Girlfriend is abstinent

Tell her you've been thinking about what she said and ask her why she feels that way. Do it the next time you see her.

I wouldn't worry about offending her. This is a pretty big deal and if you guys can't talk openly about this your relationship probably isn't going anywhere anyway.

Hey anon; mind if I ask what country you're from?

I went through the exact same thing- four months later we were having sex, and six months after that when we broke up she was really bitter that we had sex then i lost my feelings for her and it made breaking up even messier.

IMHO just get out while you can, or if you wanna give her a chance tell her you're not comfortable with a platonic relationship.

>>17808481
United States. Arizona specifically.

Why did you lose your feelings for her?

>>17808469
It's close to finals week here and I don't want to bog her down with relationship shit while she's stressing over that so I was going to do it at least after the semester is over.

she's already told you how she feels about it. she made a decision. she is an adult that has made a decision about her body.

you have literally no right to question it, or try to convince her to change her mind, or coerce her into fucking you. it isn't your decision.

you want sex, she doesn't. leave her.

it doesn't matter if it's for religious reasons or whatever else it might be. this isn't like someone that isn't eating vegetables and you're trying to convince them to eat vegetables because it's good for them. she loses nothing from not wanting sex. it isn't damaging to her, it isn't negative for her, so leave her alone.

you just want to get sex out of her. if you have even the slightest ounce of respect for her, either be happy with a platonic relationship, or break up with her. it's that simple.

>>17808505

>Why did you lose your feelings for her?

because that's what happens. Feelings change and sometimes relationships turn kinda sour like that.
To be more specific she was driving a wedge between friends and fun in my life, and encouraging me to stay in all the time which made me depressed.

>>17808436
>How do I tell my girlfriend that her abstinence legitimately bothers me?
You tell her. "Hey honey. We need to talk about something. Your abstinence bothers me more than I thought. I don't want to pressure you, but maybe you can tell me why you do it, and how far how fast is fine with you".

Seriously, is this board filled with people that never learned to communicate?

>I don't know if her abstinence is due to fear, nervousness, not enough time with me, or religious reasons. Because the first 3 I can understand and deal with because they can be overcome. But if it's the last one then I don't think I can be with her. I want to figure this out before I make any decisions about our relationship.

Ask her.

>>17808515
i forgot to mention
>because the first 3 i can understand and deal with because they can be overcome

this isn't something for you to "deal with" or overcome, if it is even the issue. if this is the issue, she can overcome it (or choose not to), as and when she wants to.

you are gross and selfish.

>>17808522
Yeah that's what I was trying to say. I wasn't going to pressure her into doing anything. I just wanted to know why.

I respect her decisions completely. If they don't line up with mine then that's that.

Sorry for triggering you, asshole.

>>17808436
>I don't know if her abstinence is due to fear, nervousness, not enough time with me, or religious reasons.

ask her? i if its due to religious reason i wouldent even bother unless you're religious too.

>>17808520
I'm more worried about her being really uncomfortable about me bringing it up. We're not completely dedicated to each other yet so she doesn't exactly speak her mind around me.

>>17808537
Sure it will be uncomfortable. But IF it is for religious reasons, the talk will be even more uncomfortable later on.

TALK TO HER.

That being said: Would she be worth a wait?
I had sex before, and am currently waiting for a woman, cause she is the best I met so far, and it is not that bad (you didn't have much sex before your relationship, did you?) and neither forever, plus I always have my hands until the wedding day comes. ;)

>>17808522
>>17808515
You act like an asshole, mate.
Couples can and should discuss what bothers them. Especially when so far he doesn't even know how long she wants to be abstinent and for what reasons. It is perfectly fine asking that.

Tell her "your abstinence legitimately bothers me".

>>17808515
>ou have literally no right to question it, or try to convince her to change her mind, or coerce her into fucking you. it isn't your decision.

people are stupid though and sometimes need a second opinion to make them realize how stupid they are being. lets be honest. abstaining from sex is never going to work in our society, and when it did work, people got married fast. i agree with some of the arguments for against casual sex but abstaining from sex with someone you're in a relationship with ? just ridiculous. the main reason it was even a thing is because patriarchy; men wanted pure, untouched women.

