Should I not allow my brother in law near my kids? My brother

He sounds like a terrific guy, I would like to meet him.

I don't get why parents care so much about their kids learning bad language. The parents themselves and society in general doesn't care if people cuss so why should you give a fuck if your kids learn how to do it? Besides they'll find out cussing very easily anyway unless you've gone to extreme lengths to parental block their youtube and internet browsing. Even then they'll probably pick up that language from other kids at school and be made fun of for finding it bad while the other kids find it ok. You can't win. Just teach them how to say nigger. You'll be glad you did.

does becoming a mom make women this stupid or are they always like that?

you're a real bitch

>>17741249
just tell him not to reek of weed around the kids.

par that fuck him.

>>17741334
Only empty shallow housewives like OP are

>>17741334
>>17741336
> implying im a woman

>>17741249
None of that shit would bother me at all except for the racist shit. That's not ok. I have a lot of stoners in my family, I used to be one, it's relatively harmless (I said relatively). As long as someone is not smoking near or in sight of my kids, I don't care. I mean I don't want you smoking if you're watching them, but what you do on your own time, I don't give a shit.
The racist stuff is not cool. All kids learn bad language eventually, they all hear it on tv or around town, the key is teaching them what is and isn't appropriate. A wayward "fuck" can be forgiven, but I would be utterly horrified if my kid used a racial slur.

>>17741367
No. I am a woman

>>17741249
You shouldn't.

Unlike what the other Anon said, cussing and cursing is not language becoming of a successful person in standard everyday language. That's not to say people who have money or are successful never curse, just that there is a time and a place for that and it's not normal/is trashy to curse just normally always.

You're not stupid and you're not a bitch.

Him smelling like marijuana all the time is also not a good example. It normalizes the idea of marijuana and makes it more of a normal part of the scene around them. Eventually it will affect them either positively or negatively.

What kind of job does he have?

The racism is also an issue despite what these poltards say. It's not always the case that someone who is racist is poor but racism is more prevalent among the poor, underclass, and underprivelaged.

Having stereotypes isn't the same as being a bigot. I would say it's more okay to have stereotypes than it is to be a blatant bigoted racist and exposing children to hatred of other people.

In short, yes if you can manage it start decreasing the amount he's around the kids. Be thoughtful about how you do it, try not to be confrontational. If you know in advance he will be around, try taking the kids out to do some activity, perhaps bring them over to your family's house and if your husband says like "it's okay" just say you want to let him have his own time with his brother no biggie you deserve it type of crap.

Eventually drop a few "he always smells like weed it's gross" but in a calm sort of cute way. Be nice and eventually you'll see your husband agree with you. Perhaps then after some time you try to conflict schedules on purpose in order to not have him around the kids.

>>17741367
you are a woman. you said, "him and his brother are very very close" and, "my kids" is something women say, not gay dads. go fuck yourself

Moms like you embarrass me as a woman, OP.

Your restrictions and unrelenting judgement also reflect on your kids, and they'd likely rebel more.

The only posts you will pay attention to are ones that reinforce your feeling that you should remove the brother-in-law.

>>17741388
>Your restrictions
>unrelenting judgement

What restrictions? She's not actually forcing the kids to not do anything at this point you stupid bitch. She's a concerned mother.

So she wants her kids to not be exposed to marijuana, sounds smart. Eventually they will be but why force it at a young age?

She wants her kids to not make cursing part of their everyday language, unlike people who say fuck and asshole for no reason.

You're the sad excuse of a human being who has no solid convictions or opinions.

>>17741249
Eh, you can most definitely keep your kids away from anyone you want for whatever reason you want. But he is your family, like it or not, it's gonna be hard to shut him out completely.
Sounds like you've talked to him a little bit about some things, but I don't think you're being stern enough. You need to talk with him without the kids around about what's bothering you. Tell him he reallly needs to make a conscious effort to keep the language to an "oops" minimum, and explain that he fucking reeks.
Also, lets be real, the language thing is not that huge a deal. Rather than trying (and failing) to keep your kids from hearing those words, you should be teaching them the meanings of those words, and their appropriate and inappropriate uses. The racism shit I'll give more weight too, but again this is just another educational opportunity for you. Kids are never too young to learn about racism, nip it in the bud now and explain to them why their uncle is wrong with his biases.

Also, talk with your husband/boyfriend/baby daddy about it too. If he has your back too when talking with his brother, it just makes you stronger.
In the end of the conversation, just let him know that if nothing changes, you're considering keeping your kids away from him. If that's not enough to make him stop and think, then he doesn't actually care about you or your family. None of what you're asking is all that difficult. I curse like a sailor, but even I will still try to hold my tongue if someone says something.

>>17741397
>unlike people who say fuck and asshole for no reason
Honestly, this is the biggest point. Like I'm the type that doesn't believe in "forbidden words you just cannot utter ever". I do believe in time and place though. I'm not OP, but I personally would have no issue with my kids "cursing" if they could do it with tact and appropriately. Problem is, young kids typically aren't old enough to know when and where to use such words. It's the same thing when kids learn a big word but don't actually know what it means, and then use it all the time incorrectly to sound smart.
What's important is teaching kids how to use language rather than trying to hide language from them.

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>>17741249
niggers !

>>17741249
>Should I?

Think about it this way. Is there any type of circumstance you feel comfortable hanging out with them. For example if he promised not to cuss, not talk about race whatsoever, to not smell like weed and only when you're around (rather than a sleepover or babysit)

Is that okay with you? If even in those instances it wouldn't be okay then think more on why else you would undeniably be uncomfortable with him around your kids.


