>grow up constantly picked on for being weak >develop severe

You move away from your family? You need to

>>17850573
I did a long time ago. it's a complicated relationship, they love me but my father always threatens to leave if I don't listen. that puts pressure on me to not be myself and just make everyone happy, in turn making me wants to make other people around me happy, and then see that society values strength and sometimes violence, so I turned towards that full force. instead people are afraid now, and that makes me even more mad because I think "you stupid fucks, I did this because you pushed me in that direction and now you regret it? you little fucking ass holes" and I my temper flares now whenever anyone starts messing with me. i've been in over 10 fights now and the thing is, the more fights you get into, the more that becomes your first instinct anytime confrontation happens. no talk, just punch them in the face.

>>17850570
>>17850573
This.

You need a fresh start. You are an adult and can reinvent yourself. You are 100% capable of it too, but you have to want it. Quit telling yourself what you can't do and just start doing it.

>>17850573
>>17850581
i already moved away and tried a fresh start. it worked for a while but this shit is so bad it still pops up naturally. it's become a part of me. I don't know what the fuck to do and I feel like my life spiritually keeps spiralling downward. I'm angry at myself, at the world, at everything. I have zero self esteem and feel like I'm not worth anything. anytime a girl flirts with me I'm cold back, even if I think she's beautiful, because I think "why the fuck are you flirting with me. are you just going to play mind games like everyone else. besides you don't want to get to know me because I'm fucked in the head, fuck off." and then further hate myself and my situation. it's a never-ending loop and nothing stops the suffering anymore. I want someone to come save me but everyone who gets close gets scared

>>17850570
u should beat up everyone you know

>>17850581
Any suggestions for places to go/things to do to get away from family?
Currently, I've got $5k to my name but no car, I work for family and they don't pay me often...
I already tried the military, I couldn't get in.
The two 'sorta' friends I have aren't a good influence and don't have places I could crash at.
I'm so fucked

You're going down a treacherous path anon. Keep it up, and sooner or later your anger will master you. What's gonna happen when you kill one or two people, I wonder? Or if you get thrown in jail, where most likely you'll face tougher opponents?

You need to learn the different between being aggressive, and being assertive. Stop being a little bitch to your emotions.

>>17850964
First off, you aren't fucked in the slightest.
Get a real job that pays you. Try to find something that interests you and is something you can turn into a career. Look into trades.

Horde your money and get out on your own. It's not as hard as you think, people do it every day. You 5k saved up, most people can't rub two pennies together.