Sexless Marriage?

>>17802996
Just cheat. Marriage isn't all about sex, its about kids and money mostly. Just never, ever, ever admit to it no matter what. I don't care what she says, or if she catches you red handed(dont cheat at home btw) lie to her fucking face.

>>17802996
Anon is a fucking idiot. Us ladies know. We can smell other women on you. We may not react to your face but we might get destructive (or cheat back.)

As a woman I never thought I would have a problem since my drive is high but my man can't keep up. That's what toys and adult gif are for. He is my partner and it's not worth the breaking of trust.

>>17803907
If your not fucking and your not divorced we don't care what you do. Just cuz your wife wont fuck you anymore doesn't mean no one else should.

Itt there is a shitposter with a very unhappy marriage

>>17802996
Have you considered that, possibly, people in good relationships who have good sex don't feel the need to write about it, therefore you are mostly only seeing those types of writing because it's mostly those types that write about it?

And no. Good sex is mostly dependant on good communication, it doesn't just magically stop 'once you're married'. Other factors stop it, like conflicting job schedules, kids, lack of sleep, lack of trying new things, lack of foreplay or excitement.

Here, this is a nice little read on the matter:

https://www.literotica.com/s/breaking-the-rules-of-sex-and-marriage

>>17803928
I love my kids and I love my home. I don't want to kill my wife but we dont fuck. Have you ever tried to convince someone who doesn't want to fuck you to at least do a little fucking or something, from the angle that they might even be obligated to fuck you a little? You start feeling like some sort of rapist after a while. Save yourself the headache and fuck someone else.

>>17803947
That's absolute bullshit, and you don't need to be a lying piece of crap. You have needs, you are human. You need sex. Own up to it and tell your partner, give them a goddamn ultimatum. They either fuck you, or let you fuck other people to get what you need. Or break up if they can't handle either of those options.

If they aren't sick, deeply depressed, or some other excuse of why they can't have sex once a goddamn week, then there is no excuse. She/he needs to try, just like you would expect your partner to get a job, or take half the responsibilities with the kids, clean up after themselves, etc.

It is a need, not a want.

>>17803962
>fuck me or divorce
I'm supposed to ruin my kids lives because I need my dick touched? Get your fucking priorities straight.

>>17803971
Divorce doesn't always ruin a kids life, but cheating and risking your wife finding out, and then years of mistrust, arguing, and general unhappiness in your marriage sure as fuck is going to have an impact on your kids. Get YOUR fucking priorities straight. At least have the balls to own up and show your kids that things don't always work out, that sometimes you have to make a hard choice so both parties can be happier in the long run.

You aren't being a man or a good model for your kids, you're being a little coward who would rather take the easy way out.

>>17803987
get off /adv/ you dont know what the fuck your talking about. Divorce always ruins kids and sacrificing everything you've built in life in an attempt to get your wife to frigidly fuck you again is the most retarded shit i've ever heard.

A good man and role model makes things work for everyone and would never split a household over this shit.

OP here

panic.jpg

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I have been married 14 years, and we still average 2-3 times a week, with regular BJs. More when he is on vacation, he is Horner when he is happy.

I don't know how you find someone who will continue to be sexually accommodating. I don't have much of a sex drive... I don't think.. I don't really need one. My husband seems MORE hornet now than he was at 17. I don't have much of a desire for sex, but he is a good man, who works hard, and does his best to make me happy, and he always makes sex worthwhile, both when it comes to getting me wet and showing me a good time once he sticks it in.

We have two kids, and the sex life dips when sleeping schedules become problematic, or super stressful situations come up, but the thing is that I fully recognize how important sex is for a man, whereas most women just don't.

A man not getting laid is one thing. A man living with the woman he loves, and wants, every single day, who won't have him is another.

>>17802996
What nobody takes into account is that as you grow older (even into your 30s) the obsessive need for constant sexual release that characterizes teenagers quite naturally begins to fade.

I am NOT saying you don't want or enjoy sex anymore - just that you find it easier to skip a night or two.

