Say it

>>17755132
In real life, I am a 25 year old man with a full time job and almost perfect grammar.

On 4chan, I pretend to be a freshly-turned 18 year old who is nostalgic for media and products that my generation did not like. This includes watching Camp Lazlo, Ben 10, or My Gym Partner's a Monkey for television. For video games, I say that I played Pokemon Pearl when I was eight, and how I have fond memories of playing Skyrim after a trying week of middle school.

>>17755175
Forgot to mention, I do this to make other people, especially those on the more childish boards where everyone screams "REDDIT" feel old after they compare the release date of said thing with the current year and realize, to their horror, that I am in fact a legal adult.

I make sure to use shitty grammar, not TOO bad, mind, but poor enough to make it sound like I'm an obnoxious kid.

I love weekends, especially at home.
Less people to deal with.

No words, only silence now.

I am tired of feeling lonely and defeated. I had enough it hurts too much. I had enough.

Perhaps we could go out for dinner tonight? Or tommorrow? I'd be happy to cook next time too. I could drop by this evening after a couple chores..if you like. I understand if not

Last year I moved out of my parents' house and got my first graduate job, armed only with my new girlfriend and some vague hopes. It was exciting. I lived in a shithole, worked for a company I didn't really like, but on the weekends I'd be out with her or talking to her and all the laclustre things about my career were totally bearable.

I lost her a few months ago. Now it's become apparent she was the only reason I'd get out of bed on the weekends. I sleep till 3-4pm without her. It's fucked up and I don't know how to get past it. I don't see many friends, I live far away from most of them, I don't like my town, and I don't enjoy anything I do. It's textbook depression. I want to better myself and get a new job and a new place and I have all these moments of clarity about my life late at night, but in the mornings I have nothing, there is nothing to stop me sleeping all day. I know that if we had stayed friends I would never have accepted that it ended, but sometimes I feel like that woul'dve been preferable to just being a complete waste of space all the time. At least false hope is still hope.

By the way, I've somehow fallen in love with you, hope it doesn't put you off, since I know it's only been a few months. It's very exciting to be around you, and depressing to be away, I want to be with you

Guy who had the issue with the crush going snowboarding here.

Just made myself look like a jackass while talking to her. I played it off, and we're still on for this week, but I feel embarrassed as fuck for almost causing an awkward situation. I need to relax.

>>17756025
what did you do anon?

Ellie it isn't getting any better..I'm still fucked.
But i'll get through it. fuck you

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Ive never been in a relationship and the only "intimate" contact Ive had with women is sex with hookers.

I want to have a meaningful relationship but I dont know if I can or even detect when someone has feelings for me anymore

Husband, you're used to being pampered. The only reason why you haven't come home is because you'd rather hide behind step mummy's skirts than work things out with your wife. Be a fucking man already.

Also fuck you, I'm getting a god damn dog now.

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>24 years old
>desk monkey
>hate my life.
>eat like shit. no gains since college.
>boring af
>no gf

I don't know if it's working out with my girlfriend of nearly two and a half years. There's 5 hours of driving between me and her now, and is going to be for at least a year, most likely two to three years. We get to see only occasionally, and.. I just don't know,
She's a great girl, but I feel like we might not be compatible. Then again, I might just be expecting way too much out of her, can't have everything.

To top it all off, I recently heard that the girl I had a crush on back in high school broke up with her long-time boyfriend, and some of those old feelings caught up with me.

I just don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt anyone or do something I'll regret for the rest of my life.

>>17755132
>22
>Havent had girlfriend in like 4-5 years
>Probably autistic
>no car, no job, no phone, virgin

Am i doomed? There's this qt in one of my classes I like though. Only talked to her a couple of times. should i just go for it or keep being autistic?

need my dick sucked

>>17755132
What can I do to go out on a date with her? I asked her out and she didn't give a clear answer, and the other day didn't even say to me happy name day (considered more important than b-day to many in my country) to me even though she was standing like in front of me. I get it that you're shy, but that fucking much?

I really like this girl from work we've been hanging out for a couple of months now but something is holding me back from having a relationship with her. Im 27 and shes 23, I think she has a secret relationship with this older guy at work. I've been seeing plenty of signs that they have a secret relationship and the girl is a little secretive too. The older guy is married and has kids already. I cant really get past the fact that they are very close with each other its kinda creepy. I really like the girl and I think im already inlove with her but I cant stand the thought of her having a relationship with a married man.

>>17756053
Here's what basically went down

>saw her this morning working her aisle and greet each other
>ask how her birthday was
>it was awesome she says
>nonchalantly asked if she ended up spending the night or not, cuz her Snapchat looked like she didn't
This is where it fell apart.
>says she did, then presses me cuz I guess I looked pensive after she told me she drank, "chilled", but didn't do anything crazy
>I fumbled my words, trying to play it off like I didn't care, but maybe she was trying to hide any shenanigans that went on from family or other friends on Snapchat.
Gets awkward so I change the subject, then say I'll text her tomorrow about dinner this week.
>she smiles and says sounds good

Basically my curiosity came off as nosiness, blatant jealousy and judgement.
I know better than to be a spurg. I was supposed to never bring it up. But I fell short and caved into my inner beta.

I spoke to my sister about it since they're friends. She scolded me and told me I need to relax, but I did good in playing it off, and that she won't overthink it. At worst, she just thought I was being wierd today and not myself.

But yeah, I need to take a few steps back. I like this one and don't want to scare her with stupid shit that can be avoided.

i can't tell if you say evil things to me because you're trying to push me away or because it's your actual opinion.

i don't want to talk to you anymore either way.

I don't give a FLYING FUCK what anyone thinks about me. FUCK your WORTHLESS opinions

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Last weekend, I went to a house party.

We got drunk, all my friends left.

For absolutely no apparent reason, the girls took of there clothes. (I think they did coke, I see no other reason)

One girl asked me to let her see the size of my dick. I showed it to her and she blew me while the other girls cheered.

None of my friends believe me, they think I'm lying my ass off

I needed to get it off my chest

>>17756404
If you really didn't give a damn you wouldn't have to fucking say it.

Sure fucking nice that you need everyone to see you as somebody who doesn't care about how they're seen.

We used to text like a fucking teenage couple. Now I can't even get myself to ask you what you are doing without having an anxiety attack. What the fuck is this bullshit? And why do you never ask me if I am fine? Why am I such a fuck?

Im the most anxious person i know and i hate myself for it

I was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder 2 years ago and ive never told anyone. guess i ca say it to 3183819 horny fags though

>>17756426
fuck I missed out on being young

Whenever I see her I can't stop thinking about her knuckles in my belly or licking her legs like an animal while she calls me a disgusting faggot. It's very uncomfortable because I don't have any other attraction to her outside of being friends

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I'm having trouble registering for classes for next semester, my advisor is out for the weekend, and registration ends Sunday Night. At this rate, I'm going to lose my financial aid and not be able to attend next semester. The thought of becoming a NEET again is terrifying, even for a semester.
I was thinking about transferring to a bigger college and moving on campus for personal growth and switching majors, and it seems like everything in my life keeps pushing me down that path. I know its bullshit, but at least it makes me feel a little better.

coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeeCOFFEECOFFEEEEE.

way too much coffee holy shit.

>>17756652
stop being a pussy and take meth faggot

Why do I torture myself? She's not going to leave her boyfriend for me.

I wish I could just bury the laptops and forget about them completely. Why did I have to buy so many of them? shit. And I can't sell them back.
I'll just stuff them all together somewhere. I should've bought a decent tablet instead.
I'm just sick of all this computer business

>>17756433
Communication, anon. If it bothers you, bring it up.

>>17755132
>>17755432
>>17755512
>>17756057
>>17756294
this is like a Hatebreed lyrics thread

Please
Fucking please

She has this liberal feminist perspective on things which I rather ignore since i tend to avoid conflicts. She dominates me. And I feel like a prisoner.

She has no idea that I might be planing to leave her. It really saddens me. It won't be easy for me...she is my first :(

>>17756897
Please what?

>>17755132
I'm sorry that I haven't said anything to you since that night.

But I'm also really pissed off at what you did, and I associate that frustration with drinking. So I can use that experience to better myself, so long as I don't resolve it with you.

>>17756619
just sign up for anything, then swap classes next semester if your school has an add/drop period.

I came with my boyfriend to his friend's party to get better at socializing but now I'm just worn out, hungry, and wishing I stayed home and worked on my history paper.

All my friends are leftists and it's starting to piss me off.

>>17757004
I had a gf that would bitch under her breath about me oppressing her if I asked her to make dinner once a month after working 12 hour days 7 days a week. I broke that shit off... she peed on my couch... really pushes home that I was right in breaking up with her. fuck that noise.

break up, ghost, fuck that. if she hates men, she shouldn't be with you.

I wish people on /adv/ posted in threads that aren't about sex.

>>17757078
Please Clap

>>17756468
Oh we always knew

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She makes me want to kill myself
I didn't want to live long anyway
she said I don't have to live anymore
I'm still alive because I love her so much
and we cannot be together
we don't talk to each other
I won't ever find another
who leaves me wanting
who leaves me wanting nothing
I love her so much
I'm still alive
I want to kill myself
I don't want to live anymore
She leaves me
She wants nothing
We can't be together

>>17757097
Thats a pretty good idea, thanks.

>be lone 24 year old
>quit a decent job last month because I'm an angst ridden faggot
>last dozen conversions on my phone are with prostitutes
>literally no one else on my phone other then my parents and my sister
>no social life
>no hobbies worth mentioning
>got bored and start trading stocks
>make 5grand on stocks in one week of day trading with only ten thousand in principle
>tfw my autism actually helped me with something
>tfw I can afford more prostitutes now
>tfw it feels good, mang
Everything went better then expected... I thought I was going to be a neet until my savings ran out and then kill myself. Now I can just be a full time degenerate!

>>17757089
Fuck you.

we've been together for 7 months now in a ldr, my first relationship. he has bpd and depression and i've tried to break up with him more times than i can count because i can feel myself becoming depressed as a result of this relationship, but he guilts me into staying every time and i'm too weak to do it or to hurt him like that. and honestly i'm scared of being alone again. i've isolated myself because of him and i don't have friends anymore.

the last time i was with him i stayed up holding him in my arms until 6am because he was afraid he would kill himself if i let go. (he later told me he was planning to kill himself in the bathroom after i fell asleep).

breaking up with him doesn't even feel like an option anymore because i've tried and failed so many times, and i'm scared of what happens if i do.

I don't like this, I'm viewed as inferior over something I can't control, but if I were to change anything related to this then I would be seen as a joke. I like this part of me anyway so I don't really want to change. This is awful.

I can't believe you're writing a book that's clearly based around your life and I'm the bad guy in it. What the fuck? I know we had a falling out but I didn't do anything that's warranted the reactions you've been having and the comments that's you've been stringing out for a MONTHS now and now this? THIS? What the hell is wrong with you? I swear if I was still speaking to you i'd give you an ear full but guess what? I'm respecting your wishes and not talking to you. Why couldn't you respect my one wish? I didn't want to become a bad memory. And yet it seems like you're intent on making me one out of spite. I just don't understand.

>>17757332
what is it

>>17756210
First, figure out if you can handle a long distance relationship. If you absolutely cannot, then there is no way it will work anyway.

If you determine you can then secondly you need to be 100% certain you want it to work with her. LDRs are hard work and you have to really love and trust the person or you'll end up with a whole new set of relationship issues on your hands.

Third, if you end up wanting to pursue your old crush, just remember that people change over time. If she's someone you haven't seen or kept up with for awhile, prepare to realize that she may not be the same person you had a crush on back then.

I'm in a LDR and there is over 4,000 miles and an ocean between us. Coming up on our one year anniversary.

I'm sick of my family holding me back. My grandmother, who is 80 and just had a knee replacement is the one who ended up raising me, while my dad lived in the house rent free with no bills. Last year I moved back in to help out after my grandpa died. Dad still lives in the house with her, but won't do a damn thing to help out and acts like he hates everyone yet he never fucking moves out. I'm 25 and ready to move on with my life. Have plans to move come February to finally get out of my hometown, but I have no idea what to do about my grandma. She has four kids yet no one comes around or wants to help with ANYTHING. I owe it to my grandma to take care of her since she took care of me all those years, but I can't help but hate it at the same time. I can't stand that stuck feeling, but I dont want that guilt to eat at me if I leave either. Fuck.

I'm already trying to cope with the fact that no girl whatsoever will consider me more than a friend, (no I do not use a fedora) and 2 years away to become a wizard, so yup that's it I'm playing videogames until I get the sweet embrace of death

>>17757381
If you have the means then leave. Do what will make you happy.

