Sup /adv, femanon here. So I have been dating my boyfriend for

How long have you been together?

How many previous relationships have YOU had?

>>17801937
We have been together for almost one year.

I have been through two very serious relationships (one where I actually lived with the guy), and a few cases of dating that I wouldnt even refer to as a relationship (as in too short-lived).

I have had three sexual partners before him.

He probably does love you, but he's not sure what it really feels like to be in love.

That's cute that he trusts you like that, you should break his heart so he learns not to trust anyone and becomes hateful and bitter

>>17801966
I wouldn't do that. I think he's too good of a person to have to experience this sort of thing.

>>17801953
>>17801953

Ok so B/C of you past experience i am going to assume (dangerous i know) you aren't an emotional retard.

How much do you guys fight?
How well do you communicate in general?

>>17802001
We don't fight unless there is a reason to fight about. And it usually ends quite calmly and quietly. He's very non-conflicting, yet cold. Our usual fights are just subtle disagreements and we solve them without major problems.

Communication is good too. When we have a problem we usually just throw the cards on the table. Could explain why we have so few fights in general.

>>17802001
Only an emotional retard would make a thread like this

>>17802039
Thanks <3

You're a lot of firsts for him. I'm sure that you of all people know how tricky that's been for him. Just keep sticking with it; he might not be totally confident about opening up to someone. I'm 100% sure my ex can attest to that. I thought for a while that it was sort of pathetic to admit that you're in love with the first person you've ever been involved with, so it might be the same for him.

>>17802015

>Thing is that he is still unsure if he loves me.
this is your interpretation correct?

>cold
elaborate.

>>17802056
This is what he has told me. That he is unsure.

Cold. Well, he wouldn't talk about couple things, and when we talk sometimes you wouldn't tell that we are a couple. He likes to be very professional, businessy when we talk.

Of course I do understand that we do in fact need to be serious sometimes, but he seems to be always running towards that. It's just how he is.

My girl friends were against us dating because they think he is an emotionless asshole. Let's say I would be looking for comfort in him sometimes, I have difficulties finding it.

>>17802080
Generally, he is very closed about feelings.
He won't talk about it, neither with me, nor anyone.

>>17802080
>>17802110

How do you feel about him?

>>17801901
>Could it be just because he is so awkward?

I have a similar background, so I can comment on the psychology. He needs to have a literal definition of love before he can agree to it. You should have that conversation. Odds are that you want a promise and a plan about the relationship more than just hearing the word.

>>17802134
Well, something about him makes me very attracted to him. I can easily say that I really do love him. I want to be open with him about everything, I trust him. I find him attractive, both by mind and body.

I do admit that he sometimes does make me feel slighlty intimidated though.

>>17802146
Alright, but how does one define love? There isn't a textbook definition I can just read out for him.

He just says he isn't gonna rush things and he doesn't know if he does love me yet, but he said once that "a feeling is there".

Problem is that I don't exactly want to be in a relationship where my partner doesn't love me, and he avoids to talk about it like fire. We always end on the same note: I don't know if I love you yet.

I don't want to rush him either, but I would rather he told me he doesn't love me and be honest with me than mess around like that. Nobody wants to be in an unrequited relationship.

>>17802154
>intimidated

of what?

>>17802176
Just of him, and of how cold he can be sometimes.

>>17802178
we're going to need you to be a little more descriptive than that op.

>>17802220
Well, I already did describe how he tends to be cold. Just like a rock, unmoved by anything. Yes, I could compare him to a rock when he is cold.

Just lack of any emotions when he is cold. Sometimes I feel like I am a burden to him because of it, but he denies it, and says if I were he would have told me, which then just leaves me confused.

>>17802231
what are you looking for emotionally?

>>17802265
Well, to build our relationship and be loved.
I dont want him to be with me just for the sake of having a girlfriend sort of thing.
I got into a relationship because I hoped that at some stage he could love me too.

>>17802314
Hey, other poster here not the guy you been goin back and forth with. I think you've given us some really good information to work with, personally it sounds - knowing that you two have been together for a year, that this is just who he is, and he's not going to change or "Open up", so you're just chasing the honey that you're not going to get, and hey, probably that's what keeps you chasing, not getting that love, I know because I had a loving girlfriend who also was kinda "off" in her ways, but you just have to realize he is a different person, and if this is not what you're looking for you can move on - or stay with him for as long as you still want to tolerate it.

I wouldn't say to stop a good thing, and yet you could find someone more normal. My relationship was with a russian girl, they're notorious for being kinda distant and business-like so I totally understand what you mean.

