NEET/shut-in improvement thread!

Hello everyone!

I haven't gone outside in months except for when I have to. Going out tomorrow on a walk tomorrow, wish me luck.

welcome to the NHK is so sweet, everybody should see it. It's enlightning.

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I guess I'm just going to unload here because I can't take it anymore. I'm in college and I've been putting off sending a job application for a week now. I'm surprised the job is still available on their web. It's a really nice job with flexible hours in a very niche field that i'm interested in and jobs for this are rare.

I haven't ever had a job because of my anxiety. I I have great parents who always supported me and keep telling me I should focus on school but I feel guilty that I don't do anything to support myself. The older I get the worse the anxiety gets because now it's really awkward that I'm a 22 year old guy who never worked a day in his life. I want to work, I really want to get on my own feet but every time I so much as think about going to an interview I get a panic attack and I don't know what to do anymore.

>>17752624
Look in the pastebin, getselfhelp.co.uk and a few other sites in there have resources about anxiety and panic attacks and how to better manage them.

Other than that, practice interviews and work on coming up with answers to likely questions. If you have social anxiety as well you might want to try to overcome that partially before approaching getting a job, it'll make it easier for you.

>The older I get the worse the anxiety gets because now it's really awkward that I'm a 22 year old guy who never worked a day in his life
This isn't that strange at all. There are quite a lot of people who do that in college if they're financially able. I was twenty-three when I started working and I never even went to college. I was a NEET for seven years. I still managed to get a pretty decent job and gloss over the gap. You're actually in college, you don't have to bullshit your way out of this. You're doing things with your life, and no one would question that. Don't let your insecurities get the best of you.

how can a real NEET get a decent job with no experience?
pure luck?

>>17752624
>I'm a 22 year old guy who never worked a day in his life.

that's okay, around 25-30 i'd say it gets weird if you haven't worked but 22 is nothing to be ashamed of.
i quit school, went to the army and after that i was 3 years unemployed - with 22 i started a apprenticeship and with 24 i completed that.

if i hadn't run out of social security i'm sure i'd have been at home 2 more years or so

>>17753047
If you want to go into a skilled industry (like telecoms or something), teach yourself, it's normal. If you want to get into an industry that takes anyone and is a bit of a lottery (eg. retail) then dress smart and generally just bother people.

Im 22, currently in university. Probably wont be able to get a job in the field i chose, and all the other jobs available are pretty shit. i dont really suffer from anxiety, at least not the level people on here do, i dont mind talking to new people, i can make new friends quite easily etc. anyway, if no decent jobs are available, why shouldent i live off benefits? all the shit jobs will be replaced by robots soon, the pay i receive from working will not reflect the work i have produced. as a society we produce so many resources and have such a large population that we could work a lot less if we actually lived in a reasonable world. i dont really want to work a shit job to contribute towards a shit world, i would rather spend my time pursuing my passions.

>>17751233
I just wanna be a normal person, with normal person capabilities and feelings. ;_;

>>17753047
Work on yourself until the reasons you're a NEET are no longer as apparent. Also put the word out amongst family and extremely close friends that you're looking for a job. They'll help try to hook you up if any openings come up at their job or in their social group.

Then make a really nice resume or CV that helps to hide the unemployment gaps you've had and start applying to places. You don't want to tell any major lies though, just stretch the truth. For instance sometimes I'd watch the neighbor's kids when I was a NEET. I never really babysat properly, but I managed to allude to having more babysitting experience than I did with just two "work" references. My third reference was just a character reference since they also asked for that.

>>17753064
There are people needed in all sorts of fields. There aren't enough people to preform surgeries, funded cancer research projects are left untaken, google still has bugs etc. There's improvement needed in all directions. The course you take isn't tied to the field you enter into, bachelor degrees are basic and don't set your path in stone at all.

I don't know if you're in the first world or not, but if you are, equalling the playing field with everybody else isn't going to make your life better.

Robots wont be soon really, not in a life saving sort of way. They AI we program (I'm consulted about machine learning a lot) will have a messy codebase, naturally, and will need constant improvements to keep it up to date. We'll leave you tons of work.

