makes PIV easier.
If a guy gets two strokes in and cums all over me, I'm going to be pleased as peaches. He feels great, I feel great, all is well.

I'd suggest playing up your foreplay game. It's called "foreplay" but I prefer to just think of it as "play".

All of this is fantastic for that
>>17873162
>>17873173
>>17873188
(btw Anon, great explanation here. Very accurate.)

>>17873735
>>17873756
Would you guys be able to finish by jerking off onto her? Or would the pressure be too high while she waited?

>>17873314
the only one who's going to make a big deal about being a virgin is yourself. if you're going for a ONS style hookup, she might be dissuaded by a lack of experience, but in a relationship it shouldn't matter
>>17873409
sometimes verbal affirmations go a long way. do you often tell him that he's the cat's pajamas? it's cliche, but people do like to hear it first hand that you're satisfied with them.
Alternatively, have you tried sucking his dick?

>>17873661
kill yourself
>>17873698
pin him down and suck his dick
>>17873735
sober sex should help, whiskey-dick is a harsh mistress

This seems like the right thread to post in.

So, I'm a senior in hs, and I've already had sex with 8 different girls more than once. And I always have this feeling of not being good enough. Like I can always make them finish, and if I'm lucky I can give them 3 in under half an hour. My penis is 7.5 so there's no issue there. I just feel like no matter how much i please them, no matter how many times I make them cum, that I'm not doing enough, or satisfying them fully

>inb4 become a cuck
never have, never will

>inb4 you're not alpha enough
I basically make every girl I fuck call me daddy, so it's not a domination thing. And no i wasn't fucked by my uncle or some shit. I was peer pressured into losing my virginity to this slut but that's a different story.

any tips?

>>17873721
Ah, well in that case, easy ways to play the seductress include, but are not limited to:
Teasing the shit out of him. If he wants you to take the initiative, he has to let you take it. Push him down on the bed and tell him his hands stay where they are until you're done stripping. Then you can either strip him too or plant his hands on your hips and grind him through his clothes.
Pin his hands above his head and kiss him. Bite his lip, his ear, his neck. Not hard, just graze with your teeth.
Once you're both naked, try telling him to stay completely still while you blow him. Grip his legs or ass the whole time, so he can't 'get away'.
There's a whole range to the level of control you can take that can make the seduction more kinky and fun, or more vanilla. It's up to you and him how far you take it.

>>17873760
Not sure, I've never tried that but that a good idea.
But I feel like the pressure would be even more than when I'm inside her, because she would just be sitting there watching.
Alcohol helps me socially, but then it makes it harder to finish.
I just can't win lol.

>>17873760
I'm not sure desu. I start going limp and dissinterested after I realize it's not going to happen and end up just finger banging her. Alcohol is the main factor I think. Hours later I cum buckets when I fap to imagining the chick and me fucking though.

>>17873772
Do you continue foreplay during penetration? If not, try to focus less on what your dick is doing. Women have waaay more going on on the rest of their bodies than just in the vagina and tit areas. Even when you're already in them.
You should have touched just about every inch of skin and hair. It's like an exploration. Stroke their necks, firmly squeeze their thighs. Follow their lead. If she gasps when you stroke her neck, follow it up with a bit of massage or gentle biting. Dig your fingers into the roots of her hair and gently tug, depending on the woman, she will let you know verbally or with moans and gasps what she wants more of.

>>17873781
Well on the pressure side of things, I'll say that I find it super hot to watch a guy jerk off. I try to do what I can to show him that I'm enjoying myself- by biting my lip, sticking my tongue out, putting my fingers in my mouth, smiling a lot, moaning, and rubbing myself - but other girls might not have that social grace.

>>17873791
>I start going limp and dissinterested after I realize it's not going to happen and end up just finger banging her.
Yeah, rough. I've been there with my boyfriend. I still have a great time and I feel just as good as if he did cum. I sympathize for him because I know he wants to cum and can't. That's gotta be frustrating!

>>17873772
I'm also curious on what your foreplay looks like.

