i have a hard time reaching orgasm. recently i finally found

Tried rubbing your clit while at it?

>>17838177
ofc. i've tried it all. not even a vibrator pressed agains my clit works at that moment... as if a dick inside me somehow makes it impossible for me to cum.

Try completely letting yourself go and submitting.

>>17838239
i know that's the solution. but i don't know how...

>>17838247
It'll take a good partner to get you there. The first person that made my ex cum was me, but this had nothing to do with my technique, but with the way I talked to her before sex and generally how I treated her

>>17838270
and how was that?

>>17838270
>untrue things your girl tells you to make you feel good

>>17838183
And why would you want a dick inside you? the way you say things makes me think, there's something whit the idea of a penis inside you, could you tell me?

Can you reach orgasm by yourself?

>>17838273
It took a while to get her to let go properly, but she got there and LOVED getting head

>>17838279
She managed to get to orgasm once in the shower with her first proper bf (who took her virginity), but that was it. So yeah, I lied about the first orgasm thing

>>17838284
because i'm having sex...?
hm, it never seemed to be a problem for me, but maybe you are on to something. my bf can make me cum, just not when he's inside me...

>>17838292
yes

>>17838300
good for her. i don't like getting head tough. i prefer if he uses his fingers to get me off

>>17838324
Maybe you're just not much into penetration. Honestly most girls aren't. Get off before the penetration starts, I assume you still enjoy it even if you don't get off.

>>17838329
yeah. i know all that. i have enjoyable sex and get my orgasms, even if i don't cum during penetrative sex. but it still ateikes me as odd that i can cum from clit stim just fine but are unable to do the same if i have a dick inside me. that's weird, isn't it? it is more curiosity than desperation that makes me seek a solution to this. i get so close! i am sure i could find a solution

>>17838324
Does your BF feel too big inside? Is it uncomfortable? This might be something (the reason I ask is that my ex's ex was too big for her, I have a small dick and it was perfect for her)

>>17838339
he is rather big, yes. it might be a reason.
my ex wasn't as big, but i had the same problem tough...
it is also the same phenomenon if i insert a dildo when masturbating. and my dildo is smaller than my bf

>>17838342
It sounds like a control issue.
Are you OK with relinquishing control? If not, then this may explain it.
In order to get to orgasm, you need to be in a mental state that enables it (I'd say comfortable, but some people get off on being uncomfortable)

>>17838335
Might be some odd psychological hangup. I couldn't orgasm with anything inside me for the longest time either, not even a finger. Weird mental blockage I guess - but it went away just as randomly eventually. I felt like a slut having something inside me when masturbating, thanks Catholic school.

>>17838324
Yes indeed you are having sex, but penetration and sexual intercourse are two different things, are there thoughts or fears when he is inside you? Have you ever reach orgasm with other men? Or maybe with women?

>>17838353
kek. no. not at all. i am quiet the opposite. you might be on to something.
i am rather dominant in the bederoom. you think i should give a more soft or even submissive mood a go?

>>17838356
how long did it take to go away? i think if it would go away on it's own, it would habe long ago.
i was raised quiet religious too. maybe that plays into it.

>>17838358
fear of what? i mean, i notice that i am tense. even if i orgasm during masturbation, i need a lot of tension in my body to do so. i guess it is impossible for my body to get the right amount of tension with a cock stuck inside me?
i'm not consciously afraid of his cock or feeling dirty or whatever.
no, i habe never had an orgasm with something inside me.
i have reached orgasm when having sex, but again, only if my vagina is empty.

>>17838371
It comes down to having a full and honest trust in your partner. If you're unable to achieve this, maybe see a psychologist (there is no shame in wanting to be more comfortable in yourself)

>>17838371
So you need to be tight closed to cum? (tense, empty)

>>17838378
i'm already seeing a therapist for other reasons.
but how do i know i am or am not trusting my partner completely? obviously i think i am but i can't be sure

>>17838388
yes. i tense all my muscles before orgasming. mainly the abdominal and pelvic area plus thighs.

