Did depression fuck up my brain?

>>17771649
I can relate to most of this. I feel like an alien and at times it's gotten me to want to kill myself. I'm hoping a skydive can somehow break me out of it.

Is this the intj circlejerk thread?

>>17771649
I don't think the depression fucked you over nearly as much as the lexapro did.
Habits trained during the depressive period are probably going to stay with you for a while, although different kinds of therapy might help.

t. 8 years ongoing depressive anxiety, stopped medication 6 months ago

>>17771769
>I don't think the depression fucked you over nearly as much as the lexapro did.
can you elaborate?
Started being depressed september 2015, and I think the depression really worn off around august. I remember pretty clearly how my mind used to work before all that happened.
Depression felt like seeing everything in black and white. The state I'm in now, feels rather like seeing everything in color but through a filter, like being colorblind.

>>17771805
When you have depression, your brain has a chemical imbalance. It's not dangerous, but it's something your body gets used to.
Medication changes the natural flow but it was never made specifically for your specific chemistry. This means it could increase levels of something you don't need, decrease something you do, it's not exact. Medication can be beneficial, but not wholly beneficial. Otherwise there would be no downside to taking antihistamines or Aleve every day. Eventually your brain will rewire itself to operate in tandem to that drug, so going off of it can cause shortages.

>>17771828
That makes sense.
I have to wonder if it's a good idea to systematically treat young people like me with SSRIs. Like I'm 22, my brain is still kinda plastic and not fully developed, adding the influence of meds on top of the depression is probably not the best plan, but hadn't I done so, I may have quit my job from the lack of energy and motivation.
Also I think it's possible that I have a harder time recovering because I still generally have the same lifestyle as I did when the initial change occured, with a very steady routine and not a lot of free time to do what I really want to, also having to work and communicate with people that are not my friends everyday. But that's all speculation.

>>17771921
It's worth noting that modern medicine (including psych) is still pretty young. Luckily we've gotten over stuff like lobotomies and shock therapy (in some cases...) but the public perception is still very negative.
SSRIs are primarily prescribed because they solve the problem in the short term, which is great for shit parents. It's the same thing with ptsd veterans vs nonvets. Most of these drugs weren't even around 20-30 years ago, so we can't guarantee that these medications don't have some kind of long lasting effect.
It's possible that depression on the whole changed your perception of things, but the drugs definitely make changes of their own and it's hard to not internalize those changes.

my phsyc. game me Lexapro and told him I'll look into it and may try it out but was hesitant from hearing all the awful antidepressant story. next visit I went back and told him after researching over it i wasn't going to take it so he gave me Ativan. not sure how it'll be in the long run but so far it has been able to calm me down. the funny thing is when I take it all the usual shitty I think about gets magnified by 10 by at the same time it feels 20 times easier to deal with.

I'm not trying to endorse drugs of any sort because we all know where that ends in the long run but I feel like possibly as long as you aren't overdosing these things can seriously help people like us.