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This is more psychological. In high school I could always get a girlfriend, or make a girl interested in me. That part was easy. I was very impatient and this blew my chances of losing my virginity. I always took it personally when a girl didn't want to sleep with me after talking for two weeks, but they'd still want to hang out and stuff. I did all the other stuff like blow jobs and shit.

Anyways, fast forward to 21 years old and I realized that girls didn't sleep with me because I was insensitive to their needs and anxieties. Sex is a big commitment for girls. So I adjusted my personality, I'm more patient now. I get laid like clockwork.

But since I'm in my twenties, and not a teen, it doesn't seem to fill the void of having not had sex in high school. How do I know if I changed my personality back then it would have had a different outcome? I mean really people haven't changed that much. But I tell myself that "you're old now and people have lowered their standards," or "you're old now and sex is more casual."

>>17873801
It is frustrating. Hopefully they have a good time. That's also what pisses me off also is imagining they are frustrated at me. I think they are satisfied though.

>>17873817
Going through that was important for your development as a decent human being. You can't start perfect. In fact, you are better off. Because you learned exactly how important that was. If you started off as someone who was considerate all the time, you would end up wondering, "Is all this worth it? Am I making a difference? Do women notice my consideration?" You saw what women are like when you were inconsiderate. You see what women are like when you are considerate. You can have that satisfaction of having improved as a human being. Not everyone can do that.
It also makes you more reliable. I would trust you more to continue being patient and considerate than I would that guy who always was. That is valuable.

>>17873831
I don't think any decent, educated girl would be frustrated at you.

>>17873817
As someone who also did not have willing sex until out of High School, I can say that I've never had that feeling of regret at having 'missed out'. DO I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to find a compatible partner or two in high school? Not really. I was an obnoxious twerp, and I'm glad I never willingly subjected anyone to that. lol
Everyone is going to have 'what if' scenarios about something.
I think I look at it kind of the same way as moving out. I moved out of my parents' house right after high school. Some people don't. Do they agonize over what life would have looked like if they'd have moved out sooner? Maybe. But there are no redoes, so it's not productive to fantasize about something that can never be changed.

>>17873847
Thank you for that. I feel a little better.

Should I lose my virginity in a one night stand or try to find a gf first. I'm 18 and I've always been either surrounded with men only or too paranoid to let a woman too close.

>>17873817
have the exact opposite sitution and experience.

never got a gf in highschool until I became an utter insensitive ass. Then got one and we were together for four years sex five times or more/day until we moved together to our own place in college then broke up never speaking again.

haven't had sex since it's been very close to ten years.

now I am so far beyond FUCK IT I do nothing but work out and watch anime, sleep, work my shitty job, sleep, shower and go to a club in another town and grab asses until someone leaves with me. Then never talk to that person again.

No cake and eating it too. No one will really tell you that.

>>17873889
Do you feel like your first time has any special value beyond an event like a first hair-cut?
If so, wait for a girlfriend who wants tomake your first time special.
If not, hire a professional, preferably one who specializes in 'deflowering'. She'll be able to help you ease into it.
But it also depends on your personality. Are you outgoing, of an introvert?

>>17873907
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think that you and your first girlfriend may have had some unresolved personal issues that needed to be sorted through. Hypersexuality can often be a sign of depression or deep insecurities.
I'm not saying for sure that that's you, but it might be something to consider.

>>17873908
I'd rather not lose it to a whore. I'd say I'm outgoing but I'm not a Chad.

So my girlfriend and I have been together for about a year and 4 months so far. At the start we had sex sooo much... Like at least once a night, 7 times a week. I realize we spent way too much time together and school got more demanding so I couldnt see her too often. Now I see her only on weekends at night sort of thing and we have sex once a month if I am lucky. what can I do to potentially increase her libido or at least make her horny enough to get in the mood. I try playing with her gently etc and it doesnt seem to work often, she just wants to watch her damn netflix.

TLDR: Gf doesnt seem to want sex as much anymore, what should I do?