I love you anon, and I hope you do too. I know we say it everyday, but I get paranoid and sad and miss you a lot.

I wish it was easier to forget about you.

I am so god damned horny.

Man fuck you guys. I'd do what I asked you to do, but I can't even get it in return? I put too much goddamn effort into shit, clearly.

Why does she call me papa?I'm am not a potato...

please, just look at your facebook so you can read my message. don't care if you say no, just please log on and read it.

I'm going to give you those things I bought for you.

Depending on your reaction to it, I may give up on us. I'm sad I can't have you, but I am happy I can finally be free. You're really toxic, but I thought things would work out.

Oh well.
I'm still staying positive, but I'm done after this.

>>17755132
I'm dead inside.

I've been dead inside since she left.

No amount of women, drugs, or even success makes any difference.

I just want her to acknowledge me and let me say "I'm sorry". I just need her to forgive me so I can go on with the rest of my life.

>>17755650
Anon just do it get a new job be happy

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>>17755132
a long as story about my ex, so strap in.

she was my first gf, i was her first bf. we lasted through highschool to my 1st year at college for 3 years. she never cheated or acted like a bitch directly, but she seemed so aloof to the fact that i needed her attention and love too.

i dont want to sound like a bitch, but i felt neglected. i know she has a big family and her own shit to deal with like family deaths, and i waited, i gave her space, all she needed. then she texts me first and we set up a date when i come back to my hometown but she never follows up. never texts back for plans. not even an im sorry i couldnt see you over spring break...

she never mentions it again, meanwhile at my college, i notice other oppurtunities... i never cheated, i felt like id be an asshole to do this to someone i said i love you to and who idated for so long... i tried to talk about if this relationship was worth keeping, but right ebfore i called my mother called (she worked with her mom) that they were going through some bad shit and now i felt bad because i felt like i was just going to give her more stress. so i put it off till i get back home.

i called her many tiems, she missed, she called me once, and this is my fault, i let it ring out because i was scared to see what would happen and what i would say and also because i was just mad at her.. not long after i call back, no responce. try again, nothing.

i know im at fault for being a bitch and waiting out, but to just cut herself off from me without anything felt like something out of her character and like a real bitch move... and i never felt like she ever acted so bad that id have to say something like that about her...

its been a year since, i havent tried to talk to her and she nor me. my friends go to the same community college in the hometown she does, i try to never talk about her. they usually never bring her up. now shes just my ex to them, not that they ever knew her well.

cont...

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>>17757866
now im at my uni, a year later. i feel ready to try and put myself out there again, and im attracted to this one international student girl in my stats class who i really think i can go somewhere with... but i keep putting alot of pressure on myself to succeed with this, because i want that feeling of discoering someone in that romantic way and doing things different, and its not some kind of "for my ego" thing because im genuinly attracted to her in terms of looks and personality and i REALLY want this to go somewhere,

I don't feel grown up. As a kid I always thought that once I turn 18 I would get full enlightenment but it's the opposite. I don't know who I am, I don't feel like I deserve happiness, how are some people so confident that they are giving it their best? Why am I not trying my best? Why am I complaining instead of working on my character and spending time with the good influences in my life? Am I afraid of growing up?

>>17757593
Same... Can't stop thinking about my ex, she has a new one and it feels like I love her (I didn't really love her in our relationship).

I just want to move on, but she keeps popping up in my head. ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

For fuck's sake, why aren't you gay? Scratch that. Despite what you've said about me being your first choice, if you were gay there's a chance you'd go for another guy. So why aren't you gay for me exclusively? This whole soulmates thing just isn't fair. God made a mistake with one of us.

Not sure what to do. Less than a month from turning 18. Grew up exrremely poor and extremely emotionally abusive family. Was physical untik i was 16 and got the balls to hit back. Now on a diversion program for bullshit charges. I called the police for help and 6 months later i get charged. Counseling doesnt work and its public counseling anyway. Cant afford a attorney to fight charges. Afraid my diversion program is violated because i got arrested for arguing with my asshole family. I just honestly want to move out but i cant because of the court. Court is forcing me to take my GED/classes but im not ready. Dropped out of highschool to make money to have a half ass shot of living on my own. Have wonderful girlfriend of 2 plus years but lately shes been routinely failing me in the support line. Ive stopped eating and cant really keep food down. I dont have access to a true counselor and i donr have funds for a attorney. Routinely think of just blowing my head off but i dont because i dont want to hurt others or die. I honestly would just like to have a family. I work hard and have little to show for it. Im a white male so people automatically assume im doing well. I need help and legal advice but i dont have access to it. Counselor got mad at me and told me i dont need counseling i need a attorney and a miracle. Called suicide hotline and they literally had no suggestion or advice for me after crying for 1 and a half hours. At a genuine low where i have to serve 5 years or kill myself. I do not know what to do. I hear kids say they deal with too much for their age and i think theyre full of shit but im a hypocrite and think that too. Have only told girlfriend of thoughts of committing suicide and each time i mention it she breaks down in tears and makes me feel worse. I honestly cant continue like this. I wish this was a joke but it isnt. And now im posting this on a anonymous website in hopes of finding some kind of guidance. What should i honestly do?

>>17758058
Forgive my terrible grammar. Im on a phone and trying to keep from ruining my phone with tears. I do not know what to do. Please excuse my shit for spelling.

>>17758058
I mean i honestly dont know what to do. Csn someone help me? I was 3000 characters before i realized i passed the 2k limit. i am so lost. Should i just do it?

>>17758070
No. This builds character, if you get through this and become victorious normal life problems but won't have shit on you. We are here anon,

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I wish someone would talk to me...

I am not the toxic one. I was not abusive... I just wanted to know why this is happening ok?

How many times did she beg me not to leave her after she would tell me such hateful things? She would tell me to not believe her in her rage and i should stay...

But then tells people I'm toxic? That my loving patience and understanding and love was all lies for manipulation?

I truly do not belong to this world. I don't. It's filled with evil and vile and it's destroying me. It's turning me into something that IS toxic... something that no one should llisten to...

M, H, PZ, M, K, asian roommate, L....

I'm sorry if I came off as extremely crazy but please emphasize with me ok? I can't post her lies, her deceit, because they will just make ME look bad and crazy but... please... understand that she is abusive, mean, and a master manipulator. I will post one thing she sent me and that's it. This should show you that... my extreme behavior was manufactured. That this is what she wanted all along in order to make me look so bad...

She would be manipulative on purpose... admit to it, and then pull me back in to love her. Which is manipulation as well.

I hate how my honesty comes off as somehow "abusive"... but whatever...

No one listens to me anyways. This is why you are all ignoring me, right? Because no one believes me when I tell you how insanely hurt I am? how hard I tried? How... I would have let her go so long ago if she didn't beg me so many times... and fucked with me head so thoroughly...

>>17758086
shes given me PTSD, legit. Legit PTSD. I saw her profile image and it made me snap. I broke down so hard. It made me think of all the abuse, the lies, the manipulation and sent me into a rage and crushing sadness...

That's what PTSD is right? Is that... did I get triggered? I lost myself compeltely... I couldn't think, believe any of it...

I need therapy after all shes done...

>>17758084
Im so close to just doing it. I fucking hate police with a god damn passion and ive gotten to the point were i dont flinch when i here about them being killed. Theyve killed me. I cant sleep or eat. I want to die every moment im awake. All because i hit my dad back after he basically broke my nose. Instead of attorney to help me or money to move out with. My family used to get byb on soup kitchens need i tell you. They spent $2700 on a attorney to evict me the day of my birthday or arrest me. $2700. I cant take it. Im either going to kill myself or them then myself. Or serve for crimes i am not guilty of. I have been stabbed in the back. Literally and figureatively.

I want to meet women with common interests (vidya, fantasy, various musical genres) but as far as I can tell women who have an interest in those things are all either emotionally unstable, annoyingly dependent on the approval of the 'scene' with their clothing and their behaviour, horribly corrupted by the need to spout memes and LOLRANDOM commentary at every opportunity, or all three of the above - PLUS they're already taken by some dude.

Is it worth it to tread through that cesspool of disappointments in order to find a gem or should I just concede and live in my hollow fantasy relationship with my waifu?

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I am fucking tired of having always to be the one changing their attitude/behaviour.

Everyone around me makes mistakes, misjudges, has problems created by themselves... Yet I am always the one told to give in, change, and accept everyone as they are.

Like how my mother is a crazy bitch that has literally never, not once in my entire life, admitted being wrong. She yells, insults, has told me numerous times that she wishes I was never born... Yet, everytime I talk about this, everyone goes like "But, Anon, you have to understand that she is a woman that has gone through a lot, that she's just an old woman, you should be more supportive with her and ignore her attitude..." And whenever I stop taking her shit and tell her to fuck off, I am the Devil incarnate. To my mother and everyone else hearing the story.

Like how my teachers are always preaching about respect, that we are all adults and equals, to embrace other's opinions and advice because our point if view is always limited... Yet, I have to listen to some of them calling us morons in our faces and when I complain about their disrespectful ways, endless lectures about how >I< must be the one to change sprout.

Like how I am always given shit for being dependant on the asthma medication. I get that it is borderline addiction and I should quit, but it is something that I have been doing because my family made me take it ever since I was three. There's this friend that always takes the medication away when she sees it, tells me that I am an addict, and mocks me. Words spoken by the same person that drinks whysky as soon as she wakes up in the morning. That smokes all day, tobacco and cannabis.

I am mad.

I've spent the past year probably in love with a man who doesn't want me. I say love because everything I do reminds me of him in some way and the whole time we're apart I'm thinking about the next time we're together. I know I shouldn't allow myself that knowing he doesn't return those feelings, but I can't help myself. I can't help but want to be close to him and be able to hold him to me, stroke his face and run my fingers through his hair. It's not even necessarily sexual but rather being able to be by his side and share both his happiness and sadness.

If this was any other guy I would just try my luck and move on, now we're supposed to maintain a certain level of proffessionalism and I'm afraid trying anything would affect what we already have.

I wish someone would just do me a favour and shoot me and finally end this

I don't want to fucking be here anymore

Fuck all my friends who try to act like they all care about me. No one can be trusted. I'd rather die alone than be with you assholes.

>>17756215
go for it. take a chance. your life/situation won't change if you don't.

>>17756511
I laffed

>>17756723
Why did you buy them, anon? Sell them to someone else, ebay, anything.

>>17757308
it won't be your fault if he kills himself. he's in the wrong for using guilt to get you to stay. you need to do what's best for yourself and realize that even if he does kill himself (which he probably won't- this could very well be him saying anything to keep your attention) it is not your fault for something he chooses to do.

>>17757392
2 years away to become a wizard?

>>17758058
Take G.E.D. classes and pass the test.
Get a job. Hire an attorney.
Stop crying and do something about it.

>>17758086
Just... break up with her?

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I love her. I can't stop looking at pictures and old texts from before everything changed. I just want to talk to her and hold her and know everything is going to be okay again.
I've been seeing some other girl but I think it's only to feel less lonely and less in love, so I'm thinking of ending that soon.

TRUMP 2016 MAGA

>>17758369
That's truly not the thing that bothers me.

I have a... condition about needing to know everything. Schizophrenia. The thoughts clog my mind and make it so I get nothing done.

It sucks. She's taking advantage of that.

And she has borderline personality disorder. A disorder known for the people never being able to actually take responsibility for their actions and instead try to blame everyone else other than themselves. She knows this too. We have had so many talks about how she know's she's manipulative and hateful. She has ADMITTED to always passing the blame onto the other person.

her example was leaning on a wall that had a sign saying "please do not lean on the walls". When feeling like she did wrong, instead of just being like "Ok sorry" she will start to say "Why the fuck not? Why shouldn't we? You're stupid for having such a rule. Besides, the sign was too small for anyone to notice. How could you possibly expect me to see that sign? It's your fault, not mine."

So like... yeah. It's super fucked up what is going on and I'm just fucking getting dragged through the dirt because I cared too fucking much.

>>17758341
That guy legit seems to be using guilt to make her stay.

My last gf would say that I tried to guilt trip her into staying with me because I had depression. Which... was complete bullshit. She would try to break up with me every other god damn day and I would ask her why and her reasons were always completely made up. Shit like "You're still in love with your ex" and "You don't love me enough."

I would spend an hour telling her that just wasn't true and that I loved her so much. She would tell me "Well now I just feel guilty" and... it was like what? Those reasons weren't true and I told you why. That isn't guilt tripping... that's her insecurities making up lies.

I would even tell her... "Look. It's ok. If you JUST don't love me tell me. I don't want to be with a girl that doesn't love me."