>>17753064
>why shouldent i live off benefits?
Because it's not going to be like how you imagine it. People who live a NEET lifestyle don't go out there and follow their passions. They don't write, paint, they don't travel. Whatever it is that fulfills you, they don't do. They get discouraged and depressed and they become very, very complacent. Feeling useful is a major part of how we value ourselves, and education/jobs are a very big part of forming that sense of accomplishment.

Another reason you personally shouldn't do it is this.
>i dont really suffer from anxiety, at least not the level people on here do
If you go NEETmode you will inevitably start to lose friends and stop socializing. After college people go their separate ways and not many keep in touch. Your job is a significant part of how you'll make new friends at that stage in life. And it gives you money to spend on activities you'll make other friends in. If you hole up your anxiety will begin to get worse and worse. Additionally, talking about doing things is a pretty significant part of conversation. If you can never contribute to discussion, and never have any money to go places or do things, how do you think you'll maintain your friendships? No one here started out at the level they are now, we got here through our own stupidity and mistakes.

>the pay i receive from working will not reflect the work i have produced
That's your opinion, but frankly unless you are exceptionally gifted, it just sounds like entitlement. Whatever field you're entering, you still have a lot to learn. College and university are only the tip of the iceberg and you don't start out as 'appreciated' and 'rewarded' as someone who's been in the industry longer. You're simply not as valuable to a prospective employer and your work is likely not yet as good.

>>17753077
>There are people needed in all sorts of fields. There aren't enough people to preform surgeries, funded cancer research projects are left untaken, google still has bugs etc.

you're right. NHS over here is in dire need of more staff. my problem in regards to it is that i dont have the training for such jobs, and i dont really want to do another degrees because im alredy on my second year, and i will be 24 by the time i finish.

my main complain is that the job market is fucked because its too competitive, and the state doesent put enough funding into training where jobs are actually needed. if people are qualified in a certain area the hours of the job should be cycled between them, and if too many people are working in a certain area, we should put a limitation on the amount of people aloud to become qualified. im basically saying its bull shit that we have to work 5 times a week. when i say a shit job, i mean one that will depresses me if i work it 5 times a week. a person job basically becomes there life.

over here more and more labour jobs are being replaced by robots. im not sure how long it will be until workers are not needed, but i cant imagine it will be long, or at the very least, only a few workers will be needed.

i apreciate your reply anyway. i guess i am being spiteful because i dont want to work a shit job 5 days a week when i know that things could be different. i have been brought up in a ghetto so things have been hard for me, and dyslexic so academic work can be a struggle.

>>17753082

>Feeling useful is a major part of how we value ourselves, and education/jobs are a very big part of forming that sense of accomplishment.

you're right but i would become depressed working a shit job, surrounded by people that have no hopes and dream, bound by lack of time to do anything that fuels by spirit.

cont

>>17753124
>>17753082

cont

i was a neet for about a year, and i spent the time vastly improving myself. it did getting boring at times but my main problem back then was lack of confidence. I went to uni in order to improve myself further, to gain confidence, and try to get a new perspective on life. it isnt really working out.

>i will lose friends and stop socializing

this wouldent happen. if i fully embraced the neet life style, i would join some activity clubs, and anyway, some of the things i do in my spare time need socialization. the good friends i have are similar to me, and some of them have been neets before, and they live close so np there. i get where you're coming from though. with or with out a lot of money, i would be doing exactly the same things, i would only go neet if i could have enough money to live independently. all of my passions are cheap as fuck, and i never go anywhere anyway that actually costs money. all people do in my country is go clubbing and i hate that anyway. the only thing i would honestly lose out on is having a gf because who would want to date a neet?. i wouldent mind getting a shitty part job time job but i honestly dont see myself working 5 days a week at a shit job, i honestly think i would kill myself.