>>17804000
You're retarded, you have children, grow up.
I'm not the anon you're arguing with, but no, divorce does not ALWAYS ruin kids, as other anon said, what does ruin us is seeing your parents fall apart because they lacked the maturity to talk things out and agree that they weren't working. Almost every friend I have has been a child of divorce, including myself, not one of us would say the divorce was the worst part - what was is the lack of communication and the inability to set aside anger to talk to the kids about it.
Grow up, you're a piece of shit human being, and deep down you know it. Is your wife in the right? Of course not, but it's your conscious that has to deal with the pain of guilt so you've built a box around yourself so that you don't feel like slitting your own wrists every day because you know you're a fucking terrible person.
I hope your wife finds out, and I hope you never see her or your children again.

>>17803987
My parents divorced when I was 5, and it's a hell of a lot less traumatic than living with two people that hate each other divorce is mostly traumatic when it's two people trying to hurt each other as a priority stability of their kids' lives. My husband's parents were married until one of them died, and they would have been so much fucking better off if she had left his meth head ass.

>>17804013
>I hope your wife finds out, and I hope you never see her or your children again.

>it's a hell of a lot less traumatic than living with two people that hate each other

You people are complete retards, the OP was worried about a sexless marriage. I told him marriage was more than sex. You fuckers think this is Modern Family or some shit where we stomp around the house and are passive aggressive all the time. Guess what fuckers? 0 stress, 0 fights, all family funtime and enjoying the benefits of being under 1 roof. Wrap your heads around that you retards.

>>17804044
I don't think your family life is like that, because your wife has no idea that she married a demon in flesh. She may have her doubts time to time.
Enjoy your "peace" while you have it. You'll get yours when the time is right.

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>>17804044
I dunno, I suppose it can work, I gu Es it has to work sometimes, but it just seems like such a charade. I want to model for my children a relationship like the one I hope they will have when they come of age. If you guys are ok fucking other people, then that's fine for you, but if it comes with lies, then it's all just a house of cards with an expiration date, and when it comes down, it's going to be ugly, that's just how it is.

But I got lucky, so what do I know?

>>17804055
So your gonna condemn me for my actions while offering "force her into sex under threat of divorce" as the alternative? Jesus Christ anon...

>>17804064
Not who you replied to, but you don't get it.
If she doesn't want to fuck you, then why be in a relationship, is the point.
Why would you be in a relTionship with someone who doesn't want to fuck you? It makes no sense. That is the entire reason, biologically speaking, why people get into relationships in the first place. If she doesn't want to fuck you, she is either too damaged to be in a relationship, or she doesn't like you that much.

>>17804071

>If she doesn't want to fuck you, then why be in a relationship, is the point.

You are the exact type of person responsible for the decay of humanity. Do you even read what you type?

>>17804079
Yeah I know my 16 year relationship and stable nuclear family is completely degenerate because it is based on me actually liking the person I am married to. Fuck me, right?

>>17804089
You clearly dont give a fuck about your kids or family if you'd scrap the whole operation to chase tail.

>>17804064
My alternative was to leave her because you already have left her.
I don't know how much you've tried to talk to her, or work with her about this. But if it hasn't been working out, split households are fine. Your kids would be fine,and both parties could be happy. You're too selfish and disgusting to realize this.

>>17804094
Hur dur you must not care about your family because you wouldnt stay in loveless marriage (albeit appearances are stable/happy) instead of having the courage and maturity to make two split households work with good communication.

No, it's definitely always the better option to just cheat! No problem, I mean I only loved this person once in my life, not like I do or care now.

>>17804097
Yall are fucking full of shit and underage.
>hurr durr just buy another house, send your kids to shittier schools, have them eat shittier food, split their holidays in two, be less available to help them financially when they get older.

>leave her because you already have left her
No anon, but my sides have already left orbit your so fucking dumb holy shit.

>>17804111
Ok I officially think you're baiting. Wasn't sure until you mentioned orbit.
If you're not baiting, you're a grown man with children who can't even use punctuation correctly.