Was just... some grade A emotional abuse.

What the fuck?

I had a random dream about this girl I like, and it was me seeing some nudes of her, but she was covered in self harm scars.

AFAIK, she never did that (But did go through a emo phase in HS)

I'm deeply in love with my best friend.

>>17758658
Try to make the jump to something more?

>>17758678
Already did...
Should be: I'm deeply in love with my ex best friend.

>>17758712
what happened?

>>17758112
Accept the fact you're the Devil. Just be that.

Now, how can I start talking to her again? we only walk once every month or so, but I want to break her out of her shell, so we can talk much more naturally.

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Realized how little it all matters recently.

Feels pretty good.

>>17757371
Thanks for the advice, man. I'll keep your words in mind. Right now feeling like I'll just talk with my girl about things next time I see her.

>>17758766
LDRs are just sad, frustrating dreams that will waste your life away m8.

t. been in a LDR for 10+ years

>>17758804
I was in an LDR which could have NOT been an LDR but the girl refused to try. Was the most frustrating shit in the world.

Not too sure why I even care about people. They are all just... so awful.

>>17758804
Oh yeah, I know. I'm holding out a small bit of hope that she gets to transfer schools so we can live together at the end of the year and don't wanna give up yet.

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I decided to play out a "theory"

I went through my computer to see if I could find anything that would piss her off so badly. Oh yeah, there is some shit in there. A LOT OF SHIT. Like.... unnnggggggggggggggg.

I truly need to clean out those drives. E:/newfolder[1]-> newfolder[2]->downloads[3]->random->girls->sexybaby-copy2.jpg truly is not a file I kept around on purpose.

or asdasd1.psd asdasd1-copy1.psd asdasd1-copy2.psd asdasd1-copy3.psd

hmmmm

Yeah I'm not going through that. That would take just... weeks.

>>17758847
Please initiate epic dump on /b/?

>>17758887
I deleted them.

Doesn't matter though they are all backed up somewhere. I have dvds, thumbs, 3-4 externals, just... obsessive backups because I hate when shit get's corrupted.

I would never share a personal photo with anyone.

I don't want to delete my last gf photos though...

I know I need to. I do...

I still smile at her face despite it all.

I'll have to though... I am...

You were my best friend and closest confidant. My first love. Probably my only true love. To be with you more, I sacrificed everything, all my friends and family. You were my rock, you helped get through the worst. I'm sorry after years I remained the same due to the troubles I faced, and still face. I know your patience finally ran out, you were damaged, perhaps more than I ever was. After all, I lived a life like this since childhood. I'm sorry I didn't notice it. Know that a major part of me leaving you was that deep inside I didn't want you to suffer any more. I regret it deeply, I'm sorry. I will never have anyone else like you.

However, what you did afterwards was extremely hurtful. Though you knew I did what was best for you, I spilled my heart's intentions to you about it later. What I got in return was underhanded and manipulative. I guess I should have known, that you would just find someone who could take care of you instead. You are really beautiful after all. But so soon after? I should have known that you had no more love left for me... but I still believed in us. Believed in our love, our trials.

You are no longer the same person, however. Your actions towards me proved it. Yet I earned this torment, true.

I love you still, and I always will.
Maybe one day we can be together again, I would love that. Yet your rebound will always hurt me like a dulled, cracked dagger being forced into my heart.
If you are the same person then, I would take that pain. But I doubt you will be. I'm sorry that I tainted you like this. Though it is selfish, I hope you are not being with your rebound like you were to me in those times. I cannot ever accept that you could do it so easily. If you can... then maybe you have changed.

I hope you will find it in your heart to talk to me again.
Know that my last thoughts will be of you.

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Don't cut your skin tags off lmao

>>17758923
>What I got in return was underhanded and manipulative. I guess I should have known, that you would just find someone who could take care of you instead

Wait... so you left them in order to "save them" and you are bitchy they got with someone else? How is that underhanded and manipulative?

>Your actions towards me proved it. Yet I earned this torment, true.

You left them anon. Their actions are your own doing.

>>17758943
Because we were supposed to get back together. As we spoke afterwards, many times.

She kept telling me to wait more, until months later she tells me she got a new bf during this time and didn't tell me so she could have our cat.

>>17757832
>You're really toxic,
Why is that anon?

>>17758923
Andrew?

>>17759038
Nope

Man, I like her but she has so many issues.

She has an ex trying to get back with her.
She has a dad that's extra cool with both her ex and me.
Said dad is overprotective and will monitor her 24/7.
She's been with a 30 year old guy at 17.
She's been pretty slutty before that as well.
She's only changed in her early 20s.
She gets treated as a 12 year old girl despite being twice that age. Can't even go outside without her parents. I'm not kidding.
She's obsessed with her sister. She will talk about her sister all day.
Despite talking to me about her ex in a favorable way, she loves to grab me and kiss me
Her dad doesn't seem to mind

Just... what the fuck do I do, really

>>17758923
Initials?

>>17759075
To E

From E

I'm 28 and about to go for an interview at a supermarket chain tomorrow.

I've pretty much done nothing but sell and take drugs since I was a teen. That stopped being fun years ago and now I'm paying the price of living life like a lazy bum whilst my friends all have well payed interesting jobs.

Feels pretty bad but good at the same time. Maybe I can turn this sinking ship around.

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Hey. I saw you and S... and you looked sooo happy... and the more I thought about it... the more I realized... I was such a jerk to you. I caused a bunch of problems and then I acted like you were the one that caused them... and... I'm SO SORRY! I somehow thought in my twisted little head that I had the worst life on the planet... and I can't express to you how wrong I was... and the worst thing I did to you... God, I wish I could take that back... If you hate me then... Good. I hate myself, too, for what I did. ALL the things I did. I was never there when you needed me... I didn't take time out of my schedule to hang out with you... and I broke your heart... I didn't mean to, but sometimes my thoughts are the worst things ever and I find them ok... I not asking you to forgive me... I just wanted to tell you that I still care about you and that I'm sorry... sorry beyond words... I hate myself for what I did... Out of all the stupid mistakes I've made in my life, not being your perfect boyfriend... That one was the stupidest. Hands down, without a doubt stupidest, dumbest thing I've ever done... I... feel ashamed for every single time I told you that I loved you... every time I kissed you... every time I pretended I was something I'm not: a hero, a savior, a boyfriend, a normal person. That last one... That's something I'll never be. I want to be a normal kid... SO BADLY I want to be a normal kid...but I'll never be that. ... just enjoy your time with S... he's got something I don't... I don't know what it is...but he's got it... I'm sorry, L...Goodbye.

R
I miss you.
Do you still hate me?
Add me on Facebook.

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am i developing some kind of body dysmorphia?

my friends and family keep telling me about how much weight i have lost since i moved to this city months ago, and i mean all the new smaller clothes i have to buy can't lie, hell even the new clothes are starting to be a bit to big now

i think i won't be able to believe i look good until the day i get abs or until a girl finally gets interested in me, well at least i can be kinda sure im not fat anymore because my BMI says im normal

i don't know its very hard for me to trust people, and now is even harder since the niceness of some people feels fake

H
You are so fucking gross.
Anon

>>17759208
looking good and being thin are different things anon

i've lost over 40 pounds this year but i still don't look good

probably never will

just keep working towards your goal. losing weight is for yourself, not anyone else

>>17759142
Beta male fag

So sick of people who ignore. The problem won't get solved by ignoring it.

>>17759220
>>17759208
Don't lose weight too fast. You'll get shitty saggy skin which is the worst thing.

I lost 120 pounds. I was an obese fucker, now I'm just slightly overweight and nobody ever tells me I'm fat. However, I avoid every situation in life that would mean taking out my clothes in front of someone else, because I'm not even 30 and I look 80. I am done with my chances of ever reproducing.

>>17759298
Oh anon are you me? Are you me anon?

Are you being ignored by someone that should show you so much more respect?

is it the same person that is ignoring me?

Embrace the insanity anon. Embrace it. Never knowing what exactly happened to cause your world to fall apart or how long it has been happening. Even if you would never judge the person they just won't believe that.

I almost blew up this morning at them. Then I realized what they were doing and just felt... sad for everything and everyone. I know my intentions, I do. I know them so truly and they are just in such denial.

her, her friends, her favorite new people... you guys are just doing your own thing I guess. If that thing is to ignore all your problems and worse... blind yourself to the truth then that's just your thing.

I know I tried. I tried as hard as anyone could and that's how I feel. I am still insane however.

Fuck anons, discovering the truth sometimes sucks.
Yesterday i just discovered that E, is a fucking piece of shit. For some unknown reason, she "came back to me", we started talking etc.

I wanted it to be something more, i hoarded some courage and confidence and told her i wanted to watch a movie with her.

Ok, she rejected me and tried to troll me in some way, fine. My friends saw it, and they had BRILLIANT idea of mocking her by text. She got kinda upset about, i don't know and told one of my friends what she really thought about me. She told i was upsetting, boring, as i'm a kid, that i can't interact with girls without upsetting them. The funny thing is that she NEVER told me this shit, that she NEVER complained about some shit i did, she never had the balls to tell me this, if she did, i would try changing, i really would, i wanted be with her.

Now i'm really upset about it, she told me she doesn't fucking care about me or my friends, that she didn't have the opportunity to say it in a kind way, it wasn't needed to be kind, you only needed to say, bitch.

I'm glad i didn't dated you, that you killed that love i felt for you, because i'm not into fucking snakes, not at all.

She even told me to talk to her more on wednesday, for what purpose? I will never know.

>>17757381
Run. It will ruin your life. My parents treated me like crap and my other two siblings like gold, even though i was always the one to put my life on hold to help them. They are aholes. There is nothing wrong with being supportive but have boundries and live your life for you.

I'm sorry for not being my brother.

Dunno why, but I saw someone that looks exactly like a 15 year aged version of the girl I am interested in

I want to change but I don't know where to start.

I feel like I'm getting to complacent. I work a 9-5 weekdays and continue my degree online. I work out weekly weight lifting and body resistance exercise yoga push ups squats etc.

I'm afraid of getting too comfortable and not leaving my comfort zone enough. I do engage in social events I go out up to about 3 times in a month budget permitting to talk with strangers or meet with acquaintances.

It's probably due to a seasonal response but dagnabbit I feel like there's a project I should be working on and procrastinating.

Maybe I just need to do a pet project for catharsis.

to everyone else in this thread ganbare lets all do our best again tomorrow and the day after and the day after!

My friend set me up with a gorgeous female friend of his and we had a great first date, solid chemistry. She bailed on me for a second date twice, rescheduling each time, but I quickly learned not to spend energy pursuing her; as much as I like her, she doesn't know what she wants and isn't great on time management. That and I'm fairly certain if she really wanted to meet, she would, i.e. she's not "too busy", she's "too busy for me". Which is fine, I met someone else I genuinely like and that's going well. My friend is aware of everything and when he next talked to ther, he planted the 'forbidden fruit' idea into her head, telling her, when she asked about me, I'd met someone and might be unavailable for a while.


Unfortunately, that forbidden fruit thing goes both ways and now that I can't have her because she's actually more interested in someone else, I want her more.

MAKE THIS MADNESS STOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPP

IM NOT MAKING A NEW THREAD FOR THIS AND THIS WAS ON THE TOP OF PAGE 1, SORRY

I GET PAID IN ABOUT 36 HOURS, I HAVE $2 IN THE BANK
SHOULD I GET A DANKASS BURGER AND HOPE THE CREDIT TRANSACTION TAKES MORE THAN 36 HOURS TO GO THROUGH?

>>17757089
you stupid fucking bitch, why must you be so fucking basic, why do you act so shallow, like real life is a tumblr post. What we had was real, what I felt was real so why must you put basic unimportant things first, why do you listen to your retarded friends. One if your friends is a slut, the other one is a forever alone and the thrid one is dumb as fuck. Also why do you still talk to that little faggot, that human filth of a person. I saw how you congratulated his birthday and I know it was to make me jelaous. But I wasn't, cause he isn't me and he'll never be me and you know that, I know you don't talk as much anymore. He simply cannot replace the void that I left. Nobody can. So don't be a basic bitch and hit me up. Do a right thing for once.

>>17759894
wow someone is trying desperately to make me look bad.

This post...

Sigh.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

How long does weed stay in your system for the first time ever using it ?

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>>17759905
>>17759894
Ok seriously... what... the fuck...?

What type of manipulation is this? I'm legit scared now that something bad is going to happen to me from you guys.

Legit terrified at the lengths...

....

I'm just going to back away now....

slowly....

I don't know what it is about her, but she is such a hard girl to read. Nothing she does is typical, some stuff leans one way, and other stuff, yet another way.