>>17838388
oh and i also can only cum "accidentially" with my legs spread. reason for me prefering fingering over head. i also fear to crish his head if i tense up when he's giving me oral so in order to not worry about that and thus ruin my ability to cum i rather just have his hand doing the work

>>17838395
A penis inside you makes it hard for you to achieve the tension you need?

>>17838399
i think so, yes. but maybe i'm just projecting

>>17838398
Maybe you are afraid of crushing his dick's head too

>>17838390
a) remember that therapists aren't always qualified psychologists
b) if you don't actually discuss this issue with your therapist, they can't help you. Do be honest with them, their job is to help you

>>17838371
>how long did it take to go away?
I didn't like penetration much until I was 19, long after I started dating/being sexually active.

>>17838405
>>17838399
No offence to the poster(s), but these suggestions are ridiculous

>>17838408
People's minds work ridiculously indeed, what do you want, logic bullshit? Want numbers? , I don't fucking know her, so I'm asking things to grasp an idea of what's going on. Thank Satan humans don't work rationally or logically, it would be boring

>>17838405
no, i don't think so. it's probably more that my pelvic are can't produce the pressure i am used to with something inside.

>>17838406
it's a psychiatrist and a qualified one
yeah, i just had so much else to talk about that was more pressing. i mean, i CAN orgasm, so it's not that big of an issue. it is rather an odd observation of mine i'd like to understand better

>>17838407
meh, i'm 27 and it still is the same. i don't think it will ever just vanish

>>17838408
i actually like to play with "ridiculous" reasons. life is pretty ridiculous sometimes...

>>17838418
Sad thing is that we do in-fact work logically. Life is boring. Everything we do is a result of learned experiences and influences upon those by chemical input. Seriously, life is pretty boring

>>17838428
then what is your logical and boring explanation for my problem?

>>17838419
Have you tried kegel exercises? They could help you control and strengthen you pubic\ vaginal muscles, maybe doing those exercises with your boy, could help you both to find a sweet spot, where you won't be afraid of crushing anything, and be also as tense as you need

>>17838419
To be honest, only yesterday, after seeing my psychologist for almost a year now, did I start to talk about sexual issues. Mostly because there were far more pressing issues to deal with, mostly to do with depression and work-related issues. So I totally get where you're coming from (except you're not, get it? I'll get my coat)

>>17838435
To be honest, logical and boring doesn't mean simple. I can't give you a good answer based on the information given. Simple and boring in this case includes a lot of data

>>17838439
i do kegel exercises, yes.
but i think it is more a problem of there being something "in there" rather than me not being strong enough to get the tension.

>>17838440
i'm in therapy since 2 years now... still no time for sex related issues. i must be really fucked up.
and hon hon at your pun

>>17838444
what data do you need?

>>17838445
And what do you think, what comes to your mind, that could be the cause for the issue with something being "in-there"?

>>17838449
FYI, I'm both of these people
>>17838440
>>17838444

This is where a psychologist comes in. There are many surveys that can be used to narrow in on the main issue.

However, I am really interested and am willing to give some time to help you.
Since I broke up with my GF, I kinda have a lot of time after work

I can create a burner email to contact you with, if you're interested (I would suggest you do the same)

>>17838453
i feel like all that come to mind are just associations and not something that i really feel. association is, for example "invasive".
if i try to associate an Emotion or feeling with it my mind goes blank. best i can do is "meh". maybe that is an answer too?

>>17838459
Maybe you feel meh as invasive, you know, being "h" so close to "n"

>>17838458
sure! i'm willing to give anything a try.
just made one.
[email protected]

kek

>>17838467
are you a girl, anon? if so, what emotions, feelings or associations do you have with having a dick inside you? i don't know what would be a more "normal" response in comparison to meh/invasive

>>17838472
Normal is such a hard word, maybe pleasure could cum to mind, but feeling invaded by a men, could be troublesome for some people

>>17838469
I just set up a burner, expect an email from [email protected]

>>17838474
ivasive is just an association, i wouldn't say i feel invaded by a dick inside me. but maybe i'm in denial.
anyways, assuming i am, what could be the reason for this crap and how do i solve it?

