Military

>>17826518
>significant other

I hate this word. Only reddit uses it

>>17826518
What is your situation? Are you thinking of joining and unsure how your relationship will go, is your partner thinking of joining, or are you in the early stages of a relationship with someone who is already in?

>>17826566
My boyfriend of over three years just left for basic a month ago. We talked about it, but it was ultimately his decision. Going from talking every day and living together to him being 10 states away and unable to talk has been rough on me. He told me he wants to marry me after basic, before he left but I'm just unsure how everything is going to work out. I know most are based in state but I'm worried about him being deployed as well since that's always a possibility..

>>17826598
Damn, thats a tough one. I hope that foo' has a plan with the military. If i had a gf, id dump her so then she wouldnt have to limit herself. She can go have fun while i work on my career. Id only have a fuckbuddy throughout my contract, shieeeeeeeeeeeet

>>17826598
I was in the Army for eight years and can say you aren't going to make it. One of you will cheat, with it likely being you. When he gets home on leave, just end it like an adult and move on with your lives.

>>17826665
I don't see myself cheating on him, that's really the last thing that's been on my mind but I was a bit worried about him cheating on me. Did you have a gf through any of your army career?

>>17826659
He told me a million times he's doing it for us, and that it's the only way he can start our future plans ect ect. Even in the reception letter he said that again and again. His plan doesn't really make sense to me though.. I don't know.

>>17826698
I had two. I never cheated on them but I'd be shocked if either were faithful when I was deployed overseas. As far as the guys I served with go, I'd say half were fucking around on their wives.

>>17826698
Honestly, I hesitated to even respond to this thread because the statistics are pretty shit and you are likely a sweet girl with a boyfriend who feels he's doing the right thing. Even if neither cheats, I am concerned as it doesn't sound like you two are on the same page about this. The people who successfully navigate the challenges of deployments both tend to have a lot of confidence and conviction about their individual roles as a military couple.

>>17826704
It didn't worry me before, but once he left I went online looking around for people in similar situations and ran into a million posts about cheating. I think that's part of my hesitation of the whole situation..

>>17826518
Look it can be tough but people do manage it. Try to focus on the positives. When he comes back from time away, especially if it has been a hard exercise/deployment with a lot of time in the field, he will probably be eager to enjoy the comforts of civilian society so that provides a good chance to make up for time apart by doing fun things together.

Bear in mind it will probably get easier once he is done with his initial training, once he gets posted to a unit it becomes more of a routine. How much time he spends away really depends on the particular role he is working in.

As for how to manage it yourself, it's important to develop interests in your own life rather than depending entirely on him for your happiness. You also need to take a mature approach to staying faithful - it's impossible to resist temptation in the heat of the moment but you can definitely avoid getting into those situations before they happen.

So I think at this point wait until he's done with basic and his other initial job-related training courses, see how you two do after that, then reassess a bit further down the track.

>>17826747
He's 100% confident he's doing the right thing and that we'll get through it. From what he told me before he left anyway. It didn't really become real for me until I dropped him off for him to go and had to say goodbye. I really do love him I'm just so worried about the future with this. I was told to take it one day at a time, but it's hard not to think about the deployments and moving ect ect.. You're right..and I'm so new to all of this I don't even know what my role would be or is other then support

>>17826781
It sounds like something worth discussing and coming to terms with him about.

>>17826703

What doesn't make sense about it? If he isn't rich, and either doesn't want to or can't afford to go to college right now, joining the military is probably the best thing he can do for both his and your future. The military will hopefully give him some useful skills for civilian life, if nothing more than to be properly groomed and punctual, and the GI Bill will afford him some pretty fucking great educational opportunities.


I'm curious, how old are the two of you? What are your future plans, and more importantly, how do you intend to pay for them? What are you personally doing to try and secure that future, or are you leaving it entirely up to him? You say that his plan doesn't make sense to you, do you have an alternate plan that makes more sense, again being aware that starting a family, career and supporting yourself can be very expensive, that doesn't involve him joining the military?


