Paranoid girlfriend

Sit down with your girlfriend and ask her to explain, in full, her feelings about it. Then once you've heard her side, ask her to listen to your side. If one of you happens to change the others mind during the course of the conversation and resolve the issue then fantastic. If you don't naturally resolve it then simply say that your glad that you both sat down to talk about it because you care for her and you want to have th best relationship you can with her and leave it there.

Sometimes opening a dialogue when you're both in a good place will stop any reactionary behaviour or confrontations if the issue comes up because you've already got a better handle on things and it's easier to bring up an old conversation that it is to broach a concern.

>>17822395
>due to a history of abusive relationships
Tell us about these relationships.

Is she Borderline? She sounds borderline.
I have a feeling she is lying to you about every single one of them.

>you can only be attracted to people you have a connection with? Sounds like special snowflake syndrome),
I have no fucking clue what demisexual means but yes anon, this is a real thing. I can appreciate a woman's beauty in a purely aesthetic sense but I cannot have sex or even get hard if I don't have any kind of emotional connection with a woman.

>>17822413

We've done this twice before. The second time, I cited my sources for why it was natural and normal. Both times we had to "agree to disagree." Early in the relationship I was trying to convert her to my point of view (I wanted us to get a bit more adventurous) but at this point I'm accepting her opinion and giving her space rather than pretending I'm objectively correct.

That changed when she refused to give ME space too. Respect is a two-way street.

>>17822417
Yes, she is borderline. Recently diagnosed.

Re: "demisexual," I thought I was the same way as you anon, but apparently demisexual means that you have to pretend you want to throw up when you see a male glamour shot, and get actively angry when there's a picture anywhere of a woman in a low-cut blouse. (She says she's "pansexual" too, but how can she know if she's never had a romantic connection with a woman, and at the same time is unable to be attracted to someone she doesn't have a romantic connection with?)

I'll talk about the relationships I've heard of in the next post.

>>17822395
what is the point of this .gif?

>>17822442
op, cont'd

I don't have evidence of the one that messed her up the hardest, but I believe her because I'd rather trust her until proven otherwise. The big one was in high-school, and apparently that guy:

-Pressured her for sex constantly, in public.
-Physically hit her but never hard enough to leave marks.
-Tried to make her leave her friends.
-Spread rumors about her when she refused to leave her friends, causing her friends to leave her.
-Threatened her when she tried to leave him.
-Belittled her and called her ugly whenever she got on his bad side.

She mentions others too, like a guy who tried to give her gifts online without ever meeting her and promptly tried to get her in legal trouble when she refused to date him.

When I met her, she was in a long-distance relationship with some turd she met in League of Legends. She didn't like that he still talked to his ex on facebook, but in her defense he never actually changed his relationship status after he and his ex "broke up." He also tried multiple times to make her (my current girlfriend) jealous by fawning over other women. I was there for that.

When she dumped him (shortly AFTER I started dating her, I should note) he threatened to kill himself. And didn't follow through.

So yeah, having met a few of the people she grew up with/around, I believe that she has shit luck with relationships. I even understand her paranoia. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with it when she tells me "why would you cheat on me when you know it hurts me so much" despite the fact that I'm not cheating on her even by her own bullshit broad definition.

>>17822442
Anon.

If this is giving you issues, something incredibly minor such as this, to the point where you feel like you want to leave her.

It's only going to get worse. Much much worse.

How long have you been dating? By move in a month ago, do you mean like November 30th a month ago or 30 days ago kinda thing.

She is for sure going to go through your computer when you're not around. Pray you don't have anything suspicious on there even if it's something innocent.

>>17822459
...because I'm asking if other people have been through anything similar, and thus have advice for how I should deal with it?

>>17822471
why is it animated though, it doesn't actually show anything

>>17822470
I believe it. In a lot of ways, she's gotten WAY better in terms of mood disorders since we've started dating, and until very recently I thought things were getting easier. I'm a better therapist than her therapist, it seems, but that doesn't mean shit when she doesn't trust me.

We've been dating a little under a year, but she had basically "moved in" with me at my old place in early summer, spending weeks at a time sleeping over. It was why I was comfortable asking her to move in with me in our new place at the start of November - we were basically doing that already, except now we have a kitchen to cook things in, and no shitty roommates to keep us awake with terrible pop music at 3am.

And she does know my computer password, and my phone password, but not my laptop password. If I do anything she might have trouble with or that I don't want her to see, I do it on my laptop.

Because she has gone through my phone and my internet history before and confronted me about weird shit. But that was in May/June-ish.

>>17822476
Because the creator of the .gif decided it should be animated.

I dunno, I grabbed it because it suited my purposes. Why is this so important to you?

>>17822471
My GF from day one accused me of wanting to get back with my ex. Even though this ex is an extremely destructive cunt that I hated with a firey passion and actively avoided any and all interaction with, my GF was convinced I wanted to fuck my ex.