I just wish that I can get closure out of her. A simple, "Yes, I am interested" or a "No, I only see you as a friend"

In fact, she never even used the word "Friend" with me, at all. But she seems to be kinda wanting to open up with me at times. But when ever she starts, she closes up again

So what is it? Is she interested? or is she not interested?

One last try. That's all I'm giving my fucked up life. If this doesn't pan out I give up.

>>17759997
>>17760008
What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Seriously... I saw this behavior mid october... as if you used it to mark my posts for people to find.

Seriously, what the fuck is going on?
>>17748214

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>>17760019
The last time you guys were posting the "albert perez" bullshit.

....

What the... fuck...

here... I only have the one connection.

>>17760019
What are you going on about?

>>17760023
My ex hired a pi to track my movements named james de bacqua.

They both came here to spy on me when I would post anything last time and this time she ghosted me I have been just ranting my thoughts (it's a thing). Generally, I'm very very pretty open minded and non judgemental.

This PI guy is a legit sociopath. Everytime I posted they would make this copy pasted post about an "albert perez".

This time it's that "She's a hard girl to read" post.

Like he's using it to help her find my posts...

and someone, not too sure if it's him or what is trying to false flag post as me here ->>17759894

It's some fucked up shit and I'ts seriously kinda scary at this point.

>>17760019

I'm fucked that's why. 29, tens of thousands of student loans and cc debt, long term unemployment, can't find a job even despite going to staffing places, and when I do get one I fuck it up and can't hold it, I have no friends, still a virgin, live at home, no car, just failed out of my masters program cause I'm not smart enough.

But hey, tomorrow might be better!

>>17760038
Ok. Well. Atleast this time, it is not him posting about the whole "Hard to Read" thing.

It's just a random anon venting about her.

>>17760038
>>17760023
I'm just going to leave now...

Seriously, I do not know what the fuck is going on. I do know that james guy is a known liar. He lied about me posting nude photos of her online, he lied about me posting racist comments online, he's lied about how I never "loved her" and he's lied about how my compliments and paintings of her weren't genuine... Now, I know those last two can't be proven but the other's can be.

he also LIED ABOUT ME POSTING VIOLENT THREATS TOWARDS HER ON FACEBOOK TO THE POLICE. HE FALSEFIED THAT SHIT, WHICH IS SUPER ILLEGAL.

She knows I would never hurt her ever. I would never post any of her photos and I just want her to take care of her mental disorder...

I don't know why anyone is doing this to me now... I just do not understand...

She knows he's a liar but I guess he's convinced her and I seriously am tired of this shit.

he might not even be talking to her anymore but she was quoting him last time we spoke. And this type of posting and behavior is very much like what he did last time.

You people are crazy. I wanted to know why she ghosted me and...

just...

What the fuck is this shit?

I never lied to her, I didn't. I genuinely loved her the entire time. Just accept that truth and leave me alone then if you don't want me. Even if you do want me just don't come around my way anymore. You've got... a debt so large I don't know if you can pay it.

>>17760067
also... I saw the login and creation/deletion of that account on my computer...

so...

yeah....

The xp machine wasn't as vulnerable as you think.

>>17760082
isn't it crazy how I'm getting so many inbound connections from a proxy host?

crazy....

crraazzzyyyyyyyyy I'm sure no one could possibly put two and two together based on the time stamps of the logs and whoever would be possibly connecting through a vpn/proxy network at the exact same time to give cause for an investigation....

As a fun experiment, I decided to make a "Fuck World Map" where I mark every nationality that I put my dick inside of, but I stumped myself trying to think of of what to do with half-casts.

Cause I mean, single-nationalities tend to embody their culture as well. Danish girls show danish norms and mindsets f.ex. But what if, for example, you fucked a half-german half-brazilian girl? Do you mark both or do you mark the country whose attitude/mindset she embodies?

When she tells me that I've upset her, I feel like a human embodiment of cancer.

She'll be okay in an hour but I'll still be putting myself in the same light as the men who'll come home and beat their women.

We argued a few weeks ago and she mentioned every single time I had upset her - about five times - and told me how you can glue a vase together after it had been broken but it'll never be the same.

I still haven't gotten over that and it's fucking annoying because she probably just said it in the heat of the moment but I still feel subhuman and it has honestly destroyed my motivation and confidence when talking to her. I actually upset her tonight, hence this post.

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I fucking hate my room mate. We share a house near uni with two rooms. I have one, she has another. All I ask for is for her to not enter my room without asking, not do drugs in my room, not have sex in my bed, not throw a fucking party in my room without even telling, let alone asking me for permission. All these obviously obvious things you'd expect anyone to understand without having to tell them. I'm getting very fucking tired of this. It's so stressing. It has been some 4 or 5 years now. I've honestly been thinking about murder. I've never thought I'd come this low. It's fucking stressful and I can't stand it. All I want is some fucking silence. Be alone in my room, use the computer quietly with headphones to listen to music, watch series, play games, etc. It's all I fucking ask. But no, it can't pass a single day without some stupid shit being done. The rage I feel is unbearable. I don't know what to do.

>>17760271
I have really no other option but this one. I didn't even mention the countless fights. Everyday we fight. I always try to talk calm and nice about how we should be more fair with each other, like if I use headphones to listen to my music to not disturb you, why can't you do the same as well? but as soon as I call her she starts yelling very loudly. She's white by skin but I would picture her soul as belonging to some angry fat black woman who lives on from welfare. It's terrible.

>>17759460
What's E's initial s?

Despite that hollow, hopeless feeling in my chest your name still sounds like a song to me. The song bird couple that makes up your nickname sings through the autumn leaves.

It's going to be ok eventually. I like to tell myself that at least. Don't know if I believe it or not.

you know what would be absolutely amazing? having a house in a pine forest in the mountains. going and hunting some elk and then cooking it that night on the grill, match it with some broccoli with a splash of thyme, some buttered rice, and a glass of wine. Then cuddle with an amazing woman and count shooting stars while a fire pit crackles away working to stave off the slight chilliness of christmas time.

that's what I want for christmas. one of these years man. gonna have to bust ass with my business, but one of these years I'll have that house in the mountains.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N70w91TK9AQ

>>17760038
>PI
they legally have to leave you alone if they know that you know they are there. if they don't its criminal harassment and if they persist and a confrontation happens, depending on your state, you can shoot them :D.

fuck PIs. gross scummy vultures.

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all of my friends are meth heads now. once my best friend got into it, everyone started to do it. so now all i do is go to work, go home, play my mmorpg and go to bed. my job pays shit for how much responsibility i have (assistant manager, $9/hr). the only thing that drives me nowadays is to move out and get a new car; both of those are looking very unrealistic right now. i have no drive to find a new job, as most of them lie about hours/pay during interviews. too much stress. i'd go to a doctor but they cost a lot of money. i wish i was 18 again, fucking girls every week. i haven't had sex in 4 years and don't care to yet, but at the same time i do. probably because i'm lonely idk

what do i do now?

>>17760344
get the fuck up, that's what you do. I'm betting your resume is shit. if you have all that responsibility, play it up. I was in the same position, managing a sales team bringing in millions a year and I was making ass. don't talk about what you do, but your abilities and acheivements and then go after the jobs that aren't bullshit, confidently.

example: instead of "oversee operations, open, close, handle money" say "manage a team of x people achieving x in sales and overseeing implementation of x marketing plan resulting in x% increase in sales" learn something about business and market yourself in interviews. dictate how much you want for pay, fuck what number they think they're gonna fuck you with.

ultimately, start your own business and make sure that every move you make is toward that end. everyone thought I was stupid and couldn't hold a job because I had a different one every year, fact was I worked jobs heavy on customer service, then sales, then marketing and operations. every move I made fro 5 years was to progress toward my own business.

here's the big thing, don't expect anyone to recognize or understand what you're doing and don't rely too heavily on anyone because if you're doing it right, you're likely to be the only one with your vision.

get the fuck up dude.

>>17760379
well i have been working at my job for 3 years for hardware in buildings. i was considering going full manager as my current one is near his death time. that or making my own hardware business. i just hate my boss so god damn much. such a little jew. i know i am making excuses and am being a little bitch but i can't vent anywhere but here or on a piece of paper. i considered a second job for part-time to make more money but i raid and lead a guild

>example: instead of "oversee operations, open, close, handle money" say "manage a team of x people achieving x in sales and overseeing implementation of x marketing plan resulting in x% increase in sales" learn something about business and market yourself in interviews. dictate how much you want for pay, fuck what number they think they're gonna fuck you with.

thank you for that. i should really find a book/class on resume stuff. do you recommend any books? not just for resume stuff but in general

I can't handle school. I don't know why I fuck it up so badly but I just can't. I took psychiatric medical leave in high school for severe depression, I couldn't go to school I was such a fucking nervous and hopeless and miserable wreck. I took two years off after school to rest and work and I was a great employee! I just can't handle the school environment. I haaate homework. Why am I so fucking bad it, I feel like I'm being strangled when I have a deadline, blahhhh. For my first year back at college, I got straight As (well, one A minus). Sophomore year I did a lot worse because I started freaking out again, now junior year I feel like I'm getting dysfunctional again. Missing all my deadlines, wanting to drop out rather than write a three page essay, etc. I know everyone says this but I think I'm a smart person, just not capable I guess. I want to work and be successful in my field, I care SO MUCH about the thing I'm majoring in and what my goals in life are. I just can't fucking go to school, what the fuck, I hate myself. I should go back to therapy. I have no self control again. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I also haven't really made any friends I like in college and I'm halfway through my junior year. Oh well. Why am I so bad at academia? I want to die sometimes, I don't know. I'm not going to but I feel like a failure. Why can't I live my life a different way. I can't wait to graduate with my two point whatever GPA and just move on. How am I supposed to go to grad school? Whatever. Fuck.

>>17760399
no recommendations on books really, everything I've learned has been hands on or researching on google. the biggest thing is just learn as much as you can about business from anywhere you can. learn how investors and business people think and what they value, then market to that. make sure you can back it up though or you're nothing more than a con man.

there is no such thing as a ceiling in the business world. only obstacles to be overcome and people that will get in your way that you have to circumvent. the only limitation is your creativity.

the world of business saved my life, good luck on whatever you decide to do. it's all right there man. people don't realize the actual benefits living in a westernized country offers and spend years hating their job, hating life, hating the whole economic system never realizing that they never even started playing the game for fear of failure. it's all there, go get it. I keep telling people this, it takes a few hundred dollars to file formation for a business in most states, what you achieve after that is entirely up to you but then you have the freedom to pursue whatever your heart desires.

>>17760422
i appreciate it man. like i said i can't go anywhere to talk about this stuff. i've tried once or twice with my old pals but they just wanna ask me if i know any plugs or if there's a party going on. i'll expand my horizons and see what i truly wish to do

God damn, don't go and shy away just because you made some mistakes one time. I'm not going to fucking judge you for them, and it was nice being able to help you for a change

>>17760417
As edgy and underage as you sound I have the same issue. I finished what should have been my last set of exams about a week ago, but in terms of courses passed I have only about what half someone who has been at university for 3 years should have. It sounds like you're not doing a math focused major; I am, but from the few classes I took that are wordy (Asian studies) I found myself very capable. I think my GPA is lower than yours at the moment, but I've never gotten an A or anything like that.
You should care less about making friends I think.

>>17760494
>edgy and underage
I was just really emotional when I wrote this post. Not embarrassed that I don't sound like a cool level headed adult when I'm bawling my eyes out, lol. I also recently started taking a course of medication that's kind of notorious for having depressive side effects so my emotional regulation is slowly going to shit. Only five more months of pills, whoo.
Yeah, I'm not doing STEM. Sorry to hear that you're doing academic difficulties too- hope you're able to get to where you're going, no matter how long it takes. School sucks but the good news is that once you're done with it, you are D O N E with it.

I fucking hate being here in college right now hoooooly fuck. I don't get decent sleep the food causes me borderline malnourishment, I'm sick all the time, have no friends, cant go anywhere, have no money, and honestly the only reason I picked the major I did was because I wanted to learn to take care of my grandparents woodland, something that was and should have remained just a hobby. Parents believe going to college is the only option and honestly I should have listened to my construction teacher and went into a trade or gotten my arborculture certificate. I never enjoyed school but I did enjoy working and this whole situation fucked sucks

>>17759142
Cringy af

She said she'd text me "later today" to let me know her schedule to take her out this week.
It's 8pm and nothing yet.
I've always known, but I really don't mean anything to you. I'd say I was friend zoned, but you barely treat my as That.
If you forget to text me tonight I'm done. I'm sorry, but I'm done.