>>17808547
It guess if we were closer to having sex then it would be easier to bring up (since we haven't kissed and all) so I was thinking about waiting until sex is at least relevant to us. She normally pussyfoots around uncomfortable topics.

But yeah I'm getting that I should just spill the beans as soon as possible so that's what I'll do.

You're right I don't get sex much, we're both virgins.

there is a difference between not wanting to fuck because it's too soon, and abstaining. abstinence is a long term, conscious decision. it's not "oh i'm not sure. maybe after a few more dates". it's "i don't want to have sex at all for an indefinite amount of time, for whatever reasons i choose"

people don't "abstain" just because of nerves or it's too soon or fear. people abstain for religious reasons, moral reasons, or maybe just asexuality.

if this isn't what you meant by "abstinent" then you're using the wrong word and are an idiot. sorry, you're an idiot either way tbqh.

>>17808567
>people are stupid though and sometimes need a second opinion to make them realise how stupid they are being

this is exactly what i'm talking about. she is obviously an adult. she isn't mentally deficient (otherwise OP would have mentioned probably). she is perfectly capable of making her own decisions, and you have no right to question a decision she has made for her own body lmao.

>>17808635
I'm an idiot, ty

Now I'm just debating between telling her tomorrow when I see her and potentially stunting her finals studying or wait until after finals and have it bother me for another week.

>>17808644
>. she is perfectly capable of making her own decisions, and you have no right to question a decision she has made for her own body lmao.

adults still make stupid decisions.

>>17808677
If it's due to religious reasons and if it's something she clearly holds on to there's a VERY LOW chance I'm going to make her think differently, regardless of how objectively stupid it is. That's just how people work.

>>17808575
>I was thinking about waiting until sex is at least relevant to us

If she really is waiting till marriage it won't become relevant (until a potential marriage).

Talk to her.

>>17808895
Good point.

>>17808436
How is she your girlfriend and you haven't kissed yet? How long have you been "dating"?

>high school problems
The best part is you will break up with her because she doesn't want to have sex and 3-4 years later you will find out she changed her outlook when she got to college. I remember those girls.

>>17808955
It's both our first times. Been seeing each other for about 3 months but didn't bring up if we were dating until several days ago.

>>17808983
We're in college. 21 years old.

>>17808991

Ya'll mormons or something?

>>17809016
She's Christian. Not sure how dedicated. I'm not religious.

>>17808715
well its unlikely but its worth a go. people often dont like to admit they are wrong because they create an identity based on their beliefs, should give it go still because you pretty much have nothing to lose. no point in being with someone who abstains from sex, its really good reason like she wants to wait until she is ready

>>17809051
Well I think if I ask her if she's waiting for the one, bringing up sex at this point in time could signal to her that I'm definitely not the one.

Idk I'm probably overthinking this. Still gonna ask her.

>>17808515
>you want sex, she doesn't. leave her.
What, I'm pretty sure it's worth discussing it beforehand. OP made a mistake of saying he's okay with it instead of saying it bothers him from day one, but he can express his problem and maybe get some consensus. Probably not, but either way before just leaving her because she doesn't want sex, he should firstly tell her what's the problem, discuss whether or not there's a solution to that, and then leave after coming to a conclusion there's no other solution.

>>17809104
Wouldn't worry about giving a wrong signal in your shoes. If it turns out she doesn't want to have sex until she gets married or something, think if you like her enough to give it a try without sex at all, knowing there's no 100% chance you guys will get married, and if you're okay with such a deal, express that. Tell her you're okay with being with her without sex if she has principles like that, even if it's way too early to even talk about marriage.

>>17808436
>lack of sex is a deal breaker
Tough luck, get yourself a new woman. Just make sure the next one will be down to fuck.

>>17810055
The thing is I don’t believe in that sort of stuff. I’m not going to religiously chastise myself no matter how much I like a woman. I think sex is healthy and necessary in a relationship. I know 3-4 months from now I’m not going to be satisfied in the relationship so it’s better to break things off early. If it was for any other reason then I can understand and wait for her, but if she’s someone who thinks lust is a sin or something that’s completely opposite of my view. I can’t see myself happily being with her when feelings start to wear off.

why have you let it go on longer? when she told you she intended on staying abstinent while you two date, you knew you weren't okay with that. you should've just broke it off then and there, of course ask if she was sure and then explain why the relationship wouldn't work out. while trying to be as little of a douche as possible.
of course, your feelings toward it are understandable. majority of couples nowadays are having sex.