>>17873920
If you harbor a distaste for sex-work, why consider it?
If your goal is to have the experience in order to 'get it out of the way', then why would it matter if the other party valued the event?
It seems like you do place a value on it, but are a bit jaded on the prospect of relationships. Is that an accurate assessment?

>>17873936
I think we have different meanings of one night stand. I've always heard it used to refer to picking up a girl at the bar or something.

Yeah I do place value on it, but I am not sure about a relationship because I don't want to date a crazy girl, and there seems to be a lot about. At the same time, I want to feel loved and I don't remember what that feels like.

>>17873923
Many women have trouble having sex unless they are in a good head-space. The rubbing and gentle play does nothing if the mood is wrong.
Things that might help er relax or get IN the mood, are usually things that have nothing to do with sex. If she's stressed from her job/school, offer to help her with whatever chores are causing her to stay stressed. If she's tired, or has no more brain-bandwidth, there's not much to be done, I'm afraid. Men often use sex as a means to relax, but women usually go the opposite direction, they have to already BE relaxed to get into it. Try asking first next time "Hey babe, I see you're vegging. Anything I can do to help you feel more zen?"

>>17873943
Here's a suggestion, that I feel might work, if you have the right person around.
Find a friend that you've known for a while, if you have any female friends. And see if she's receptive to being your first, or an ongoing friend-with-benefits.
If you're close enough, it should be easy to explain what you're looking for, and if she's a good enough friend she won't be offended even if she says no. So long as you're clear about what your expectations are, and aren't trying to fool anyone, there might be a chance for you to have meaningful sex because you care about each other, but without the threat of new 'crazy'.

>>17873943
>At the same time, I want to feel loved and I don't remember what that feels like.
You should really mull over what this means, anon. This is important.

>>17873975
I only know two women that close. One is into me it seems, but I'm really not into her. The other one is the other way around I think, although I got over her.

Either way, that'd be really awkward I think, know a girl a while and then springing that up.

Thanks anyway though.

>>17873954
>Try asking first next time "Hey babe, I see you're vegging. Anything I can do to help you feel more zen?"
But you probably shouldn't say it like that, unless she is into cheese.

>>17873984
I have. At times I feel as if I'd hurt somebody dating them because I'm a paranoid person for a lot of reasons. At others, I just think it's because I don't know any girls I really mesh with. Sometimes I just avoid it because I think I may just want a relationship as a bandage over a problem which can only really be solved by self improvement, and I wouldn't want to subject people to serving that function.

>>17873998
Have you tried therapy, self help books, group therapy?

>>17873999
I've tried counselling and its been largely useless because I tend to focus on smaller things since the larger things are fucking huge and I can't solve them even if I wanted to.

I don't know where I'd get group therapy. Everybody I've know to use self help books has found no use whatsoever out of them.

>>17873986
How does the first girl looks? Aren't you into her because of her looks?

Because if it isn't, I don't see why the two of you can't have fun humping genitals toghether. Just be honest to her that you're not looking for a relationship.

>>17874018
A few reasons
1) I find her unattractive
2) Shes a conservative Russian woman. She'd expect a relationship.
3) Me and my friends are setting up another guy with her
4) she gives me the creeps sometimes

>>17874026

Ok those reasons seem enough lol

But I wouldn't advise you to hold your v card for the right girl. Given an opportunity, just take it. It isn't as much as a big deal as we make of it.

It's just the first of hundreds or hopefully thousands relations you'll have. Statistically it's almost impossible for it to be your best experience. So there's nothing so special about it to worry about, other than being your first.

It's not like women that might feel pain and need a more careful partner, not to mention tearing the hymen.

>>17874042
Alright, thanks.

>>17873991
Hey man, don't underestimate the power of cheese!
My partners love it when I get all cheesy. It means I'm willing to put my pride aside for the sake of seeing them smile.

>>17874007
Generalized self help books I've found useless, yes. I like ones that are specialized. The ones I read are about ADD, codependency, and eating disorders.
I think about the serenity prayer. I'm not religious, but this one has come up a lot
>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
>Courage to change the things I can,
>And wisdom to know the difference.

