Am I crazy or being neglected

Basically I feel like an unwanted burden on my parents and am trying to move out and have a job starting next Monday but life is bleak. We are very poor but my parents keep justifying supporting 8 people on less than 25000 pounds a year with the fact that Indian people earn pennies. Good for the Indians but I live in England and shit runs on money here and they can't support such a huge family. They do not believe in birth control actully I don't think my dad knows what a condom is. My retard grandmother is living with me and she cannot speak English after 25 years of living here. I am surrounded by idiots and either want to kill them all or find a place very far away that I can retreat to for my miserable life.

My older brother is a NEET but my parents enable it. He is 26 and never worked never finished his studies nothing just believes his parents owe him something in life and I am disgusted by them all. They used to be good people and still are in some ways but the lack of emotional support and constant mockery and essentially emotional abhse since I was 10 has changed my views on them. I stay in a very small room with no bed and the wallpaper peels off the wall and shit. I sleep on a mattress. I feel unwanted. I am 18 and did not ask for this life.

Someone please advise me on what to do. I have accepted I will never have loving parents but it leaves a big void in my heart. I feel extremely depressed and whatever money I have I spend on weed so I can feel happy for a few hours a day.

It's not the drug abuse that made me think like this. I understand weed can fuck with the mind but my mind is golden compared to my bumbling religious family who believe in waiting till death for the real happiness in life.

I know they were both emotionally neglected in their youth but WHY did they choose to continue the cycle.
Please help.

>>17775942
don't call your grandmother a retard you fucking ape. Language gets harder to learn for the elderly. You need to get an education to get a job and get out of there. That's it really. Don't be a bitch about it either you cunt.

You judge and belittle everyone in your family, but the reality is that you have accomplished nothing and have no right to call them idiots or anything.

You could save your money, move out, learn the real struggles of adulthood and trying to survive on your own, and probably learn a little reapect back for your family along the way. But instead you spend your money on weed and cry and moan like a child, because that's what you are.

Don't take this as a personal attack. Take it as a wake up call to start growing up. If you want to change your life, only you have the power and will to do that. Get working, get saving and start making your own way in life. When I finally was able to do that, I developed a much better relationship with my family.

I know I am not a smart person and I curse my genetics for that because I love learning but I can't help but think this is not the right way to live. Why do people substitute emotional contact and proper upbringing with strict obsessive religion? Who is there to teach me how to live? My parents don't believe in teaching children skills. I think we were basically little showdolls to my mum. You enjoy the kids while they are small but you can't support them when they become adults. To my dad I'm not even sure. He is always praying or something else at the mosque. No need to talk to your kids when you have religion amirite guys???? God will parent for you when you pray hard enough!

I'm sick of it. I am completely isolated. I don't even talk to my sisters or brothers because they have been infected with the Islam as well and they have shells around them. My sisters not too stupid but the way Indians treat women is disgusting too. As if they are slaves almost.

FUCK I WISH I HAD SOME FRIENDS

>>17775939
Oh well Islam was basically brainwashing along with some nice public service announcements to keep entire nations ignorant slaves in line and smelling like death and carrying diseases. Hence all the cleanliness phobias.

>>17775950
Thanks for the advice I actually mean it. I respect the elderly but just not my family. They are fucked in the head with religious talk. My grandma is extremely lazy and doesn't do anything but talk about religion and watch TV. I have never known her before she lost her mind and she is basically in a state of constant confusion now. She is not retarded but requires parenting like a child.

>>17775963
Dude I know I need to make my way out to live on my own. I am in the process. My dad tries to stop me from moving out and says I should live with my family forever like my brother. He is a fucking neet and my dad supports it.

I am a piece of shit but you guys have no clue of the insanity of organised religion and clueless parents.

I don't spend all my money on weed either. I have urged my parents to start saving their money instead of wasting it on their lavish holidays but to no avail. They go for a 3 week holiday blow 5000 quid and have none for the home.

Judge me all you want I am here for that. But don't think a white family is the same as an Indian one.

You're eighteen.
How long until you get a job?
There are no jobs though.
Right.
Have you tried music?

>>17775976
My parents have no education past high school but no trades either. Religion is their life. Religion pays the bills. Religion fixes problems and raises children. Religion causes the earth to keep spinning.

Don't think I'm ungrateful because I am not and know exactly what my parents did for me. But I feel like they did it because they had to. Why they had 5 children when they can't support them is beyond me. There is no logic in the house just religion. All things happen due to Allah and you can't question anything or you will be shut out and sent to hell.