>>17808436
Here's how I see it OP, you haven't even kissed her yet and you're worried about sex. Be honest with her. Tell her the part you told us about you not knowing (and wanting to know) why she's abstinent and listing the reasons you gave us, tell her you can accept the first three but the last one is a personal deal breaker. Leave it at that, break up with her if it's the latter. Pretty straight forward, take a deep breath and be honest. If you're honest with her she'll be honest with you.

Tip of advise, you don't want to date girls who just give it up. Those don't usually workout. Lots of trust issues and what not. Personal experience says it's usually worth the wait, just an all around healthier relationship. (but I agree with the whole not being down with religious abstinence)

>>17808436
You're about to discover that "relationship" means something different to you than to her.

What exactly is your "relationship" about? What did you do that separates you two from "just friends"? I mean, this is really confusing. What made you think you could call this a relationship? I mean, you do have a concept of "relationship", right?

To me, she's not your girlfriend. Why would you start a relationship with someone you didn't have sex with at least a couple of times? But that's my point of view. What is yours?

>>17808658
i vote for leaving it until after finals. this is your problem, not hers. don't be selfish and at least do her the favour of waiting until after finals.

If it offends her, you aren't dating the right person anon. If she doesn't wanna be with you, then who DOES she wanna be with?

Are you absolutely sure this is the girl for you? Considering you situation, I don't think you are.

If she wants to marry first, maybe you AREN'T for her.. if you're afraid of commitment before sex.

>>17811290
I didn't really register it I guess. Plus I enjoy being around her. Everything else about her I like. Thats why I didn't break up right there.

>>17808436

OP, don't listen to this dumbass cunt>>17808515
>>17808522


If it makes you uncomfortable, talk to her about it.

Is she a virgin?

>>17811678
>Is she a virgin?
Yes.

>>17811390
A relationship is 2 people being attracted to each other then agreeing to be in a relationship. I want something who I can trust and talk about anything with but also be able to cuddle and kiss and be intimate with. That includes sex. Otherwise we are just friends.

The reason why we haven't even kissed yet is because we're very awkward and nervous. Neither of us has been in a relationship before so I figured we would take the time to escalate things.

I didn't think sex is a thing you did before agreeing on a relationship.

>>17811467
I don't know what kind of guy she wants to be with. I don't even think she was actively looking for one until I came around. If she wants to wait for marriage until sex then I'm definitely not for her.

>>17811305
>you haven't even kissed her yet and you're worried about sex.
That's exactly why I'm hesitant to bring it up, because she'll take it the wrong way and think I'm impatient or something.
And yea I don't want a girl that fuck really quickly. I said I'll be okay with any other reason besides religion.


I met her today but I didn't bring it up. I'm going to wait until next week when finals are done.

But really though I like being with her. I met her today and had dinner and I had a good time. We have plans for movies and hangouts and stuff.

I'm truly going to miss these things if I tell her and things don't work out.

I don't know if waiting until the honeymoon phase is over will be easier.

>>17808991

3 months and no kissing?

Omg I think you realize this relationship is going nowhere. You need to tell her how you really feel and then let her decide what the next step is.

If she gets mad at you then take it like a man because you fucked up when you told her what she wanted to hear initially rather than telling her what you immediately thought of it. You lied to her. She should be angry at you.

Just rip the band aid off already. The longer you wait to have this frank discussion with her the more painful it will be for everybody.

I swear to God kids these days are so fucking sheltered.

>>17812088
I just figured it was going slow because it was our first times.

I guess the relationship is fucked no matter how you slice it then.

>>17812094

Well the only way to know is to tell the truth.

Its a long shot but you might be surprised. I dated a girl once that once she realized I was about the break up with her she threw caution to the wind and sucked my dick. We were fucking 2 weeks later.

Life will surprise you. Just don't coerce her into doing anything she doesn't want to do. Let her make her own choices.

>>17812104
I know that communication is key. I am going to tell her.

Nervousness got in the way before of telling the absolute truth. I've been trying to not be so nervous.

If you like her, keep her, but bone-done some other chicks. Get used to this one not being into sex when you marry her.

>>17812182
So...cheat? wat