Counselling is largely who you choose and what you put into it. There are a lot of different techniques and schools of thought. I might encourage you to figure out what your experience has been and choose something else. EG if you've done cognitive behavioral therapy, try mindfulness therapy. You should be able to find on a psychologist's online profile what they call their kind of practice.


General advice I can give you is to be patient with yourself.
These kind of lessons and this kind of healing takes a long time. Years. Try to work out functionality of how you can keep living your life while also improving. Be easy on yourself. You are going to improve, no doubt. But no one is ever really "fixed". Don't hold yourself back from living because you're waiting for yourself to hit some vague theoretical milestone. At the same time, don't force yourself to do anything that you're not ready to do.
It takes patience, time, experimentation, willingness, openmindedness and wisdom to know the difference.

I can't get my bf to remember what kind of sex I like. We've been together for 4 years, and he still defaults to positions and angles that I can't enjoy.
How do I get him to remember my preferences? I keep thinking that if he doesn't understand me by now, he never will. Am I right?

>>17874187
>How do I get him to remember my preferences? I keep thinking that if he doesn't understand me by now, he never will. Am I right?

Have you tried communicating to him? Expecting someone to read your mind and know exactly what you enjoy (no matter how much time they have had) is unreasonable. If he isnt doing what you want, then tell him what you want. If you dont know what you want, then that has to come first long before he will be able to please you. You must know yourself before he can know you (physically and emotionally)

>>17874187
You'll need to find a way to tell him in the moment.

>>17874214
I do know what I like. I have told him very bluntly to please stop doing 'x' and do 'y' instead. He'll remember for a week, and then go back to doing what doesn't work for me.
I've tried to compromise, and let him have his way half the time, but it's a constant struggle to get my own pleasure out of sex. I've even told him that there's no real point in having sex if we're not both enjoying it, so I've been saying 'no' a lot more lately.
I'm not asking for him to be a mind-reader. I just want him to remember that I don't like having my cervix smashed in. I don't know how much more honest and up-front I can be.

>>17874245
Do you tell him while you're having sex? Do you manipulate your body to do what you want to? What is it that you need that he isn't doing?
>cervix smashed in
Is he inserting too far and you want him to take shallower strokes? What about positions that make it harder for his full length to get inside?

>>17874258
I've told him during sex, I've told him after the sex was done, I've shifted my pelvis around, I've flat out yelled "Ow, why do you keep doing that? It never works!" And like I said, he'll stop for a week, and then just go right back to his default settings.
I am very prone to bruising and soft-tissue damage. So I need slower, less forceful sex. But he just plows right on in like a damn wrecking ball.
I love him. But I think he just keeps assuming that if it feels good to him, it must feel good to me too, no matter how many times I spell it out for him. I feel like he's not seeing me as a person with my own feelings, and more like his personal fleshlight.

>>17874245

>I'm not asking for him to be a mind-reader.

Fair enough, good thing you've started the conversation but have you followed through and completed it?


> He'll remember for a week, and then go back to doing what doesn't work for me.

Have you followed up by specifically communicating this idea? Have you talked to him in depth about not just his methods, but his inconsistency once he does figure out what you enjoy?

If you've done all that, and to the point of literally saying this to him
>>I feel like he's not seeing me as a person with my own feelings, and more like his personal fleshlight.
which you should if all else fails. That is a sure fire way to hit his heart with guilt, and rightfully so if he isnt hearing you in other forms.

So, if you communicate it to that extent and he doesn't change, then he is being selfish. It is up to you then to decide if you can live with that reality for the long term, because he likely wont change.

>>17874352
>completed the conversation

What's to complete?
"Hey, I can't do this kind of sex, it hurts. I'd rather do this other kind of sex."
Over and over and over.
It's not that he doesn't know. He sees how easily I bruise on my arms and legs and gets all worried asking if I need to see a doctor. But when I keep telling him that the wrong kind of sex does the same thing to my insides, he just doesn't retain the information. Or if he does, he just doesn't think it's important.
I've told him that he keeps forgetting. He keeps insisting that I never tell him. And when he finally admits that he just forgot, he gets all apologetic for another week, and then zoom. Right on back to default.
I feel like I'm slamming my head against a brick wall. Or that I should just cut off sex every time he does those things again. But then I'd feel like I was being childish and petty. Or like I was training a dog instead of someone who's supposed to be my partner.