>>17760553
If you're a sophmore or freshman, finish the semester and drop out.
>t. Went with hobby major and didn't get out when I should have

I could do anything I set my mind too, I was going to be the most successful one of the lot, I was going to achieve great things. Now I finally believe them, I've proved it to myself. And now I'm at the cross roads where I have total and complete freedom.

I don't know what I want but I wish I knew what I should want.

I have a fucking hemroid and stayed in bed half the day and got called lazy by my parents but I don't wanna tell them that it's my hemroid that's been keeping me in cuz it hurts like a bitch because it's embarrassing baka

How do I feel like I fell in love with you after just one night? Why do I feel like you're the girl of my dreams? You're fucking perfect. So perfect that I don't even care that you used me. I want to be with you every hour of every day and treat you right and take care of you because I know he fucking doesn't. That's why you called me, isn't it? A total stranger. I'd have given you everything. I'd have dropped everything for you and waited for you and dedicated all of myself to you. I don't know why it happened to me, but I need to say it. I love you. And it breaks my heart that I'll never get the chance to show you.

I hate doing things that I'm bad at. I become obsessed with things that I am naturally good at. It shows in my classes. I strongly excel in the subjects where I started off slightly above average. I get by in the other subjects, but studying for them is a pain.

I only love myself when I am at the gym. I'm actually good at lifting, and having a good body is something that other people value too. I can lift a lot for my size and weight, and I look forward to lifting every other day. I feel like I am making definitive progress towards bettering my life after every session at the gym.

I hate my life right now. I feel like my friends don't really like me, and that they just tolerate me because they don't have any other friends. Nothing anyone says really interests me. It's really hard for me to pretend to be interested in other people. The fact that I need to pretend to be interested makes me feel incredibly narcissistic. I also feel like an antisocial fuck, because I pick up on my friends' passive aggressive behaviors and it pisses me off because I have no clue what causes these behaviors. The only time I enjoy talking is when I'm talking to an attractive girl.

>>17757381
Probably too late for you to see this, but talk to your grandmum about it. She'll likely understand.

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>>17760344
>what do i do now?

All my friends are meth heads...

>what do i do now?

$9/hr
All my friends are meth heads...

>what do i do now?

$9/hr
All my friends are meth heads...
move out and get a new car

>what do i do now?

$9/hr
All my friends are meth heads...
move out and get a new car
too much stress

>what do i do now?

$9/hr
All my friends are meth heads...
move out and get a new car
too much stress
i have no drive to find a new job

Dumbass, I don't hate him because of who he associates with. I -dislike- him because of his disgusting victim complex. A whole fucking year of "everyone else is wrong, I'm not. Please feel sorry for me" isn't something everyone is willing to stomach. When he feels better he's quick to remind everyone that he feels better. When he's all angry he's quick to tell everyone how victimized he has been again, and again and again. If someone talks to him about that victim complex, it must be a conspiracy against him. This is why I can't stomach him. Not who he associates with. A victim complex and defending himself when he's proven to be in the wrong and throwing cusses out as soon as he can in an effort to string a coherent sentence together through his frustration. Don't be fucking surprised that there might be someone unrelated to the people he talks shit about that might actually dislike him and not wish to associate with him whatsoever

there's no place in this world for me and at my core i don't want there to be one. i'm miserable and a big part of me wants to stay that way. i joined the army to die but came back unharmed and aimless. i thought maybe transitioning out was the answer, but now i can't get back in.

i've pushed all my friends away and just isolate myself with internet anonymity and my cat. they call my mom every once in a while to ask how i'm doing -- asking if i've killed myself, basically -- but i have no idea how to reach out if i even wanted to. a big part of me wants them to just shut the fuck up and leave me alone while i wait for world war 3.

I wanna die so bad
I can't live like this

>>17760979
what's stopping you? there are painless, mess-free ways to go.

>>17760985
What are they? It seems pretty impossible

I don't even like you anymore.
I don't even think you're that interesting.
I look at you and I see so many flaws now, so many regrets.
I know I don't love you, I know I'm over it
I don't want you to suffer
but deep down I still hope that you'll learn how to be a good person -- it will make you so much happier
I know you're tired of losing friends
I know you're tired of your life
Nothings going to change if you don't

Listening to Stay by FGL right now
I had a female classmate who can sing this song amazingly at lunch
God, I want to hear her one more time and make me want to create some song.

>>17760988
easiest way is with a plastic bag and an inert gas. asphyxia is actually quite painless and gentle, provided you aren't inhaling something that triggers the hypoxia reflex. basically that reflex that lets your body know it needs oxygen. it has a name but i can't think of it right now, but basically as long as you're not breathing in CO2, you can go perfectly relaxedly. helium, nitrogen, etc.

search exit bag

I'm just a fucking tool. Everyone I know uses me as something they can use and then forget about. Osc, the only shit I'm useful for you was the homework and your job shit. Est, you used me just to get a bit of fame for getting in the concert, and I'm sure youre going to dump us when it's finished. I could continue forever, but I'm just tired man. My life is only working for others while getting shit in return. I want to end this meaningless crap.

wew lad

hey bitch remember when you passive-agressively said I was "just there" when you were going through your faux "i'm so alt" highschool slut phase?
hows that cancer treating you? how's it having two relationships with a disabled person and someone who literally doesn't give a shit about you? how are you still dying your hair at 27 jesus christ? anyways my life, my relationships, my finances, my person is so much better than yours its ridiculous and i wish i got rid of you sooner

If anything, I'm glad things went the way they went tonight. I think it took me seeing that the feelings you had are completely dead to kill the feelings I had.

>>17760938
no shit

it's a get it off your chest thread

Regardless of your views I think we can all agree that things for our generation and the next are fucked, and have been fucked for a while -- and we're fucked too because the majority of us aren't intelligent enough to find solutions.
We bicker over bullshit and play power games. When your children start dying off to disease, famine, or violence you'll know that time should have been better spent building instead of being comfortable.

Did I make the right choice in cutting a friendship?

I used to be involved in a theater program. I got a message on facebook with like 30 people I used to act and work with. They wanted to do a reunion but a lot of people I didn't like were going as well as my ex. I just didn't want to go. So I left the facebook conversation, kinda don't want anything to do with most of those people anymore. The only one who I was good friends with said

"Why do you guys have to be so gay and insensitive towards anon's homophobia? #homophobicrights #2016"

He was a Hillary supporter and I supported Trump. I didn't make fun of gay people at all. I never once mentioned gay people. This guy has been my friend for a long time but he's been asshole lately. I basically cut off our friendship cause I was sick of it. Am I in the wrong here or was what I did justifiable? If it was a small group of friends and he was just ripping on me I'd be fine with it, but it was like 30 people I used to know and work with. He said it was just a joke but that shit pissed me off.

>>17761111
*#Trump2016

>>17761111
politics are really driving a rift in every aspect of america right now. where i am, i'd most likely drive away the majority of people i know and kill my career prospects by coming out in favor of trump. point is, the divisiveness is making people behave in weird ways. this whole manufactured good vs. evil dichotomy is not good for america, and some people feel that more strongly than others.

seems like he got caught up in it. doesn't make him a bad person, but i don't think anyone can blame you for not wanting to deal with the person he'd let politics define him as.

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Can someone PLEASE tell me what these cards are?

>two trap cards to the left of the Solemn Strikes
>6th and 10th Extra Deck monsters
I recognize every other card but I've never seen any of those before, and this is my only image of the deck.

>>17761111
Trump supports Pence's "gay 2 straight" program. You support Trump. You see how this works? You also gave an OK/turned a blind eye to his racism and womanizing so great job.
You don't support your friends and you deserve to lose them

>>17761121
Most of my friends have stopped talking to him. I was the only one that kept hanging out with him. I'm just sick of it now.

Yeah this election is unlike any I've ever seen. Now I'm called so many horrible things without even doing anything besides saying I support someone for president.

>>17761124
it's this all-or-nothing kind of rhetoric which has really come to define modern politics. people like you are unwilling to see anything on any kind of continuum and this sensibility is fostered by a social system which rewards it. it's pretty tiring honestly.

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>>17761123
wtf dude
i don't recognize the traps next to the solemns so i can't say anything about that

but how do you not know the extra deck monsters? how do you know what crystal wing synchro dragon is but not clear wing synchro dragon? and you don't even know ZA LIGHTNING? when he's a rank-up of utopia, who you apparently do recognize?

even without recognizing monsters that are literally different versions of the ones you don't recognize, the lightning and clear wing are still pretty well known cards that see enough play

it's just weird man

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>>17755132
I feel like masturbating makes me a bad person

I'm putting slot of pressure on my self to try and date this one qt girl I've been studying with and I feel confident with her, but I still doubt myself

>>17761143
>I'm vanilla: the post

>>17760994
Initials?

>>17761144
Well I can't fault you for being honest, or correct

not sure if i really want to break up with my gf for my coworker or if i just like the new attention

>>17761123
unless you meant the 6th and 10th extra deck monsters without counting those extra copies of omega

if you don't count the omegas then the 6th would be black rose dragon and the 10th would be castel the skyblaster musketeer

still weird that those would be the only ones you don't recognize though

>>17761123
6th is clear wing synchro dragon

Thanks for forgetting about me and ignoring me. Seriously, thank you, because now I know the type of person you are. Oh, but if someone else even gives you the smallest of compliments or a bit of attention? Apparently that means so, so, so very much right? You never loved me, you loved the concept of me, and when that new shine wore off, I guess that made it okay to toss me to the side, huh? It's crazy about the sort of hypocrisy you spout, and part of me really does wonder how you'd get on without me. Don't worry though, because unlike you I remember every single thing that you promised and every promise that you broke. Maybe one day you'll see what you could have had, but lost it instead, and at that point in time you'll realize the same pain that I feel. Wish me luck, I'm moving on now!

I like my job and my coworkers but I feel almost emasculated working where I am because I'm the only male working there and I feel like people coming in think lesser of me/that I'm gay

>>17761166

Fuck wrong thread

well I lost my virginity and wound up with an STD.

im incredibly retarded and feel nothing but absolute shame.

>>17761139
idek mang, brain fart I guess. But to be fair Clear Wing was only ever secret rare, haven't seen it online before this

>>17761153
The first Xyz monster is the one I don't know, I was accounting for the multi Omegas

I need to leave my friend group. They have all of no emotional awareness or intelligence between them, and I'm not their fucking dad. I can't be giving them the fucking guidance they need I'm pretty fucking busy trying to convince my girlfriend life is worth living.

I can't even keep that up.

It's been eight months.
I don't have anything left.

>>17761183
oh yeah rarities and shit that makes sense

s39 utopia: the lightning

very based card

is it still not available in the TCG or something? i've only played online for the past couple years so i know that card well

I went out and planned to kiss this girl. My friend even told me she was interested. I was in the back of the car with her and my friend was in the front seat with his date. I thought about kissing her the whole time but i just didnt know how to lean in for it. Fuck i regret it, this always happens i get so nervous to lean in for the kiss even when im crazy drunk. Ughh fucking a, i need help there must be something wrong with me. My friend probablly thinks im a pussy too :(((

No matter what I do she's always on my mind. It's been 2 years now since we last spoke an 3 year since we've seen each other in person. She's already blocked me on facebook.

Why do I still think about her? It's clear she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Why do I do this to myself? On a logical level I understand me thinking about her is a waste of my time. But I keep doing it.

>>17761194
>:(((
i mean 4chan is basically reddit-lite now, but i wish some of you mouth-breathing fucks would deign to learn at least the slightest sense of decorum. sack up and stop being a puerile little shit. if you want to talk about it like an adult you can start acting like one.

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Happy Birthday.

I'm an unwanted and unneeded person. I can't talk or connect with people, I'm ignored and talked over. I'll never have friends, or fit in, or have a family of my own. I fuck up every job I have. My life is worthless and filled with nothing but pain and yearning, but I can't bring myself to kill myself.

>>17761201
i too feel like a fuck up anon.

>>17761207

It's a miserable, wretched way to live, but I don't know how to stop or fix it. I don't think there is a way to fix it, we just have to suffer.

>>17761192
you can only get it from one of the Zexal manga. New on Amazon they're running for a minimum of $95 from what I've seen. But the card alone is only $30. Gonna check out a bookstore tomorrow kek. Fingers crossed.

There's a woman I know

She's great.

I'm drunk now and I feel like I want her in a relationship
I can't, of course.
She's in a long term

But man we got along

No major problem
Just a "What-if"
God, what I'd do to be around her more often

I have borderline personality disorder and feel bad that you have to deal with being my favorite person. I wish I was normal.

>>17761184
Initials?

>>17761148
I hope you're my boyfriend and you choose the co-worker. Please. For once just let things go my way.