>>17838481
Maybe you could start by putting into question why do you want to reach orgasm with a dick inside. What does that mean for you?

>>17838485
i don't want to accept that nature actually designed male genitalias to orgasm during intercourse and neglected female genitalias so shamefully. that seems so counterproductive that i can't believe it is natural for girls to not have penetrative orgasms. if nature's goal is procreation, i'm sure the act of procreation was designed to be very pleasureable for everybody involved or girls would not have had any real reason to have sex in the first place. it boggles my mind, really

>>17838493
Oh so somehow you find sexual intercourse unfair? Like, "why do men can, and why can't I", you also mentioned a religious background

>>17838493

Seriously, think about the concept of procreation. For there to be impetus from both genders to find an appropriate match and to confirm the compatibility, orgasms exist

(tempm8ey)

>>17838499
This person has a point. Is there a religious theme in your issues?

(tempm8ey)

>>17838501
Not her but I recently read that female orgasm makes fertilization more likely.
Dunno if it's true though.

>>17838506
Not him but it's true, the spasms bring the sperm further into the vagina/uterus, it's basically sucking it up

>>17838512
>>17838506
Yep, it makes good sense. Evolution is a pretty logical thingy

>>17838513
I wouldn't say logical. Evolution is a tinkerer.

>>17838517
How so? It may be based on entropy, but the end result is always logical.

>>17838499
somehow. but more than unfair i find it illogical. i mean, i know that a girl having an orgasm aids sperm to travel up and alter ph for maximum lifespan of sperm. so it would biologically make sense that girls orgasm too.

>>17838501
exactly. i don't think cavemen actually always raped women or on the other end, performed skilled oral on them. my wild theory is that so few girls having penetrative orgams is a rather modern phenomenon caused by something i haven't found out yet. who knows, maybe it was common for ancient greek girls to cum easily but then christianity took over with it's backwards sexual ideas or whatnot.

>>17838524
Evolution doesn't work that quickly. Ancient Greek girls probably orgasmed just as you and I.

>>17838524
FWIW I've always been able to get my partner to orgasm thru penetration, even if they were predominately clit-stimulated, and I'm not big. It really is about confidence and communication

>>17838532
This is absolutely true

>>17838172
I'm really keen to think, that it is possible that your sexual issues are related to words you used like "empty, tense, invaded" and you feeling certain unfairness in sexual intercourse , I don't know a lot of your background, not even your religious background. I could be wrong, but maybe there's something that can be true in what I say, that is nothing else than what I hear you saying.

>>17838538
I think you've nailed it on the head. She is clearly thinking about it the wrong way

If you can't come alone you can't come with another person. ESPECIALLY not from sex, which is really hard to come from.

Masturbate until you get it right.

Also I have heard those cock rings that have the little jelly things on them to stimulate the clit are great.. Thanks for reminding me they exist. They probably wouldn't work well with a condom though so be sure it's true <3 and he's been tested

For me I couldn't even take a dick without it hurting let alone orgasm, for over a year since I lost my virginity. I've only had sex with one person my boyfriend. The way it stopped hurting and started making me cum was that I had to learn to trust my boyfriend emotionally and mentally, trust myself and my body that it WAS possible for me to feel good, and to let go and completely submit to his dick powers. I love sex now and I can't even get off without his dick now where before I couldn't stand the thought of penetration. By the way, you should try different positions because in my experience some hurt less than others, and the only one that makes me cum is if we're spooning.

I was raised religious and taught to be ashamed of sex btw and I had to let go of that too before it started working.