Am I saying that having two split houses is an easier alternative than living happily with the one you love? No, of course not. But you don't love your wife anymore. You don't even care to think of her.
6/10 for your b8

>>17804094
You misunderstood my post completely. I give up the pussy, so I have a statistics man, so it would never cross his mind to abandon his family to chase tail. If men don't get laid, their brains don't work properly.

>>17804005
>I don't have much of a sex drive... I don't think.. I don't really need one.
What do you mean by this?

>>17802996

Are my wife and I the only couple on /adv/ whose lives don't revolve around sex?

We don't fuck very much. The reaction I see this board having to other people saying they and their spouse don't fuck much seems to be, "oh, shit! you poor bastards! your lives must be constant misery/disappointment! have you considered divorce?"

The implication being that something must be wrong with couples like us and/or relationships like ours, must be preventing us from fucking constantly, because orgasms are the end and everything else is just the means.

But... orgasms are just orgasms? They're great, but they're not what I'm "about." They're not what drives me.

My wife and I are "about" being successful. Career-wise, income-wise, investment-wise, mostly. We didn't start out in the upper class but we aim to finish there. Below that, we aim to be intelligent people with useful skills. We study a lot. We don't watch much tv or movies or eat out or take vacations. We work hard and accomplish things. That's "us."

I don't expect everyone to be like us, but I also scoff at the idea that everyone that's NOT like us spends all their time thinking about sex. That can't be how it is. I just can't imagine that sex is the yardstick by which everyone measures their relationships.

>>17803971

I and the majority of other people would rather have their parents divorce than have one or both be a cheater. I would lose all respect and like for my parents if they did that

http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2008/04/the_sexstarved_wife.html

>>17805300
lol a person doesn't lose anything but time from sex. if you can't even make this accommodation for your spouse, you are ass

>>17805312
>I also scoff at the idea that everyone that's NOT like us spends all their time thinking about sex.
Scoff no longer friend, that idea you planted in your head is %100 pure bullshit.

>>17802996
>risk being deprived of sex
>risk losing half (or more) of assets
>risk losing custody/visitation of any potential offspring
>risk being bamboozled into raising offspring that are not yours
>guaranteed to lose time to yourself/personal space
>guaranteed to have to deal with her friends/family (which may not, but most likely will suck)
why would anyone do this willingly?

>>17805335

People who view the world differently, have about 5-10 years on you in age, and have someone in their lives that wants to marry them.

>>17805367
i am 30 years of age. there have been several women over the course of the last few years that have expressed interest in marrying me. i am also attractive, financially well off, and have never had trouble dealing with women.

>>17805386

Cool story.

Non existent because my wife is ugly and the bitch knows it.

Fleshlight bro.
Divorce doesn't fuck kids up but living in a dysfunctional household does

>>17805386
>several
>never had trouble
If you didn't have trouble, there wouldn't be several.

Not married, but my parents been married for 25+ years and they are still going at it like teenagers despite three kids. Which me and my siblings are painfully aware of. I think their success is much due to love, hardwork, never taking anything for granted (for example my dad makes it a routine to give my mother roses if they had a bad fight, and in the winter he will write love messages in the snow on her car). Also I think their sex life has just continued to grow, like, they actively try new things. This can be hard with a partner that isn't open to new ideas, but you know. Gradually introduce different things to spice up your sex life. Even if you want to fuck and roll over to sleep, some women gets bored of that and then it's time for you to perhaps introduce some sex toys. Put your woman first and she'll treat you like a king. Happy wife, happy life, you know?

>>17805408
as in, several that turned out to be someone other than who they initially represented themselves as
i have no trouble gaining their interest or forming relationships, but i do seem to have trouble finding one that is truly decent/compatible and not just putting on a show. hence my pessimistic attitude

>>17805312
Can I honestly tell you that your post made me sad?

It is not about making your life revolve around sex, and orgasms aren't definitely the ultimate mean of sex in a LTR. But sex and physical intimacy in general are pretty essential in a relationship. And, yes, there is something odd with you and your relationship if you miss that side almost completely.