One day while at her apartment I was showing her photos I took on my facebook and I came across a folder I completely forgot about. I was super excited looking at all of the photos in there but then the worst thing that could have ever happened to me... there were a couple pictures of my ex in this album. I laugh and say "Ah shit, I missed a couple of that stupid bitch" and instantly deleted them making sure my GF saw it.

My GF instantly went from smiling and laughing with me and having a good time talking about my memories to turning dead cold bitch face. "I'm tired. I'm going to take a nap."

The first day was her avoiding me. I would ask her "Baby, what's wrong?" and she would say "Nothing. I don't feel good." I would make her coffee, get her snacks, try to play video games with her and tried to cuddle with her but she would push me off saying that she was too hot.

Day two was her acting hateful and bitchy towards me. She would snap at every little thing I did. If I was chewing food, even though I have insanely good table manners, she would give me death glares, saying "Go eat in the other room that's fucking disgusting I don't want to hear your chomping." This was all day. Again, "Baby,, come on, what's wrong?"

Day Three she woke me up at 6am and started giving me shit about the pictures. "I know you kept those photos because you're still in love with your ex.". I tried to tell her that I deleted all the photos I had of her but I must have missed a couple. I didn't keep them on purpose. Didn't matter. She had already convinced herself I kept two random shitty low res images of my ex because I was still in love with her.

She brought this up during every other argument for the next 2 years.

>>17822468
Now, you need to recognize that borderlines lie compulsively. Especially when it comes to ex boyfriends. No matter what, a girl with BPD will say their last boyfriend was an abusive prick that cheated on her. This is to get some sympathy from you. To turn on your "savior mode", your "I gotta help this girl. I'll show her what real love is like." It's basically a manipulation tactic, a seed planted in your mind from the very beginning that gives her completely control over you. She will forever be able to use the excuse "My abusive ex did this and it makes me uncomfortable".

Odds are when you two split she will be telling everyone how abusive YOU were. This isn't to say that she probably hasn't had abusive or shitty ex's ever but you need to take it all with a grain of salt.

Things like this
>LDR with some turd she met in LoL
Borderlines fuck with people's minds. They are incredibly destructive and will leave most people needing fucking therapy to deal with the PTSD from the relationship.

Nothing you listed about that guy is bad. He still talked to his ex? So?

As for not changing his relationship status... how do you know the girl you are with was ever in a relationship with him? My ex told me about how she was with her first boyfriend for 4 years, 2 of those being long distance. She went on and on about how he cheated on her during that long distance part and how he called her terrible names.

Turns out they never dated. They were just fuck buddies while in college. Him cheating on her after she left was all made up with her saying she was his GF when she never was in the first place.

>fawning over other women
Yes, as your current GF was fucking cheating on him with you.

Think about this anon. She is giving you so much shit for nothing and claiming you're cheating on her. She says cheaters are pieces of shit and scum. At the same time she has proved she should never be trusted. Not only is she a cheater, she's borderline.

>>17822500
>>17822526
Your GF cheated on another man with you even though she claims cheating is a horrible offense .She has a mental disorder known for it's secrecy, lies, and cheating. Anon, the reason she is accusing you for cheating is because she's cheating on you (more than likely). You'll never find evidence of this though.

Your GF is thinking right now "I am cheating on my BF so that must mean he is capable of cheating on me. If I'm cheating then he is for sure as well." Shes doing several things here:

For one, she hates herself and doesn't believe she deserves love. This is extremely common for borderlines.

Two, she is afraid if you found out who she really is (a liar, a cheater) then you would leave her. Again, she hates herself. She will do shitty things like cheat because "She's a bad person anyways"

Three. The reason she is probably cheating now is because borderlines are terrified of being alone. She needs a backup plan. She needs someone to go to if you leave her.

Four. Her fear of abandonment. Her fear of losing some one that loves her will cause her to go paranoid looking for something that means you don't really love her. She doesn't believe you love her, because she doesn't believe she is worthy of love. So when you tell your GF "I love you" she's thinking "No you don't. You don't know who I really am. I'm a shitty person. No one can love me".

She will think you're lying and she will want to prove that you're lying. She's going to take every little thing she sees as proof that you're a shitty person too. That you're just trying to manipulate and use her. She wants to convinces herself that you don't mean it when you say you love her so when you "abandon" her, it won't hurt. It won't hurt because in her mind you were abusive, manipulative, toxic, and were lying when you said you loved her.

She wouldn't lose your love because you were a piece of shit (like her) that never loved her in the first place.

>>17822395
>>17822468
>>17822482
Some people just REQUIRE drama and conflict in their lives, and if everything's going too smoothly, they will just invent it out of thin air. Your girlfriend is one of those. From what I've read about BPD, that's probably at the root of it.

I don't know what to tell you, except that this whole porn thing isn't the real problem. She's just looking for a fight, and she'll find one no matter what.