If you all see this as normal then maybe I am defective. Good. I will end myself if I am on the wrong because I don't want a place in a world that thinks this is the right way of life.

What's the neighborhood like?

>>17775987
Sounds like you're having a testerone fueled meltdown right now.

>>17775989
All religious nuts. Too many mosques to count. Trump was right about the sharia shit. I live in it. You guys say I shouldn't call my grandma a retard but literally go take one look at gujarat in India. It's full of the same people that surround me in England. People that have just barely passed the shitting on the street phase and now believe religion is the cure to everything and education has no place for the afterlife only religious activity does. My dad prides himself on shit grades and bad education.

I knew I'd get some backlash for posting this shit but I have nobody else to talk to. My parents do not talk to me without either being clueless or talking about religion in some way. I never got the birds and the bees and shit.

How wrong am I? Please criticise because it helps me learn to be normal

>>17775976
And what makes you think I come from a white family? I come from a Carholic Mexican family.

All you have to do is get a job and a roommate or two, and leave. It's really that simple.

>>17775991
Im actually on acid and that's why I'm typing weirdly. Before people say I'm a druggie loser for using 2 psychedelics I will say it has helped me a lot. I have been able to think about life instead of blocking it all out and being constantly depressed and isolated.

I don't think I can really communicate the life inmy house. My brother loved a stray cat more than his parents. There is constant strife and tension between my mum and dad. My grandma needs babying but that I can understand as she is old and basically crippled now. Doesn't change the fact that she's stupid. She had an education up to the age of 11 I think. Tell me a housewife who has no education is smart.

I say they are stupid because they use religion as a way of avoiding reason an logic. Not as an insult of their intelligence.

>>17776000
I generalised since everyone here seems to be white male most of the time. You are still least from the Americas and don't understand an Asian muslim family life. I have been growing up with religion and Islam and Indian culture but also at the same time sent to school to learn to be a good person. My parents don't teach morals. That is for school to teach.so I have seen two ways of living essentially. One my life and then the life my white peers lived. And they had way better parents. And actually had nice bedrooms. My little brother has no bedroom. He sleeps with my mum in her room and she still treats him like a baby at 12.

It is simple to move out and that is my goal. I also intend on paying back 200 percent of what I owe in terms of clothing and my phone and some other luxuries I begged of my parents through my life. They blame the Internet for their fucked up children. And talk about cutting Internet access off. Then they snoop into my life and are paranoid about everything. I try to have rational discussion but it will guaranteed end in argument because my mum is fucked in the head.

>>17775983
I will be getting a job In 2 days and already worked a bit after I turned 18. I don't make music. My only future is my degree and my parents belittle me and think I am too stupid to get one even though I got top marks in all my classes in school. I have been told to my face that I am too stupid to program. Obviously I will prove that I can because I have my uni place and fully intend on constant study when there but my life feels very empty and work won't fill the gap.

I was also bullied by my mum and sister from 8 till 16. As I say I feel neglected and with not much direction in life bwcauae my parents are shit examples. They basically live off benefits now. I am thankful for them raising me but they don't believe in careers. They believe in religion as if it earns money. No need to work in this family only pray. Obviously this is fundamentally wrong because I believe in earning a living and there is nobody on my family doing that except my sisters and me. Am I wrong? Am I crazy? Can someone tell me how I can shake this depressive outlook on life and learn to become a better person? What defines a good person? My parents believed it was strict religion. I believe it'd good morals and open mindedness.

I guess nobody will actually read this shit anyway but for those who have thank you. This is all shit I bottled up for months because I have nobody to talk to about it. My parents are unreceptive to anything I say to them and do not listen, but instead allow words to pass through their thick heads.

If you believe that having children before you are able to support them is right, and that you should look to your children for emotional support and not the other way round, and that domestic arguments every single day are normal, then do not have children. Stupid people should not be allowed to have children and I am literally the mistake of 2 stupid people but I will have to pay with my childhood because of it.

I don't even know how out of touch with normality I am because everyone around here is as religious as my parents and it drives me insaaaane. Just remember that while you enjoy your next conversation with your parents, someone in some muslim shithole house is listening to their parents ramble about religion. And feel good, because you were the lucky ones who weren't born to stupid uneducated village fucks.

>>17776157
I read everything here. Quit a bit of what you had to say seemed a bit hysterical and even nonsensical at times. I really think you would benefit from stop focusing on how your parents live their lives, and start focusing on how you are going to live your life. People choose to live their lives in different ways. Just do what you think is best for you, and stop obsessing over the choices your parents made in the past.

