sticky situation

File: 150919094634-bernie-sanders-large-169.jpg (29KB, 460x259px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 460x259px

>shitshitshit
>literally
>i turn around to strangle the only witness but she's dipped
>i look around panicked still drunk+high, need to remove the stain then explain myself to the girl i just busted in
>grab a vase of flowers on the nightstand, pour on my crescent-moon-shaped shit mark
>start rubbing in with hand (drunk+high, member?)
>it makes a bigger stain
>throw the covers over it
>jesus christ i think im gonna throw up
>realize my wiener still out
>whip up the pants hella quick, almost circumcise myself with my zipper
>run down stairs, function is still bumpin
>"fuck has she told anyone? she was pretty drunk so..??"
>realize im talking out loud
>bro i knew from the football team walks up, sloshed:
>"hahaha did u score brooo?"
>give him a weak smile
>"did you see where she went"
>he points a solo cup to the outdoor patio
shiiiit
>shove my way through the main dance cluster
>asian BITCH is snickering to the near-passed out bday girl, points at me
oh no she dinnt
>clench my fist, really about to knock her ass out... even tho it was my fault i spilled assquik while she was sucking me like a pacifier
>i see the birthday cake mostly intact next to her
>fuckit.pdf
>grab the side of her head and smash it down into the cake, folding the plastic table underneath the cake with the weight of her body
>some girls scream, guys begin chorus of "woaaah" and "hey man!" some even "yooo!"
>people inside peeping out
>girl is trying to get up in her drunken state
>all of a sudden get extremely paranoid
>make a run for it
>bolt off the back patio, climb the fence, dash to my car
>drive drunkish home
made it home anyways, terrified. all this week people muttering about my incident, but some people were too drunk to remember who it was. eventually girl who invited me found shitstain

today they began calling me skidmarkus

really need your opinions. should i try and find the asian girl?? what lie can i tell to avoid the ruining of my senior year????

Even if it "ruins" your senior year, don't worry about it. You won't even see any of these people after high school.

>>17751740
That whole story is absolute gold, minus the nickname you got from it. Hope you remember that one, OP, 'cause it's gonna be hilarious to you 5 years from now.

I'd say forget about finding the Asian chick or lying about it, the damage is already done. The worst of it will blow over by your next semester, and your real friends won't give you shit for it

>>17751792
this is good advice, thank u
>>17751809
yea im just happy none of my real friends were there haha

ITT: OP shits his pants, and assaults someone

>thread titled sticky situation
more like
>stinky situation

but lmao OP you're an idiot. you can't salvage this.

>>17751815
>happy none of my real friends were there haha
inb4 because you don't have any real friends

>>17751827
this shit stain was at least 4in long, 1in girth

>>17751839
i think at that point it is no longer a shit stain, and is rather just shit.

>>17751854
it held a moist consistency, but wasnt a completed log. more, a melted log, sculpted into crescent-moon shape by buttocks

>>17751866
diarrhoea is still shit so yeah. not a stain. also i'm pretty sure you're not OP. if you are, then this has to be bait. have a good day