>>17838542
Guessing you can't read.
>>17838292

>>17838548
i really like having sex. it doesn't hurt. thanks for the input anyways. i think the part about trust is actually true. so, how did you learn to trust your partner?

>>17838541
what would be the right one then?

>>17838538
probably pretty spot on. now what?

>>17838532
mkay. you're right. i was just spewing bullcrap to get my point across that i think it's unnatural for girls to not easily and collectively reach orgasm as reliably as guys during penetrative sex.

>>17838541
Not the wrong way, everybody shapes their anguish the way it suits better, maybe is a complicated way, cause I don't think there are right ways to face sexuality or angst

>>17838564
>unnatural? I don't know.
Unfair? Sure, but nature doesn't give a shit about egalitarianism.

>>17838566
but surely more or less helpfull ones

>>17838564
>how did you learn to trust your partner?
Oh god. It was a long process. A lot of it involving forgiveness, and understanding. Not just forgiveness of him but for people who had sexually assaulted me in the past.

Communication for one, learning who he was and where he came from. It took over a year to reach the point of feeling fully comfortable with letting another human being into my life on an intimate level. A lot of it came down to me, just being willing to love him without fear. Trust can be one of the hardest things to build for some people.

>>17838580
Also I read earlier in the thread that you mostly take a dominant position during sex? That may be because you are afraid of what its like to completely submit to someone. Personally I used to prefer being dominant but it was because I was afraid of the implications of letting a man have power over me. I have since had many orgasms by just letting myself submit to him. This again requires a heavy amount of trust.

>>17838569
i am aware. but it also seems illogical and biology usually is quiet logical. why would it design one part of humanity to get immense pleasure out of the act of simple penetration and not the other one? which would make one part enjoy sex way more and easier than the other, which in turn would make one part eager to fuck and the other not so much, making it a constant problem to get them interested in procreating. that seems like a species doomed to go extinct to be honest. sure, that describes humanity pretty well, but it seems artificial rather than natural. i'm not sure nature would produce such immense errors.

>>17838564
"now what?" Well, for some reason it is important to you to bear those discourses, that surely come not only from the joy located in your body, but also from the ones around you, tell me more about your parents, family, and your relation with religion.

>>17838589
Because women get pregnant and then can't get pregnant again for 9 months. Why waste your time making an animal feel pleasure once in nine months if (historically, I assume) it's easier for the male to just rape her and go on to the next female to inseminate?

>>17838580
i swear i feel like i do these things... but obviously not compeltely enough.
my dominant side has only developed in the past few years. before i was just pretty vanilla. i have tried to be a bit more sub but it feels pathetic (i habe no problem with someone else beimg sub and don't find it pathetic in the least. only in the vase of being sub). maybe that ia where the problem lies. i did have a pretty abusive (not sexual) dad and maybe that resultet in a problem with male dominance?

>>17838600
>i did have a pretty abusive (not sexual) dad and maybe that resultet in a problem with male dominance?
> it feels pathetic

Now that you mention this I'm almost certain this is a huge part of the problem hun. As someone with almost exact same issues that you've described in this thread... Talk to your therapist, or even confide to you boyfriend about these things. Find your way to letting go of these issues. You have been damaged(don't feel ashamed of this, many of us are) and you need to work on fixing your mind so that your body can follow.

>>17838600
Be mindful, that sexually doesn't involve genitals necessarily, I mean, I think of sexually, in terms of pleasure and desire, maybe that dominance you saw and lived, implied your desire and the way you experience pleasure.

I think some people take the dominant role because they like it and are into it. While some take it because they are afraid of submitting. But the truth is you cannot be a real Dom if you don't know how to be submissive to whats going on as well. So you may think you're being dominant in bed but are not doing with the correct mentality. You could be running from something such as the fear of "being pathetic". Be honest with yourself and you'll find what works for you.

>>17838608
Not her, but good point, if it's pathetic for her to feel dominated, it could be the reason reaching orgasm is hard.

