Becoming more dominant/confident in bed

>>17848176
If a new girlfriend tells you she doesn't find you attractive. Why are you with her?

That's such a bitchy thing to say/do in a Jew relationship.

Just dump her

>>17848366
Well the thing about this chick is that she's really indecisive and says the wrong things, in the wrong way.

She would text me things like "I wanna bang you" and then pull this hot and cold shit when we're together.

She assured me that she wanted to work on this, and that we could fix this. I told her that sexual attraction is natural and not something you work on. She said that in her case, she must be mentally attracted to someone before sexually, but I think that's bullshit.

I feel like I'm making the wrong decision. I'm not sure. I really like this chick, and it fucking sucks this came up because I'm not sure how to deal with it.

dated a girl like that. she probably has borderline. do yourself a favor and move on. if not go rough on her, if its not ur thing u will never be compatible. she wants to get hit and dominated and sex will either be really rapy or forced

>>17848176
Google "bdsm for beginners"

>>17848393
Well my issue is, I want to be like that. It's so hot to me when a girl just wants to be dominated by me. Makes me feel like a man. But I have no practice with it, so she doesn't enjoy it how she should.

>>17848404
Danke

>>17848439
imagine all the dudes who fucked her like the whore she is. and trust me there were many dudes that just fucked her bad upon meeting her. hate her when u fuck her, then u're givin her what she wants

Bump for more answers, I feel like I'm making the wrong decision by staying with her.

>>17849276
Just watch James deen and that old ginger guy

If you don't want to be Dom then leave

>>17849292
It's not that, I'm just pissed off that she had pity sex with me.

It's humiliating, like this girl isn't even sexually attracted to me. She even asked me right before we stopped "Hey, can you just cum?"

That just feels so shitty.

>>17849338
She's used to having a man hold her down and make her take his cum

Can you blame her not wanting you grunting on her for 30 mins while she feels nothing

Holy shit, are you me OP?

Anyways, I would use this as an opportunity. If she says she's willing to work on it, take her up on her offer so you can at least get good at sex regardless of whether or not you end up staying.

Get the fuck out there op. Have some self respect.

>>17849397
There are going to be other girls who want to get fucked rough. Why shouldn't OP stay with her a bit to at least get good at busting nuts when she offered to help him with it?

So what if she said some mean things, at least she was honest about it and didn't just leave without an explanation. She could have just been a bitch to you and left without explanation.

So many pussys here telling OP to abandon ship just because a girl doesn't sugar coat shit?

If she actually wasn't attracted to YOU she would already be gone imo. She's just not attracted to your sex skills which can be fixed

>>17849419
By the sound of it, it seems to me that he haven't learned a thing. Better find a girl who he can actually make cum doing the basics and build from that.

>>17849424
Obviously, since that was the first time they fucked.

I don't know OP, I was in a similar situation where a girl basically told me I was bad at sex, but proceeded to let me fuck her until I wasn't.

Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and face the truth, maybe you are just really shitty at sex. But now you have an easy opportunity to git Gud. Are you providing anything for this girl besides sex/emotions?

>>17848376
Sounds like my ex, I had trouble getting it up a buncha times, and then a year later 6 months after we broke up she fucked my best friend.

But she would want to hook up, and as soon as shes in my bed shed stare at the ceiling, and then after coercing her shed get into it.

Point being shes not worth just fucking move on if you have girls available

Also my ex has (probably had) bipolar, early schizo, depression, self esteem issues

>>17849419
this

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>>17849438


She said she is attracted to me mentally. Just not sexually. But, I just feel insulted. And to top it off, she is sexually attracted to her ex. A week ago, he came over to her house at midnight and told her that I wasn't good for her.

I don't know this guy. And apparently he is a bodybuilder(I'm 6'0 150 lbs.). I told her that if there was a her and him there wouldn't be a me and her. She said that she didn't want to lose me and that she would cut all contact with him.

Last night, I found out they kissed when he went over there, and she facetimed him the day after I told her to end it with him.

I feel like a fucking chump, and I'm so tired of being on the shit end of the stick.

>>17849502
Dude, get the fuck out of there. "Mentally"... what the fuck did that mean?

>>17849502
They probably didnt kiss, 9/10 they fucked. Either just use the bitch to practice, or move on. Simple as that, she sounds extremely manipulative, and will damage you.

>>17849512
Emotionally, I guess you could say. She likes my personality and is into me as a person. Just not, sexually. Emasculating, is what it is.

I really fucking like this girl, but then she had to go and shit the bed with this.

>>17849515
I know.

>>17849531
How do you look physically op, are you out of shape

>>17849531
OP, you need to just see this girl as an opportunity to learn how to fuck. As long as you aren't being a provider for her, I'd just keep her around for a few weeks or so.

