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Hey /advice/, 23 y/o male here. never thought I would come here or have feels like this, but im gonna fire away and see what you guys think.
I joined this company a few months ago and was placed working under my mentor. he's awesome and I look up to him and respect him. We crack jokes and share a project no one else in our department does so its kinda exclusive and we sort of bond over that.
My dilemma is I really really want to be friends with him. I know he is a genuinely good person and he always goes out of his way to look out for me like a big brother (never had one). I invited him over to drink a few months ago and he accepted we had a good time, he went home. end of story.
I eventually got to thinking he didnt like me for a few reasons. I'm kind of new to this job and im dragging him down, he never brought up hanging out again and I was alone for a couple months.
Then after holiday break (which i spent alone) he invites me over for dinner. Of course I was ecstatic and accepted immediately. We go hang out at his house, he and his gf are friendly to me, we have a few beers together, and he takes me home. On the way back I mention im really glad we got to hang out and he says something along the lines of "yeah, me and my gf were talking and we felt bad because you dont have anyone to hang out with on the regular like we did when we first moved here". I say that im down to hang out whenever and he agrees. Over the next few days at work we seem to have been more chummy with each other than before.
The big question that I need to know: Am I letting negative thoughts get the best of me when I think that he doesnt want to be friends and rather is just taking pity on my lonliness? or do you think I can find a genuine friend in this guy / Does he want to be friends with me?
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>>17824443
One of the reasons I ask this question is because I want to hang out with him more and do stuff other than drink with him, but im afraid of being a nuisance due to him not really wanting anything more to do with me. That sounds a little harsh now that I type it. The feeling I get is I want a friend in him way more than he wants a friend in me.
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>>17824443
You're letting the negative thoughts get to you
If he really didn't want to he would not have invited you to dinner with his gf
Just be chill
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>>17824472
thanks man, I just have a negative self image of myself most of the time and it actually kind of frightens me how excited I am that someone as cool as he is is interested in being my buddy. I dont really make friends easily and someone actively pursuing my friendship is strange.
I'll take your advice and chill
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>>17824443
>>17824455
I'm gonna assume you've graduated college pretty recently? Adult friendship just isn't as much of a full-time thing as it is in your school days. I don't really see friends just to hang out on a daily/weekly basis. We'll make time for each other like, every month or two, and see everyone on special occasions. But it's not just the constant "spend all free time together" type of thing we had as kids.
People just get busy. He's got a full-time job and a girlfriend, he doesn't have much free time, and he's probably got goals and hobbies and shit he works on when he does have the time. In other words, I'm sure he likes you perfectly fine, but your expectations on what a "friendship" with him would look like might be a little too high. Continue being friendly, but don't be high-maintenance
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>>17824496
that's a good point.
you pretty much deduced our situation exactly. we work in a high stress / high workload environment in a technical field. good point.
I'm grateful for these outside views on my situation. thanks.
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