How do i get more comfortable about "showing off" my

>>17802138
look at lots and lots of pics of ugly women

Can you send me a pic at [email protected]? I would love to see.

>>17802138
read the /fit/ sticky

if you read it already, put it into practice

if you are already doing that, keep doing it, your doubts are only a temporary hindrance

>>17802138
>How do i get more comfortable about "showing off" my body
post nudes on /adv/

If you seriously look like that you could earn money showing your body.

Just give as pic of you without face if you're that concerned.

It's hard to recommend lingerie or poses to someone we can't see.

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>>17802173
I try, but they are either so ugly it doesn't help since they obviously have much bigger problems than being too fat,
or i find something about them to be jealouse about. I try to convert that jealousy to action and it does work. But it still takes time and lilke every other idiot i wish there was a quick fix for confidence. Figured i can't lose anything if i ask you guys...
Maybe post some ugly but not too ugly girls?

>>17802195
Ah, yes, i've read it and i put it to practice. I know it's only a matter of time. But it might take a good while and i suspect i will never be completely happy with my body. So i need other ways too.

>>17802202
I've posted nudes on b when i was single. I can do that no prob if i know the "audience" is in for a chubby girl and also: lightning and angles help a lot...

>>17802214
If i did that pose, it would look similar, yes. Well, that's not exactly my plan, but thanks for the suggestion

>>17802224
I'm not suggesting it, I'm just saying maybe men in general don't mind how you look at all.

>>17802221
Uh, i only have suggestive pics desu... Let me see if i can get my fat ass up to go take one

>>17802229
It's not even that i am particularily concerned about what "men" think. I know my bf thinks i'm beautiful and if i'd needed it i could get male attention. But i am disgusted with myself, which is pretty inhibiting

>>17802230
Something else to keep in mind is that who gives a fuck what others think. If you love your boyfriend and he loves you and how you look then that's really all that should matter.

>>17802239
That's a valid point but if she's uncomfortable with her own image, that's a good enough reason to change it, yeah?

>>17802242
Yeah but if she's uncomfortable and her idea is to please others to fix this then she'll never be comfortable.

>>17802236
There was a male anon with the exact same problem as you here today. My advice is to simply forget about yourself for a while, focus of his body, try to pleasure him and so on. I'm not saying you should not care about your orgasm or whatever, but you need to take the focus away from your own perception of your body.

Take into consideration how even though you don't like your body, you DO still have a significant other, which is more then what some would dream of.

Now, note how you're also even luckier to not have an abusive partner, physically or emotionally. This means, unlike a LOT of people trying to fix themselves, you'll actually have this magical thing called "support" that literally makes being a good person even easier! Wow!

Now that you acknowledge this person's existence AND how they don't exist solely for themselves, it's time to use the fact that you don't have to do any of this to try and seem like a viable candidate to humanity as a "motivator" to be happy and healthy for just you and your love, yay! You actually -dont- have to care about other people's oinions or use negative emotions to push yourself. Being real is possible!

>>17802239
But my bf isn't even my biggest concern. I just hate that i don't look the way i wish i'd look in the stuff i wish i could wear. I know that's vain af, but it's the truth. I know it's a bit of a "grass is greener" case, since i know a lot of girls with bodys i dream off who would do a lot of stuff to have boobs like mine. I also think just losing some weight won't cut it. I'm a perfectionist and i know i could never really accept a body with any stretchmarks or loose skin. I need a way to make peace with imperfections

what do you do for a living op?

>>17802251

>/adv/ claiming women can't be cringe

>>17802244
Did i say that? I wasn't aware... I don't think i'm trying to achieve this by pleasing other. But maybe i'm being blind to my own faults here.

>>17802246
Sex in itself is no problem. But i can only imagine what it would feel like to have sex whilst feeling comfortable in your own skin.
And besides that, my bf loves lingerie. But i'm never confident enough to actually wear some and show myself off to him. Which sucks

>>17802248
I am aware this is whining on a very high level of fortune. However, isn't that the point? That your problems get more subtle as you move past the big hurdles? Isn't that the nature of self improvement?

>>17802252
Why does that matter?

>>17802256
Well thanks, lovely anon.

>>17802268
>And besides that, my bf loves lingerie. But i'm never confident enough to actually wear some and show myself off to him. Which sucks

Have you done it before? I think in this case 'just do it' or 'force yourself to do it' even if you're not comfortable might be a first step.

>>17802271
>Why does that matter?

Is your career sedentary or are you stay at home, etc.?

