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Anonymous
How do I handle life in this depressiversion state 2016-11-23 14:56:03 Post No.
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How do I handle life in this depressiversion state 2016-11-23 14:56:03 Post No.
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I haven't been feeling well for a while. I came here a few weeks ago about suicidal feelings and I'm sort of over that but I feel so dead everyday now.
I'm in community college and this semester I thought I could do this. In response to a lot of outside problems earlier in the year I thought being a more productive person, getting a job on top of 5 classes would help but then classes ended up being much harder; I was constantly tired and unfocused in everything, I had no free time at all and later being prescribed adderall.
I remember being able to talk to people yet as time passed it felt harder and now it's like I can't talk much with anyone. I got into conflicts with a lot of friends out of school earlier this year and cut them off. Felt so disappointed but thought I could try and make new friends yet even when trying the constant feelongs of doubt and exhaustion is always surrounding me.
I appreciated my old friends and all but when I would call them out on their shit they would get angry and act like they did nothing wrong and even after I said I was done with them some of them would harass and treaten me...
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But my doubt mainly came from this girl. We were very close, she told me we were friends and things got really personal and she understood I was going through shit early on but also seemed to enjoy me and I really liked her. Yet she cut me off without word and when I talked to her later she was all angry saying I made her uncomfortable. Tried telling her I undertood and still wanted to be friends but she's like "I can't do that" then later saying good bye.
I realized how bullshit it was much later but couldn't figure out what to do. Noticed with people I try my best to just talk things through before trying anything else and yet I'm always being bullshitted greatly. Constantly looking back at myself and others wondering what happened I'm trying my best to move on but not doing good either.
I'm usually calm but a lot of my bursts of anger or urges to break things have recently come from her because she was a more positive outlook, and with others I at least was in some conflict. She sort of just did what she did unexpectedly. I feel life isn't good anymore, it wasn't all her fault but it's one of the things that was unneeded and dragged me down.
I told myself I wouldn't go back with anyone yet she keeps running through my head or her face pops up on instagram which I can't bring myself to take her off of; I just want to message her and call her out for the shit she pulled on me, I've been wanting to, but I also want to see if we could make things work out again. Recently had to force make up with a friend because I see him around school now and he kept bothering me but it was never as bad as it was with the others and he kept being friendly it makes me wonder if I should give anyone else a try at all (because most people don't deserve another chance and I only bothered because he keeps popping up)
Is there anything I should do at all?
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>>17789807
You don't handle it, you drag it with you like a sack of rocks until it goes away
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>>17790052
Well that's one way of thinking about it
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Another bump. Help please
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