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I called her right now. Because last night we had made an agreement to try and work on this and see if we can fix it.

I told her that I was rethinking about everything and what happened and that what happened last night was humiliating. Not in her fetish type of way, but legitimately humiliating. That she had sex with me as a chore, and I felt so shitty about it. I also b=told her that she didn't respect me enough to stop talking to her ex like she told me she would, and that made everything worse. I couldn't come back from this and I deserve to be with someone who is at least attracted to me in all ways.

I told her that I can effectively say I had no part in killing this. And she said she knew that. Then she asked "I don't know what you want from me." T which I said "I can now fully say nothing."

I told her that this would most likely be the last time I talk to her and I cannot be friends with her(We share mutual friends). She said okay, and I said goodbye. I hope she feels like shit.

>>17849536
I'm pretty skinny. probably a 7/10. At the moment I'd say more like a 6. Just because I haven't gotten a haircut recently and I haven't gone to the gym in a long time.


And what's even better guys, me and our friends had a group chat where we were talking about her. They kept telling me how cute we were together and stuff. This was before I found out everything last night. I would take pictures of her when we were laying down together and just general gay shit.

I needed to leave that convo, but I couldn't since it was only 3 people. So I added her to it and then left. Now she can see all those old messages of how I talked about her. I'm really not trying to be petty, it's just a bonus.

>>17849559
Good job.

>>17849559
I'm proud of you

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>>17849571
>>17849582

I just feel so shitty. Like maybe I just need to be more of an asshole and confident. She said I wasn't confident enough.

It's weird because in the begin I was an asshole, and she said she was sexually attracted to me then but as soon as I opened up and got gay, she stopped.

My friend told me to be a savage, feelings only hurt you. He was fucking right.

I want to be a man and shrug this off, but this fucking hurts. Like it hurts my manhood. I just want to hide away and lift to get as big as possible.

I know I made the right call. But I just feel so de-motivated from everything now.

>>17849589
You will be with your next one anon,
Godspeed, im rooting for yah

Alot of girls shun sensitivity, many girls like assholes, open up to your dude friends, never to a girl. Also dont better yourself in spite of her, like some secondary revenge, because youll never reach true closure, do it for yourself.

>>17849589
Holy shit OP, this sounds exactly what my situation was not too long ago. GF broke up with me saying that she needed time to think things out. We talk about a week later and she basically says I wasn't as confident and "hard" as I was when we were really good friends and she lost her feelings. It didn't quite make sense to me because I was a bit of a dick to her back then and I didn't know grills were into that in some guys. After I started opening up and being genuine with her when we got together, everything went south I suppose. And it really fucking hurt when we split because I really thought she was the one. I had been going after her upwards of about 3 years and I got her, only to lose her again.

But you learn your lesson and move on, and hope you make the next one better. Lifting isn't such a bad idea, I started a few months ago and have been seeing some promising gainz. Just find a schedule that's consistent and works for you and have plenty of brotein. If you still feel like there's a void, you could try picking up a hobby. I started learning clarinet and it's pretty fun, not to mention some girls adore dudes who are musically inclined.

Just hang in there. It sucks a lot at first but it'll get better as time goes on.

>>17849589
>It's weird because in the begin I was an asshole, and she said she was sexually attracted to me then but as soon as I opened up and got gay, she stopped.
I lost a relationship this way too. Never admit weakness. Sucks if you have a neurotic personality, but you just have to hide it behind masculinity and feigned apathy and determination. Whoever said guys needed to open up with their feelings was full of shit.
>My friend told me to be a savage, feelings only hurt you. He was fucking right.
Feelings expressed to women hurt you.
>I want to be a man and shrug this off, but this fucking hurts. Like it hurts my manhood. I just want to hide away and lift to get as big as possible.
Good plan. Also, sounds like you grew up a little from this.

>>17849639
This. Women want emotional support and sexual effort and excitement/conversation/entertainment from you. They typically don't want to provide much of it-- only passive responses and conversation/information in return. Treat them accordingly.

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>>17849639
Thanks mate.

>>17849818
Yeah your're right. I appreciate the advice dude.

>>17850401
Yeah I get you. I'm learning from this and that is why I'm happy about.


Now, she called me and said that she wants to be in my life and will do whatever she can. Should I just user her for sex and to practice? Or cut everything?

>>17850416
Nah mate it's too late. Tell her in the nicest words possible that you have to move on.

>>17850416
>Should I just user her for sex and to practice?
This. FWB. Get better at the stuff we've recommended. Also if you can make her cum enough, she may eventually get so attached that she tries to become your gf again. If not, it's still fun and good practice.

>>17850451
She actively wants to be my gf now, but I don't think I'm ready for that.

>>17850444
>>17850451
Decisions, decisions. I can understand both.