Your idea that your SO isn't your best friend, lover and partner in crime but a mere business partner is sad as fuck.
It's not like the desire to fuck my husband when I come home makes me be less productive at work or I lost my house because I was thinking of sucking his cock. I don't constantly think about sex, I have a lot of other things going in my life and I am overall pretty successful - we own a house, we have two great careers for our age, we do good for our community.
But I like that we rarely go a day without having sex and it still feels good after 12 years to sneak in a bathroom during a work party and fuck. It's fun. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel close to him. It makes me feel nice that we enjoy each other physically so much, other than obviously having a high opinion of each other as people.
I don't think that my relationship is good just because we fuck often, but, yeah - it's a symptom of an overall health.

Depends on the couple. As people get older, sometimes their sex drives drop. People with dysfunctional relationships tend to have less sex because they are less happy together. From what I gather it's normal to not have much sex when your kids are under 4 or so. I know married couples of all ages who still have sex, though.

>>17805312
I don't think there's anything wrong with that if both of you are happy that way.

But I've met couples who are very ambitious and hardworking who still fuck a lot. I don't think there's anything wrong with either way of doing things.

>>17805435
>Your idea that your SO isn't your best friend, lover and partner in crime but a mere business partner is sad as fuck.

I don't think I said she wasn't those things, though. She IS my best friend, lover, and partner in crime. I don't get how us not fucking much gets equated with us not being those things to each other. I think "low sex drive" would be a fair label to level at us. I sure couldn't argue it. But instead what gets leveled at us is, "sad."

What's that based on? If couples fuck a lot, they are necessarily happy? If they don't, they're sad? That can't be what you really think. You must know it's more complicated than that.

>>17805515
When you describe your marriage like this:
>My wife and I are "about" being successful. Career-wise, income-wise, investment-wise, mostly. We didn't start out in the upper class but we aim to finish there. Below that, we aim to be intelligent people with useful skills. We study a lot. We don't watch much tv or movies or eat out or take vacations. We work hard and accomplish things. That's "us."
It makes me feel sad.
Not even for the lack of sex, it just sounds sterile. Success and wealth for the sake of it. No fun and no games. No sex, no going out, no quality time together, no vacation.
I don't know, that made me sad.

It's not for the lack of sex, if you are happy like that cool for you.
It's just so different from what makes me happy.

>>17804000
I wonder how many let their lives be ruined by this "a good man is a martyr" bullshit.
You deserve happiness. Staying in a disfunctional marriage is gonna make you miaerable. Is this what you want to teach your kids? Be the sacrifical victim for someone else's happiness?

>>17803971

You are already ruining your kids lives because you need your dick touched. You're cheating. Get your head out of your ass.

>>17805538

I'm not sure where you're reading the things you're being saddened by.

I said we don't watch much tv or movies. That is not the same as saying we don't have fun. I said we study and accomplish things. That is not the same as saying we spend no quality time together. I would measure us to spend more quality time together than the vast majority of couples, perhaps including you. That we don't spend it watching tv or eating in a restaurant or fucking does not disqualify it as quality time. We spend it doing something together, something challenging and useful. We learn a language together, we cook something difficult that we have never cooked before. Croissants are an absolute bitch to make. Despite the difficulty, or because of the difficulty, we enjoy tackling that together and being rewarded with something nice to eat and another skill in our repertoire. We are both driven, and enjoy driving each other to a success we can share. That is fin to us. If that makes you sad, then you can't imagine happiness that looks different from your own, and THAT is sad.

My last relationship pittered out in part to the sexual situation. We weren't even married. We dated for about 4 and a half years and midway through the 3rd year she just kinda turned it off and we stopped having regular sex. Every other day turned into twice a week, twice a week turned into once. And after that it pretty much became twice a month if I was lucky. The last 5 months we never had sex. We'd get into fights because I'd ask her whats wrong and why she never wanted to do it anymore and she'd always try brushing it off or ignoring the question.

its not always marriages that turn out that way, even normal relationships can

>>17805312
>>17805699

I'm sorry to break it to you, man, but your wife is fucking other people. There's really no point in arguing, it is 100% happening.