Boyfriend wants to use a condom when we havent been. Im on the pill and condoms hurt. Neither of us have cheated hes just worried that ill get pregnant.
Ive suggested spermicidal lube but he still insists on using condoms.

>>17873738
I thought about him being vanilla, but it just doesn't add up, he even bought me a collar last year (and I didn't ask for it or pester him). And we did those things before and he liked them (at least that's what it felt/looked like). Also he's not a sub, we even did the bdsm test, and we always talk about it without problems so I'm totally sure he's not submissive and not even a switch. He just stopped doing things. Maybe he likes the idea of it, but doing it is too much work (like >>17873194 said)
If he just told me "I'm not into that stuff" I would accept it, because it's enjoyable anyway for me, and I don't want to force him into anything, what leaves me confused is that he seemed to enjoy it at first.
Also I didnt mean to say that all men like pervy stuff, I meant that usually, with a new partner you start with vanilla stuff and work your way up if you dont have much experience, while we started with vanilla, got new stuff to try and after we both liked it he stopped caring. (I assume he liked it too because of his body reacting to it and him actually telling me he did)

>>17872863
This girl comes over a lot and smokes up with me and we chill. How do we fuck

>>17874850
High

How do I kiss a girl without being drunk?

To clarify: I kissed some girls, and had sex with some, but the moment of seduction was always inside a bar or at a party, how do I kiss a girl, say, after a date or in any sub-optimal scenario?

Looking for smooth techniques

>>17874850
pay attention to any signals she gives you, and you might have to make the first move. be straight about your intentions, obviously not right into fucking but kissing, watching movies and cuddlin up, sex would follow

>>17873735
it's the anxiety, and the fact that you associate cumming with fapping, not with what actual sex feels like. I had the same issue with my first gf
"just" have sex some more and you will learn to cum

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How to eat her out?

>>17875029
Suck her clit like it's a mini dick, no better way of putting it. Expose clit, suck and lick simultaneously. Stick a finger and poke her g spot, ask if she'd like a second finger in (might hurt if she's too tight). Explore her body with any free hands you might have.

>>17874477
Condoms hurt you, the girl? What? Are you using lube?
He might be wanting to use it like a cock ring, or maybe he heard immaculate conception horror stories, or maybe he suspects you of cheating, or maybe he's cheating too.

Condoms are an obvious, easy to digest barrier for preventing pregnancy. Sperm no go in, baby no happen.
Hormones and spermicide are kind of like magic. We dont see it happen. We don't know if it's a bunk batch. If a condom fails, you know.
Plus if you dont take your pill at the same time every day, effectiveness goes down
Maybe psychologically he feels more protected by condoms

My husband only seems happy with me when we're having sex and directly after. Otherwise he is short with me, annoyed, etc... is this regular for marriage or is this bad?

>>17875145
Not normal.

>>17875145
Hormones released during sex make people happy, so its not surprising he's happy after it.
What's going on outside the bedroom that could be affecting him? This may not be a sex related problem but a general relationship one. Is work affecting him? Family?

how to penis in girl...?

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>>17876065
>implying girls exist
>implying the world exist outside of your mind.

Hey /adv/, I'm in need of someone with experience about pills. I'm planning on taking them (in a few weeks I will see a gynecologist to have more information) because it would help me and my BF a lot. However, I'd like to hear opinions about it, should I take it? Or just keep using condoms?. I've heard a lot of bad side effects that come with them and I'm kinda scared.

>>17876819
Here's what I'll tell you:
The side effects are hugely varied. This girl gained weight, this girl lost weight. This girl had lighter periods, this girl had heavier periods. This girl was more hormonal crazy, this girl had less hormonal crazes.

