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Why should I work so hard?

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File: Symptoms-of-Depression.png (115KB, 1040x608px) Image search: [Google]
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I'm 30 years old, live in my moms basement, have no job, have no friends, and have no hobbies aside from addictions. I avoid alcohol because I have a serious problem with it. I'm completely addicted to porn (3x a day most days). Ive held jobs in the past (9 years in a grocery store). I've recently "quit" smoking weed (day 4 today) and absolutely NOTHING interests me. NOTHING.

I can't even accurately describe what that feels like. I wake up every day and literally wait until it's time to TRY and fall asleep and then I spend hours forcing myself to sleep. Everyday is the same, no friends, no family other than my mom, just nothing.

What's worse is that even if I suddenly won the lottery tomorrow, nothing would really change. I'd still have my addictions only then they'd be more dangerous if I had the income to support all of my bad habits.

I used to go for hikes as my only means of excersize, the problem is that the only way I could motivate myself to get up and out was to pack a bowl and smoke before I started my hike. Walking for 6 miles in the woods stoned is fun, walking 6 miles in the woods sober is boring as fuck. Now that I don't have weed I have no reason to leave the house. I have no interest in anything at all. The antidepressant I'm on has lowered my sex drive a bit and now I'm not really even all that interested in trying to find a girl or anything. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Work really hard to get a career that I'm going to get sick of? Work my balls off to pay for my own place so I can ruin my life with as much drugs and alcohol as a rich man can afford? I have no real hobbies because nothing interests me, how am I supposed to get a hobby if in 30 years I have never been able to find one? People are supposed to have dreams and goals. I have none.

Why should I keep trying? How do people get dreams and goals? How does one "want" things like hobbies and social relationships?
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>>17822665

>What's worse is that even if I suddenly won the lottery tomorrow, nothing would really change.

This is bullshit. You don't have interest because you don't have access to anything interesting. This is a common problem - thinking life is shit because YOUR life is shit.
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>>17822665
>how am I supposed to get a hobby if in 30 years I have never been able to find one?
Why would you be able to find something if you're addicted to dumb shit that steals your attention from anything else? If you're lived in a bubble all your life, it's not that surprising that you lack the motivation and drive to leave it.

Most people find their hobby from trying different shit, often something their friends suggested or do.

Goals are even easier, no matter how ignorant or apathetic you are, one usually realizes that their position could be better and wants to improve it. More able people look beyond their own desires and try to improve their environment, etc
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>>17822698
I agree with this, but you are only judging and dismissing me without offering any insight. How do I fix this common problem?

>>17822720
So you're saying all I need is friends? What time is the friend store open today? Do they accept IOU's? Again there isn't much insight here, it sounds like you are just telling me to "cut the shit and get your shit together"-which is great advice, just not very insightful. You are basically saying "Better people than you actually go out and do things" which again, you are 100% correct, I just have no idea where to begin or how to start.
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>>17822958
>What time is the friend store open today?
All the time. Although they don't take fiat dollars and the likes. You can always rent one by having positive qualities that make you attractive as a friend, sharing a hobby or two helps too, so it's a cycles you need to break on your side. You don't even necessary need friends for hobbies, it's just the most common ways to find these since there is another party pushing you to do shit.

>"Better people than you actually go out and do things"
More of "People actually go out and do things, which makes them better than people who don't." which leads to another obvious observation ... which is generally the thing about your situation, it's not like the solutions are hard to find, they are hard to implement.

>I just have no idea where to begin or how to start
Spend a day or two doing nothing more than thinking (and maybe writing down ideas) about where you want to be in life and what bits you don't like about your current situation. Skip porn and whatever else you normally do. Go crazy, no need to limit yourself to something like "a stable career with nice pay", let your fantasy roam. If you fall into the "no interest" hole, do a self reflection and try to find out WHY you have no interest in certain things, there is always a reason beyond "oh, it seems boring"

Once you done that, you "simply" need to obtain skills and qualities to get there and deal with negative parts that keep you from it. Again, pretty obvious and the tricky part is doing it ... which nobody can do for you.
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Hey OP are you still there? Did you find the answers you where looking for?
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>>17822665

That sucks...fix your fucking life before it's over.
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Literally pack a bag and fuck-off on foot across the country. You'll have some super spiritual shit experience and become some pretty cool faggot. Try all the shit you can until something makes you give a shit.

