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Anonymous
Was I ever a sociopath? And what happened to me? 2016-11-19 20:32:59 Post No.
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Was I ever a sociopath? And what happened to me? 2016-11-19 20:32:59 Post No.
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This is long but hopefully interesting enough to read
>16
>get bullied alot, one kid drills a hole through my hoodie into my chest in workshop class
>a negress throws a calculator at my eye in math class, it looks like I'm crying blood, have to go to the hospital
>start feeling sympathy for serial killers
>dad dies months later when I'm 17, I see his dead body up close and have to handle it on par with the instruction with the 911 operator
>think this is turning point
>start developing obsession with serial killers and psychopaths
>homicidal thoughts out the ass for about a year and a half
>think about wearing a black guy mask and doing drive bys
>be filled with rage and hate for a year, other than that pretty emotionless
>18
>rob someone
>rape a girl
>abuse pet cat
>have general baseline hatred for everyone, but fairly emotionless still
>come March
>have psychotic breakdown
>get arrested and sent to jail, later mental hospital
>the jail psychologist says I'm a schizophrenic sociopath, I say I'm proud
>the police have my finger print
>the people at the police station and mental hospital know of my homicidal urges, the mental hospital knows that I want to kill the guy who molested me as a kid
>I now know what incarceration feels like
>still filled with hatred and anger
>try to break out of mental hospital once, choke guard out once
>only diagnosed with schizophrenia instead of that AND sociopathy in the mental hospital, in contrast to the jails diagnosis
>cry over raping girl in hospital
>hatred subsides
>murderous impulses gone
>out of hospital now
>feel barely anything at all, no hatred no anger no desire to engage in antisocial behavior
>so still emotionless mostly and fairly disconnected from humanity in my eyes but the murderous hatred shit is pretty much gone
What happened to me? Was I emotionally stunted by being in a mental hospital? And how does antisocial personality just subside like that?
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>>17778463
Looks like you really were just going through a phase because of the world around you rather than your brain. At least I hope it's like that.
I guess you simply sated your anger enough to get rid of it.
Either that or something equally extreme happened to snap you out of your hate.
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>>17778476
Being strapped in the chair for 3 hours and drugged certainly was not fun maybe that did it
>>
I'm not gonna diagnose you but a long spew of crying based on bottled up emotions can be cathartic
When I was smoking weed in my car at 17 I remembered when I was molested and confronted it in my psyche. I started bawling for about an hour and the next day felt much much better
Maybe when you cried that night you changed a bit and accepted the past
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