NEET/shut-in improvement thread!

reposting from previous thread
soon to be 20 years old uni student here. I'm pretty sure I'm suffer from depression, or suffered from it for the past 2-3 years. Aside from the sadness and loneliness only worsened by almost no social anything and living alone and having no family my problem is that I lost my "sharp". My mind is dulling, I'm losing memory of common words, I'm committing a lot of basic mistakes in things I was good at (math & physics).

I feel like part of my mind has been walled and I can't reach the rest of it. It got worse after I had a one week period of what I could describe as "depersonalization". It felt as if I was not living my life. All senses were dull, I was like someone on the back of my head watching myself. I have managed to control suicidal thoughts with good humor, reading and daily exercises routine but this part is getting worse and worse. I'm unable to get professional help for some time because yes. Anyone knows how to "sharpen up" or has passed through something similar? (Preferably without drugs)

Also I have the classic low-to-none self steem, resting bitch face and am a bit of shut in socially. (People usually tell me I'm handsome and smart but I can't believe that is true, I can't get past my insecurities, I dislike seeing my image and haven't took a picture in over 2 years)

>>17757988
Dude do you have alzheimers? wtf

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>>17757988

Hey, i'm a 21yr old college student who has been suicidally depressed from age 10-20/21, only recently have i sort of been managing the shit show and even then i run into problems all the time.

I'm insecure as fuck, I'm talking to a girl whos fucking beautiful 9/10 yo, and i can't help but think she's going to drop me after the semester is over and she doesn't really like me even though we hang out constantly and she's told me she likes to chill with me etc. ya even in my face I get insecure when it should be non-existent. This is just to say where on similar pages.

actual advice now.

First thing i've noticed is, you've taken a good step in reading, working out and keeping yourself occupied. But we both know thats not going to solve the problems we have. is it helpful and healthy ABSOLUTELY!

You need to be more balanced though, and that means having a larger social group/influence. You need to be able to go out, have people you can talk too and relate with and have a good time with, without feeling insecure around them. I found living alone and in isolation (which i did from 15-20 hence being so sad then) to be absolutely terrible.

I forced myself to do things by myself, I forced myself to talk to people and make friends, whether it be an old man on a bench, someone in line, or some kid in one of my classes.

The most important thing is having a somewhat balanced social life, because we all just need someone to be around even if we want to be alone all the time.

One thing thats a constant truth is that, Once you recognize a problem, its no longer a problem, it becomes a choice. You can choose to live your life as it is now, or you can force yourself to do the things that YOU know you should be doing or WANT to do.

You probably are smart, you know what your problems are better then the rest of us. Its really just up to you to define what you'd like to achieve and work towards and DO, then actually go and do it.

>>17757988
What >>17758900 anon said is pretty on spot. You're suffering from depression due to lack of social life so your brain tries to reduce stress by making it more numb. Find a way to make friends, maybe people who are good at studies in your class and bond with them. It's a process and won't take fast so come into it as a positive challenge.