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I recently started dating a girl I met in my graduate program. She is beautiful, intelligent funny, charming; pretty much everything I could ever ask for in a partner. The only catch is that she is still living with her ex-boyfriend. They have been separated for roughly 6 months now, but he is still really unstable and emotionally and physically abuses her. Apparently this has been an ongoing thing and she hasn't really told anyone else about it. She also cares too much about his well-being to go to the police. A few days ago he found out that she was seeing me and they got into a fight which resulted in him tackling her to the ground and strangling her. From what she described to me, the guy seems incredibly unhinged. She's in the process of looking for a new place, but I'm concerned that he might take things too far before she has the opportunity to leave. I also can't help but feel partially responsible for what happened, since it was because of me that he lashed out. I want to help her, but I also don't want to escalate the situation. She spent the weekend at my apartment and I told her that my door is always open if she needs a place to stay, but it doesn't seem good enough. It's also too soon in the relationship to invite her to live with me. I'm not sure I would ever forgive myself if something happened to her. I've never had to deal with something like this before. What should I do?
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>>17758988
you're just a shoulder to cry on for her and they'll be together again in no time. run.
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>>17759076
I was initially wary of this, but the more I learned about her and the situation she is in, the less I was convinced that she was using me. The reason they still live together is over joint ownership of their dogs. I think she was a bit delusional in making the decision to stay in this arrangement. She assumed that he would be able to be mature about it until she finishes her program next year and moves away and they would each take a dog, but obviously that isn't the case. They have both gone on dates with other people since they split up, with him going as far as bringing some of the girls home while she was there, but he cannot handle the thought of her seeing anyone else. I'm the first person she has been involved with romantically since they broke up. Maybe you are right though. If you are, she deserves an Oscar.
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>>17758988
Wtf this shit is unacceptable... What is your problem? Go there and do exactly this: TAKE HER SHIT AND BRING HER TO LIVE WITH YOU. NOW. Even if is temporarily, until she finds a place of her own. You don't need to marry her to help her, even if she was just a friend that was what you should do. Help her being safe and protected.
Now if she doesn't want to go with you, no matter how much you insist (do insist bc she might be scared to death of him, let it clear you'll protect and care for her) then fuck her. She is just playing you, and probably is still fucking him, bc if he's not afraid of being violent, he going to be rape very soon (if he already didn't do it).
Decide if she is a good wife material in a terrible position or if she is just a stupid bitch who can't be loyal to you and you should just ditch.
Do it now, take her in!
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>>17758988
>They have been separated for roughly 6 months now,
no they are not and relationship drama continues. you aren't anything but a side show
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>>17759185
>Decide if she is a good wife material in a terrible position or if she is just a stupid bitch who can't be loyal to you and you should just ditch.
I'm 99% positive she is the former. I think at one point she genuinely cared about and trusted this person, and as time went on he revealed a very dark side of himself that she was unaware of and now she is trapped. One of the problems is that we've only recently started seeing each other and I am worried about things getting too serious too quickly. If things get any worse and she is not having any luck finding a new place, I'll probably try to convince her the best I can to move to my place temporarily. I don't want to be too controlling though, otherwise I would be no better a man than he is. She has to make her own decisions.
As far as rape goes, I think it is entirely possible (even likely) that he has, but I don't know for sure. I only know about him hitting and choking her. Like I said in the original post, she has only opened up about this recently, and only to me. None of her friends or family know about the abuse, which is why no one has stepped in to stop it.
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>>17759258
I know this is hard to believe, but contrary to popular 4chan belief, not all women are traitorous whores. Also, I'm not an idiot. I would recognize if I was being taken advantage of and promptly end it. I'm not coming to /adv/ to find out if I am the rebound in the situation, because I have already determined that I am not. I came here to see if anyone else has had a similar experience so I can plan out my next few moves and have some sort of recourse if shit hits the fan. Please just take my word that this is a good person who is suffering.
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>>17759282
> If things get any worse
Buddy, he had her on the ground and was strangling her. If things get any worse she's going to be dead.
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>>17759380
That's a fair point. I guess I should've rephrased that. If it gets violent again, I think I will insist that she comes to stay with me. Do you think I should push for that regardless?
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>>17759347
if it were true, she'd just go to the police and report the abuse. the truth is she either (consciously or unconsciously) likes it or there was no strangling at all and she enjoys the attention from playing a victim. she probably wants to get back her ex and you're there just to make him jealous. other than that she may be using you as a backup boyfriend or an emotional tampon.
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