Advice Needed

>>17852115

Just try to come clean to your family, tell them about your issues, and I would say 9 times out of 10 they will be there to support you because they love you. It might be tough initially but once everything is out in the open you will feel incredible relief and can begin to take the steps needed to get your life on track. As you are now it must feel suffocating, just unburden yourself, the people around you should understand.

As for the love aspect, I think when you find your feet and meet a person you click with it will just happen naturally, I used to think I didn't really have any emotions but I met someone and fell in love. Some people just have a way of getting through to you and breaking down your walls.

The thing is, though, that everyone else in the family is having their own problems and I don't want to seem like I'm trying get all their attention on my all the while admitting that I'm an utter fuck up and disappointment. It just feels like that quietly slipping away and then dying would be much better for everyone, since eventually everyone would move on and forget about me.

>>17852115
Fuck, I'm in the same boat. Won't even tell my family because they'll just say I need God in my life and take me to church instead of a psychiatrist.

I've been reading a lot and trying to change my life on my own, so that's my advice to you. Can be tough sometimes but just hang on. Camus helped me a lot.

Good luck buddy, we're all gonna need it.

You need to love yourself and have self-worth. Family is great and all, but they're not going to make you feel good about yourself. Sounds cliche but it's true. I don't know why you think you're a fuckup and disappointment but no one is perfect. There are assholes and "horrible" people out there that are living their lives happily not giving a single fuck. If you want to be happy, learn to forgive yourself and try to be a better person and take baby steps. It's hard to tell what to say to you because I don't know how your family is. I can be relatively honest with mine, are you afraid they will judge you harshly? If they really love you, they will want to help you. You can even suggest talking to each other about your issues and working together to help each other.

>>17852205
Reading is one of the few things that helps, but I don't think escaping reality is an answer, even though that's what suicide would be, but suicide seems like it's a bit different. Good luck to you, too.
>>17852212
It's not that I think they'll judge me harshly. I think they'll just begin treating me differently and just start talking to me less and less. And the reason I think I'm a fuckup is the fact that I've been lying to friends and family for years about a pretty major thing.

>>17852219
Anon, if you're contemplating suicide you need to ask for help or you can do it on your own quietly until you feel confident enough to talk to them truthfully. Your secret isn't more important than your life. Pretty sure your family would rather you fess up, apologize, do whatever you need to do to get help etc. than just kill yourself and disappear without even saying anything.

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>>17852231
That actually makes sense. I don't know how I didn't see it before. Fuck, I am an idiot. I can seek up via therapy/medication and keep that a secret until it's effects allow me unclouded judgement and I can make unclouded decisions regarding my family. And then expanding upon what you suggested, I can think of maybe one or two family members who I would be willing to talk to and who would be willing listen and help me until I'm ready to talk to my whole family. That should keep my anxiety in a small enough amount to be manageable until treatment takes effect while also unburdening me of hiding it all.
Thank you all for your help.