I stayed at my boyfriend's house last night and in the middle

>>17835628
From a guys perspective, if I woke up with my girlfriend playing with my dick or giving me a blowjob I'd think it was cute/awesome
It isn't consensual though, so you have a right to be angry if you decide to be.

meh, he probably was horny af and thought he could get you in the mood that way. if it really bothered you, you should have adressed it there and then.

>>17835628
>wants relationship
>catty, frigid
>complains when bf is turned on by you
>doesn't want sex
>bf resorts to exploring on his own
Try not being frigid as all hell. If you don't like this guy enough to want to be sexual with him, why the hell are you even seeing him? Especially spending the night?
You should be like this or I would question whether you even care about or have any attraction to the guy:
>>17835639

>>17835628
Maybe he was just horny and tried to wake you up for sex (which is pretty selfish but not overly horrible) or he's cray and rape-y.

Tell him you recall him coming to you last night but don't go into detail and ask what he wanted. If he denies what he did or tries to dodge ... break the fuck up with him.

>>17835639
>I'd think it was cute/awesome
Not when you had hayfever, nigga.

You're such a miserable human being

He could have wanted to wake you up with sex. A lot of people find that sweet/sexy/romantic, maybe he thought you would enjoy it.

But if you don't like it, you don't like it, and you should bring it up with him. Try talking to him calmly about it. If he starts pulling stuff like lying about it, or getting really aggressive/dismissive.defensive even when you're talking calmly, then that's a big red flag.

>>17835654
I know it might sound shocking but a partner isn't a sex doll, you can do whenever you feel like it.

>>17835645
spoken like someone who knows nothing about what it feels like to be sexually abused

OP, i would confront him. if he thinks he can get away with it, he is going to do it again. you will know based on how he responds whether or not he gives a shit about you. don't just start yelling at him instantly, that makes no sense considering nothing was said when you were kind of aware of it.

i can guarantee you that he thought you were 100% asleep and only stopped sometimes because he thought you were waking up

at some point when you're both awake, after you've gathered your thoughts, just ask him what he was doing.

if he is a massive asshole, he's going to try and lie to get out of it. he will at first claim to not know what you're talking about, and then when you insist that you know he was doing something to you, he will then change his story to "oh, i might have been doing that in my sleep.." or "i get horny in my sleep sometimes, i'm sorry! i wasn't aware" or something to that effect.

>>17835664
exactly this. he will get defensive about it because he's basically caught red handed.

>>17835660
>Not when you have hayfever
Really motherfucker? I have seasonal allergies and a runny nose and sore throat isn't gonna stop me from fucking.

>>17835678
>i can guarantee you that he thought you were 100% asleep and only stopped sometimes because he thought you were waking up
Can you really?
> "oh, i might have been doing that in my sleep.." or "i get horny in my sleep sometimes, i'm sorry! i wasn't aware" or something to that effect.
I get horny in my sleep, I've woken up having sex before. Its actually not very uncommon. Especially if you and your partner are sexually active

Tons of people wake each other up with sex. That's not weird or "assault" like >>17835678
this dipshit is trying to make you think.

He tried it a little, stopped because you obviously werent into it, then tried it again and stopped. No big fuckin deal.

>>17835678
So how do I know if he isn't an asshole? What kind of response can I expect that would actually be reasonable? Is there even any response that makes it okay?

To be fair, we usually do have sex a lot, and he's told me before that I can play with him/have sex with him when he's asleep, but I've never done that/expressed not being comfortable with the idea and I haven't told him he can do the same.

>>17835681
OP's decision on whether or not she wants to have sex or not isn't in question, that is entirely up to her.

>>17835698
are you a guy or a girl

i'm a guy, and yes, i know it's not that uncommon, but considering the context before the incident, it wasn't accidental. and there is no way you would stop and start if you're asleep. if you're asleep it's like sloppy drunk sex usually. there's no reason for him to stop except to pretend he wasn't doing it in case she wakes up.

i have in the past w/ my ex put my hand on her crotch while asleep. but she stopped me, because i was definitely asleep and i wasn't going to stop. i hated myself for it though. it wasn't consensual. previous sexual encounters with someone != consent in future encounters, especially if they're asleep.

i have also been raped in my sleep by a different ex.

>>17835715
guy
people just get comfortable with each others bodies, I think you're thinking about it too hard. There becomes a point where fingering is equivalent to handholding in a relationship.

>>17835715
You sound like a nu-male.

