What are some reasons someone would be a fixer? I constantly

>>17841893
If we're talking about relationships, it's because you're not like that Squirtle at all. In fact it's pretty much because you feel incomplete and believe that fixing others will give you the validation you're seeking for so much.

t. fixer

>>17841893

if yuo think of someone as a fixer upper you should probably just leave them be.

that being said, everyones different, there aren't general reasons, everyone has a 'type'. they have constantly changing needs. to say that one thing makes them a fixer would be insulting to everyone who has that quality.

which kind of circles back to my first point: dont be wiht someone if they're a fixer upper. its not helpful to you and its certainly destructive to them to hear 'you're okay, but not good enough and you're going to have to change just to date me'.

fuck that mess. yes, relationships are about compromise, but to go into one saying 'YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO COMPROMISE JUST TO DATE ME' is pretty cruel.

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>>17841893
what do you fix?
cars
general house stuff
computers?

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>>17842374
He fixes things okay.

>>17841893
Either being naturally nurturing or being molded into a doormat by your parents.
I am both.
It has taken me a long time to set up boundaries for myself and to stop being a doormat for others.
I still love to help other people though, just not at the expense of my own happiness or energy.

>>17841893
Look into codependency
I've been reading Codependent No More and it's been really helpful

>>17842333
God damn, that shit cuts to the core.

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>>17841893
They lack their own inner spiritual richness, so they create a false one by improving someone else and mistaking their valuation of the "emotional debt" for being a good person.
In other words, fixer mostly are shitty people who want you to owe them.
Someone who builds you up and fixes you, but does not try to parlay this into a relationship beyond a close friendship is a better person. It's kind of like a therapy relationship. If you go to a doctor and the help you, you pay. A fixer takes payment in terms of a deeper relationship, which consists of time and emotion, both are immeasurable in value, but near priceless. A good friend/mentor/teacher will let you be your own person for two reasons:
-They're not borderline sociopaths like a fixer and won't exact emotional payment
-They're payment/joy will come more from you succeeding as a person, as a testimonial to their help.

So which are you?

being raised by alcoholics will cause this

>>17844136

This.