Marriage issues

>>17810376
Have you considered couple counselling?
It sounds like the kind of issue that can be solved through that.

>>17810378
Yeah I suggestes it at some point, but she didn't like the idea. I'll keep suggesting it, thanks.

>>17810376
It isn't about the ass slap, that's just an excuse. Honestly? Probably cheated on you and feels guilty, so she's looking for an out.

>>17810497
You're saying that she's dragging this on without wanting to solve the issue, because she wants me to divorce her and not the other way around. I've thought of it, but can see no reason why she'd do that.

>>17810544
not the poster youve been replying to, but sometimes, reasons for breakup rot & fester for a long time and hence comes unexpectedly.
I mean.... come on, she couldve had huge issues with violence before, but you clearly didnt mean it and she should be more reasonable than that - i.e. trying the therapy or such.

>>17810497
Honestly this does seem viable, maybe not in the same way, but similar. If she has that big of an issue with something you did while drunk, and then didn't mention it for two weeks, it's completely her fault and it seems like she was looking for an excuse to cause some tension.

Besides that, counseling is the best answer for this, and if she is unwilling to comply, then you need to evaluate your relationship with her. Why would she be hesitant, if she wants to stay with you?

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People don't like to talk about issues, issues are hard, so they focus on topics instead.
"I'm upset with husband cause of X reason, but that's too hard to talk about, so I'm going to get mad at him slapping my ass."

Your mission OP is to find X.

The only way to find X is asking the only person who knows what it is.
You got to talk to her, be direct and up front, don't let her skirt, don't let her go defensive and don't let her deflect.
Be like: "We're married, marriage is work, I'm willing to put in the work but I need to know what is really going on here. Tell me what you feel, about our relationship and marriage. A one time event shouldn't be enough to cause all this animosity."

Cause I'm calling bullshit this is all about one ass slap.

>>17810376
Shoulda slapped the pig in the face instead lol this fat shit is seriously so traumatized for being obese, pathetic.

>>17810667
Thanks, I've said all that, trying to be constructive and all. She only has to say that it brought all the previous trauma to the surface and so on.

>>17810376
>my wife

That was your first and biggest mistake.

>>17810667
And in addition that she fears my aggression.

>>17810716
>>17810812

If it really is all about one ass slap, then it sounds like she's got some kind of PTSD and she needs help of the professional variety.

Try and reason with her. Make her see she needs to deal with this to have normal healthy relationships.
Tell her if she doesn't get help then any guy with a meager amount of testosterone is going to scare her, because guys are naturally a little aggressive, it's how they use that aggression that matters. This is the ONLY incident right?

Also tell her guys who are abusive and controlling wouldn't want her to go to counselling.

Sounds like this girl lives with her head in the sand when it comes to dealing with problems.

>>17810885
Thanks mate. It is a ptsd of sorts I suppose, and what you said is pretty much along the lines I've been thinking and telling her. She also has a history of running away rather than dealing with issues and I knew that. But before getting married we committed to talking about things and dealing with shit like adults. But apparently this is to much. I'll mention that thing about assholes generally not wanting counselling.

And yes this is the only incident. I'm not violent towards people ever, but even strong words are sometimes too much for her these days. I'll try and get her and us pro help.

>>17810944
Yeah, Op it does sound like PTSD caused by major trauma. Trauma you did not cause though. You just happened to set off a trigger and that causes some individuals with ptsd to go inwards, stop communicating, withdrawal, and in certain cases becoming completely socially isolated or commit suicide.

>Make your wife go to therapy because she really needs help. Sounds like she has never received treatment for this, and running away will not solve the problems.

>>17810970
This. She has a problem that needs to be addressed (assuming this isn't just a cover story for other issues). If she doesn't get them addressed then (a) you're always walking on eggshells and (b) something else will eventually trigger her.

She's divorcing you over an ass slap that supposedly triggered a hard event in her life? A good partner would tell you immediately about it because good relationships are about communication.

She's looking for an easy way out. Sounds like a load of shit.

>>17810376
call her bluff. acknowledge her concerns, affirm to her that you did not, nor will you ever intend to harm her, but you cannot be with someone that doesnt trust you. id bet she changes her tune fairly quickly

Stop drinking, and say sorry . You were drunk !! Say that you will not ever drink again .. don't just say it to it !!
Bring flowers

>>17811459
What kind of half-assed attempt at advice was this?
You read like the first sentence and typed some regurgitated glam mag bull shit to fill your good deed quota for the day?

Go play in the sand box