How to Socialize

Maybe seeing a therapist is your only solution anon, that doesn't sound normal.

>>17735759
What would a therapist tell me that I can't find on the internet? I'm beyond broke right now, so getting one is an impossibility.

>>17735762

How is someone fine with socializing with 3 people but one on one is an impossibility? I don't understand, how is 1 worse than 3?

>>17735762

Things that trained professionals who establish a relationship with you might say, as opposed to anon who may or may not give a shit and are working through their own fucked up lives might tell you?

>>17735767
By three people I mean being apart of a group conversation. There's much less pressure to talk since it's divided among more people, and I can contribute when I think of something funny/good to say.

>>17735770
Fair enough. I still can't afford one, though, so you all are the best I've got.

Give me an example of a snippet of a conversation and how you respond. I am curious how autistic you really are.

>>17735794
You think I record my conversations or something? I'm not insane. My usual conversations fall apart because I can only comment on one or two things before having no idea how to continue. I would think this is a super common problem, is it not?

>>17735803

Not really. Some one anons are awkard but they aren't so awkward they can't hold a conversation like an adult. Even the autists know the socially acceptable things to ask to keep a convo moving, it isn't hard.

As I said, use that memory of yours to map out a conversation and quit acting like a fag with an atitude problem you broke dorky weirdo. We are doing you the service not the other fucking way around.

>>17735808
Why do you even come to this board? That's not even advice, you're just telling me to "act like an adult". Perhaps if you've never had experience with a problem, you shouldn't comment like you know what you're talking about, no?

>>17735815

Anon asked you to give an example, then pointed out the fact that you can give a pretend example.

You respond with scorn both times.

I, for one, am no longer curious as to how autistic you really are. I doubt he is either.

>>17735828
>Anon asked you to give an example
I can't accurately say how I react to things in spur-of-the-moment conversations. I'm sorry for being rude about it, but that request makes no sense. Wanting to find out how "autistic" I am, it doesn't sound like he was going to give advice in the first place.

>>17735836

This is why I suggested you get a fucking psychologist because are crude methods of trying to understand your brain aren't that well thought out.

Look. Work or get enough cash to get 2 hours of therapist and see what they can get you. Clearly our advice and methods aren't working here. This was a disaster and you need professional help.

>>17735854
>get a fucking psychologist
I can't, I'm not in the position to spend money on one. Plus there's no reason I can't solve this issue alone by trying out advice until something works. It would be a waste of money.

>This was a disaster and you need professional help
How? I said I have bad social skills, and all you said was "see a psychologist". When I said I couldn't do that, you asked me to make up a fake conversation, which wouldn't help anything.

I had the opposite problem, I felt better in a 1 on 1 than I did in groups. Having to seize your talking time was not something I was used to, and I was overwhelmed by all of the different things going on even in a group of just three (including myself).

Anyway, it's probably not too different of a problem deep down. Some of the bad habits that I had:

Constantly trying to do or say the "right thing" is exhausting and futile. It was hard, but the less energy I devoted to socializing correctly, the freer and more confident I felt. I hope that makes sense - I have gotten so, so much better at socializing in the past few years, but so much of that happens unconsciously when you're throwing yourself into the meat grinder. But there is a fundamental truth here. You have to be relaxed to socialize well, and you can't relax if you're more concerned with the way you're being perceived than you are with the conversation at hand.

I was obnoxiously arrogant without even realizing it. When I contributed to a conversation, my instinct was to say something negative in nature. It's an easy way to join in, because dismissing an idea, being sarcastic or otherwise tearing something down allows you to feel like you're interacting without the kind of vulnerability that comes from being genuine. The problem is that people like this are not fun to talk to at all. If you behave like this, and you make an effort to stop it, you will notice other people doing it instantly and it will drive you up a wall. So, stop yourself when you're going to say something that's at all negative (even if it's totally innocuous) and change it to be positive in nature.

>>17736031
Another thing to avoid is asking boring questions, or questions in general. You're not a journalist and you don't need to know everything about someone to have a conversation with them. You will hear all the time that people enjoy it when they are allowed to talk about themselves. That's true, but ONLY when the other person has an actual, genuine interest in knowing, and is not just trying to make conversation. Again, have an interest in the other person, and not an interest in making sure you're coming off well or doing it right.

I don't know if you're a regular dull guy or a turbo autismo, but regardless, make sure you look good. Get clothes that fit, a nice haircut, stand up tall and keep your chin up, literally. It's not magic but it will help your mindset over time. And that is really the most important thing, I think. I'm having a hard time putting all this into words because for the most part I never think about the minutiae of conversation anymore. At a certain point it comes naturally. So keep forcing yourself to get involved in social situation, and try to change your underlying mindset of 'shit, how do I do this' to one of 'I am interesting, I have worth, and I have a genuine interest in sharing myself with this other person."

In addition, though I considered the idea of seeing a therapist from time to time, I never did. I am glad I found my way on my own, even though it was hard sometimes. I did find it valuable to imagine I was talking things through at the therapist, for what it's worth. That said, my situation is not yours, I have to admit I was very fortunate in many respects, so if you feel like you need help, get it.

>>17735759
Autist here. I have the same problem. I've been seeing a psychologist since March, but it hasn't helped at all.

>>17735866
>Plus there's no reason I can't solve this issue alone by trying out advice until something works
This is not true. Psychologists don't just talk at you and try random things. They use evidence-based interventions that can help you make changes in your life, including reprocessing screwed up habits.

>>17736236
Get a new psychologist, this one is not compatible with you.

OP, I understand your financial situation is dire, so based on my experiences with therapists and my knowledge of the literature I will try to help. What happens in situations with 3+ that is different than one on one? What feelings do you experience? You mention that the attention is divided, so is it a feeling of anxiety due to the pressure of needing to speak?