Only attracted to losers

It just feels like I'm this vampiric fucker that from the outside really cares for someone whereas I'm just feeding off of their troubles.

I don't want to be an emotional vampire :(

>>17807017
>>17807012
You just seem like you have such low self-esteem that you think you're only worth (or able to maintain) a co-dependent relationship.

Just work on you, and your worth, then you won't feel like only someone who is needy or down-on-their-luck would have you. You need to build enough self-worth to know that someone would be happy to be with you, and lucky to have you.

>>17807033
I do have low self esteem and your reply is what I've already considered.

However it does not explain why my feelings for someone would only go stronger the more trouble they're in.

Settling for someone "safe" is something you do knowingly and willingly. You make concessions and settle for someone you know isn't your dream partner, but the safety of the relationship is what makes up for it.

This isn't the same with me. The worse they are doing the more I feel that I want them and the closer they become to my dream partner.

In school there was this new girl I had a huge crush on because she was new and a somewhat of a social outcast. But as time went by and she turned into a 'normie' I gradually lost all my interest.

Incidentally (and this is where the negative part of whatever this is comes into play) I occasionally teased her with others, just to reinforce her outcast position. Maybe we were just kids and kids tease those they have a crush on (don't they?) and I'm just overthinking this or maybe there is something more sinister about and I need to fix it, assuming it's even doable?

A big part of it seems to be this desire to be this "savior" to someone. To be their only hope, their god. I want to be their everything.

A friend jokingly (I assume) said that I probably just need my partner to worship me. Well, now I'm not sure it was just a joke.

Is this getting into some egomaniacal fantasy territories or is this just a want to be needed? I can't tell.

I know exactly what you're feeling but I'm not sure if it's bad or not either.

I feel like people with a bunch of issues are more relatable or humanizing.

But also that feeling of someone wanting to be incredibly dependent of me is kind of an insecurity in my part. Because I know they'll never leave me because they need me in their life. So it kind of gives me an ease of mind that I can trust them 100% on being together. I realize that's not the most healthy attitude though. I should be able to trust someone even if they are a independent person, but that dependency is like an extra layer of security.

>>17807054
>I should be able to trust someone even if they are a independent person
That may be true, but IMO that's not even the worst part of the picture.

The worst is that you're essentially not in love with the person, but the emotional relationship you have with them. That they give you what you crave. It feels false and insincere. Here they are, at the rock bottom, thinking they've found someone who actually cares about them and loves them, but instead what they got is some pseudo vampire.

There's also the worry that what if their situation betters. Will I lose my feelings (if I ever even had any, to begin with)?

This just doesn't feel like true love.

I DO want to take care of them, to nurture them and give them my everything, even my life. But what if that just feeds into the god image and doesn't necessarily mean I wish them the best? Wishing them the best would certainly not involve secretly enjoying their situation and the fact that they need me to survive.

I may be getting a tad too philosophical here but it seems essentially I'm delving into the question of whether love can be egoistic.

Shouldn't true love be unconditional and include a sincere happiness derived from the happiness and success of your partner? Then I shouldn't care if they loved me back for me to care about them, or shouldn't be a fucking vampire.

But unrequited love is considered bullshit and it's acceptable that it dies off, so it seems some form of egoism has been deemed acceptable in love. But does that include the issue of this thread?

>>17807041
>The worse they are doing the more I feel that I want them and the closer they become to my dream partner.

It goes with the whole co-dependent bullshit. The worse your "partner" is off, the more they "need" you. You're just manipulating them into this position.

>she turned into a 'normie' I gradually lost all my interest

Once again, you can't manipulate someone who can stand on their own two feet. She's no longer a desirable mark.

> I occasionally teased her with others, just to reinforce her outcast position.

You're cookie-cutter, bottom-feeder, low self-esteem having, emotionally abusive boyfriend.

Grats.

>>17807122
Wow thank you for that extremely deep analysis of the subject! For some reason your point felt even more relevant the second time around! Now that's what I call contribution!

Stop posting.

>>17807178
Don't get shitty with me because you suck at relating like a normal human being. It'd be in your best interest to take responsibility for your shit actions and try to change. Or continue to be a misguided, empty, abusive bully that you are, and never be truly happy.

Your call.

Not what you wanted to hear, but you'll get over it.

>>17807206
I don't even feel like responding. Just stop.

>>17807236
No u. Stop hurting yourself and others. Just stop...

>>17807279
I hope your shitposting is at least intentional.

>>17807178
Considering what you've given us, he's right. It's the logical conclusion.

Acting defensive doesn't help your case.

It might be something your doing.
To be fair though OP I've met a lot of people that have attitude problems so unless your doing something crazy like insulting your dates or thronging things at them its probably not you.

>>17807012

>I seem to be extremely attracted to losers.

LONDON
O
N
D
O
N

>>17808798
It's a dude bro.

>>17808574
He's right only on his point of me seeking the safety and loyalty of a relationship with a "loser". But that's just partly true and even so it's just a part of the bigger picture I'm trying to figure out.

He's just a shitposting faggot who came here to paint me into some sort of a stereotype of a beer chugging fat fuck in a wifebeater sitting in a chair yelling insults at his partner.

He's not here to contribute. He's here to reassure himself of his "people knowledge" and in doing that he'll only double down on his conclusions instead of being able to delve into the subject any deeper and see the gray areas.

Fuck him and fuck people like him. He already made his point and his point was acknowledged, now he should kindly fuck off unless he's gonna contribute.

>Often, there is imbalance, so one person is abusive or in control or supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Some codependents often find themselves in relationships where their primary role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. These helper types are often dependent on the other person's poor functioning to satisfy their own emotional needs. Many codependents place a lower priority on their own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.

Seems I'm on to something here...