>>17776167
If you think my descriptions are nonsensical then please try living my life for a day. I have always believed in freedom of speech and belief but my family have forced religion on me since I was a kid. We didn't do normal shit. I have been considering recording a family argument so that I can give a true insight to my family life. I am ready to forgive and move on if they change but they will not and therefore I cannot.

>>17775939
Hey OP. If I understand right, your family is devout Muslim and you aren't. Also you live in the UK.
You might want to look into the council of ex-Muslims of Britain. Not where anyone will find out. They will have folks who understand and relate to what you are talking about, and should be able to help.

>>17776416
Yes that is pretty much right on the money. It's hard for me to reject religion because of the constant obsession over it. I would consider the ex muslim group but not while living with my parents. I would be crucified if anyone in the entire community found out. The shame of having an ex muslim son would definitely drive my parents to hate me and my life would become a new hell.

>>17776007
I don't think that's acid you're one typing like that or else you hadn't dropped it over an hour prior to writing that.

I know what you mean how it can clear your head and make you feel new but in my experience taking psychs. while you have some heavy shit going on always leads to a bad time.

>>17776448
What does your first paragraph mean? You think it's not acid? It's DNM shit and has been sampled by me and my loser friends some times. I say loser friends because they all just care about weed and/or world of warcraft. Only two actually did decent in school and one of those two is now in a heavy weed addiction.

They have become shitty people over the years and I have always tried to maintain contact and make conversation and meet up but they never return the interest. It's like the flame of friendship has died.

Or do you mean my general way of wording my concepts? I feel I am communicating clearly but specific questions are welcome and I will happily answer them. I just want someone to understand my life and tell me what the fuck is wrong with it.

>>17776465
I just mean you seem to be very focused and capable. I haven't taken anything like that in years but when I was doing it no way I could sit at the computer typing coherently or keeping a train of thought for longer than 10 seconds.

kudos I suppose.

>>17776471
Haha I think it affects me differently. Makes me very focused and acutely aware of my life and the present moment. I'm normal life I am a depressed husk and block it all out and my intellect suffers because of it. I lose motivation to do anything other than make money to gtfo. No hobbies no interests other than computers and the Internet and gaming. Perhaps i am a loser but I don't feel like one because I am surrounded by people with even lower standards than I hold.

And this is on my mind because I've been thinking it over for my whole childhood. Just never had a person to tell the tale to. I'm still waiting for someone to come take me away and put me in a mental institution. I cant tell if my family stupidity is me being deluded or them really throwing their whole lives away for an after-death reward. Both are depressing options.

>>17776471
Also wanted to say my friend took lsd and kept blanking out every few mins. It was whacked but hilarious. He left his shit on a checkout and walked out the store at one point without buying the shit. He had walked 10 mins to buy it and just left it lol and walked out mid transaction.

But it doesn't seem to affect me that way. I can even drive when tripping and have caused no accidents in my year of driving before anyone accuses me of being reckless. I do not risk driving at peak times when on drugs and would never break the speed limit either. It is a bad habit and doesn't happen regularly and I know he shitty it is to DUI. But I can drive when tripping. I dunno why drugs affect me differently but I think it's to do with my depression.

Please read a book called The White Tiger.

>>17776499
kek, just be careful brother. I've had different experiences different times. sometimes I could drive on shrooms or acid and another time I couldn;t back out the driveway. my friend told me were we going way to slow when we hit the first street but I felt we were going to fast so he told me to stop the car and we got out and switched right there lol. I was going -10mph in a 25. then on the way back I drove.

another time I passed out on shrooms and was having some crazy dreams. my buddy noticed and was freaking out shaking me and slapping me and shit and I wouldn't wake up so he turned the lights off and went out into the the other room not knowing what to do obviously tripping his nuts off as well. I eventually woke up laying on the couch and the time was all wavy and I immediately thought I had been drugged. I got up and went to the other room where my buddy was still tripping his balls off and all the sudden realize oh yeah we had taken some shrooms and just started laughing and asked him why he left me alone.

>>17776617
The description of that sounds pretty good. I will try to read it but if I can't find it online I will have to wait.

What's funny is it talks about gurgaon and I've been there. It's weird and the people are still very depressed and poor there too.

I can't help but think my dad is stuck in that Indian mindset. I can't tell if it's a bad thing whole or partially. India is fucked.