>>17802351
I am actually having a cry right now, because I don't know how much longer I can tolerate the limbo situation anymore.

If he is with me just for fucking, then in that case I want him to tell me. But he always just tells me that he is not, he just doesn't know if he loves me.

>>17801901
By your description of him it's probable he's someone who has difficulty trusting relationships and emotions, he's never even been in a relationship or had sex with someone else so how can he know for sure whether or not he loves you? What it is to love someone at all? This most likely means he's going through a process of maturation within himself of discovering and determining what loving and beng loved means to him as a human being, which obviously is a very deep, tortous, possibly painful process, that can take a long time. Prolly the fact you're away doesnt help either. Sry but its true... The solution to this problem probably involves him realizing and accepting love is moreso something you feel then something you understand or become proficient at, if that helps.
Having said that im a dude that's never been in a relationship and only made out with a girl once so theres a good chance idk wtf im talking about...

>>17802374
Aww... Well I guess I can offer my sympathy, I have been in the same situation before, It's hard to end something good I know.. But you must realize he is different and that you can't control other people and their actions, only your own, so in that same breath I have to unfortunately tell you... You can't always get what you want, and he probably won't say what you want him to say or admit what he wants you to admit, most of the time, or atleast in my case with two girlfriends that I already had - they actually believe themselves and their own lies, they believe they love.. And you know, maybe they do love, I've had this happening to me with many people in my life, they truly believe they care, they truly believe they love, but if my love was capped at 1000, their love is capped at 100. And so if they give you 100 love.. For them It's the most they can do, you might be like me and have place for 1000.. So then you're only getting 100/1000.. People are inherently different, I'm afraid It's so much easier to "understand" than it is to actually practically get it. People are different, he is simply handicapped in his own way, and he will find his own kind, to me it sounds like you need someone warmer, loving, someone who can fill your heart the way you need to.

>>17801966
>hes a trusting guy

>I advise that you cuck him so he becomes not so trusting

Never change

>>17802435
>>17802442
Perhaps you both are right. Either way, I am gonna get my heart broken by him in that case, whether I leave now, or if he does not to love me.

I hope that you are right regarding the fact that he is currently maturing in this department. Problem is, I don't know how much more longer I can wait for him to mature like this.

>>17802488
Im pretty sure he loves you. You're his first and and you said he cried from having to be away from you so that shows there's a lot of emotion there. Granted him identifying and accepting all that emotion as being love for you is a big part of it and again thats down to personal growth and maturity. Do with that what you will but make sure you dont do nothing youll later regret.
Also the fact you have a desire for him to be jelous about you seem quite unhealthy, sry again lulz..

>>17802515
Well, I don't expect him to be jealous because yes, it would have been unhealthy, but my point is it seemed to me more like he didnt care. "Do what you want" sort of thing.

>>17802525
yeah you're probably just feeling him wanting to be emotionally dettached, again its just emotional immaturity and if you pay attention he probably does that to a lot of people in a lot of situations in his life, so its nothing you're doing wrong or that is wrong with your relationship

>>17802488
Hey OP, I'm this guy
>>17802351
>>17802442
I can tell you by the sounds of things he's not going to change, people like that don't change my dear, my girlfriend cried sooo much when we had to leave each other (we were also in an LDR) and she would hug me and It'd be the sweetest thing ever, just to go back to her normal self which barely says I love you, these people are real humans, they cry during times where they feel sad too, but they don't have the emotional capacity you do. Don't wait I say, it hurts, but think of this - do you really want to spend the rest of your life living this way? no you don't. So gather up the courage and tell him goodbye nicely, explain your reasons and tell him that it is a final decision.

>>17801901
Let him hit it raw and moan I love you to see if he says it back

>>17802749
Maybe you are right, I just dont know if I am actually capable of leaving now. I will need to think it through.

>>17802771
Maybe he always hits it raw? ;)

>>17801901
>We both had a cry about it.
4 wat porpise

>>17802791
Yeah I can definitely understand your doubt, you don't want to end something that's good, you latch on to the good parts of him and your relationships and still refuse to believe some people are simply different, that's okay I was the same - I waited until she eventually started going to the gym and one day during a small fight she blocked and deleted me disappeared for 3 weeks, then finally answered one of my emails telling me she met someone else and fucked him this morning and all that, and I really did love her

That was my lesson, I should've let it go earlier because -
1. You shouldn't try to change people, exception: you can try up to a certain limit but you can only give people the tools, you can't force them to use them, you can help them all you want but if they don't help themselves It's not gonna happen.
2. Some people are simply toxic, they're cancerous, and what do you do with cancer? you cut it out from your life completely. (This one might not be right for your relationship but I thought I'd share)
and
3. The *true* understanding, of "I cannot control other people's actions, they are their own person, I can only control my own." through trial and error I understood that.