If you do have an alternate plan and those issues weren't discussed before his joining than both of you probably lack the majority to maintain a long distance relationship. And if you haven't considered these things before, than you probably lack the maturity to maintain this relationship. Sorry to be so harsh.


On the other hand, if you can accept that this might be the best path forward, and are willing to make the necessary sacrifices in supporting him, and make no mistake, you will have to sacrifice, than perhaps you can get through this.


Otherwise you should just end the relationship as soon as possible rather than drag it on until one or both of you end up cheating.

>>17826772
That's a good point.. I'm not sure if it's just me not being able to talk to him that has me in this slump. When I got his reception letter I felt better for a day or so but after that I started overthinking again. I can 100% say I don't think I'll ever cheat on him. I can't see it happening since I don't put myself in situations where it could occur. I guess I should wait and see where it goes after his training..

>>17826828
>I can 100% say I DON'T THINK I'll ever cheat on him
Oh, anon

>>17826800
*maturity

Fucking autocorrect.

What's his MOS?

>>17826800
It's not the full plan that doesn't make sense to me, it's that he only wants to go in for 4 years and doesn't know what he wants to do afterwards. I am 21 and he is 23, I'm in college and I'm working and he was working until he lost his job. I was paying for mostly everything and so he decided this was his best course to move forward with our future plans. I feel as if part of it was him wanting to "provide" for me, as the man..that's just how his personality is. We talked about alternative plans before this one but he never took the steps towards them while he was working, because he was making good enough money to not worry about it. I've said it a million times in this post but I'll say it again, I do love him with all of my heart.

>>17826834
Sorry that's just how I talk

>>17826877
74d cbrn

I grew up in this life
My dad was military
He'd go away be posted places.
Bosnia, Haiti, Afghanistan.

Lived with it all my life
Despite this, I don't think I can really help you.
For me, 6 months isn't a long time.
You get used to it

The one thing I have to offer is to write him and call him a lot.
My dad told me how hard it is over there.
Write a letter every week
He'll have something to look forward to

>>17826899
Thank you anon, I've been writing him a letter every night as if he was here to talk to. I know he's going through a lot as well so I haven't been negative in any of them.

>>17826887
So based off this you seem to have your shit together, sorry if my prior comment was too harsh. He was probably feeling pretty shitty when jobless, and you're right, the fact he couldn't provide for you probably played a big part in his decision to join.

Even if he only plans on staying in for 4 years, he will have a lot of benefits to take advantage of. And desu, he doesn't sound very mature. The military can certainly help him with that, you both could end up in a better place after this.

I agree things will probably get better once he's at his unit. You should definitely not shy away from voicing your concerns though. You're in this together and have just as much a right to feel good about his decision as he does.

Thank you anons, I have to work early so I need to get to bed but I appreciate all of the advice you've given and I'll think it all over. I think I'm going to wait longer and see how this will all play out.

>>17826906
It doesn't matter whether you're negative or positive
He just wants to hear from someone who loves him.
I can't speak for your bf or whatever, but for my dad, it wasn't a contest or anything
He loved hearing about quotidian problems
Because those aren't problems he faces there at all.
He deals with bigger shit. The small problems are comforting

Also, since your bf is like some kind of CBN guy. He's either bored as fuck or shitting his pants.
A distraction would help

Talk to him, try not to be distant (you will be, even if you don't want to), and don't fuck a Jody

>>17826922
Aw Fuck Fort Leonard Wood. I went to Basic there and it was a shit hole. Anyway, it seems like you two know what you're doing and it makes sense to be nervous. Just make sure you tell your SO that.

>>17826919
It's alright you weren't to harsh, you're just trying to help! Thank you, and yeah when he comes home for the holiday break I'm going to talk to him about a lot of this.