>>17802138
Always was told I had a beautiful face but at 160 and 5' 4" I looked like a ball. bf also told me I was beautiful and why he wanted me but I worked out and ate right and now 117. When I dropped below 140 I noticed guys starting to look when I had a flattering outfit on and it gave me even more incentive but my bf noticed too and started to get really jealous. It made me angry with him because he was never jealous before and didn't like this side of him. When I got around 125 men were all over me and loved every minute and occasionally would meet them for lunch and when my bf away for dinner. I had to break up with my bf when I met Mr. Right on holiday with my friends in Miami and had I not lost the weight would know he would never have danced with me when I asked.

>>17802271
>Why does that matter?

would a change of career boost self confidence?

>>17802079
you could always, you know, say get off your game were going out and take her out and do something enjoyable... like icecream, a walk, a skip, hell if its what yours are into go to the strip club. understand that depression comes from a lack o stimulation, or in some cases an overload(in short anyway, i know theres alot of reason but most boil down to these) getting out more will always help someone. and yous will have more time to talk and do thing you want that arn't watching her play vidya

heyoooooo two birds with one stone

>>17802224
Your body isn't as under your control as you seem to think. Imagine what you will look like when you are very sick, full of tumors, or dead. Consider that yes, you will never be happy with your body, until you are.

What other ways are you expecting? Other than continuing the work you already do or gradually training yourself to be comfortable with your body, there are generally only unhealthy, unfulfilling shortcuts.

Again, this is doubt you're experiencing. Don't let it throw you off, everyone gets it. All you have to do is keep working, simple as that. When you feel yourself worry, use that energy to work harder, not to sit and stress yourself. Doubt will disappear when you begin to work through it.

You can do it! Track your progress, make small goals.

>>17802284
>hem for lunch and when my bf away for dinner. I had to break up with my bf when I met Mr. Right

wow...

>>17802276
Yes i have. And he loved it. But all i could see or think off is how this or that didn't fit perfectly or how there was too big if a belly to form a perfect hourglass figure yadayada. I'm embarassed on how unreasonable i am when it comes to this...

>>17802281
I work in childcare, so it's not strenuous, but also not sedentary.

>>17802284
Uh, ok...

And how's it going, being in a relationship with someone you think wouldn't have been interested in you if you had a few pounds more?

>>17802285
I love my job. I'm also going back to school to get a further degree. I think i'm alright, career wise

>>17802286
What?

>>17802287
Thanks, anon. That's actually helpfull.
When you say "gradually train yourself to be comfortable with your body", what exactly are you talking about? I'm a complete idiot when it comes to this...

>>17802289
I never cheated on my bf (almost did with Mr Right in Miami and why I called my bf and broke up after he was being really hateful and jealous, blowing up my phone) but some of the guys were relentless and one bought me an outfit to wear to dinner with him and wouldn't take no for an answer. I had never really known so many guys. I mean so many different types of guys.

>>17802284

Wow, so you're actually a fucking whore.

Do us all a favor and slit your wrists, you fat cunt.

>>17802317
How do you justify going on dates whilst having a bf? That just blows my mind.

>>17802307
>And how's it going, being in a relationship with someone you think wouldn't have been interested in you if you had a few pounds more?
I see it differently. We might not have met because I wouldn't have been in the club in the outfit I had on. Didn't have the confidence before.

>>17802317

If I was your ex, I'd chop your fatass up into tiny pieces and feed you to pigs.

>>17802138
>what do i do till i reach my goal?
just let go. as long as you are actively working towards losing weight, theres nothing else you can do, so you may as well forget about it for a bit and enjoy yourself

>>17802323
Well, ok. That might be true. But admitedly, your practice of flirting so extensively whilst being in a relationship is rather appaling

>>17802321
Does anyone consider having lunch a date?

The rest were just friends I'd recently made. I agree the one when the guy bought me the outfit and I wore it was a date but I didn't let him kiss me and we went in separate cars. I felt guilty so I gave the outfit to a friend.

>>17802307
I just mean don't think "I have this doubt. This doubt is how things are, this doubt is permanent and insurmountable." Think instead "I have this doubt. I had doubts before, but they are gone now. This doubt will also pass. A fast way to make this doubt pass is to work through it, to take it off center stage in my mind"

If it keeps coming back despite you moving your attention elsewhere, consider it - am I hurting myself by training too hard? am I really not doing enough? But only do this if working through it doesn't work.