If you would be comfortable with the rules i discussed, then lay them out for your brother in law (obviously discuss what rules you want with your husband). If he cant make those changes while around your kids then hes a selfish ass. If he breaks a rule, remind him. If he continues to break the rules you set up then you have every right to stop him from seeing your kids. More importantly you communicated your concerns with him and your husband, gave him ample chance to change, and he made the decision to not want to see your kids by not respecting your house or personal rules. It is really important that you communicate your concerns before dropping someone flat.

Also you really have to talk with your husband first. Have you talked to him? That needs to happen long before coming on 4chan.


And it is completely reasonable to want to shelter your kids from cussing and drugs. They will be exposed to it, but you also dont have to endorse it.

If you are married to his brother it's not your choice to make.

It's probably good for your children to be exposed to someone who isn't a total moralfag anyway.

As a parent: you're never going to be able to protect your kids from stuff like this. Maybe for a little while, but they're going to encounter people like this throughout their whole lives.

If you're kids are old enough to sit down and talk to (like 5-6+), you can teach them how to conduct themselves. "Sometimes you will people say these words, but they're very rude. They are words you should not use for fun, and you shouldn't use them until you're an adult."

Teach them about bad words and hurtful ideas. Teach them that not everybody is going to say or do nice things, and tell them how to distinguish something nice from something mean. You can use your brother-in-law's behavior as an example of things to not do. This will help them learn how to not mimic harmful behaviors early.

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>>17741420
420 !
dude
i
got
a
420 !!!

>>17741397
>Not smoke marijuana or curse or exposed at such a young age

This exposure bullshit is why we have NEETs. Someone else will do it and an age MUCH younger than any parent expects of their precious special snowflake, so why give a stranger the opportunity to expose and educate? Do it yourself.

Or correct a behavior. Trust your child just a tad, or at least hope they are intelligent and observant. And if they start to use foul language at inappropriate times, you scold and educate. And give punishment and consequences if they rebel or deny.

As far as substances go, education works the exact same way. Even with something like coffee. A 5 year old probably cannot handle a Starbucks drink that has 2+ shots of espresso, so why is moderation of that drug any different?

What about random smokers on the street? Or a drinker in a restaurant?

People like OP don't want to educate and parent, they just want to simply "remove" negativity from their loves rather than teach how to cope or respond. That is why I hate those kinds of moms (or dads). Not because of restriction, but because of laziness.

>>17741447
It actually is. She married him not his brother too. If they want to chill, hang out, and talk she can't tell him no.

But those are their kids. Not the brother's kids, they can make decisions to not let a family member around them if they have good reasons. She can still talk to the brother, see him around, even have him at all inclusiclve family get togethers, but choose to not have him around the kids otherwise.

Your kids will learn to swear no matter what you do.
Your kids will find out about pot no matter what you do.

If you don't want him around your kids then don't have him around your kids, but don't make up some bullshit about "my precious babies will never find out about this!"

>>17741475
Calm down autist. It depends how old they are. If they are young children then you can wait on exposing them to everything in the world.

>>17741479
Learning about pot and swearing in a good way is different than learning it from a high racist smelly uncle who curses constantly without regard to it not being appropriate. Curse if you cut your finger or drop something, explain what pot is when strangers are doing it in public or it's in a movie. Not because your brother in law is acting like a tard in your house.

>>17741478
Neither parent can stop the other parent from letting whoever they feel like be around the kids unless that person is a sex offender or something.

>>17741494
> in a good way
Won't matter, children are idiots. You could teach them about swearing in "the best way" possible, and you'd still basically have to punish them and make sure they understand to never, ever swear ever because otherwise they'll do it constantly no matter what.

>>17741485
>Ad hominem
Noice.

You can't keep your kids in a bubble. Walk outside for a but when they are a newborn and you will smell alcohol, or coffee, or cigarette smoke.

Unless they are developmentally disabled, shielding a toddler or child from every deviance is foolhardy and detrimental. Not trusting them to reason shit out for themselves (hm...mommy and daddy don't say those words all the time, why? I'll test it out and say it. Oh, I was scolded by my parents? They told me those words hurt people's feelings? Okay, better not say it again, because I don't like to be punished and I want to talk with more people and friends other than mommy and daddy) is ineffective parenting. You make it to where the kid never fully understands consequences and social peculiarities.

>>17741496
>Neither parent

Physically no. But in a truly healthy relationship this would be a decision between the two of them not just one or the other. If one parent thinks it is okay for someone to be around the kids and the other doesn't, just one of them shouldn't unilaterally make the decision. They need to communicate and find a middle ground.

>>17741502
>You can't keep your kids in a bubble.

I see your point, definitely true. But it is entirely different for a parent to say yes it is okay to hangout regularly with someone who smells like marijuana vs the inability to prevent it in the real world. One is an instance of subtle endorsement. Just because pedophilia exists does not make it okay for your kid to hangout with someone who thinks pedophilia is okay. Just to point out that there is a definite limit to your logic. Either way kids should be spoken to about it.

Also idk about anyone else but i was totally imagining like 1-4 year old children. Before the point they can be adequately communicated to.

>>17741498
Depends vastly on the kid. I'm lucky enough to have a kid who behaves himself and listens if we ask him not to do something. Other kids are much more rebellious or belligerent.

OP, as the parent, you have to be the judge. Do you trust your kids to understand that these things are not okay? Or are they the kind of kids who would mimic your brother-in-laws behavior and are best kept away from those influences until they are older? We don't know your kids, so you have to decide.

>>17741502
>>Ad hominem
You should learn what words mean before using them.

No one is talking about a bubble. There's a time and place for everything, you don't nees to explain everything immediately.

So stop being retarded with this shielding cop out to justify your crap opinion.