Good luck and I hope you find your way!

honestly, the fact that you made this thread is proof enough that you aren't confident in the relationship

trying to get reassurance from others that this is normal or unnormal isn't the right thing, you need to figure out how you feel and listen to yourself

>>17802488
Leave him. How do you have sex but not be able to express love for over a year? Fuck his bs

>>17801901
He knew that you would eventually leave him (like you're preparing to do now), so he's not opening up.

>>17803198
Its been a year buddy, a guy who takes a year to open up never will, he deserves to be left.

love is out of fashion, for here for sure

and this guy doesnt love you
atleast he didnt lie about it

If he's good at his job and knows he's going places, he'd be correct in being hesitant about settling down at 21, and he's probably concerned with life building and has reasonable doubts your the one to do it with. A good way to find if he's pragmatic in this way is to look at his parents and their expectations of him. Are they still together? Are they wealthy? Are they the kind of people who would frown on him shacking up with a girl at 21 and getting married?

>>17802791
Femanon you sound like my kind of girl, that emotionless retard is really fucking this up

>>17801901
Implying he wouldn't be on the chain? You are found out you whore.
He trusts you irresponsibly because he believes you aren't lying.

File: 1471230080126 (1).jpg (75KB, 630x473px) Image search: [Google]

75KB, 630x473px

>>17803930
A++ bait would respond to again.

>>17804065
Christ, why so violent?

>>17803193
Exactly my way of thinking. I cant have sex until I feel some sort of emotional attachment to them, simply because of the fear I will be used and left.

>>17802838
Because sad :(

It isn't like we have to get married at 21 and have kids, a house, a family car and a pet dog.

I just think he should open to me more often. To be able to express his emotions and feelings to me. If he could at least tell me my ground. I dont want to leave him obviously, I just need to get out of this limbo.

I was kind of in the situation your boyfriend was in.
I was the stereotypical permavirign socially inept college freshmen when I met my gf.
She had been in relationships before, but I haven't, she was my first everything.

She had talks to me a couple of times saying I was cold and really distant and treated her like one of my male acquaintances and that I really didn't care.

The thing was, it wasn't like that from my perspective.
I loved her, I was obsessed and always thought about her, but I never talked to girls before, even casually for more than 2 sentences, and I've never opened up or shown my feelings before to anyone, I felt that if I tried to say what I was thinking she would think I was creepy and weird and that I was immature because she was my first girlfriend.

She got me drunk one time and interrogated me and I spilled everything about all my feelings and stuff. I also told her my views on dating and relationships.
I told her how I don't view dating as something you do just to have fun, but as a precursor to marriage, I thought you should only date someone if you planned on spending the rest of your life together.

She didn't like hearing that and thought I was crazy and she broke up with me.
Now I'm just really bitter towards women.

>>17804259
What I'm getting at is if he is really socially awkward, especially with women, he's probably just holding in his emotions to keep from looking clingy and obsessed.

Just a thought

>>17804259
Tbh I am aware I am his first everything and he doesn't want to look like he is obsessed or over the top, but being completely distanced emotionally draws a line through the relationship which damages it. I rather he said things I don't want hearing than shrug it off like that.

>>17801966
Haha oh god this is why I come to /adv/

>>17804314
Oh yes, hes clearly speaking from experience.

>>17804292
Talk to him. Tell him exactly this. Never forget, the only thing he knows about relationships and girls up close is from you. If you hide your concerns from him, you deny him the chance to know that there is a problem.

>>17804262
how can i be as cool as you? i mean it, you have such a clear view of your own life. teach me senpai

>>17804259
Damn, what a plot twist.

>>17804335
So I have kind of been talking to him about it... and finally he said he just doesn't know what love is or feels like.

How do we get out from here?

>>17804398
By realizing this is a problem of labeling emotions, not emotions themselves. Ask him if he wants to do things with you and feels things for you that people in love feel, does he want to stay with you, be with you, share his life with you, concerned about you etc... Circumscribe love for him.

>>17804402
He just says he doesn't know or that he lives day to day.

>>17801901
Fuck off fembitch he finds you ugly as fuck to reciprocate the statement.

>>17804535
Doesn't know what he wants to do with you?

Typically someone in love doesnt act indifferent like the way you're describing.

It could be that he is autism and is lacking social tact.

>>17804548
"Autism"