>>17760312
Sorry for taking ages, ECT.

I love you. Even though you just used me. I want to think that maybe what you said later meant something, but you were probably drunk when you said those things. I know because you didn't even give me a goodbye kiss. But despite all that, if you called me right now I'd drop what I'm doing and go to you. If you asked me to break my rule about long distance relationships, I would. The stress would be worth it. I'd do anything for you.
Even though I know I mean nothing to you.

>>17760970
Hey brother, keep on fighting. That's the only bit of generic bullcrap I can give you. As for the rest: fuck anyone and everything else. Go pursue what you want. You're a free man and you don't owe anyone a damn thing. Drop it all and find your passion. I believe in you.

>>17760321
I feel you, my friend. It hurts like nothing I've ever felt before.

I hope I can come back today. Especially with you Alice.

>>17760994
What are the other person's initials?

I both love and hate her. It bothers me how she just up and vanished, seemingly not caring for all the years we spent together. Maybe this is best for her, I mean, she's with someone else now, under his roof. I get it, but it's not any less upsetting. I don't miss her anymore, I don't find her attractive anymore, I just wanted to have mattered, to be harder to be forgotten. But that's not really up to me, is it?
Whenever I think of her, I feel this..bliss. We made good memories, but that bliss soon turns into rage and disgust. We also made terrible, terrible memories. And that's how I'll always remember her: the one who did what she did.
I wish I could forget all about her. Neither my hate nor my love for her are healthy or pleasant to keep. I want to rip that page out of my history and erase it for good.

How can you not care that we don't have sex? I wish you would tell me the truth so I stop being confused about you. I just want to move on and be with someone else who doesn't make me feel so ugly. I'm not happy anymore.

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Man... those obvious false flag posts are obbvvviooouusssss.

I am just out of my league in terms of giving a fuck right now. That might be their goal but all things considered... who the fuck would want this shit in their life? Why? Just... what the titty fucking christ.

What part of me wasn't yours? What part of me didn't you know?

Yes, I did say something shitty things on here for sure. I truly did and I again... have no idea if they are true or not either because... well, you know why. For the times I got overly emotional I apologize whole heatedly. I hate that it's came down to this. I hate that I was always the last person whose advice you wanted to ever take but then again isn't that what your disorder does?

I truly don't know if I love you or not still. This is all just... so fucked up beyond my wildest imagination, it is. Then again I do like to think I am compassionate and understanding. I do like to think that I can see how this type of extreme behavior is something a person of that illness would do. At the same time a person of that illness would also be doing every single thing I have imagined. Rather than attempt to face the fact you act in incredibly shitty ways you... deflected and ran. So do I love you even with empathy to your disorder? .... ? .... :(

Then I think... wait, maybe I am the sociopath here. Maybe I am the broke one, right? But then I think... I pushed you to go to a psych in order to get an unbiased assessment of our situation and you refused. But then I think "wait, is that something a sociopath would say in order to make him SEEM like he isn't a sociopath? but and then... wouldn't saying this ALSO be something a socio---"..... yeahhhh see how fucked up my head is right now from all of this?

I did love you though the entire time and never anyone else. Still love no one else. Don't know if I love you, don't know if you are cheating or whatever I just know people are fucking with me right now.

>>17761975
I live and die by your order, Boss.

>>17760965
Some people actually have had some very shitty lives anon. Some people actually do get taken advantage of time and time again because they believe other people are being as honest as they are.

I usually associate carlin with fedora tippers and holy grail quoters but this classic bit "Think about how stupid the average person is and then realize that half o em are stupider than that." That type of stuff takes it's toll on anyways psych.

I remember telling my gf about some of the truly horrible acts that were done to me and she laughed at me. Literally laughed. Meanwhile when she tried to tell me of something traumatic in her life and I told her it's ok, to not blame herself, she exploded at me in anger claiming I wasn't listening and didn't care.

So... yeah.

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Hey, birdie.

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I look like Smeagol.

favourite person?

She never even felt the same way I did for her. She agreed to go steady with me when she knew she was going to move that far away. She wouldn't even try with me to make us work over long distance. She just dropped me like a bad habit. Now I know that unrequited love is a pain I would not wish on my enemies.

I'm 22 and the loneliest I have ever been. I'm states away from all the family I have except my Grandma and I pay rent to crash at her house. I have my friends I've known since I was a kid but that's a whole 'nother story. One just keeps to himself and his s/o so I don't see him often. Other the same pretty much. Have a close friend I've known since we were literally kids but he's going on a path and it's hard to watch and keep him in check. We've always smoked weed and recently started to have beers with everything. We agreed that's all we'd ever do. We went to the strip club and he said he did a line with one of the girls in VIP and I was silently enraged. He played it off like he was getting laid after but in the end he didn't; he just has no control. That's not a big deal to me it's just crazy growing up. I've never had a girlfriend before. I was in a shell my teen years. Overweight. A year+ ago I lost around 100 pounds and started to care about myself. Kept my hair and outfit clean etc. I've been on dates since. Made out with women. Grinded in the club. Fucked around with strippers. Everything I think a guy should try once.

I feel nothing. My only real accomplishment is my weight loss. Even at that I still have a long way to go and I just plateu'd mentally and physically. I'm caught between wanting to find a girl and settle down, partying, finding myself, missing my family, going off on a dark path, and just trying to keep it together.

I feel so stupid, wrong and restless about you.

Nothing will come out of this, yet it just keeps building on top of itself.

This is the best and the worst feeling ever.

shhhhhh
it's gonna be alright.....

>>17758923
>>17758996

Everyday I am getting better, I am significantly getting less depressed about your loss and your rebound that you told me so late. Funny how the significant improvement came after you told me that you've been seeing him so soon after us, for so long. It sucks that I had to ask about it to know, but confirming your anxious attachment trait is making it easier for me. It shows me that maybe you never did love me as I loved you, despite all the support you gave me.

It takes a lot, I work out like a madman pumping iron every single day, but it is working. I have fallen to rock-bottom much further since we broke up, but just like everything I had faced as a child, like every skirmish I was in, I will persevere and become stronger for it. Maybe those bullets didn't hit me for a reason, though as you know so many times I wished they had.

Despite everything, thank you for taking care of me in my depression and the subsequent mobbing. Though it might have just been a result of your anxious attachment trait, you did me a lot of good. So I still love you, as you will never love me again.

I will always love you.
Even if I find the love of my life, which for so long I thought was you, I will still love you.

I wish I could say these to you, but I will save these for the day you decide to talk to me again.

>>17761588
Are you fat?
Talk to him about it

>>17762242
Yes tiny baby?

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>>17762309
I will only ever believe that if you did something so selfless, so genuine, pure, and undeniably out of loving devotion... as to show me, prove to me, all what I mean to you is equal to what you meant to me.

Until then... I cannot believe everything is going to be alright. I can't. All you have ever given me were words of love while all your actions showed indifference. The callous way you would threaten to end our relationship in arguments you've made up in your mind, the cold, mean abusive words you threw at me when I communicated concern to your feelings or well being, and the denial that your issues are the cause of the tear between us.

I don't judge you for these things, I don't. I truly don't. I understand you, I do. God how I know you and emphasize with your struggle. I am sorry for handling things badly at times but my reactions were caused by your doing, from your extreme behavior. The times I acted a fool were exactly what you manufactured and what you wanted me to do. I fell for it.

I truly am sorry because I do believe no matter what no one should say those things about anyone. I should have recognized much earlier, for the both of us.

I don't think you're a bad person and I would never judge you.

Love.... Love is a doing word.

I'm not in love anymore with my gf of 10 years. Problem is, she's pregnant. I'm very happy about soon being a father, it's just I can't imagine her being part of my life forever. She sometimes says she loves me (last time maybe 3 month ago), but I doubt it. We barely talk, and even then it's mostly to argue about anything. I didn't dump her because she needs support during pregancy, and I'm afraid stress would be bad for her and our baby. She makes no income, house is mine, no education, so without me she's basically homeless.
I can't imagine continuing like that for long. Any advice?

>>17757248
Dude, honestly: she's not worth you walking around feeling like shit. You somehow have to make yourself realize she isn't worth it. Sorry, I don't know how, but please: do it for your own sake.

I wish you well, anon

>post add for my art page on facebook
>ask people to share
>no shares. They do like though.
>other more sociable/popular friend does the same
>shared plenty of times

I can't help but feel like this is how you know who cares and who doesn't among your circle of friends.

Stupid I know.

I am actually okay with my life and I don't have to feel bad about that. I've been depressed and suicidal for the majority of my existence and it feels like I'm doing wrong to actually be happy, but damnit I am and things are good and I need to accept that depression is not my identity and that I can be something more than that.

>>17762426
Initials?

Are you E?

>>17762242
meemoo

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>>17762426
That is not to say I expect you to do anything at all, however.

I don't expect a thing to happen between us anymore. You've shown me in the past and recently that you did not love me or even had any respect for me. I loved you though, I did. I so honestly did and I never lied to you... I didn't. If you think I did I offered the truth to any question you could ask me.

I can't say if you will regret not having me in your life, I do not know the future. I was honestly the best man you have ever been with and will have been with for a long time however. That's not to say you won't be able to find someone better because I have my own malfunctions that I'm aware of. I might have believed in the past I wasn't good enough for you. I might have believed at the same time I was perfect and you were making the biggest mistake of your life leaving me but again... I can only say that I loved you with all my heart. I believed we could have been amazing...

To have our names known for eternity as one.

I am incredibly unaware of my own self worth right now and have always been unaware. Some times I think about all I have accomplished, the mountains I have moved despite my hardships. I feel like a king of kings. Other times I think about how fucked up I am in the head, how I have been lied to, cheated, and left by so many that clearly I am the one at fault. I see that I'm poor, out of shape, and the men you would include in your works look so very much unlike me.

I want to be alright... no matter what.

But...

Mostly I just want to forget reality and return to the times where all that mattered to me had her arms wrapped around me, her head upon my chest, and luminous smile lights as my kisses on fell onto her perfect black raven hair.

... fantasy.

I feel inferior to other women because my tits are so small

>>17762493
You're not wrong.

>>17762493
(I like small boobies the most and I'm kind of an expert on the subject. The girl I was writing about up there had... just the ideal body. Perfect little perky half sphere boobies that were cute, adorable, sexy and hot as fuck all at once)

The idea of her having sex with you in all of those positions, plus in the shower without protection on, plus being a porn star with a child yet saying "aww" at the idea of you being in a relationship is enough to make me want to murder her.

My boyfriend is spending more and more time with his ex and it makes me feel inadequate as fuck

He's jealous and gets possessive if I hang out with friends, WHY IS THIS Ok

I didn't ask to be born, so stop acting like fucking I owe you something. I'm a grown man who's tired of being controlled, I don't care if I burn in Hell for eternity because I love him.

Even when I was young I knew you hated me because I wasn't like Matt, that I wasn't good with people, that I'd rather be alone. My life only meant something to you when you got something out of it.

I hope you know that I wasted all of my childhood trying to get your approval.

When Matt left us and went across the world for some girl suddenly I was "your favorite son".

You spent thousands on him and his stupid fucking interest, and I didn't even have a bed until I was 18. I slept on couches that were too small for me my whole life, and now my back is fucked up. His fun was more important than my own health.

Whenever I accomplished SOMETHING you never cared, you just thought it was a failure because I wasn't the best.

I saved up my whole adolescent life, and you stole $800 of mine as "payment for raising you".

Fuck you and fuck your god.

>>17762493
You wouldn't want that off your chest I'd imagine if you already have a problem with their size

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>>17762567
Kek

When I think of us having any possibility of ever being together I think about how much work you would have to do in order for that to happen. You would have to gain an incredible amount of self awareness, recognize that my extreme behavior was manufactured by your mental and emotional abuse. That you have borderline personality disorder and to apologize to me, your friends, and your family for all the incredibly belittling and abusive things you've done to me that have caused me to become so mentally unstable recently.

You need to recognize that you are not a person that should be trusted currently. You have threatened to cheat on me so many times. When you say things like "A girl like me won't wait forever" or "If you don't want to worry about being cheated on maybe you should find a less pretty girlfriend". You tell me of the men that hit on you and how you dress up sexy to get people to do things for you.

You need to recognize you are a compulsive liar and you have lied to me time and time again. To tell your friends and family that it's not MY fault for thinking those things I did because of all of this.

Stop telling people I am toxic. Stop telling them I am manipulative or trying to spread rumors about you. That I'm not trying to hurt you or ruin your name. I have talked to maybe 4 of your friends asking "What is going on? Is this what happened? She has said so many fucked up things to me and... it's... I'm fucked up." I'm not lying to those people. If you don't want to be known as a liar, manipulator then you need to stop doing those things and own up to your actions.