>>17850416
Anyway. She might just mean as friends. She might mean FWBs. You figure that out by getting in the same room and seeing what happens. If you are masculine enough at the time and hide enough past sensitivity, it is likely to end up being the latter. Though avoid saying any cringy/anxious/neurotic/weak/depressive/cutesy shit in the meantime or over IMs, or in the future. It's ok to be e.g. uncertain, but not neurotic etc; be more stoic. Women can tell if you're on top of your emotions or if they are on top of you, and they want stability and mastery. Wish I had known how important this was 1.5 years ago.

>>17850471
Then be FWBs lol. Or just 'see how things go' and start fucking again. Btw you better not be fapping to porn, unless it's very dominant and you aren't just passively sitting there-- it throws off your dominance.

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>>17850484
FUCK

Yeah I've been jacking habitually about 1-2 times a day. I feel like my test is low.

>>17850479
Solid advice dude. I read a lot of Stoics and you really said something that makes sense.

Her brain is fried from dick overload. She can't love you or get aroused for you because she had someone, or several someones who were better. Theredpill has a lot of bullshit, but getting alpha widowed is a very real thing, and you need to google that term if you aren't familiar

>>17850499
So what do I do? How do I get better? I genuinely want to become better and more alpha, this is just a wake up call.

>>17850499
Welp, didn't read the whole thread before posting that. OP I'm proud as fuck that you dumped her. Seriously, good call, not a lot of guys have the balls and self-respect to do that. Just don't let her suck you back in. She'll probably be wet for you now that you layed down the law, but don't fall for it.

All in all, good performance, you'll feel fine in a month. Hang in there, spend good time with friends and family over the holidays

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>>17850520
Danke, it's reassuring to know I did the right thing.

Have a merry christmas lad

>>17850499
Alpha widowing is real, yeah, but the solution is to just train yourself into healthier patterns of expression and behavior as a male. Girls like that will still be able to get attached to a new bf with a strong and confident demeanor just fine. I've had examples from my past in which I *didn't* fuck this up, even if I didn't really know what was going on at the time, that made this clear enough. Look at it as an opportunity for self-improvement. Guys who are in control of their emotions and confident do a lot better economically as well, so this isn't just a game to get women.

OP. Don't think you have to be an asshole to get girls. She was ''submissive'' because she lacked confidence, just like you do. Look how indecisive she is in her communications. Being submissive is the cop-out, it frees you of all responsibility and agency, you don't have to overthink anything, you put all the burden on the other person. Sex is a connection, and feelings overtake everything. You can feel her fear and she feels yours, and everything gets amplified. Find a girl who won't make you feel like total shit for taking your time with things and who aknowledges her own insecurities.

>>17850533
There is also this, to be fair. Though even a very confident past gf was quite submissive in bed, so I'm not sure how good the correlation is. The two switch-y ones were both pretty confident too, though, and the unconfident ones were always submissive or just uncomfortable with sex. So I do think there may be a pattern here. (Dominating switch-y girls is probably one of my favorite experiences in life, though-- it's almost like they're testing you. They want to fight but they want you to win.)

>>17850546
>>17850533
Yeah. But now I'm a dilemma.

Do I just fuck her and get the exp while I can or drop her completely? I guess I can do either at the moment.

Tell her "I think we should just be friends."

Girls flip out when they get dumped. It makes you look alpha as fuck. Do it and she'll be 1200000x more attracted to you.

Think about it...would a confident man let a girl tell him she's not attracted to him while fucking him? No. he'd say "well, your loss" and walk away. You're reinforcing your weak quality by staying with her while she treats you like shit.

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>>17848376
> "I wanna bang you"
> hot and cold shit when we're together

This is my current gf, and yeh she wants everything """Forced""". Granted she digs me, both physically and personality wise. So i have that going for me.

But it gets hella exhausting, i usually have to pull her onto my cock, and her playing her part likes to threaten biting down when she blows me (Which i also have to manhandle her to do), at times she does.... and later tells me she loves how I beat/choke her out for doing it.

The think i always find is that as much as she likes getting roughed up, my job is mostly to hurt her without causing damage.

However granted occasionally she gets into heat and becomes the cutest little fucktoy. Usually a day or so after I "Mess her up"

>>17850755
When i say "this".
The pic is not related, just to put it out there.
Re Read it there and saw how it looked

>>17850687
>Yeah
>Do I just fuck her?
Did you even read?

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>>17850714
Good tactic. Will try.

>>17849371
This. Learn and practice being good at sex on her but dont get emotionally attached to her.

>>17848376
>She would text me things like "I wanna bang you"
Maybe those texts were intended for someone else, and she can't admit it?

>>17850957
Oops..didnt read the part where you dumped her. Good riddance OP. Catching AIDS from that two timing whore is not worth learning good sex.