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Is it bad that i've had a change of heart about my girlfriend and have gone from wanting to start a family with her to molding her into the catalyst I need to commit suicide?
The past few months have worn me to an al time low, and ive been putting up a facade for her so that she thinks im doing better than I actually am, and its bad enough to where my set-in-stone rule of "children should never outlive their parents" has eroded away into sand. I'm sick of everything, nothings fun anymore, I fake orgasms during sex, i've stopped leaving the house and said it was because its getting cold out as an excuse, i've stopped playing videogames, all I do nowadays is work, eat, sleep, and slowly mold my girlfriend into the kind of person I need her to be to give me that last push over the edge.
As apathetic about everything as I feel, I still care about her enough to not want to cause her too much mental trauma over if, and thats the wall im hitting. getting her to do what I need her to do to make me commit suicide is the easy part, making sure she doesnt have a mental collapse is the hard part. i've kept a journal with a lock on it documenting my fall into this pit of despair, so that WHEN I die people will have something of an understanding of why I did it and have some sort of closure, because not getting closure is one of the worth things you can experience as as a person.
I don't know how to go about it. I;m not going on antidepressants, talking to a doctor of any kind, or taking any kind of other drug, i'm committed to dying, it's what i've wanted since I was a kid, and I have the means to get what I want, but I don't want her to have a mental breakdown over it, so what do I do?
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You will cause her irreversible mental trauma if you go through with killing yourself, regardless of what you do to try to counteract it.
Also, you're going to die sooner or later, why rush into it?
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>but I don't want her to have a mental breakdown over it, so what do I do?
Get professional help. There is no other way around it, plain and simple. You will permanently scar her otherwise. While you're looking for professional help take a look at the resources in this pastebin.
http://pastebin.com/BSZDiAKd
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>>17789485
Im sure trash wont be missed as you're probably the kind of retard that's sufficed with living a lie all your pathetic life, loser. Know that nothing of value will be lost once you off yourself because you're a joke.
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Everything we do has a consequence. Things we can guess and others we never will but there is no right or wrong choice. Only things that work out for us and things that dont.
So the only thing that matters is how we choose to look at the things that happen. How we look at things and people in our lives.
Is this how you want to look at your girlfriend? As a means to an end? I dont think you do.
What do you really want? Dont trust your senses or emotions. They'll lie to you. Instead, let those things go and become empty and still like water. The answers will come, if you let them.
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>Is it bad that i've had a change of heart about my girlfriend and have gone from wanting to start a family with her to molding her into the catalyst I need to commit suicide?
Obviously yes you complete fucking moron. Stop doing that.
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>>17789485
Its never enough for fuckers like you, just have to take someone down with you. How about slinking off quietly and ending it. No manipulation, no crybaby post or letter just go. No one will remember you.
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hey. your situation sounds close to what I was going though with my wife. Long story short she is now my exwife. Divorcing her was hard and yes it hurt us both emotionally. She moved on and is with a good guy and I... am on 4chan at 4 in the morning. he. Anyway, I know what you mean though where nothing seems fun. I am not going to say I got better because I am still working on it. I can say that you have to put yourself out there. You have to adjust your mindset. It is all in your head and only complaining won't solve anything. Make yourself go out and meet people. Make yourself be more social. It does help and hopefully over time you can enjoy life again. I wont say I love everyday but every occasionally, I have a day that gives me hope.
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