You can also try to be aware of times you are feeling ashamed. How does it affect your behavior? Subvert that mechanism, incrementally. For example, you might notice one day that how you are thinking about your body is preventing you from being in the mood to work out, or not to take that extra piece of pizza although you've hit your macros for the day. Do the thing you want to do anyway. Put on your running shoes - the doubt will pass after you start working out. Control your appetite - it will get easier with time.

The important thing to do is to notice the doubt. That's when it becomes vulnerable.

>>17802328
I know you're right. But my impatience and perfectionism is getting in my way. As in, somedays i'm very close to just say fuck it since i feel like however much effort i put in i will never be satisfied. My body will never live up to my standarts. Ever. So i need to find ways to live with that. But how can you accept something if you know it isn't as good as it gets?

>>17802329
That's the thing I rarely had to say a thing and didn't even know how to flirt. Never had. Try being coy if you're fat. People would laugh.

>>17802338
That - sound so easy and do-able. I know i can do that. But how can i ensure i remember it when it counts?

>>17802349
By doing it one time, then another time, then another time, until it's a habit. How did you start worrying about your body?

Do whatever you need to - write a note, make an alarm on your phone (maybe around dinnertime or when you go work out) that says something to remind you that doubt will pass, ask your boyfriend to support you, get a work out partner, write it somewhere you will read it, etc.

You might fail sometimes, that's ok. Be kind to yourself. How would you train a child to use the toilet? Surely not by yelling at it, beating it up, etc. Train your mind to make determined effort towards your goals the same way.

>>17802138
>I'm already exercising and trying to lose some weight.
why do you want to lose weight, if you look like that pic then its not an issue

>>17802381
I have been worrying about my body since i can remember. Guess it's because my sister was a walking skeleton and my dad had/has a unhealthy obsession for anorexic women.
I wasn't even chubby then, but by his standarts i was dat and he frequently let me know. That probably stuck with me even thought i'm now aware that he was just a nut case.
Blabla, this led to me developing various eatingdisorders at a very young age, which finally led to me getting chubbier by the day. I need to be very carefull with diet and exercise regimes. I have a tendency to turn everything body-related into a disaster fit for therapy.

The metaphor with the child might be just what i needed. I need to be a bit more empathic towards myself. I can do that at work, no problem. But I never cut myself some slack.

>>17802382
I like a few parts of my body. But my belly is just plain horrible.

>>17802403
says you, I think its sexy as fuck

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>>17802413
You wouldn't know. You haven't seen it. Might be you're a chubby chasee or a feeder. But that doesn't change how i feel about it

>>17802423
Why not, all you have to do is find a whale hunter like me who loves the way you look now.

>>17802431
You haven't read the thread, don't you? I have a bf and he thinks my body is pretty awesome. Guess he's a certified chubby chaser.
But that's really not the point of this thread

Ok I'm a guy here. Explain to me this. Why would you feel uncomfortable about showing off your body to someone who already thinks your beautiful? He's not going to find you unattractive after you take your clothes off. He's already made up his mind.

Like if other people don't find you attractive that's one thing, and if you feel ugly around others I get it. But you shouldn't feel ugly around your boyfriend. Plus the fact that someone likes you at all should be a good indicator that you look at least decent, no?

>>17802447
Sexual excitement wears off with time anyways. I feel like my sup-par body gives this direction unnecessary momentum. As in: someday he won't find me beautiful anymore, since i am
NOT. I feel like i'm just leading him on by taking advantage of his hormonal confusion thanks to boobs and ass. Amd it's also not only about him thinking i'm beautiful. I wish i was capable of thinking i'm beautiful just for a moment

>>17802436
wait so the guy who is fucking you thinks you're hot and is clearly attracted to your body BECAUSE its fat, so you want to lose weight and make your body less attractive to your boyfriend?

why?

>>17802477
I'm not sure if he's attracted to me BECAUSE or DESPITE me being fat. But i was fat since he met me, so...

I know what you mean. I've thought about it too. But i figured that if i ask him he would just tell me that he "loves me no matter my size and shape". Which i don't fully believe...

>>17802458
>since i am NOT.
I'm trying to understand why you think this. You're basically saying what he thinks of you is wrong. How can you be so sure of that? His opinion should be enough confirmation that you look at least dateable.

If I think a girl is pretty the only way for me to think otherwise is for her to make drastic changes to her current appearance.

You sound like someone who wouldn't be satisfied even if you were thin. It's just in your head.