>just your opinion

im talking economically, i mean the resource i produced if i worked a shit job, or the money i put into the economy wouldn't be reflected in my pay check. im not saying meh i would earn more because im working hard.

thanks for your post anyway. will consider what you said but im likely only going to work full time if its a good job. if not, im either becoming a criminal or neet.

>>17753124
>you're right but i would become depressed working a shit job
Stop looking at it like it's all or nothing. Find a job you can enjoy more or less and work up to a good job.

>surrounded by people that have no hopes and dream
You mean like the kind of people you'll attract living on benefits and looking down on getting a job?

>all people do in my country is go clubbing and i hate that anyway
That's not even close to true. There are hundreds of thousands of things to do in the UK. Instead of looking down at everything and writing it off before you try it and assuming that people only do literally one activity, actually try some new things. Google things to do in [postcode here].

You'll either choose to help yourself or you won't, but that's not society's decision or fault so don't try to blame others. Your choices in life and the opportunities you make or fail to make as well as the paths you don't take are your own responsibility.

Not a NEET, just shut-in.
I'm 26 and live in a dorm in university/college. In class I have a group of 3 guys that i work together with, but outside of that I know nobody in my class/school. I'm not even friends with those 3 outside class, and 2 of them even live at campus. After classes I go back to my dorm room and stay there until the next day. Rinse and repeat. I thought I would be able to change my "way of life" when starting fresh this year, but I'm still the same me. Shy, socially anxious, depressed and miserable.
Not sure what I wanted to get from typing this, but I just had to do it. Get it off my heart.

wait how do I get NEET financial benefits?

>>17753082
I've just had three weeks of a plumber saying "call me tomorrow", then he arranged to come and didn't turn up. If you could teach yourself plumbing and not be a cowboy that would be awesome.

>>17753185
There's lots of good resources in the Pastebin for people in your shoes.

The best advice I can give you personally, you have to put in the effort. Change doesn't "just happen". You're wanting to become more social and make friends. But what steps have you taken to that end?

>I know nobody in my class/school
You have to introduce yourself. Go to social functions, make small talk with people in your classes. "Shit I'm really nervous about the test coming up." "Man this professor sure assigns a lot of homework." Comment on things that you share in common and then let the conversation flow from there. In long lines for instance at understaffed stores, it's a really useful trick to comment on how slow the lines are. Everyone can relate to it, everyone wants out of there. Come up with things like that that aren't terribly major complaints, you don't want to seem like you're whining.

>After classes I go back to my dorm room and stay there until the next day. Rinse and repeat.
If you're not going out, you're not meeting people. And if you're not hanging out with your in-school friends you're not going to deepen your friendships with them. Go to places people hang out. Join a club or sport or some kind of activity. Invite your friends over to play video games, or go drinking, or do something.

Make a concrete and goal for yourself, and make a step-by-step gameplan for how you're going to achieve it. Physically write it down. If you're not following that plan, you're not working on achieving your goals. If you're following it and it still isn't working out, come back to us with what's going wrong and we'll try to offer specific advice.

I know it's scary, and I know it's hard. But this won't ever ever change until you make it change. You'll still be shy, socially anxious, depressed, and miserable, until you stop doing the things that make you so.

Any help for a chronic self-sabotager?

Welp lads I'm going to do it. I'm going to start at a cc and work through that until I can apply for a master's program.

I'm tired of picking the safe option and being depressed.

We'll make it yet.

>>17753338
Work on your insecurities and fears. At least for me most of the reasons I self-sabotage are insecurity related. The pastebin has some good information on dealing with insecurities in it. The google doc we're making touches on it in particular.

soon to be 20 years old uni student here. I'm pretty sure I'm suffer from depression, or suffered from it for the past 2-3 years. Aside from the sadness and loneliness only worsened by almost no social anything and living alone and having no family my problem is that I lost my "sharp". My mind is dulling, I'm losing memory of common words, I'm committing a lot of basic mistakes in things I was good at (math & physics).

