I need a bit of help to shed some light on a few problems

>>17860747

Except, one day, our family friend just bent over to tie his shoelace and suddenly his spinal artery popped and 10 minutes later he died when I was giving him CPR, doctors said that there was nothing they could do even if it happened in the hospital.

Business just went down the shitter, I was helping him with business stuff, errands and I've been investor, and doing some manual labor too, cause you know, you re opening up your goddamn business. But he has been the professional on the food part, with him gone there is nothing I can do, I don't know shit.

So now, I am sitting here, having no Girlfriend, no prospect of business, no friends, sitting in a bumfuck nowhere village where I don't even know anyone (I live in Europe) and naturally have a lot of time to think, since I barely can do anything beyond that.

And now after I did a bit of a backstory comes finally my question. I will write it all down in the next post.

Thanks for the blog post

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>>17860747
>>17860752

Now the thing. When I was in a relationship (I am 25) I was always jokingly being told that i am a fucking wierd autismo (you know how it is with jokes, they still have some grain of truth to them)

And It was always due to my interests or how I think about things. One extremely memorable was a moment where I wanted to learn more about the welding in space since it's completely different than the welding in the atmosphere. So I naturally went to read a wikipedia article on it and then she came and started a beef with me like, why are you even reading this shit, you will never ever need it in your life. (She is the kind of person that does nothing but lay in bed or chat all day on FB and then accuses u of wasting time if u watch some movie or whatever)

Which left me infuriated and I told her, that it's because of little things like that I've self learned the third language, trade and bunch of other shit which helped me to get where I am today, and which are actually paying for rent and her at times expensive presents (she was 20 and I fucking doubt any other guy old as me could afford it unless he had some rich parents). That these little things might seem unimportant and like a waste of time, but it leads you further every single day.

She cannot fathom this concept to this very day.

But this all left a seed of doubt in me.

>>17860779
What is your question?

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>>17860747
>>17860752
>>17860779

And Like I said, this all left the seed of doubt in me. And I suppose I don't need to say that this also downed my self-confidence too.

And now I wonder, whether I really am or not a fucking wierdo. I really am different. I think differently, I view world differently. Hell I even do shit differently and this all left me with scarce amount of friends which have now been reduced to 0.

And now I am really questioning my sanity. Because, in the past, I always had a bit of a problem to fit in (no I don't look like like some wave dashing retard) I am completely normal, bit above average looking tall guy. And I don't really have problem talking with anyone, I don't drop spaghetti or sperg out. And sometimes, for reason that's fucking beyond me I can attract solid 9 or 10s, to the point where they approach me themselves. Even though to this fucking day I don't fucking fathom HOW.

And the reason why I don't fathom it is, that since I couldn't fit in through my whole life, I never really had friends and I always has been left out on the deep end of the social spectrum and pretty much has been loner, to the point, where I truly gave up on any long lasting friendships and now I don't even have the casual chatting ones. And it's like people don't even acknowledge that I exist. It's a shitty feeling, but I grew accustomed to it.

Also the fact that I've moved like 5 times to completely different town in the time-span of 6 to 19 years old did not help this.

And now I don't just fucking know whether there is something wrong with me or not. All of this shit happening just left me every night in the bed staring at the ceiling and being woke till like 8 AM.

>>17860832
>>17860779

You know, I've always been this guy that never got invited to parties or sleep overs. And even though people talked with me they never really wanted to hang out with me.

I've been invited to the party only once in my life, and I've been given only one chance in my life but I shined. Took the role of the chef and made meat so tasty that I grabbed shitton of attention of everyone which made my GF jelly, and sort of forced me to turn down few other further invitations of her friends to hang outs after which they stopped asking (my fault anyway)

But still, this is just one exception to the rule. It has been shit all the time, then this thing happened, and it returned back to the shit it was.

Am I fucking weird. Am I sane if i question my sanity? I don't even know what to think about myself anymore.

You're most likely just sad and unatentive to the qualities you can use to grow a social network.

Just talk to people. Get a membership, join a club or reach out to new friends.

One question: do you feel like you deserve friends, or do you feel sorry for people for having to endure your company?

>>17862225
old* friends

>>17862225
I am not the fan of the opinion that someone is entitled to something. This applies to me too, that I am not entitled to friends. But I don't think of myself so lowly because at the extreme rare occasions when I hanged out with people they had quality fun time.

>>17862225

Honestly, the yesterday night was no different than what I've written, been woke up for a long time and just stared at the ceiling contemplating.

And came to the realization, that It's not even my direct fault, sure I had my share of fucking up. But I've been moving since my childhood every few years into a completely different city. This meant that I cut social ties and had to make new ones, and we all know how harsh can kids be when they get someone new in a class, pair it with the fact that I am a child of an immigrant and parents and everyone feels bitter towards your country of origin (I am as white as it can get, I look like someone from Norway). Well, hard times is upon you. And when you repeat the same process over and over returning back to the same starting point, it just gets to the point, when you just give up on any kind of friendship whatsoever.

So there is no point in nagging and it's better to just go out and force yourself to meet new people because sobbing on some chineese carpet knitting board wont help jack shit.

Also, figured out, that my girlfriend was a bitter and vapid cunt. She tried to bring me down at every single possibility, where it fucked with my perception of self. And she got serious self-esteem issues. Because there isn't a single sane person that could be constantly talking shit about any random passersby on the street how bad they look, especially females, and how shitty clothes they have and this and that. While objectively they a lot of the times looked like someone straight out of /fa/ and just plain better than her.

I guess it's better to understand this later than never.

Hey OP you should read Blindsight by Peter Watts. It won't fix your problems but I bet you'd like it.

>>17862326
Are you actually from Norway? If we're in the same city I could kill some time over a few pints, and we'll talk more about it so I don't have to read your fucking blog.

Yes. Yes, your ex is a cunt. Blackmailing people with threats of suicide is a fucked up thing to do.

TRD represent

>>17862722

Unfortunately no, but my financial situation allows me to just travel to Norway to have a few pints with some random /adv/ anon cause why the fuck not. However I am not sure how to make some contact with ppl outside of my country without seeming homo or airbnb.