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Anonymous
Suicide or Not? Self-Imposed Condition 2016-12-03 10:31:15 Post No.
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Suicide or Not? Self-Imposed Condition 2016-12-03 10:31:15 Post No.
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Well, I never expected this to happen but it truly is so I'm not really sure what else to say.
>get into bodybuilding
>end up anorexic for four months, what started as an interest became an obsession
>whatthefuckamidoing.exe
>finally snap out of it and start eating normally again
>get back to a healthy weight range and eat regular meals
>for some reason, body cannot recover
>lose all hunger cues eat manually
>within a year, spine is now already in a slight S shape, considering going to a pain clinic and asking for a lethal dose painkillers
>back molars almost gone
>feels like face is getting shorter
>pretty convinced that my skelly is demineralizing on me no matter how much i eat
>getting shorter
>20
>how many more years of this if I live?
I know that suicide is never the way out but what I've described is already happening, if I continue living the rest of my life will just be waiting for this to progress, probably will end up really deformed and in chronic pain of my own doing.
I actually have a suicide note drafted and went to the city today looking for buildings to jump from, most were block apartments that had the rooftop locked. Managed to get into a hotel and have the one of the staff let me onto the top because he thought I wanted to use the pool. Didn't have the kahoonies to jump from a 10 storey building but kept looking down, ended up going home.
I'd love to say that I have the will to live but really the only pleasure I get is masturbation aside from this encroaching... state of being. I have a lot of psychiatric medication stocked up, mainly benzos (Olanzapine, Seraquell) and sleeping pills (Imrest) and am going to try to get my hands on some painkillers. Nervous about failing to overdose and ending up a vegetable, having to live with my family's distress, at this point would jumping be better?
How am I supposed to live? What does an overdose feel like? I poo poo pissed my chance at life, /adv/, with no treatment options, what am I supposed to do?
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>>17818712
If that is your reason for suicide, you really value your life little.
If you are concerned about your medical condition you can do a check up, you moron. You are probably imaginings all of these symptomps anyways.
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>>17818719
The curved spine and missing teeth are certainly measurable things that we've checked out. The ache in my back is intensifying also.
Hearing is also going too.
I'm not depressed, just mystified as to why this continues to happen despite me meeting all of the criteria for a good recovery from disordered eating.
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>>17818725
>>17818712
My dad had something similar, kinda. His digestive tract was gummed up, and wouldn't absorb any nutrients from his food. Basically he'd shit out whatever he ate, and receive little or no sustenance from it. He ate some sort of clay (doctors orders), which hardened in his intestines, and scraped out whatever was gumming them up. I don't know specifics, I was very young at the time and he has passed now.
Maybe look into that. Why not try different things and see if anything works, right?
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>>17818725
You might have some kind of condition. See a doctor and ask advice there, not here.
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>>17818742
I'll give it a try.
Th-thanks, Anon!
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>>17818712
>Bodybuilding
>Anorexic
That's the opposite of bodybuilding btw. Bulk and cut = net body mass
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>>17818753
Well, if it doesn't work, I guess the painkillers will always be there. You have given me some hope.
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