Feel free to post here thanking me later.

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>>17802996
Anyway how is your sex life.

>>17805742
She was totally fucking someone else.

>>17805699
I am not saying it is wrong or bad, I called it odd that you were satisfied with the lack of physical intimacy and sex. I am saying that a relationship like that is literally the opposite of the one I am in or my ideal.
Sure, it works for you, it's great but it's far from what I want and reading it made me feel sad.

>>17805746

>Agree with my delusion. If you don't, I will interpret it as denial

Okay, buddy.

>>17805765

Fair enough, I guess, but I still think something is seriously being lost in translation. No one would look at my wife and I together and describe our relationship as, "sterile." If anything, we are obnoxiously affectionate. I'm talking cutsie pet-name lovey-dovey stuff. We know it's awful but at least we try to curb it in public. Sometimes we fail. There are looks.

The sticking point seems entirely to be the frequency that we fuck, which is not a whole lot. But I'm pretty sure we're just a low sex drive couple. We do fuck, by the way, and it's because we're suddenly horny, not because the scheduled time for sex has arrived, it will commence now! It just seems like with other couples that happens allllll the time, and we're just not like that. Dunno.

Glad it works for you, though.

>>17805418
I agreed up until you said shell treat you like a king. Its reciprocal, as in both should be treating each other the best and not just one, but yeah I agree with this post a lot

I want a sexless marriage with an asexual girl. My sex drive is low but my jealousy is high.

>>17802996
Her sex drive is lower than mine but she encourages my porn habit and we still do sex when she's off work (I'm a cripple from birth so I'm the house-bitch.)

Communication (and possibly a contract if you're that anal) is key. The reason the joke exists about married sex is because couples don't communicate. They get busy with work, kids, etc. and they stop talking to each other.

Also, never EVER use sex as a currency. That kills relationships fast.

>>17805742
This happens ALL the time. Once you start racking up the months without sex, that's the relationship rotting, as it's already dead.

That other Anon and his wife have low sex drive, that's fine if they're both happy. But if one party isn't getting their needs met, then the relationship begins to unravel faster and faster.

>>17805884
>Also, never EVER use sex as a currency.
What do you mean?

>>17805913
>I will have/stop having sex with you if you do/don't do this thing.

>>17805884
I dunno, I have fucked my husband a couple of times to get him to make dinner. Also a couple of times to get him to let me take a nap.

>>17805928
I think that's fine if it's something you're offering in a "If you'll make dinner I will fuck your brains out right now" kind of way. If he's the one trying to initiate the sex and you say only if you do this/that, that's when it's the bad kind of sexual currency.

>>17804000
>Divorce always ruins kids

>>17805913
>>17805928

By "don't use sex as a currency" he meant, don't use it like a form of payment. Don't tell your spouse they're sleeping on the couch if you're arguing, don't tell them that they only get sex if they do x, y, or z thing that you've been nagging them about, things like that.

I mean, giving sex in exchange for dinner sounds fine in theory, but in reality, doing that even once or twice can lead to using sex for more specific favours. And from there, it's easy to start saying "no sex because you embarrassed me/forgot to get the dry cleaning/etc."

That's a surefire way to get a marriage to fall apart.

My sex drive is pretty low. I honestly can go for several months without really wanting sex for myself. But I love making my guy happy, so we do a lot of mutual masturbation, blow jobs, sometimes just teasing him with my hands. I chose to never deny him sex without an actual reason like illness on my part or having to work a 12-hour day. And since that was my choice, it's not using sex as a currency, because he's willing to give as good as he gets, I just don't need him to. I'm happiest when we are playing games together or just sitting in the same room pursuing our own hobbies.

To the OP: It's perfectly possible to be in a happy marriage with or without sex. Just be honest with your potential partner before you decide to get married to them. Discuss this stuff beforehand, even if it squicks you out. That'll do more to get you into a HAPPY marriage than any amount of sex will.