>>17835705
The best response you can get is something along the lines of accepting your feelings on the matter, apologizing, and/or offering an explanation.

Basically, as long as he isn't dismissing you or how you felt about it, and willing to change his behavior if you ask him to not do that again, that's a good response.

If he dismisses, diminishes, or ignores the problem, or gets upset at your for feeling uncomfortable, beware.

>>17835705
i think if he is at least somewhat redeemable he will own up to it and apologise. idk maybe something like: sorry, i wanted to see if you were into it but it turned out that you weren't so i stopped eventually.
>>17835736
this anon has a better explanation

>>17835727
fingering does not become equivalent to handholding in a normal relationship. they are entirely different interactions with different intentions. handholding is to comfort someone, make them feel safe and let them know you give a shit about them. fingering is not for that. at all. do you just casually finger your gf while walking around the mall?

>>17835729
sure thing buddy.

>>17835736
In short: look for communication and cooperation.

>>17835759
Any suggestions for what I should do if he reacts negatively? I feel like I should at least explain to him why I think it was wrong but whenever problems arise with us he tends to shirk responsibility and focus more on "winning" the argument and not fixing the problem

>>17835779
If he needs explaining why it was wrong, words won't help, anon.

>>17835779
Honestly, the fact that he has to "win" is already a little concerning. Relationships need to be built on understanding, compromise, and mutual work. Arguing is fine, sometimes people need to debate or make a change or stand their ground or establish boundaries. This is normal and healthy. But when you have to win, you turn a legitimate debate into a fight. And fighting is counterproductive to a relationship.

Keep your cool, don't rise to his bait. Listen to his side, then raise your own points to counter. Don't back down, though. If he does something to you that that you do not like, you are allowed to be made uncomfortable by it. It is your body. He needs to understand that there has to be mutual respect.

>>17835779
what these two said >>17835798 >>17835801

they said it better than i could. if he is the kind of person that you can't have an adult conversation about your relationship with, you can do better. sorry - i know that probably isn't what you want to hear but it can't last long-term if he can't compromise or deal with issues in a mature way. so it's up to you whether you want to just abandon ship and look for someone else, or just stay in it but keep yourself a little more emotionally distant so you don't get too hurt when he inevitably keeps doing shitty things.

>>17835798
>>17835806
>>17835801
:(
Thanks guys
I was hesitant about posting this thread because I didn't think I'd get any good advice from 4chan, especially on this subject, but I think you've helped

He's awake now so I might update on what happens but I might not

>>17835818
sorry anon. nonconsensual sexual contact -is- sexual abuse.

but anyway, good luck. be safe.

Break up with him, he doesn't deserve you
No, really, nobody deserves dating a feminist crazy fuck

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Holy *fuck* the projecting in this thread is unreal.

First and foremost OP, you need to not let people on /adv/ tell you how you should feel about this, this board is littered with some of the most emotionally damaged people on the internet and you're insane if you think you're going to get an opinion that's not wildly tilted to one side or the other.

Now that you've discerned how you feel about this, take your emotions to him and explain that for [insert reason here] you feel uncomfortable and [insert emotion here] about how he approached you while you were sleeping. Tell him that he woke you, but that you weren't interested in bringing it up then because you were tired. This could be as simple as horny groping that he genuinely doesn't realize isn't OK, or it could be he was trying to get away with murder.

Either way, if you approach him with insane claims of sexual abuse or rape after you playfully* turned him down it will only either lead to a break up or a horrible backlash down the line.

*Don't fucking play around with consent. It's not a game. Be crystal clear next time. Whether your conversation sort this issue or not you have to understand your role in creating this issue.

>>17835839
I think you misread what I meant, I mean his advances were playful, not me turning him down was playful

You guys take things too seriously

He touched you
You said no and that was it

You act like you woke up with a dick in your ass and he kept going

>>17835846
Well that changes things a bit. It sounds like ou need put down some ground rules.

My main concern is you rushing in hot-headed spewing heavy words you don't mean because the sjw hype-crew on /adv/ got you all gassed up.

Just tell him you don't want to be groped in your sleep, or tell him you only permit certain areas, whatever it is us you like. Be clear. Don't interrogate him and don't wait for excuses.

>>17835856
This. OP desu I would never date you. You sound like a minefield of potential misunderstandings and bullshit ideological nonsense, with communication issues on top of that.

>>17835669
yeah but like you should be into it. If you're not, find someone else, who isn't going to molest you in your sleep.