I feel like part of my mind has been walled and I can't reach the rest of it. It got worse after I had a one week period of what I could describe as "depersonalization". It felt as if I was not living my life. All senses were dull, I was like someone on the back of my head watching myself. I have managed to control suicidal thoughts with good humor, reading and daily exercises routine but this part is getting worse and worse. I'm unable to get professional help for some time because yes. Anyone knows how to "sharpen up" or has passed through something similar? (Preferably without drugs)

Also I have the classic low-to-none self steem, resting bitch face and am a bit of shut in socially. (People usually tell me I'm handsome and smart but I can't believe that is true, I can't get past my insecurities, I dislike seeing my image and haven't took a picture in over 2 years)

>>17753209
thanks for replying
>I know it's scary
yeah, it is really scary. I mean, that is what my brain finds out and goes "nope, get back to your comfort zone right now". And that is usually what happens.
>Make a concrete and goal for yourself, and make a step-by-step gameplan for how you're going to achieve it.
I'll try that, thanks.

>>17753803
Take baby steps. Break down things until they're small enough that you can face them. This site might be able to help you out. Some of it's behind a paywall though. http://www.llttf.com/

>>17753552
I went through the same loss of mental sharpness when I was a NEET/hikikomori. What brought it on was different so I don't know if this'll help you, but for me it was a lack of mental stimulation. Go outside, take walks. Pick up an active hobby and do novel things. Even if they're just taking a different route home or something.

For dealing with your insecurities, look in the pastebin, the activities to help you improve. Try them out.

How can I become better at conversation? I find that when I'm on the peripherals of others' conversations, like in class or something, I'm able to crack a joke and get people to laugh or raise an interesting point, but when it comes time to talk to someone one-on-one, I'm at a loss for things to say.

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I finally stopped being a NEET after 5 years (terrible social anxiety) and starting going to a college nearby. First semester is going great. Made some friends, have a crush on a cute girl who may or may not be interested in me, good grades. However, registration for next semester was this morning and I completely forgot about it till now. Almost every class is full. I literally can't take a full schedule and I'm only at 3 classes. I'm honestly really terrified at the thought of becoming a NEET again, even for a semester.
I felt so alone for 5 years and I don't want to go back.

>>17753899
Thanks anon. I do enjoy walking and trekking in general but the "dulling" affected my will too.. Entered a vicious cycle of not studying, getting shit, getting sad get back to step one repeat.

>>17753967
Ops. Meant to reply on the same post but clicked by accident on post.
>>17753954
I failed 3 classes that were required to advance to like 1/2 of my other future classes because I was lazy, overconfident and got extremely bad teacher. This semester I have 3 classes (I should have 6) and the thing I can tell you is just go through it man. Some semesters are shit, others are very nice.

>>17753974
Yeah, I'd ought to take them no matter what at the very least. It just sucks that I carpool and I'll be stuck there for hours on end with nothing to do.
Guess it will be a good time to get closer to some friends or something. Its a small school with a lax staff, so they may slip me into some classes anyway, hopefully.

>22 yr old european virgin here.
>Been on the road of improvement
>Becoming more of a normie and as such, hanging out with people more
>proposed to this girl to meet for coffee because I wanted to have interesting discussions, which I know she can provide.

>Pursuing a relationship, or sex, was not intended. Really.

>We had a good time, talked for 3 hours, she talked about her failings on the love side while I was cryptic about my inexperience, among other subjects.
>Upon saying goodbye, she proposed we should see eachother at her place after work (8 pm) to and I quote "watch television, or something".
>upon kissing goodbye: she prolonged her kiss for at least 1 to 2 seconds on each of my cheeks, while firmly holding on to me, pushing her body against me, which seemed different compared to the friendly but indeed warm first hello.

I don't know what to do.

I think she might be looking for sex (she is pretty open on one night stands, admitting to me of having a high sex drive, open relationship - she's single for now.)

I'm at lost. I kind of want to lose my v-card, but am not sure if this is actually happening. On my desires for her, right now there are mild, but I know that her body is stunning at least. Think I'm scared/anxious.

Should I just go, and see what happens ?

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How do people around 22 make friends.
Everyone's at school or a job and the people at clubs I don't want to know.