>>17802485
>But i figured that if i ask him he would just tell me that he "loves me no matter my size and shape". Which i don't fully believe...
you're right not to, he'll give you some bullshit about oh baby I'm in love with you not your body, its your body so you can do what you want, I'll love you at every size, because what the hell else is he supposed to say. The fact of the matter is he got into a relationship with a fat girl because he's attracted to fat girls, and if you stop being a fat girl he'll stop being attracted to you.

Ask yourself this: What would it take to make you comfortable about your body? At what point do you imagine yourself being "ok, maybe my body isn't so bad after all." Is it a change of how others treat you? How many compliments you get? Or how close you look to [insert skinny person here]?

What is the confirmation that you're seeking?

>>17802337
Do you genuinely think your "recent friends" would want to go to lunch with you if you were still 160lbs? Be honest with yourself. Do you pull that shit with Mr. Right?

>>17802487
Just because he thinks i'm attractive doesn't mean i share his opinion. And in the end, my opinion matters more to me than his, since that's the voice that will stick with me and influence me the deepest for the rest of my life. Hell, there are guys attracted to all kind of weird girls. That doesn't make them beautiful. Just fetishized.

I am aware that a lot if not all of it is in my head. That's why i try to find a way to change the patterns my brain has gotten used to.

>>17802489
Exactly. That's why i don't even ask. I won't get the truth anyway and just put him on the spot unnecessarily.

What if i go from fat to thick? That would always be an improvement, r-right?


>>17802509
The moment i can look into the mirror and be satisfied. Which would mean i see a flat belly, an hourglass figure, firm boobs, arms and a juicy ass. Plus perfect skin and hair, ofc. I really like the idea of my body being the ideal canvas to work with. I would like to be able to dress according to what i would love to wear and not according to what makes me look a tad less fat or won't leave me look like a try-hard. And yes, i am aware that i could wear whatever i want even whilst being fat. But i also have the idea that it has to look beautiful to me. Iow, if i wear a cute dress i don't want to wear it for the sake of it but to be able to look at how nice it makes my waist look like. Or if i wear a bra, i don't just want to wear it and it looks comical on me. I want it to complete my body like a work of art.
I am a very visual person and i have high standarts for beauty in very aspect of my life. My body doesn't live up to that and this is a pain in the ass every single day.

>>17802535
>What if i go from fat to thick? That would always be an improvement, r-right?
maybe, maybe not. Really impossible to say without knowing anything about your bf. For all you know he might have fantasies of you becoming a complete glutton and intentionally gaining 100 or more pounds.

>>17802565
I am aware. How do i find out without risking him telling me what he thinks i "want to hear"?

I mean, i wouldn't get fatter because it's his fetish. And if he would lose his attraction for me if i lost weight, so be it. That would indicate that he was only fetishizing me, which, for me, is no solid base for a relationship. Guess losing weight is the only way to go. If he leaves, i know what was going on.

>>17802535
>Hell, there are guys attracted to all kind of weird girls. That doesn't make them beautiful.
Yes it does. It makes them beautiful to them. Haven't you ever heard "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? Why would a bunch of randos' opinion mean more than the most important person to you? I still don't know who you're appealing to.

Maybe this is where men and women differ and I'll accept that. As long as my girlfriend thinks I'm good looking I could give fuckall what anyone else thinks of my appearance. They're not the ones dating me.

>>17802579
>And if he would lose his attraction for me if i lost weight, so be it. That would indicate that he was only fetishizing me, which, for me, is no solid base for a relationship.
now I don't understand this mentality, imagine if the situation was reversed and you were thin but gained some weight and your bf found you less attractive. Would you fault him in the same way for fetishizing you? The only difference between that guy and your boyfriend is that they have differing standards of beauty.

I mean don't get me wrong I think you should lose weight if you want to and if (hypothetically speaking) he's no longer attracted to you then it would probably be for the best for both of you to end it.

How to ask him about this without getting bullshitted though, that's a tough one. Just be sure to be open with the fact that you intend to lose weight.

>>17802589
I think that phrase is inaccurate. Especially when applied to the beauty of humans. Youth and healthy is commonly seen as beautiful. Anything else is a fetish. In my eyes. That said, i don't care if someone HAS such fetishes. But i don't fetishize myself. I want beauty. And that is, as far as i am concerned, absolutely a measureable thing.
This isn't about my bf or any other person thinking i'm attractive. It's about me being able to look in the mirror and see beauty.

>>17802599
That's different because being turned off by someone gaining weight (a loss of health) is not an indicator of having had an unnatural fetish. Being turned off by someone losing weight on the other hand is s clear indicator of having had just that. Which is fine. Just not a good reason to spend the rest of your life with someone. Atleast of you ask me.