Got back with ex wrongly

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Hello. This was posted before in a thread, but i'm making my own in hopes of better/more advices.

I got back with my ex. The only revelevant girl i've had. The only one i've loved, and cried for, and was loved by, for some time. However, she had lots of red flags, lots of flaws, and at the end of the relationship, she completely and utterly treated me like shit. I lost everything in an accident one week after. I called her because she was literally the last person alive that i've loved, from the house of a relative, in search of comfort. She just said ''Sorry for what happened, but it's not my problem.'' and hung up.

2 years after i've risen from the mud, beginning to rebuild myself, she comes back apologiing, promising changes, and wants to get back. Why did i accept? Don't know for sure. Maybe i wanted to feel like loving someone/something again. I've rejected many girls because i've been unable to connect with them. So i got back to my ex. I know, i feel ridiculous, pathetic and worth of any insults by just reading what i'm typing, but that's how it is. She still lives with her parents that hate me, she's yet to tell them, and i'm making this thread because maybe i can prevent further suffering for myself.

I don't love her at the moment. I don't feel anything, while she absolutely adores me, and is extremely happy by just being by my side. I was thinking that maybe i could re-develop love within time, that maybe i could turn this mistake into something good. But i don't know.

All i feel is hate towards how dumb i was and am. Clueless. Why the fuck did i disregard everything she's ever done and just accepted her? I keep asking myself that. I fear nothing, people see me as an example, a last bastion of ''Good Man'', in a world of ''boys'', and yet i've made this ridiculous mistake. Tell me what to do, /adv/. Or at least, put in words what i already know what to do.