All of this is very very reversible. You just have to stop taking it.

There is no risk to trying and seeing what happens.

I was on it for years and never noticed any side effects.

>>17875074
Yes they hurt, yes I'm the girl and yes I use lube.
He's large, I'm small. His foreskin helps with gliding if that makes sense. It hurts when I've had unprotected sex with someone who didnt have foreskin.
We've changed lubes, tried different brands of condoms but its like I still get friction rash or a rash of some sort everytime we use a condom.
That's why I'm on the pill.
99% of the time we've had sex in the past has been without a condom. Which is why I don't get the sudden change of wanting to wear one.

I like the feeling of him nuttin in me, ok. I don't want it to stop happening.

A few weeks ago I had mentioned I felt a bit sick like I wanted to throw up. Later on in the day I made a comment like 'come on period, waiting for you' and he took that as if I'm pregnant. I had to explain that because I'm on my pill it fucks up the timing of my period, so it can take up to 4 days after taking the placebo pills for my period to kick in. I think thats whats started it but it makes me sad.

How to talk about bf's dick size when I am not a size queen and he is average?

I've been with bf for a long time, several years. He is average, 6 inches and nice, thick girth. I've only had 3 sex partners including him and my two exs were under average, much smaller than my bf.

I've never been with a man with a large penis, but obviously, I know and he knows what it looks like due to porn and such.

My bf's dick feels large inside me. It's very pleasurable, I cum everytiem. During sex talk, I like to tell him how big his cock feels and stuff.


Occasionally, he'll ask me if his dick is really "big". I never know how to respond. I've always just said it is. Even though I know it is average. However, as I said, I think it's big compared to what I've had before.

What do I even say when he asks me this? His dick is big to me, but not necessarily to everyone else, I guess. I think he knows that he is average, I think he may think he is below average and maybe he assumes I am lying.

How do i know if my girl has cummed? Do they ejaculate as well or nah

Should i be looking for luquid or what. I go down on her and stuf and she writhes every now and then

>>17876986
>It hurts when I've had unprotected sex with someone who didnt have foreskin.
Oh, I've only been with guys who are cut. I can't really relate, unfortunately.
I love it when my guy nuts in me, no problem there. I'm surprised to hear about your condom issues! That's really annoying. And all the more annoying that you thought that life was behind you, and your boyfriend is being all freaky now.
I'm sorry, that sucks

>>17877021
That's all you can do, really. Keep up the talk. Maybe mention that he's the biggest you've ever had. Play up his girth, definitely. It's pretty crazy. You can't really call him average with a shrug without him taking it personally.

>>17877037
No ejaculation. It's a pulsation, really. There's not really a surefire way to know if she did or didn't, other than her telling you.

You could look at some porn of women masturbating with vibrators, close up on the pussy. You'll see the way it twitches and writhes during orgasm. It's pretty cool, honestly.

On a less localized scale, during my orgasms I'll moan higher pitched and closer together, and when I cum I hold my breath, my thighs twitch, and I let out a softer, lower, long moan, and then I slump, relaxed.

>>17877037
But really, just talk to her.

>>17877037
Not every girl cums. Not every girl squirts when they cum.

Personally, my vagina pulsates and I squirt sometimes(?) I have no idea why it's only sometimes.

I honestly do not know what my boyfriend feels when I cum while he's inside me. I'd assume that it feels sort of like a "gripping" twitch around his dick. However, he has seen my vagina spazz out when I cum after he eats me out.

However, making a girl cum is most likely no simple task. Took my bf and I a few years to get to the point of me cumming pretty much every time. And even to do that, it needs to be a specific position, specific pressure and rhythm. I don't know if that's just me, tho.

Also, I usually squirt from penetration, but I never squirt during a clitoral orgasm. And I remember going through months at a time without squirting but still cumming.

It's complicated. Every girl is different. I wouldn't think about it too much. Because we very much want to cum to you, honestly, our body doesn't always do what we want it to.

Girlfriend wants me to eat her out. Never done it before. What are the basics, as well as some good techniques to make it as good as I can for her?