Bam now you're not a basement dwelling nigger.
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>>17822665
Go out and buy yourself some art supplies, and use youtube to teach yourself to paint.

Paint badly at first. Throw away anything you don't like. Paint for the sake of it. Paint to get something down on paper.

After a while you might start enjoying it. If not, you killed some time.
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Having nothing to do is not fun. Having things to do and not doing then is what is fun.
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Literally in the same position, except I'm 26.

Had a job, was boring as fuck and I would have stayed there all my life if I hadn't been fired.
No idea how to find a job now and I feel I was left behind by everyone.
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>>17822996
Thank you for some good insight, you are right about a lot. I did that 'write down likes/dislikes' idea a few months ago. It gave me a little clarity in some ways but hasn't really helped.

>>17823527
No, still have no idea how to break this self destructive cycle.

>>17823537
Oh, all I have to do is fix it? Shit that changes everything! Now I know exactly what to do! Thank you!

>>17823557
How? Just start walking? It's December and I live in New England, winter is awful. Where do I go? Where do I stay? Why the fuck would I just aimlessly walk indefinitely with no clear destination? I like the idea, I just don't really get what to do. Say I decide im going to walk to California from the east coast, why? What is going to be better in CA or anywhere for that matter? I get that its about the journey but still, I can't wrap my head around that. I feel like I'd end up in a situation where id turn to harder drugs (I feel like Heroin would be a thing I encounter during the journey) and if I ever allow myself to try one of the harder drugs (Which, lets face it, I absolutely would) then my life really will be over because I am that horribly addictive person that will want to do it again and never want to stop.

>>17823846
My step father was really into Bob Ross painting and he tried to get me into it a bunch of times when I was much younger, I never liked it. He died a few weeks ago.

>>17824480
That's either grade A bullshit, or Yoda level wisdom, either way I can't see how it applies to me.

>>17824528
9 years working for the same place was a crushing experience. It was easy to just stay there, but as the years went by, every day got worse. It wears you down, doing something you don't really want to do 40 hours a week. If that's what life is: working a job around 40 hours a week that I don't like, I really don't understand why I should be excited about doing it for the next 30+ years.
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>>17825380

I would love to pack my essentials and just move (anywhere) but I could only do it if it was for a job or something. I've never made more than 28k a year, if there was a simple kind of job that would guarantee me at least 30k a year, I'd move around the world for it. Does anyone know of something like that I could do? Is there a place in the continental U.S. (I only speak english and have an associates degree so that's going to limit a lot) that offers incentives for people like me to go move to? I've heard Lincoln Nebraska is trying to grow and get more people, is there some kind of work I could look for in some 'up and coming' place?
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Yea you gotta take a trip somewhere
Change your surroundings
Experience more
You don't know what you want because you've just been jerking off smoking weed and going to a boring job for 9 years

There's a whole world outside your 10 mile radius
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>>17825457
I agree 100%, but how? I have no money and I'm about 3k in debt; not too bad but still something I gotta deal with. Where do I go? What do I do when I get there?
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Shameless desperation bump.
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How can someone possibly be this much of a failure? No seriously, why do you even bother living?
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>>17826446

Exactly! See, you get it! I have no clue where I fucked up but I fucked up so spectacularly that I NEED to end this shit. Thank you anon!
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>>17826470
You're only on day 4 of no weed. You probably became reliant on it, and now you're off it you're going through withdrawal. It's not fucking difficult, stop doing drugs jesus christ can you not see the connection yet? Every drug user is the same, they all have the same problem. Stop mentally fucking yourself up then you won't be so depressed. How difficult is this to understand
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>>17826480
Too difficult for YOU to understand apparently. You're absolutely right, I'll just shut it off. The one and only thing in this world that gives me any joy WHAT-SO-EVER, I'll just stop! No problem at all!

Weed is the only thing that makes me happy, not having it is like you no longer being able to do the one thing or see the one person that makes you happiest. This shit is deep seeded psychological bullshit.

