Girlfriend lied. Should I bring it up?

Personally I would bring it up in a non-accusatory way and gauge her response. If she apologizes and explains that it was a white lie and she is really trying to break the habit of telling those and that the situation wasn't what it seemed, OK. I would consider it a definite "strike one" to the relationship.

If she gets all defensive and starts telling more lies, yikes.

>>17732340
>classic caesar
How does that guy not get it

Don't bring it up yet; you'll blow your cover. Like you said, wait until you have hard evidence. You might have to do some creepy stalker shit like follow her or something, but it shouldn't be too hard to find out.

She's already lied to your face so if you bring it up to her, how can you really trust anything she tells you to explain herself? She'll only be more cautious and on her guard.

Dont go looking for evidence. But ask why she lied. The way Id do it
>So you lied to me recently and its been bothering me.
[insert deer in headlights]
>what do you mean
>you said you were home all [insert day] but you werent there before I came over.
>how do you know that, were you following me
>can you tell me why you lied and what you were doing first

Its very important to try and get the truth from her before you tell her you went there without warning. This puts pressure on her because she doesnt know how you know, so its a lot harder to make up a lie that youll accept since its a gamble.
either way she'll say she was at a friends house and that shes sorry she lied etc. and youll never know what she was doing.

>>17732340
OP, does she have a group of female friends?

>>17732487
this is very important

>>17732449
Don't do it like this.
Just say you forgot to give her the 20 minute warning and found she wasn't home like she said. Say it's been bothering you and wanted to know why she lied.
That easy

>>17732435
I'm with this anon. Do not let her know you know she lied. She has lied to you before you just didn't catch her and she will lie to you again. You'll be ready next time. There is only one reason to lie and cover for time and that is another guy. Keep your eyes and ears open and catch her.

If you think she's lying and you don't feel comfortable enough to open a dialogue with her about how you feel it's probably a sign the relationship isn't going to work anyway.

>>17732487
>>17732492
Not a huge one. She recently moved back home and most of her friends are at another state. She says she wouldn't consider any of her friends here close ones. She does have male friends, though, with a least one having been confirmed as having a past FWB type relation. This is my primary reason to worry.

>>17732498
If OP does that she's gonna lie again. OP needs to find out where she was all dolled up and wanting to keep it a secret from her bf. There is no innocent explanation.

>>17732505
>a least one having been confirmed as having a past FWB type relation
yep, reason to worry and now you have her disappearing and hiding it from you. When women start doing that shit they are cheating or about to. How far away does the past FWB live or work?

>>17732340
What could she possibly have been doing other than cheating on you

>>17732505
>still friends with a fwb while dating you

its cucking time!

>>17732507
She's just gotta get pissed off and not want to answer at all. If you hold something over her head like that she's gonna get defensive real fuckin quick

>>17732498
I would do this too, although you can't be sure she will tell the truth.
She has already lied you so she will do it again. The thing is,why did she lie you? If she was with a friend,she could have tell you. She didn't because she does something behind you. So if I were you I couldn't trust her anymore. Maybe you should tell her that you both need to have a serious talk,give pressure on her,make her think that you are going to talk about something really serious,and she can lose you. When you meet her to talk,tell her that you can't trust her anymore because you know that she lied you,and demand to know the truth. If she says that she was with friend tell her that she lies on you cuz she could tell it and everything would be ok

>>17732510
sadly, this. even if it was something innocen, she would've told you about the great day she had.

>>17732520
What exactly was lied about, if you don't mind me asking anon?

>Girlfriend lied.
>Anon died.

>>17732529
Not that anon but if you read the post

>Asked her what she was up to
>She says "I'm just at home"
>Anon shows up, shes not at home

Now, can you point out the lie for me?

>>17732498
dont do this. Youll give her a chance to lie. Get the truth before you tell her how you know.

>>17732574
Well if she's gonna lie then she's gonna lie regardless lmao. You're just going to have an angry liar when you pressure her in such a way to answer

>>17732574
>>17732628
Before I bring it up, I plan on getting more incriminating hard evidence. Like one anon mentioned, this will probably involve doing creepy shit like following her or some shit. Now I'm wondering how I'm gonna confront her with any evidence I find without letting her know I had to do this kind of stalkery creepy shit. I agree with the people that said she's just gonna lie again if all I have to bring to the table is the fact that she wasn't home that one night.

>>17732642
Actually, I think it's best if you give her a chance to lie. If you know the truth and give her the chance to fess up after asking her why she wasn't home and she decides to lie, then that's your answer right there. That's not a person you want to be with.
Get evidence, tell her you accidentally found out she wasn't home and give her a chance to tell the truth/lie, if she lies then dump her.

>>17732642
should be pretty easy to bust her if OP plays it cool.

>>17732642
OP again. Also, regarding the friend who she used to bang for fun, when she told me about him, she noticed I felt threatened by him and offered to slowly cut contact with him. I said I didn't want her to do that because it's not my right to tell her who she can and she can't be friends with. She offered again and I said only if she really wanted to. In reality, I would love for that fucker to be out of the picture, but I hate to be that sort of controlling boyfriend you hear about and then have her resent me. Do you think I have a right to tell her to drop that guy as a friend and stop talking to him or not?