>>17838593
evause then the clit wouldn't even habe to exist. but it does. just oddly enough only a little bit tol far up to be practical. if the body goes trough the trouble of growing a clit, then why in such am impractical spot? the effort to grow it a bit deeper down would be just the same.

>>17838172
Does a part of your pussy(maybe underneath or near the pelvic bone?) tend to bulge and swell when you're close to the edge?

I've found that with girls who could either squirt or get close to it, that this was the case. But enough pressure on this spot and they couldn't do it.

Try having him do quicker, shallower thrusts. His head, your opening, both are some of the most sensitive spots you two have. It'l feel great.

>>17838591
uhm, my parents are pretty difficult persons but i now have a rather good relationship with them. they are divorced, my mom's been doing pretty well since then, being in a ltr, getting a degree, getting a high salary, buying a house, and so on. but she is also constantly stressed and overweight.
my dad on the other hand was homeless for some time, has alcohol problems and is suicidal at times.
but he is also more relaxed and pretty creative.

my family... my sister has two boys with her partner (they aren't marrie but in a commited relationship). she is doing alright but has mental problems she refuses to work on.
my brother is the youngest and currently in military. he is doing very well, despotw habing had a lot of problems with school as a teen (that was when my parents got divorced). he doesn't tell me about what's going oni side him but from what i know he is doing ok at the least.

religion... my parents both come fom strict catholic families bot both got out of it when they met. they then had some odd phases, mainly with free churches (aka cults). all the "the man who love his son is not afraid to punish him" crap. then thar kind of got roled over by my dad getting out of hand and nobody mentioned religion anymore. after i moved out i was still praying and believing in god for a few years, then i had a really embarassing "spiritual phase", then i realized how questionable religion is and decided to let this rest and habe others bother with the nitty gritty and just lean towards agnosticism for all it's worth.

>>17838608
i'm talking to my therapist about it just not about possible ways it affevts my sexuality. maybe i should. maybe i will. i just need the courage.

>>17838609
that's true. i am aware that his behaviour might habe influence on my sexuality even if his abuse wasn't sexual

>>17838614
that's probably me, yup

>>17838638
hm, i habe tried to squirt before nut the whole area where a gspot should be located actually feels numb. but there is swelling and i am pretty sure that i might be a squirter, if only i weren't so tense

i will give that a try!

Where did you get that image btw OP? Seems like an interesting position.

>>17838653
I want to know more about that embarassing , (pathetic?), phase

>>17838673
my bf and i were playing around and ended up in that position. i really liked it and today i was horny and wanted to fap, so i searched some porn and thus found out what this position is called (amazon position, reverse missionary) and so i knew what to google to get a ws pic of it

>>17838674
oh please no...
i'll greentext because the contet is pretty long
>have eating disorder, so decide to become vegetarian (easier to dismiss food in public)
>actually start to inform myself and thus become vegan (i have a tendency to take stuff too far)
>statt goin on vegan forums and meet some guy there
>we go on a few dates and then become a couple
>he's your average vegan (smokes weed, only eats stuff from the health-store, yadda yadda)
>introduces me to things like meditation
>reads me passages from a book about yogis to fall asleep to (i loved hearing his voice)
>think that shit sounds interesting so i read the whole book
>find other books and read them too
>start to become a real new age hippy
>we separated but it stuck with me for a while
>then i came back to the reality of life. also because i startet to notice how far gone all those new age people are. so removed from reality. i wanted none of that

>>17838618
For biological purposes, the clit is just an unfinished penis.

>>17838699
what was the deal with food back then?, i mean, i can read that it was easier to dismiss food, but give me a little more context, what kind of disorder?

>>17838706
damn that's true. and depressing. but you just nullified my theory. completely forgot to take that into consideration.

>mkay, let's grow the most pleasureable bodypart now
>wot, it's a girl?
>abort mission!!!

>>17838727
Yeah kinda got the short end of the stick there.
But on the upside, yay multiple orgasms.

