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Anonymous
Tell me something, am I wrong? 2016-12-15 06:52:58 Post No. 17858605
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Tell me something, am I wrong? 2016-12-15 06:52:58 Post No. 17858605
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>21,male, never had a gf, not particularly attractive, you know the whole story
I used to know what I want in a girlfriend or relationship, thinking it wasn't much. Now im starting to think I may have been asking too much all along.
I wanted someone who would be into or atleast tolerate all the stuff and hobbies I like, maybe even join in once in a while. Somebody whom, just like me, is relatively quiet, doesn't need much to be happy, just being in the same area as each other makes us feel content. Ideally we would both be pretty awkward people, however she would be more social and we could even help each other get out of our comfort zones. Like partners in crime y'know.
Ideally, she doesn't drink or smoke, Maybe, just maybe we would both lose our virginities to each other, so I don't have to force myself to be comparable to her previous lays. cause im just that much of a tryhard.
Now the kicker here is that, i'm a senior in college. I have not had a single gf,yet. Every girl I've been interested in, since High school, has turned me down. I don't ask out every girl I see, but I tend to only ask out girls in some way fit my ideal girl description, doesnt have to fit the whole thing. Only girls that I would not mind spending the rest of my life with, should it come to that. I know my limits, and I try to shoot for girls within my friend circles or those who have shown me they have similar interests, never would I ask one out just to ask one out. Basically, I was already ready to settle down,so I thought. None of them went out with me, two of them which turned out to be asexual,not having any interest in guys (or just me.)
Am I wrong for already looking for someone to share my life with? After thinking about it, I realized that asking for someone to love me,especially whats essentially a stranger,is asking for A LOT. I feel as though I should give up the notion of looking for "The One," for good, since nobody else is looking for "The One" in their life,it seems.
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the idea you have in your head is a fantasy, you've never been in a relationship, you need to just date more people and stop trying to find 'the one'
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>>17858647
This. Plus stop asking out strangers, get to know a girl before you ask her out.
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>>17858667
??? no
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>>17858605
As someone who was pretty much in a similar situation but with the difference that i had a couple of relationships in the past, I gotta agree with >>17858647
Do not think in looking for "The One", try for "The Relationship". A lot of the stuff you want would only come to surface when you are in a comfy relationship, and the kind of bond you come to create with a partner could become more important than the kind of partner that you are looking for. I say all of this to give you an option in perspective and not simply throw away your romanticied view of relationships.
Keep trying but do not aim for the perfect girl, aim to enjoy a relationship and do not fear to try more than once.
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>>17858680
Okay then, I just didn't really want to get into a relationship with someone and realize that I really do not want to be with them in any way, which is why I only tried for girls that I think I wont get tired of being around. y'know, like get it right on the first try, but I guess that is simply just not possible.
I don't want to be rude or something, and tell her I'm not interested because I got bored, or realized that I just don't like her that much anymore or something.
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>>17858672
And this is exactly why you've failed to have even one brief fantasy moment. Enjoy being alone.
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>>17858703
That's a possibility in any relationship though, even with someone who you think at first will be perfect. Even worse, you might think everything is great but they lose interest.
It's a risk you have to take before you get in a relationship.
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>>17858703
think of it like this. you dont learn to cook your favorite dish by reading about 100s of recipes. you learn by trying to cook each dish until you find one that you like the best, and then working on that dish until you get it perfect.
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>>17858709
I'm hurt you would even think that poster was me,anon. I dont even know what he said is supposed to mean.
>>17858711
Thats true, I guess. this one girl I asked out, I thought I wanted to be with. Then I saw how she was with her boyfriend (we are all close friends) and then I realized I want absolutely nothing to do with that.
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Same anon from >>17858680
>>17858711
THIS
Even if things are perfect at the begining everything can crumble. Its the gamble of managing a relationship.
From a personal experience, and to serve as example for what OP is saying, i pretty much had everything you are saying you wanted in my first relationship. It was 3 years long and it ended almost 3 years ago. I keep the bitter experiences and the nice memories.
Something i see in the way you explain your "predicament" is that you either are starting to think that wanting to be with someone that you like is a problem or you are undertanding that you have to get with girls you dont like. Both would be wrong, so just don't overthink it.
Wanting to share your life with someone is normal, but it should come afters spending a long time with them. Date girls that you feel you could have a fun time with, not to make them your life partner. That way you discover what you really want and don't want from someone else in a relationship - by trying out.
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>>17858747
Okay then, fair enough.
I guess i'll just drop the ,"she has to be perfect on the first try" idea then. I guess i'll just look for whoever wants to be with me for the remainder of my senior year and see where that goes.
One thing I do know is that I don't want to leave college being inexperienced with this romance thing.
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>>17858776
You gotta start from somewhere.
Godspeed Anon
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>>17858605
Where you are fucking up is:
Uninformed/inexperienced people do not have the privilege of being picky. When they are, all that does is make them increasingly inbred and ignorant.
Become educated, become experienced, become knowledgeable, THEN go ahead use that to shape your preferences, your wants, and your likes.
You currently have absolutely NO IDEA what you need and want in a relationship. All you currently have is fantasies of what it COULD be like.
It's like this:
I've got family in Hawaii. They live on the "big island. You can drive from one side of the big island, to the other, in 2-3 hours. They have 1 costco, 1 target, 1 walmart, some McDonalds, and a few other things, but that's about it.
For YEARS they'd been seeing commercials for Italian restaurant, Olive Garden. Year after year, they'd see it pop up on their TV's, and they'd be fairly perplexed because, the nearest Olive Garden was over 2,000 miles away.
But it kept popping up, and they didn't have anything like it, so every time it did, they'd start to think it was something amazing.
When they were about 15 they came to visit us in California. They were RAVING about wanting to experience Olive Garden. So we took them.
Guess what they figured out, Olive Garden is shit.
They'd been fantasizing for years about it because they were trapped on a tiny island, having no real experience outside of that, and had nothing else even remotely similar to make judgement off.
Get off your island. Go live life. When you actually know what the fuck your talking about, go ahead and come back and make educated choices.
Even if you COULD find someone to match you, don't trap yourself in to something out of ignorance (My older cousin did that, got married young and inexperienced, Was ok for a while, then he lost his high paying job when AOL went under. She bounced as soon as the money was gone. He's still married 20 years later because he doesn't want to give her half of everything he's rebuilt)
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