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A girl I'm going out with is asking that we become exclusive. I'm really torn here.
>Pro
She is very clever and adult, not only in simple intelligence but in the way she handles the relationship. She is always very calm and can always look very objectively at the relationship so we can have a calm discussion about what we should do. We also have a lot of common interests and have a lot to talk about, I feel a real connection there which is really rare. She's also very caring, always having nice attentions or bringing thoughtful little gifts.
>Con
I didn't have that instant "crush" feeling I had with past long-term partners. It might be because I don't really desire her physically. She is rather fat (but trying to lose), and sex is good, but nothing special. It might also be because it seems like she has a different way of living (going out more, travelling to random uninteresting places for fun, ...). This reminds me of a bad past relationship, but maybe I'm just imagining things. She also is not in the best state mentally-wise since she has had a very troubled childhood, and has done not so great things before me but she seems to have it in control and laughs about it.
What should I do /adv/? On one hand I feel like there might really be something. On the other hand I don't feel the same doubtless desire I had in the past, but this might just be the lack of physical attraction which I should overlook.
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I don't think you should overlook the aspect of physical attraction. It's not fair to her and not fair to you.
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>>17756314
Doesn't it fade anyway?
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>>17756358
No, not at all. When you are really attracted to someone you are attracted to more than their most superficial looks. It's in the way they move and walk, the way their face scrunches up when they laugh really hard, the noises they make during sex, the line of their neck or down their back. It is much deeper and more resilient than having a dollface or a perfect trim body. It's about loving and being drawn to the physical presence of someone you adore, relishing in the change that comes over them when they are in the heat of sexual enjoyment, how they look at you, how they touch you.
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>>17756358
Somewhat. That being said, when you look at your partner, you should still want to hit that.
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>>17756293
You're going to break her heart by giving her false hope. For the love of all that is holy, don't do that! She is not going to be long term for you. Someone "trying to lose" is ALWAYS "trying to lose." (I'm a girl.) If the sex isn't great, its not going to hold your interest long term.
Say something non-commital but nice. "You know I care about you but I'm not ready to be exclusive, let's see what happens." Something like that.
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>>17756368
THIS.
THIS IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
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I would move on and let it go. Any hesitation in your part regardless of the reason is a sure sign at some point, inevitably you'll be stepping out.
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>>17756368
She does have a certain charm I am attracted to, and I often think that she is cute in her own way. So it does go a bit deeper, even though it's hidden behind the obvious turns-offs.
>>17756405
>Say something non-commital but nice.
I already tried going this way. She told me today that she is about to plan a date with someone else soon and that it might be the point of no return soon, because she'll go away if someone else is more willing to commit.
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>>17756436
It doesn't quite work that way, though. What I meant with my post is that attraction goes above and beyond looks that fade with time - I read your post as people aging anyway. If you are actively turned off by her, it doesn't matter much that some aspects of her do hold some attractiveness in your eyes.
And I just realized that I forgot to include one of the most intimate and important ones: the natural scent of your loved one.
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