OP, I wasn't able to orgasm for a long time. I'll tell you what happened and what worked with me, and maybe it'll help.

First of all, masturbation never worked for me. It just didn't feel good enough. It still doesn't with 99% of things. I've managed to find one toy that works, but most of the problem was my head just wouldn't stay in the game. I would get distracted or sidetracked by an unsexy thought process and that would kill any momentum I had managed to bring up. Even fantasies were a no-go, because my brain would eventually pull a "this doesn't make sense" or something and ruin it.

So first things first, you have to get your mind in the right place and keep it there. I find this is easier with a partner, because you can focus on them and on what they're doing. If your brain starts to lose focus, you need to drag it back to what it happening. And anything can be a distraction. Maybe there's something you forgot. Maybe there's work you're worried about. Maybe you're self-conscious about your body and the fact that someone is touching you and seeing you makes you feel weird.

It's almost like meditation, in a way. You have to see the thought, consider it, and then let it pass by in order to stay in the moment and pay attention to what you need to focus on.

It's also likely that you haven't found the magic combination yet, and that takes some time. The first orgasm is always the hardest. Every subsequent one after gets a little bit easier on average. You're getting close, you just need to figure out what it is to get you over that last bit.

>>17838717
various ed's, a wild ride between anorexia, bulimia and binge eating.

>dad has a weird fixation on very skinny women
>mom has put on a few pounds after the third child
>he openly lets her know how disgusting this is to him
>makes sure we know that too
>sister is a really fragile girl
>i'm very normal, definitely not even chubby
>obviously am in comparison to her so i get really scared
>start to diet at a very young age (9 or so), fucking up my metabolism in the process
>thanks to now being paranoid about food i develope an unhealthy attitude towards it and actually gain a bit of weight (still not even chubby)
>dad picks up on it immediately and starts to watch how much i eat, making very rude comments at the table and anytime really (you will never find a man if you keep eating like that. nobody wants a fat girl, for example)
>get really afraid of becoming legitly fat so i start to vomit out whatever i ate
>doesn't really work since i can't hide it that well at home so i decide to just not eat at all
>goes well for a moment but i become too hungry (i was still growing after all) so i start to binge eat more and more
>become teen and now i could be considered slightly chubby
>move out at home at age 15, so less controle, so back to bulimia
>afraid to fuck my teeth up so back to anorexia
>works pretty well but then i repeat the cycle

i honestly still haven't really managed to deal with this in a healthy way. it's still a topic.

File: Clitoris_anatomy_unlabeled.png (72KB, 439x453px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 439x453px

>>17838739

A lot of people go harder and harder and harder as they get closer to orgasm, but personally I find this isn't the right way. Maybe as you get close, take it back a few steps, and go more gently? If stimulation gets too rough it can make your body kindof "turn it down" by force. The clitoris retreats to protect itself, the body starts to fight the sensation to keep it from being overwhelming. Sometimes you need to tone it down instead.

If you're also struggling to stay wet enough, some lube can work wonders. I know I need it sometimes, even if I am having fun. Especially if we've been going for a while.

Keep trying, and just relax and have fun the best you can. Experiment, keep trying new things.

Also, one final question, OP. Are you on antidepressants? Specific antidepressants can kill sex drive and/or make it extremely hard to orgasm.

>>17838727
I would also like to counter this. The clitoris actually has an equal amount of nerve endings as penis does. They actually have more if the penis has been circumcised. Developmentally they're basically the same (if anything, the fetus starts more female than male, which is why men have vestigal nipples), and the same nerves and the same tissue are distributed throughout.

The clitoris is actually technically more sensitive since the nerves are all bunched together into a small space.

If you want to get as much stimulation as a penis can get, (and personally what I think feels the best regardless), you have to get the clitoris and vagina in on the action at the same time. The clitoris and penis head are equivalent. The penis shaft and vaginal walls/g spot are equivalent. There's a lot more to work with than more people realize, pic related.