And you will need to actually know to your core that I understand your actions, that I am not judging you, and when I told you I loved you I meant it. Because you are worthy of love. You are not a bad person despite your actions. You need help and you need to take responsibility.

I hope those things I've thought you were doing weren't true but... you haven't done any of the above

>>17755175
I do something related. Spanish is my first language with has a lot of potential for bad ortography, and on the internet I exploit it to it's fullest, writing with the worst ortography possible and even more.
It's so bad it is obvious it's on purpose but still hurts to read. I also can't stop doing it once I get started

I got caught plagiarizing.

>>17762721
If you're happy with the way things are going, that you cheated on me and he came back to you... then yes, I know you're not missing me at fucking all. You're probably told him how you want to run your fingers through his hair and that you are absolutely deeply madly in love with him and how you want to get married and have children...

Or that might not be the case at all. That you just get off to seeing a man so badly abused and belittled by you when I act this way...

You truly are taking advantage of my loving, compassionate, and empathetic heart. You know I understand your illness and I can't hate you no matter how hard I try. I can call you countless names, a worthless sleazy whore, fucking cunt, cheating bitch, tranny faced fat slut, and...

I hurt myself so badly just even faking saying those things. I can't hurt you. I just hurt myself so badly. You know I love your works, I am absolutely enthralled by your feminine beauty, your perfect petite form with the most perfect of curves and your small breast. I love your little baby button nose, your crimson lips, your star upon your chin, those luminous smile light dimples, your french curve asian eyes, your aurora lashes flowing gracefully above the starry night sky that are your eyes. Your raven black hair that cascades like a waterfall onto your sensual neckline...

Your mind... complex beyond words.

Such perfection, only made better when appreciated by the only man in the world that truly could appreciate such beauty... me....

To think of you writing something like that about me is.. ridiculous.

If you want me... you will have to show you can write something like that about me. That you can be as lovingly devoted, true, and selfless as I am to you.

because I know you need help, that you are suffering as well, and... how I just understand. No matter what, I understand and I will keep my promise to never judge you.

I... just want to know if it's going to be ok. With or without you.

>>17762774
that's low-tier. what you guys are talking about is what """"trolling"""" used to actually be. it wasn't about saying "u mad" and sitting back and posting image macros, it was about creating entire threads convincing people you're someone you're not. by emulating the thought patterns and typing styles of multiple people -- even differences capitalization and punctuation can account for a huge amount of "different" posters -- and with the occasional help of wikipedia, you could ignite an enormous debate all on your own. sitting back and watching it hit the bump limit after taking on a mind of its own was one of the greatest pleasures i found on the internet as a kid.

>>17762493
I feel inferior to other men because my arms are so thin

Why is saying I love you so hard??

>>17762802
Nobody in 2016 knows what trolling used to be. It's a dead art. The idiot /b/tards on here think it's a synonym for 'asshole' and act accordingly.

I'm 24 and I never bought condoms in my entire life.

>>17762897
That can't be healthy for your dickens

I can't stop thinking about you and I hate that I can't stop thinking about you but I also refuse to stop thinking about you because I love you and only you, and if I said otherwise I would only be lying.

In my thoughts I live in an alternate reality where I never fucked up and you still loved me.

It's unhealthy but I can't walk away. It's been months.

I don't know what to do. I've fucked myself over.

I never meant to hurt you.

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>>17762791
You have taught me so much in such a short amount of time about love, self worth, and mental health. This last month I have learned more than I have in the last 10 years about these things.

I use to think it was ridiculous, cheesy, and lame when people say "You need to learn how to love yourself before you can love another." I use to think how stupid that was. How could I possibly think I was attractive or desirable if no one loved me? If I had a woman I would just know I was attractive. But when I was with you I never felt loved, I never felt like I was desirable, and I never felt like you wanted anything to do with me. I didn't feel like I was worth anything at all. Part of this is because of your abusive behavior but that was such an incredibly small part of everything...

The reason is because I don't fully love myself. I don't think I'm attractive so why would I believe you? I don't think you like anything I do because I don't like my own work most of the time. I do however, try to stay true to who I am, my values, my morals, and because of this I AM starting to love myself and believe I am worthy of love. I know I am a good man that makes mistakes but I try so hard. I know I do. I am incredibly insecure and no woman will ever be able to make me feel any different because it's up to me.

I didn't realize this before until these last days. When I told you "I love you" and you would shake your head saying "no you don't" I was so confused at first. Because I do love you. I realize now the reason you can't believe me when I say I love you is because you just don't love yourself, you hate yourself. You know the woman I am saying "I love you" to does not exist and you made her up. Not on purpose but just because you are so unsure of who you are yourself. Your values are confused, you tell me things you're unsure you believe yourself thinking that's the only way I could accept you.

Do not be afraid. I know you're a good person. It's not your fault.

>>17762958
Dam that sounds rough, maybe drink a warm cocoa and watch some nice Korean movies

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>29 years old
>have hot wife
>have a good job as a sysadmin
>less than 2k of debt
>own 2 cars outright

The problem is I think impending doom is always coming. I'm so worried that I will never make enough to retire.

I have like 2 friends. Who don't really keep in touch unless I reach out.

I want to play vidya but I never have the motivation to do so.

I think I'm fucking autistic. Why am I reading the same Tokyo Ghoul chapter for the 5th time!!!!

I can fake social interactions as good as Dexter. Small talk but completely empty.

WTF do I do. I'm freaked about being 30 and not having this shit handled

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>>17762967
This uncertainty, knowing that you are not being honest with me fully, that you lie to me about so much, hide so many things, that I couldn't love you because I don't know who you really are. You know you are not being your true self with me. You know when I say I love you I am saying that only to the lie presented. I think you are afraid to show me more about your true self under the fear I wouldn't love that truth. You're afraid we are too different of people, too ashamed of past actions and filled with guilt. That if I knew more I wouldn't love you.

You have taught me that someone has to love themselves in order to love another. To love yourself is to be honest about who you are, not only to yourself but to the world. You cannot give a person love if you're afraid they won't return it. You will continue to be defensive, continue to lie, continue to be what you think people will love and not your true self. If you don't love that true self then why would anyone else? Why would you want to show a self you hate?

You will think that everyone is this way. That everyone is creating a lie to hide what they really are. This fear of not being accepted.

In order to love yourself you need to look at yourself honestly. See that you are your actions. Once you are able to be honest with yourself you will realize that all that guilt, hate, and shame are felt because your true self wants to come out. You are a good person. If you weren't you wouldn't feel guilt or shame. Once you see yourself fully aware, truthfully and honestly will you be able to take responsibility for the actions that make you feel so ashamed.

You are good..You can remove these bad feelings with honest apologies and keeping true to yourself. Once you realize that you feel bad for doing wrong, for not being your true self, you will then stop doing those bad things in the future.

And you will love yourself truthfully when you are unafraid to be yourself.

Because your true self is good.

>>17762992
Every fucking thread get a trip so I can filter this shit

>>17762958
Apologize for what you've done.

if they love you then they will be able to realize you are only human. That if you take responsibility for your actions it shows that you didn't mean them. That you were not true to yourself in that time and if this person you love is understanding, empathetic, and a good person them self they will be able to recognize the good in you, the love, and return the favor.

Do not be afraid to be your self. Your self is not someone that is capable of doing wrong and being ok with that wrong. Stop running. If you think the other person will judge you because they will think only a bad person will do such a thing then they don't know your true self. Running is only hiding who you are.

Show them you're good, that you love them, and I can assure you anon they will embrace you knowing who you honestly are is not a person that wants to hurt them...

But a person that wants to love them.

>>17755132
I don't know what the fuck to say, but a lot is being said in my head. I think i'm on love with multiple people, I think I have multiple personality disorder...

>>17763004
You sound made anon.

I'm not even saying the person did anything wrong to me but they for sure do not love themselves and it's heart breaking.

Maybe you should read what I wrote and learn a thing or two.

>>17762943
Never needed them, if you get my sad implication.

>>17763023
Bitch fuck you and get a trip so I can filter your autism wall of text spamming.

I just got fired but fuck it, I ain't even mad. This fucking shop stole my weekends, had me work 10 hours from sun up to sun down, the customers were asshole/morons, and it never took taxes out of of paycheck. My boss was an unresponsive jerk with the communication skills of a tree stump.
Kiss my ass Allison, I hope your fucking business goes ass up in a ditch.

>>17763032
It's ok, I get it. You're young and ignorant. you're mad that someone has deeper thoughts beyond dicks and pussy. You're angry that I'm using up all your precious bandwidth you've paid so much for on your own personal little anon board.

>>17762992
I'm not asking for you to apologize to me for anything. I'm not saying you HAVE to do anything for me in order to be a good person. I want to make that clear. I will not judge you, I understand your mental illness and I believe you are a good person already.

If you do love me, if you do want to be with me it's going to be a lot of work. A lot of accepting of yourself and you will need to face your fears of not being accepting for who you really are. Again, I don't know what's going on at all.

It's already bad no matter what, however. This will be difficult to come back from AT BEST. But not impossible. It could be worse, you could have cheated or done something else but if you love me and want me you will face your fears and accept your responsibilities.

At worst... it could be my own worst fears but I am not afraid. I will not judge you. I will not hate you.

You could be happy right now. I do not think you are, though. There are far too many issues in order to get over all of them so quickly and I'm not talking about our relationships but your own mental health.

I just lay in the bathtub and pissed I my own face. It was pretty fun, but tricky to get the piss in my mouth - I think that being so hard made it difficult to aim.

Then I tried to jerk it until I came, but that didn't seem to work so I took a nice shower instead and now I'm all fresh and comfy.

Today has been a good day.

how do you manage to work if you have crippling depression?

>>17763090
Easy if the depression is attached to the rest of your life, and work is your only escape.
t.keeping-busy-fag

>>17763115
any tips on how to become workaholic?

>>17763123
The way I see it, there's two options. Either find a job you love (unlikely) or make a conscious decision to throw your whole self into what you're doing, even if you hate it. Focus on the present moment, in getting the best result right now, without looking ahead to the future or thinking about how you're not going anywhere.
Stubborn pride in doing the best job you can and fuck the world is actually enough, sometimes.
Worth a try. Might work for you, might not.

>>17763077
I still have a million thoughts a minute about everything and wish I knew the truth but...

I will have to endure like I do.

I think a lot about the things we've talked about. How I act online when I am mean to people for being stupid. How I curse and go on long rants about SJW bullshit. I realize so much now how none of that mattered, how focusing on that negativity truly is bad in the long run.

I am being truthful to you when I say I am trying to be a better person. Not for you, for myself. I want to love myself truthfully. I want to be better. I am no ok where I am and I recognize this.

This is why, when I tell you I understand, that I can emphasize with your hardships, I wished you would have believed me. Because I am going through the same things.

I know all the mental and emotional abuse you put me through causes you pain as well. I know you hate when you do those things, when you're manipulative. I know you're struggling. I know you hate the fact you KNOW you can't be trusted fully.

I'm not just trying to impress you to have you come back to me. To make you think "See! look at how amazing and understanding I am! I'm cured!" because it's truthfully not the reason why and I know it's going to take a long time.

You should be able to see how much I have progressed though, right? How... I still fall into bits of emotional cursing and frustration but compared to when you first met me 2 years ago... Just look at my twitter and facebook. I know I am getting better already. I know I am. I have so much more to do though.

I want you to get better as well. You... have only regressed since we've gotten back together. It saddens me. Your career is taking off but your personal relationships and mental health have been getting worse and worse. I don't think, no, I KNOW I AM NOT THE CAUSE. I know I have been very patient and understanding towards you and I still believe everything I've said here - >>17762791

I want it to be alright...

I'm going to break up with my boyfriend this weekend and I'm scared. I know it's the right thing to do but it still scares me.

>>17763169
Initials? So I can be prepared.

>>17763179
If you are him, you don't deserve to be prepared.

>>17763169
do you right now. Why wouldn't you? Why wait till the weekend?

you will be stressing over it all week. Just get that shit over with ASAP.

>>17763169
Just want to be free to suck some cocks, eh? Good for you.

>>17763199
>Just want to be free to suck some cocks, eh? Good for you.
>some cocks, eh?
>eh?
Canadians, I swear.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

>>17763188
I don't see him until then.

>>17763199
The opposite. I want to get married and have babies. He wants to be boyfriend/girlfriend forever because "fuck rules" or something. He also masturbates too much and I want to have a lot of sex with the guy I love.