Maybe try explaining to her that she doesn't get to enforce her "sexuality" on the rest of the world, that when she freaks out about other peoples' choices she isn't being "demisexual" but just judgmental, but I dunno. I really don't think logic or reason are going to help you here.

>>17822526

Here's the thing: I do like her. She's great for me in most ways - we work well together, we have a lot of shared interests, and she's tolerant of some of MY quirks. Plus, we play a lot of the same games. She's a bit of a shut-in. So am I. The outbursts are the only thing in the way of what I would consider a pretty ideal relationship.

For me, that's worth keeping in perspective. If we broke up, I would still want to be friends, because she's best-friend material even if sex and dating is taken out of the equation.

Regarding the LoL turd, I agree that staying in contact with the ex is no big deal - if that was all she'd told me, I wouldn't give a shit. I think he's a turd because I MET him. He was an immature shitstain who overused the word "cuck" and tried to make his girlfriend jealous so she'd pay more attention to him. I know they were dating because I asked, "are you guys dating?" and he said "yes." (She said "er... kinda. sorta.")

I haven't seen much evidence of compulsive lying from her, and I've been looking for it. But even if she WAS cheating on me, I don't actually give a fuck - like I said, I'm sex-positive, to the point where I actually suggested early on that we have an open relationship (because we started dating when she was seeing another guy anyway, so I suspected she was a cheater). She got mad at the mere suggestion that we try that. She KNOWS I would be okay with it.

If she's cheating, then maybe she just doesn't like the idea that I'm allowed to see other people as well. But like I said, she's a shut-in. She works and visits her parents (sending me pictures of her parents' pets while she's there). I don't know if it's POSSIBLE for her to have met another guy.

I'll keep an eye open. If things change for the better, I'll stay with her. If they change for the worse, I'll break up with her once I can safely afford to change my living situation. But I don't judge her, and I don't hate her as much as you seem to hate borderlines.

>>17822755
Everything you are telling me is exactly what I thought of my ex.

Everything.

I thought we shared all the same interests. All the same games. I thought she was tolerant of my quircks.

I never caught her in any lies until about a year and a half into our relationship. By that time it was... frightening how long she had been lying. It was like Jenga. I pulled out a single lies and the entire fucking relationship of lies and deceit came tumbling down.

She would get so angry and defensive if I even suggested that she talked to anyone other than me. I would say it in a "You meet any cool people recently?" and she would get offended. "I'm an introvert! I talk to no one! You don't know me!"

no, she was not an introvert. The girl I knew and loved was completely fabricated. She loved to go out, she had 20 "Closest Friends" that had no idea the others even existed either. Her lies constantly contradicted one another when they got to a critical status.

She would tell me things about how people from her country were all ugly and how she would never be with them. How she despised that culture she was surrounded with. She just didn't "fit in" or like any of those people. I never thought she would have time to meet anyone either.

She was fucking a man that she had called a disgusting, greasy, fat pig. Anyone that knew her, that knew him, all said how disgusting and how big of a piece of shit he was. But that still didn't stop her.

You're playing with fire Anon. You're "love" has just recently been diagnosed. She has just recently started treatment. Borderlines TAKE YEARS to see any progress.

The reason why you love her is because that's how BPDs work. They mirror your interests, values, everything. You will think they are perfect, that you have been missing them your whole life. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear. They will make you think they are accepting of who you are.

i

>>17822878
My ex told me she loved me for everything I was, my depression included. It made me interesting she said but I knew she just didn't know better. I'm an intelligent man with a lot of worldly experience. I know what happens when people say they will be understanding and patient of mental illnesses. After a few months they get tired of hearing the same ol shit again and again until they say "JUST FUCKING SNAP OUT OF IT." or worse, they try to make you feel even shittier by saying "I feel so guilty I an't make your depression go away. It's all my fault."

I told her to not think of my depression, my "quirk" as a part of my personality but as a sickness. I told her that no matter how hard she tries, how much she attempts to help cure my depression, it will never go away. It's not anything she has any power over and I will never blame her for anything. I will never use my depression as a tool for manipulation, threaten to kill myself, and all I want is for her to be patient with me sometimes.

About 10 months in, if I mention I'm depressed she would start blaming herself or say I was guilt tripping her. I had always been careful to not mention anything about how I was feeling. I would just tell her somedays I might seem a bit distant or tired but I still loved her and everything was ok.. I made sure not to mention how I felt often but if I ever seemed a bit off she would instantly start crying and blaming herself. Then she started claiming I was just trying to make her feel awful all the time and she would give me shit for the times I had low energy.

This is why I'm an introvert. It's hard for me to be around a lot of people. It takes a lot of energy.

It's amazing how much she lied about herself. I thought I found the perfect companion but after about a year she was hateful, abusive, manipulative, toxic, and just not the girl she sold me in the beginning.