>>17838739
ah yes, that's most definitely it. my brain goes havoc when someone sees me naked. see
>>17838754

i am aware of this and try to bring my focus back on my senses in those moments but it never really works. the thoughts are very fierce

>>17838754
So when there were "some/thing" "in/there", it was indeed troublesome, back then was your mouth.

>>17838759
i do experience some resistance from my body that i have to "power trough" if i want to achieve an orgasm with another person. as in, my body is rebelling but if i ignore it i cum anyways.
and yes, if the stimulation is too hard, i just go completely numb.

wetness is no problem though. i rather get too wet sometimes.

i was on antidepressants for a while, but not anymore. that was about 1,5 years ago.

if the vaginal walls should be as responsive as the shaft of a cock then there's definitely something wrong with mines. if i touch them it feel like touching your feet if you got pins and needles. numb

>>17838774
if you put it that way, yes. i do think i have some kind of oral fixation. sexually and with food...

>>17838754
>>17838774
you see, what you say sound to me, like the whloe thing with your family plays a major role in this, back then, your father desired a skinny (empty, lacking) woman, and he implied love also, "you will never find a man if you keep eating like that. nobody wants a fat girl, for example". could it be, some kind of sympthom, a manifestation of a fear of not being loved?

>>17838779
Mine is the same, penetration really doesn't do much for me. However, I do have a sensitive G-spot. Have you tried that?

What worked for me was oral and fingering at the same time. At first that was the only thing that worked, but I've started being able to orgasm from more things now.

I'm able to orgasm purely from clitoral stimulation now, and I've found that one or two of those greatly increases my vaginal sensitivity and makes penetration feel a whole lot better.

>>17838782
well ofc. bein afraid of not being good enoug, worthy or loveable is a big problem i have. guess particualrily about my weight, since he so strongly connected it with being worthy of love. and since i am not an probably will never be happy with my body, i also feel like everyone that ever "wants" to be with me is merely putting on an act and just waiting till someone better comes along. you see, i know those mechanisms and i know they aren't true at it's core but they still have immense power over me and i can't get rid of them for good.

>>17838785
nah, it is insensitive all around. i searched for that damned spot like a maniac, believe me.
oral doesn't really do anything for me and even clitoral stimulation doesn't make penetration any more enjoyable. not that i don't enjoy it at all. but it feels like getting a back rub or whatever. very nice but i wouldn't cum from getting my back rubbed...

but thanks for all the great ideas!

>>17838671
Comfort is key dude!

Have fun experimenting.

>>17838786
This might help you, OP

http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/scienceofdesire/

>>17838786
if one doesnt stop losing weight, sooner or later there will be nothing left to love. those mechanisms, are semblance ofc, but the power they have over you as you say, i think makes them real enough, but i also think, that this is the way you are trying to solve the question for love, i mean, even if you get the "perfect" whatever, the question will be there. it is hard to stand that question.

>>17838786
its quite easy to say all that love/your/self bullshit, but i fear, that what you feel and experience in your body and in tought, somehow help you to make sense of the way the discourses of others have affected you, and this ofc, happens to everybody, cause people just cant stand non-sense.

>>17838813
that's a really near chart! thanks for the link anon. problem is, i know that in theory. but there are few things on the list of the sexual inhibition system that i feel are out of my controle (namely body image and trauma history), even after i have tried for years to get controle over it... now what? how do you legitly change your body image (i've tried all i can think of)? how do you get over traumatic experiences for good so they don't lurk in your unconsciousnes and ruin your orgasms?

>>17838836
a way to do so could be elaborating them trough therapy or some artistic way, like writing or painting, you should speak about it in therapy.

>>17838820
i am aware that i will never reach a stage where the way my body looks can silence the negative inner voices and that changing my body won't restore my mental health. but then what will? cause so far i haven't found a solution...

>>17838829
i'm not sure i get what you mean. can you please rephrase it? english is not my first language...

