My boyfriend is really irresponsible when it comes to waking

He's probably just really depressed and doesn't know it. Depression is weird like that.

>>17762337
Does he stay up all night playing vidya? Then it's going to be difficult. He's a manchild. You pretty much need to find a way to tell him to grow up and act like an adult.

>>17762337
There's medication for this.

>>17762347
He does have depression. It makes sense that that would contribute to oversleeping. What can he do to combat it and want to live life more?

>>17762357
Should I do that or will he realize it himself, do you think?

>>17762359
Like what? (Not op but someone with similar issue).

>>17762361
It's a hard rut to get out of that's for sure. Perhaps if he had something to look forward to it would motivate him to be more active. You could establish a reward system based on his effort

>>17762361
Maybe you should try to ask him first if he wants your help.

If you try to help him without his consent, it could hurt your relationship.

>>17762395
Thanks, I'll do that. Usually I do ask him if he wants my help in these sorts of responsibility-related things, and he accepts - for example, he said I could help him with transfer planning for university. So I think he would accept help. I just don't even know where to start. Maybe the reward system, as someone mentioned.

>>17762405
Well if he does want your help, what are precisely his problems? Does he want to change? In which ways? What makes him depressed?

>>17762425
It's a lot of things. He was in several relationships in which girlfriends cheated on him or left him; he presumes it was because they wanted someone more accomplished than him career-wise. That ties into him being upset at himself that it is taking him too long to get through school. For a while, he didn't have a job, and that contributed to his low self-image of himself as an unproductive NEET. He has a desire to finish school and get a certain type of job, but his desire is sort of vague - meaning, it's not enough to motivate him. He finds it difficult to actually make himself do things, like not procrastinate in studying or going to bed on time. So, it's like a positive feedback loop: some underlying self-esteem issues probably contribute to his lack of motivation, and his lack of motivation contributes to his negative opinion of himself. It's difficult to tell where to intervene in the cycle, or how to help motivate him without being demanding or making it seem like he's letting me down. Because, if he didn't care about following this path in his life at all, I wouldn't bother trying to get him to do it. I only wish to help him because I can tell that he wishes that he would have the motivation to succeed.

>>17762530
Okay, i know that all too well.

To cure this, there's only one thing he has to do.

It's to actually do stuff.

I really know it's easier said than done, but it's the truth. Everybody has doubts, nobody goes for something and is 100% sure that it's really what he wants out of life. (Well, maybe some people do, but i'd say it's rather rare.)

So the first step for him seems to finish school.

So he has to work. Doesn't matter if his desire is vague, doesn't matter if he has doubts, there's a moment you have to stop doubting everything and just go for it.

He has to make it a habit and i'd say he has to start slow. Like attend all his classes and then work 30 mins in the evening.
Then after a while he'll work for 1 hour, etc etc...

I'd say that if you want to support him, you'll have to become some kind of authority figure, like a mom or a big sister. You don't have to exerce some bitch authority or to threaten him or anything. It has to be some loving but firm authority.

Try to be supportive, but with authority. He lacks motivation, he has to be kind of forced. In a gentle way, but not too gentle. You have to give him the extra push so he starts working his 30 mins and then regularly starts working by himself.

Try to reward him when he works well.

If you feel like that's bad advice or bullshit, you can tell me, i don't know the whole situation, it's just my insight on the problem.

>>17762557
Also, if you go for this route, make sure to be clear about whether or not he is okay with you becoming kind of a coach/mom/authority figure.

Also, he has to go to bed at reasonable hours, he should go to sleep at 11pm , 11:30pm max.

>>17762557
That sounds good, especially because he has a very very /very/ hostile relationship with his mother, who probably contributed to his lack of motivation in childhood and even today. But - what kind of reward system would I set up? Is it reasonable to tell him that I won't hang out with him that week if he fails to go to all of his classes? I'm personally motivated in things like work and school, but probably not motivated or strong enough to do that...

>>17762337
So it's depression. He needs to go to a psychiatrist in order to get the right therapy. This will make him sleep again normal,feel better,have better mood and after a period of time he will go back to normal. I say that cuz I suffered by depression too,and I was sleeping every day for more than 12-14 hours and they weren't enough! After starting the therapy I was feeling so great

>>17762636
If he has a bad relationship with his mother, you wouldn't like to remind him of her by acting too harshly or something.

I don't really know about the reward. I'm giving some pieces of advice but really be careful with this, i'm not a professional or anything, take all i'm saying and all i said with a grain of salt.

I think it might be a bit harsh to straight out refuse hanging out with him for that kind of thing... Just let him know that you're in this together, and that you believe in him. Try to make him feel he has to make you proud of him.

When i talk about reward it's more about something positive when he does his work rather than a punition of some kind if he doesn't work.

>who contributed to his lack of motivation in childhood and even today

I know you're the one saying this, but if he thinks that too then i think he should understand that he's sole responsible for his actions and their consequences.

>>17762337
>He might have a sleep disorder

nah, he is probably just lazy and procrastinate like a lot of young guys. most of my friends and guys i know have sleeping patterns like your bf. Never really seems to be a case with the women though. my sleeping pattern isnt great but i i wouldent go to bed late if i had to do something in the morning, it is just silly.

i will say this though. Staying up unreasonably late is almost the norm now, at least in my country. if you go out here for example, people expect you to stay out literally all night.