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Should you tell your marriage partner literally everything? I had a lot of problems growing up and a fucked up childhood, and developed a lot of weird mental gymnastics to live with it. One of the biggest was I attached to a cartoon character, and basically acted like they were real, and guiding me. They became a voice in my head. I was fully aware it wasn’t real, I guess it was an imaginary friend into my adulthood. However, I was in love with the character and they filled the role of a boyfriend. Also, due to my mental illness, I struggle to see anything positive, and they became a positive internal voice, like assurance from another person.
My partner struggled with my attachment to this character at first, since he didn’t understand it. He then came to terms with it. A year later I explained the character’s meaning to me fully, and he was very accepting (I am still going through that same stuff I was as kid basically, so not in a good place.)
What I didn’t tell him, is one of the things that spurned me on to kill myself, was the chance I could be with this character. A tiny chance, but still a chance. Due to a technical problem the attempt failed, and the character “talked me round” I guess.
Another dimension to this character, he is an older brother. I am the oldest in my family in real life, and longed for an older brother. As I hit puberty, I had sexual feelings about this. Then I found this character, and how he is often partnered sexually with his younger sister. This I have NOT told my partner. Neither have I told him that as I've got older (the character is 18, and I am now 24) I like to think about this character dominating me in a bratty way. My partner and I are very vanilla in real life, and I would like to keep it that way.
Basically, should I tell my partner this? Or is it okay for him to not know these things? I'm genuinely autistic and don't know
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>>17857957
If you can't share everything and I mean everything with your SO, why the fuck are you even with them?
Seriously. They should be your soft place to fall and best friend. If they're not that then why the fuck would you get married? Societal pressure? That's retarded.
Other stuff is fetish shit, I guess you could. Might lead to some kinky shit in the bedroom.
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>>17857983
I can share everything, I mean, I guess I struggle with working out what is over sharing. If I should share, I can, its not a problem. But I'm scared I will say all this, and he will be like "why have you shared this?"
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>>17857988
Well if you once shoved a cucumber up your pussy for fun, would you share? It's not really necessary, nor is it a deep, life chaning secret.
If you had a 50,000 dollar debt and kept that secret, then that's a huge deal.
If it's something minor that affects nobody and is just in your mind, then who gives a shit whether you tell him or not?
If he's the type to find it weird, then sure probably better not to spill it.
But if you think you can trust him and spill the deep, inner machinations of your mind then go ahead. It really does feel good to have somebody who knows even your dark secrets but you can still trust them.
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>>17857957
>One of the biggest was I attached to a cartoon character, and basically acted like they were real, and guiding me
What character?
>inb4 sonic
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>>17858002
This is going to sound so weird, but I don't like telling anyone who it is. I have this weird thing in my head that it would hurt his reputation or something. I mean I know it literally wouldn't but like, I can't explain it. No it's not a Sonic character lmao
>>17857998
Do you think this sounds like the kind of thing that should be said to a partner? Like, does it fall deeper into the "a partner should know this" category or not? I partner knows about my suicide attempt, I have no idea if it is important for him to know about what I said in OP about it too
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>>17857957
Telling everything just for the sake of sparing no detail is pointless.
If its important, say it. If it helps your relationship, say it. Dredging up the past and processing every single one of your partner's negative experiences with no expressed goal in mind other than telling them everything is not healthy.
One time I filled a condom with lotion and fucked it in my middle school bathroom. Telling my girlfriend this doesnt help my relationship. It doesnt help her understand me or improve our interactions, all it does it satiate my need for full disclosure.
Its the same thing as telling someone you've broken up that you cheated on them while you were together. The only person it makes feel better is you.
Just save it. If he asks, don't lie.
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>>17858035
>I don't like telling anyone who it is
Dude you're anonymous here, I just want to know who your childhood waifu/tulpa was. You're not gonna change my opinion of a fictional character.
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>>17858043
I also worry about being identified, as I'm open about being a fan of this character (obviously I never ever mention to the extent to which that is the case)
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>>17858052
Will you just tell me already, stop being a fucking tease.
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How come girls can be clinically insane and it's ok? This thread bothers me and reminds me of a freak ex girlfriend who swore she was a vampire in another universe.
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>>17858088
You don't know op's female.
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>>17858088
>How come girls can be clinically insane and it's ok?
Please show me someone in this thread who was trying to justify OP's emotional issues. She herself has acknowledged that she has issues. The thread is about whether or not she should tell her partner every last detail of her life, not whether or not its "ok" for her to have mental issues.
That sentence is also confusing to me. What does it mean if its "ok" if she's mentally disturbed? What does it mean if its "not ok"?
>This thread bothers me
Then go to another thread.
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Yo OP you should feel like you're able to tell your SO anything; that being said there's a difference between being able to and actually wanting to.
For example, i first learned to masturbate by grinding off chair legs. I could tell my SO this; im not hiding it from her or anything; im not afraid she'd give me a bad reaction, i just dont want to: theres no reason to and i dont particularly want her to envision me grinding a chair leg.
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>>17858068
I'm afraid you'll have to make your own assumptions about who it is!
>>17858088
I've had a lot of problems and dealt with it in a less than healthy way. I never said it was ok, and neither has anyone else. I'm also extremely aware that this is fantasy and imagination, whereas it sohnds like your partner has a genuine detachment to reality
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>>17858103
What makes me feel a bit more compelled to tell my SO is that I'm still extremely attached to this character. Obviously not as much since my actual husband has been around, but it's still there. Sometimes I feel like I'm hiding things from him by not telling him, but I am struggling differentiating that from the urge to tell him everything no matter how mundane because he is my husband
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>>17858108
OP I feel like good relationships work by working through problems and information as a couple, and bad relationships fail due to obscuring and hiding information.
I would follow my heart and gut 100% of the time rather than try to hide things.
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>>17858103
My first learning of how to masturbate was using a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figure and rubbing it over my underwear on my dick, usually after watching Clarissa Explains it All and fantasizing about hot dogging Melissa Joan Hart.
I wouldn't tell my wife that though.
BTW my guess is the character is Rainbow Dash.
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>>17857957
You don't have to share absolutely everything with your partner. But it seems to cause you strife to not.
Who is the character?
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