>>17838847
i am talking about my fucked up body image and traumatoc experiences i therapy. problem is, talking about it doesn't magically make it dissapear. i guess i would habe to rip the old phrasings out and replace them by etter ones. that sounds logical in theory but as far as my experience goes, it doesn't really work out in everyday life

>>17838855
Which is your main language?

>>17838865
You can work though it, but it is difficult. It takes concrete effort and time.

Instead of basing your self worth on your appearance (as hard as that is, I know), try to do thigns that make you feel good about yourself. Help people, contribute something to the world. Do things you enjoy, get good at stuff you want to get good at. Make yourself someone you want to be.

One of the best ways to fight those thoughts is also to divorce that part of your thought process from yourself. It's the eating disorder talking, it's the body image problems talking. Imagine them as literal personal demons, whose only goal is to destroy you.

When they being up thoughts, shoot them down. If they say "you're too fat to be pretty" say "I am at a healthy weight and I am beautiful". If they say "you're not worth it" say "I contribute X and Y and Z to the world, and I am a valuable and valued person." If they say "nobody likes you", say "My partner and friends like me." Even if you don't entirely believe it, shooting down those thoughts with your own counterarguments will help you come to realize they are true.

>>17838884
german. why?

>>17838885
>Help people, contribute something to the world. Do things you enjoy, get good at stuff you want to get good at.
i feel like i already do those things. but i also feel like they are worth jack shit if i don't also look perfect.
which, you can't deny it, isn't only in my head. life IS easier if you are beautiful...

i think that is exactly what i need to do. problem is, the main part that bother me (weight issue) actually IS an issue atm (i've ended up being QUIET chubby from all the ups and downs). i am objectively not at a healthy weight anymore and i will not be able to tell myself i am beautiful or whatever aslong as i am not at a normal weight. which requires me to lose weight. which is like a mine field to me...

but ok, i will give it another go. mabe i will try to get my psych to remind me cause i tend to do well with stuff like that till the next crisis and then completely forget about it.

the idea about splitting those parts up seems neat though. going to do that. so it feel like i can "stand against it" instead of it being "me sabotaging myself".

>>17838903
That could help but it's still an imaginary dialectic, which is your psychologist's orientation?

>>17838934
orientation as in main therapy form?
as far as i can see classic conversational terapy with some cognitive behavioral aspects.

>>17838950
Ever tried psychoanalysis?

>>17838959
what's the difference? i guess my therapist uses a wild mix of whatever she thinks is appropriate at the moment

Well, this is quite a thread.

File: IMG_1454.jpg (526KB, 728x3332px) Image search: [Google]

526KB, 728x3332px

>>17838971
it is! it was/is really helpfull too!

pic is the one that was in the link of that one anon

>>17838969
Eclectic psychotherapy could be viable, but the approaches from every school or physiologic orientation are quite different, behavioral cognitive therapy sees the patient in a different way than psychoanalysis does, some people find more useful one than the other, maybe you need another kind of therapy, just maybe

>>17838984
it might be. but i am reluctant to chance therapist because i have been to the same for 2 years now and the idea of having to start from scratch and not being able to move to more elaborated parts on the base of what she already knows is pretty daunting...not that i haven't tought about it. do you think her approach is not fruitfull enough?

>>17838989
You tell me. Do you feel it has been helpful?

>>17838993
i feel like it has helped me with the big stuff i was dealing with at the beginning, yes. but it is only recently that i am moving more into the "fine tuning" area and i am not quiet sure yet how effective her help will be there. i suspect not so much, but i can't really say why.

>>17839037
i think it could help a lot if you told that to your therapist, and if you find that maybe she cant help too much in that area, you could try with other aproaches, ive been in psychoanalysis for like 8 months now, and in the past i have had cognitive behavioural therapy too, for me, i think psychoanalysis suits me better, cause i dont like people wanting something of me, i like being contrary, so a non directive kind of therapy feels better for me