>>17805973
How does discussing sex = squick?

>>17805792

You are only fooling yourself, dude. When you find out the truth just remember this thread.

>>17805979

What a sad tale your relationship history must be.

>>17806003

Dude, my relationship history doesn't have anything to do with this. I am trying to help you out here but you'd rather stick your fingers in your ears and ignore reality. Fine, have it your way.

Ok, the women on here are lying. Sex always slows Way down once they think they've got their hooks into you. And giving a woman an ultimatum every time you want to screw gets old fast. Do your self a favor and Don't get married to these women. They aren't worth the headache. Have a kid or two and bounce when they start withholding.

>>17806181
Kk bud

>>17806181
What does water taste like on your planet?

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Not married but was legitimately terrified for years of being that girl. Lots of lost sleep. Lots of >>17804003. Unintentional dick move is still a dick move you know? And since there's seemingly zero resources on what causes it to happen, preventative measures also remained a mystery. (I shouldn't say zero. There's a fuckton of articles & even a handful of ted talks out there. I choose to count them as zero because a load of horseshit comes across as unrealistic and unfair no matter how fluffy and inspiring its presentation.)

Anyway. Months were spent pestering the shit out of anybody kind enough to oblige me. Have some neatly compiled & compressed autism:

The main factor that really swings it in most cases is having kids.

If a girl has a high libido, it's not inexplicably going to nosedive out of nowhere one day. It can nosedive but if so there will be a reason behind it:
>have kids
>history of trauma or abuse
>having an affair
>being shit in a crisis
>chronic stress

The general trend does unfortunately seem to be a gradual downward one but even so there were still variables which, when taken in combination with each other and with certain other situation-specific factors (way too messy to break down into simple list form; common sense can show you better than I how shit might connect), stuck out as particularly likely to increase or decrease the risk of post-marriage sex life becoming kill. Thus:

Avoid
>low libido regardless of satisfaction or enjoyment
>comfortably selfish/uncompromising
>sensitive to influence of hormonal fluctuation
>disinclination to think through feelings/impulses
>body insecurity
>communicatively off-limits designations
>conflict outcome tends toward stalemate or concession

Seek
>high libido, initiates arousal, enjoys sex
>comfortably devoted/appreciative
>emotional reins
>steadfastness
>mindfulness
>mutual respect, effort, attraction; reciprocity, etc
>conflict outcome tends toward resolution

>>Compatibility & communication are key.

A lot of the reason why sex lives tend to stall is that people take it for granted. Women tend to have a more responsive sex drive than men, meaning that they want sex (within limits of course, there's also a natural libido) if it's fun and pleasurable, but when sex isn't fulfilling for her her sex drive wanes and she doesn't care much about it happening anymore.

To avoid this, obviously the basic ground rule is to both always keep an eye on what your partner needs and whether they're getting that (not even primarily orgasms but their all around sexual preferences). It happens a lot that eg the woman loves sex when it's still the honeymoon phase and emotions are running high, but when the relationship has grown more complacent and 'normal' she has a more sober frame of mind and gets turned off when her partner tries to gloss over foreplay, falls asleep after sex while she lies in his wet spot etc. Likewise for men who used to put up with their partner being a complete starfish sexually, always needing to initiate etc. It's usually fine for a while because everything is grand when you're still very much in love, but if you don't work to step up your game it will fall flat sooner or later. Basically sex flows naturally in the beginning and then you have to work for it.

On top of paying attention to each other's needs, you also need some flexibility regarding life changes. Keep each other on the same page regarding sex still being a thing even if times are tough and you're both occupied with other things. Find ways to express romantic desire and attraction even when you physically or mentally can't manage to do sexual stuff. Find ways to do sexual stuff when the usual menu isn't working for whatever reason (surgery, whiskey dick, anything).

Sure, don't marry a girl who you already have a lacking sex life with, or who has a significantly lower sex drive naturally. But other than that you yourself are a huge factor in how your sex life develops long term.

>muh selection bias