I did MD last night and I have a blood test tomorrow, fuck my life

>>17763144
thanks.

also does buying things helps (tech things mainly)?

>>17755132
Sinking into depression. Wrecked my car, crappy job, got dumped, flunked out of school due to stress, and have to move back in with my mother.

On top of that my ex showed absolutely no emotion to any of this. Went on a date with someone only to never hear from them again after the date. Slightly overweight and have picked up drinking and smoking. All of my "friends" vanished as well.

I want to change but my motivation is in the shitter. At this point I'm completely lost.

I'm paying you because you let me fuck with you. I have no idea why I enjoy it, but I find it fun. Literally everything I've said has been a lie, and honestly the only thing I'm attracted to about you is your body. You obviously have a drug problem whether or not you want to admit it. You'd really let someone harass you like that for 400$? I treat prostitutes with more class then I treated you, and yet you want to see me again this Friday and for only 200$ this time? God damn girl, you must love being degraded, or really love cocaine. I bet your father would be proud... If you had one, lol.

>>17755132
Last night I met a fellow male /lit/fag. We drank and discussed Bulgakov. He told me about his beautiful fiancee and how much he loves her. We drank some more. We were discussing new sincerity when he put his hand between my legs.

I fucked him hard. His skin smelled like pine needles and mud, and he screamed and struggled and clawed me like a wild animal. He came twice, biting my neck, begging me to go harder, and then fell asleep.

I woke up to find him vomiting, so I cleaned him up and made him tea because I'm drawn to helplessness. He thanked me and apologised a hundred times, telling me how kind I am, how much he wants to see me again. We finished our discussing of new sincerity, and I drove him home to his beautiful fiancee.

I don't know whether or not I should fuck him again. I don't know whether to tell his fiancee. I feel no remorse towards her, in fact the thought of what I did to her makes me hard. But at the same time I hate myself for this. I feel myself becoming the very thing I despise. Though maybe I ought to let it happen?

At the same time I feel like I've revealed too much of myself to him. I feel like he might become a danger to me.

Being alone is the only thing that feels safe.

>>17763295
Tell the fiance. Do it for your own conscience, not hers.

If it's your fetish and you get off to cucking people, it's w/e but if the fiance ever does find out she'll come for your head too. Hell hath no fury, etc, etc.

>>17762992
>>17763018
Are you listening, anons? This is true wisdom right here

>>17763302
Feels like she'll come for my head just the same if I tell her I fucked her future husband in the ass.

>>17763295
>things that never happened.

>>17763253
In the short term, it can help as a distraction.
Eventually you just end up with too much stuff and have to "spring clean" and get rid of most of it, which can be a wrench if you've got attached to things, or spent a lot of money.
Having books/films/music that you know well and can enjoy is helpful - sinking back into the familiar requires less effort than trying to find new things to do.
Be aware that later on you may find it difficult to e.g. listen to songs that keep you going now, as they'll remind you of unhappy times.

The main thing is to be aware that nothing is permanent, but don't focus too much on that.
You'll probably be ok, in the end. But even if you're a mess, that's fine too.
There's always this place to come and vent if you need to.

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>>17763309
Thanks anon. I' embarrassed I'm 30 and just know learning this.

Last 12 years of my life I have been literally raped, physically abused, mentally/emotionally abused, my life threatened by "White Knight" saviors, attempted suicide, schizophrenia and chronic depression.

I am a bitter, sour man that is trying to not be so negative anymore. When I met this beautiful woman I promised myself to not repeat the mistakes of my past. That I would try my hardest to make her feel loved, beautiful, and secure. That I wouldn't insult her or raise my voice. I wanted to be good because I believe I am. For awhile I fell back into my bad habits where I would judge others for their lack of education, or go on angry rants when someone would insult me. I refused to take the higher road because I was just bitter and sick of the world.

I was so ignorant for so long. I didn't realize that no matter how much you love someone you can't make them love themselves unless they want to and of course they can't love truly unless they love themselves. It never mattered how loving, romantic, and loyal I was it was never enough. I wrote her poetry, love letters, fancy dinners, painted her with all the love in my heart and she would tell me "This isn't very good. Not like your other works. I can tell you don't love me by looking at your paintings of me." It made me feel awful. To give so much and have it so callously tossed aside. I didn't know what I do now and she doesn't meant those things. I loved her, because I have been working on loving myself while she refused to try. Again, that doesn't make her a bad person. She is good. She is. I don't judge her in any way.

I mess up all the time still. I still go on angry rants, and while I never returned the insults or raised my voice to her for nearly our entire relationship I failed myself and her last month. Even after her abuse and manipulation that manufactured my reactions I can't blame her for how I acted.

>>17763385
thanks anon
i need to sleep now

When my mom was pregnant with me she nearly miscarried a few times, which is why my dad bought her a cat that lived with us for nearly 21 years, to keep her company.

When I was still a very small baby I had a serious case of pneumonia. Later I developed an allergy to temperature changes that would send me into shock, but I didn't die then either.

Also my dad is a depressive mostly former alcoholic that had to be forced into rehab for cocaine before I was born. I don't do drugs nor drink but I feel like I got 90% of my genetic material, both the good and bad stuff from him.

I just think how ironic that is considering how my personality is mostly hating my dad and wanting to die

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>>17763395
I am aware such a change is a long, long process. I am not quite there yet, not even close. I still get so badly triggered by seeing certain things shes posted or said. The fact she has been ignoring me rather than just telling me she is done with me or how many secrets she's kept or if it's all just a game to her mental illness. If she has met someone new or if this is some type of extreme test that someone with BPD would do

I wouldn't expect her to get better instantly. I wouldn't. if she loved me... Ive already said all of that. If she doesn't, same thing.

Im not expecting a thing.

I don't want her, her friends and family to view me as a crazy person that is dangerous to her. I would never hurt her, I wouldn't. Not physically or emotionally.

She talked to my sociopath of an ex that old her so many lies about me and she chooses to believe her. Even though I have shown her that my ex is a hateful sociopath that does not feel bad when she does wrong she still believed her. I showed her how my ex would say the most insane lies because she truly believes her own lies.

Then she chooses to believe another known sociopath liar and manipulator as well. A man that deceived her to get nude photos, lied about me posting violent and racist things to the police twice, told her I never loved her and when I apologized it was meant as manipulation. Same for my paintings, poems, and love letters.

Again, even though this man is a known liar and sociopath she continued to believe everything he told her. The last time we spoke on the 6th she was still quoting both of them. He told her I was dangerous and afraid I would hurt her or rape her.

I have very good reason to be a bitter, angry person but I'm trying. I am trying. I'm trying so hard and being able to rant on here is honest to god keeping me sane. She is telling everyone I am toxic, abusive, and more. I don't know why. It's true I have been very emotionally unstable right now but to say she isn't the cause.

>>17763455
Just calling it how I see it... But you're welcome, anon. Would it help you to talk one on one with someone? If so, I'll give you my Kik... You can rant all you like and I'll listen, comment now and again to give you another perspective... Might help you with processing everything.

Please, help, someone. I am so alone here. This should not be so bad.

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>>17763455
and song bird, you can bring back your social media sites. It's ok. I know you're never going to speak to me again. All I posted on them was me asking you if I should get on that flight we booked for the 9th, a simple y/n single letter response and that was it. Not if you loved me still or wanted space or if you cheated or anything. Just a y/n was all I wanted but your response was to delete literally everything about yourself online.

Then you wonder why I think the worst?

The 10th was our anniversary... On the 6th you told you didn't love me, never wanted to see me or hear from me ever again but how many times have you said that to me? How many times have you told me that you would never, ever leave me in your sanity and that I shouldn't listen to you when you're like that. How you asked me to promise to be loving, understanding, empathetic and never judge you for your mental illness.

I believed I was still going to be able to visit you even up to just a couple hours before my flight. I even packed my bags...

Everyone tells me it's obvious you have been cheating. Even people that aren't my friends and even L.. she really did like you a lot and defended you constantly. They don't know you like I do though. They don't understand your disorder and how this is something they would do.

I'm not... well, I am stupid. I was/am? in love. I know it's extremely likely you've been cheating but again I have no idea. If you did, I don't know whether or not that would be the end.

Your face is too hard to forget. No one else has what your face demands.

I truly don't even think you're reading these.

if you were I wouldn't harass you on your sites if you brought them back. I wouldn't try to message you through them or anything. I can't promise I wouldn't look at them however because I am not that strong. I don't like you thinking of me as a monster, as controlling, or manipulative, or anything like that. I don't know why you think those things...

I loved you...

Also I pray that wasn't you two accessing my network.

People have been.... and... I reported it to the FBI online and we took the xp machine to the local office as well as your two's contact information and addresses.

I'm not threatening you, I'm not. I hope to god it isn't you but who else could it have possibly been? I'm trying to find out who has been spying remotely accessing my network.

I don't need a lawyer for this, it's a criminal case. They have the laptop, they have all my security logs, connected ips at the time of the attack... I'm sure they will easily be able to access your ISPs logs and see that at the same time of the attacks that you were connected to the same proxy as the one that accessed my network....

I don't know much about law but I'm pretty sure given your PI's "forensics" background and your snoopiness and getting angry at me for things that... seem kinda suspicious when you brought them up will be cause enough to continue the case, confiscate computers, ect.

hes going to say you're safe but...

I truly hope it wasn't you guys. If it is I want to avoid that at all costs... I don't want to be that kind of person :(

I made the mistake of thinking hard work is rewarded again. my mistake, it'll stop happening some day. fuck you, pay me. things are going to get more expensive tomorrow. so done with this shit.

I am really sorry for how things went! I really miss you and I can't stop thinking about you 24/7. It's making me miserable and it's been 11 fucking months.
I know I made a mistake, but it's human to make mistakes and what is done afterwards matters. I told you i'm sorry that i fucked up but you kept denying everything. I love you and miss you but you keep playing with me just to hurt my feelings. You ignore me because you know i will keep contacting you. I don't understand it and it's just cruel.

From now on i will disappear, I won't contact in any way just as you did with me. I really hope you won't reach out in the mean time.

you should have paid double, stop trying to get free shit. discounts and helping people, never again. suppose this is a good thing to learn before we're talking huge potential losses. fucking crossed the line from mildly annoying to asshole today man.

>>17763778
What they do?

>>17763778
>>17763716
If you are who I think you are...

Hard work? Rewarded? Like you're an angel doing god's work? Helping someone out? Like you're doing good? The things you've done are extremely illegal and me and you both know that you're pretty much fucked.

Like... this all could have went away with a single word 2 weeks ago but this is what's come to. I'm the asshole somehow?

How delusional are you?

(and unless you're just some random business mans then ignore this.)

I'm trying to be a good person...

I don't want this to get out of control.

I'm not threatening anyone, I'm not. I reported a crime and then If it were her I just wanted to try and deal with it like... you know... people...

If it's not her then whatever the guy trying to steal whatever it is he wants will get massively shit on.

And that guy had threatened to put a gun in my mouth before so sorry if this is a bit on edge for me. Not for me but for my family.

If you're not the ones and you're thinking "Wow, he's making this allll up to scare us" you would be wrong. Someone legit is remotely accessing my network and I want to know who. It's all behind a proxy, she has the reason to do it, he has the knowledge to do it, so sorry if that makes you suspects.

Fucking christ. And if those posts ARE YOURS how am I the one to have "crossed the line"? If you guys WERE the ones that doing this shit?

I'm not asking for her to admit to all those other things because I don't know what's going on. I just want to...

fuck it. I'm sorry for trying to do the right thing.

I hope it's not you though. I'm here if you would like to see what's up though...

>>17763755
Maybe if you found a way to say this directly to your person it might matter. Or maybe you are having a condo with someone on here.

In the case of the former, try writing an actual snail mail letter. No harm in sending 1 letter and they don't have to read it if they don't want too.

I just don't give a fuck anymore.

Not sure how I'm gonna pay rent, don't care either.

No insurance for meds, don't care. They wanted to keep upping the dosage on what was making it worse. Pretty sure SSRI'S are not the answer but they won't fucking listen. Looked up what they wanted to put me on as a plan and all the shit severely interacted with each other. Mental health care has been a joke in my experience thus far.

Pretty much cut everyone off. Decided to stop confiding in people. Happier alone anyways. This has become highly apparent ever since I was child. The more time I spend around large groups of people the more paranoid and anxious I get. The more time i spend alone the happier i am other than occasional boughts of loniliness. And I figure about half of them would screw me over if they could and that's probably me being kind on that estimate.

I just need to get a study sorce of income, get my own place and grow this business to the point I don't need a job. Then I can live in solitude and work on my projects with no worries or distractions. Which reminds me, I can buy silencers now!