If you think I can just stop and go find joy/happiness/laughter elsewhere, I'm really only happy that you've never had to experience this. I probably should be mad or something, but I'm not, you really are right. But for reasons I can not explain, I simply can not do what you think I should. I wish I could articulate why but I can't. I am 100% reliant on it because I never made friends, I never had dreams and goals, I never had a future. Now I'm living the future my 9 year old self imagined and I can not believe I'm still alive. I don't expect anyone to understand what it is like to be in elementary school and to just KNOW you will be long dead before you have to worry about a career or future. It's too fuckin' dark. While you were busy telling your teacher you wanna be a fireman or some shit, I was too preoccupied with killing myself to fathom a life passed 25: yet here I am.
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>>17826531
>Weed is the only thing that makes me happy
That's the side effect of every addiction, and specially something as weed only makes you more passive and stops you from finding meaningful things.

>I am 100% reliant on it because I never made friends, I never had dreams and goals
And you never got to any of this because you jumped on the easy satisfaction train too early. It's not too late to go back to normal though, but that's in your hands.

>I never had a future
Yet you are still here, and probably still will be in the next decade with the same miserable life unless you take steps to change it (like dropping drugs for example)

As for the whining about shitty childhood, anon, please. Many people were there, some had a much worse one. Usually you get over it once you grow up, with your shitty livestyle you simply slow down the growing up process.
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>>17826558
This is the most insightful post so far, thank you anon. My only issue is that I've been addicted for so long I have no idea how to be a 'normal' person. All I know is to smoke or drink or just get messed up in some way. How am I supposed to find joy in sobriety at this point? I'm on day 5 without weed and still going strong, I know I can stave it off for the next week or two, but what beyond that? I worry that I won't be able to find something to occupy my time or distract me and eventually I might just end up smoking again. I'm already drunk as I type this. How do I try and find a life at 30 without being intoxicated by something? I get fucked up every night because I'm so lonely/bored. I know that is pathetic but it's not like I can just walk on down to the friend-store and pick out an ideal candidate.

I didn't have a bad childhood at all, I just had many, many instances of abandonment. My dad divorced my mom (world's smallest violin, yadda yadda yadda, I know) my childhood friends out grew me before high school, any buddies I made from high school fell out of my life shortly after it was over. Anyone I ever connected with ended up only being in my life for a short time. This extended into relationships: my first real girlfriend was with me for 5 years before I had the balls to call her out on cheating on me. Every subsequent girl I found was only mine for a short time before I felt I needed to get out (before she left me, but that's a whole other bag of psychological worms) and now I'm 29 and I've never had anyone as friend for more than a few years. My abandonment issues are as bad as they come, how do I fix that?

I intentionally push people away that are close to me because I secretly fear I've annoyed/angered/mildly inconvenienced them too much and I box them out before they have a chance to do just that to me. I know this is happening, yet I can not stop it.
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>>17826634
Did you try counseling?

>How do I try and find a life at 30 without being intoxicated by something?
By looking for it and trying stuff without being intoxicated by something, also worrying less about long term or the past. That's going to be a huge pain for sure since you're used to the opposite. Pretty much every human has enough willpower to deal with addiction but actually getting your shit together and using it ... well, it's not easy. I can assure you that it's doable from your position but knowing that we can do something is still a world apart from actually doing it. There are definitely no easy solutions.

>My abandonment issues are as bad as they come, how do I fix that?
By getting a better sense of self-worth, which comes from doing things and eventually doing them good.
And hey, you do have the ability to honestly assess your situation and things that lead there, might not sound like much but realizing that X is broken is vital before attempting to fix it.

>I intentionally push people away that are close to me because I secretly fear I've annoyed/angered/mildly inconvenienced them too much and I box them out before they have a chance to do just that to me. I know this is happening, yet I can not stop it.
This part is the most easy one. If people want to get close to you, it's their own choice. There is no point in pushing someone away, if you're not the right person for them, they'll realize it themselves. No need to act proactively. Realizing how the only constant in life are changes and that many connections with other people don't last due external factors where neither party is at fault might help too.
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