>>17732659
Hell yes tell her to cut him out and there is nothing wrong with boundaries both partners can live with and that is not controlling however she should have cut him out without you asking. Your problem now is she is running around with some other fucker (maybe him) and lying to you. So I would stop worrying about being a controlling boyfriend. That you are not but she is a lying gf.

>>17732659
>have her resent me
maybe she doesn't resent you but she is making a fool out of you

Why would she lie to you, but to cheat on you? If she doesn't have any female friends, but has male friends in town, why would she get dressed up and go out? Why would she ask you to warn her 20 minutes before you get to her house?

Sounds like to me she was out with a guy and was only 20 minutes from her house. Does that past fwb live within 20 minutes of her house?

If I were you I would try to set this scenario up again, ask to hang out and if she asks you to warn her 20 minutes before you get there, call her 10 minutes before you get there. Wait in your car outside her house for her to get back home. Calmy ask her why she went out all dolled up, tell her about last time this happened and ask her to tell you the truth. If she lies break up with her and if she tells the truth, break up with her. I would just pull my phone out infront of her and delete her from my phone, if she asks what you're doing tell her you're deleteing her number. Get back in your car, drive away and never look back.

If she calls don't answer, if she texts only respond, "who is this?"

>>17732667
Funny how you try to be cool and you get the same result you would if you acted like the warden of Alcatraz, huh.

>>17732673
I vote catch her with the guy instead of on her way home. Set her up. Let her think she has a free afternoon but follow her. Get one of your friends she doesn't know the car and you will bust her the first time out.

>>17732686
yeah that might be more effective. Honestly tho following her is kinda creepy. To me it sounds like she is obviously hiding something, probably the other guy's dick literally and figuratively. I would just dump her and be like I know you're cheating on me and cruse away playing "Poison" by Bel Biv Devoe

>>17732681
unfortunately yes.

here's the thing. I've known women that would keep men in their life and choose them over me every time when I gave an ultimatum but I've also known women that respected me and the relationship enough they wouldn't dream of spending alone time with other men. I never had to say a fucking word.

Even if you had told her don't see him she would still do it and lie. Even though you said it was ok, she knows it makes you uncomfortable and that she probably shouldn't see him alone but she wants to and is lying anyway. The real problem is her desire to continue to see him despite how you may feel about it and since it bothers you she'll lie. She wants him more than you.

all i know is, my gut didn't lie when my exGF was lying to me like this.

>>17732703
I hire someone to do the following and its a hit every time I have suspicions backed up by sketchy lies like OP's girl. I don't trust myself enough to remain cool.

>>17732340
>Last week
how have you kept this in for a fucking week? every time she opens her mouth you have to think its a lie and where is she really spending her time

>>17732628
Its the difference between putting her in a corner where she can lie her way out and giving her rope to hang herself. Its like you suck at getting information from people.
Dont bias the answer by giving unnecessary information to your answer. How you know has no effect on the truth she should tell you.
>>17732642
This will end your relationship whether or not shes cheating. Do you really want that.

>>17732726
I can do a mean poker face. I know what reactionary behavior leads to and I don't want her to elevate her guard.

>>17732739
I would really like to continue my relationship with her, but if she is cheating, I will have no choice but to end it.

>>17732757
Is an anniversary, your birthday or a holiday coming up?

>>17732757
good move and hope you are on high alert for an opportunity to bust her. Is she able to act as if she's the loving gf or do you perceive a little something is off? You noticed any more blocks of time she is disappearing?

>>17732763
You must... And you MUST! End it. It is a charade! She is riding the carousel of cock right down into damnation! The vehicle for her sin must be DESTROYED! That is why you must end this. Your relationship is a portal through which evil enters the world!

>>17732766
This is a relatively new relationship and so far, she still tells me how much she's into me and yadda, yadda, yadda. She's been introducing me to her family and all that stuff, and when I'm with her, I have no reason to suspect foul play, but I've been severely betrayed before, so I'm always suspicious now. Either that or I'm just a jaded, cynical motherfucker.

>>17732764
Not really. Just Thanksgiving and Christmas.

>>17732778
damn. too bad she's still hanging with all those other boys cause it doesn't seem to be much commitment on her part. Oh well if its new not as much to lose.

OP, she has shown that she doesn't respect you, it's over. If there's no respect, there's no love. Could you love someone you don't respect? That 20 minute warning bullshit is a huge red flag, she's playing you, she's treating you like an idiot. I've been there and it sucks. It fucking tears you apart inside that they can just lie to your face, you mean that little to them. You sound like a nice guy and she's using that against you, she's banking on you wanting to avoid a scene so you'll just go along with it. You're too close, you can't see it, you don't want to lose her but believe me when I say that she isn't what you think she is. Drop her. Yes it'll hurt, but do you want her to string you along until it's right for her, and then have her dump you without giving a shit? Or maybe she won't dump you, she'll just keep you hanging on and keep getting FWB on the side ... for years ... That'll be much worse.

You already think she's fucking someone else or you wouldn't be prepared to follow her around. Admit it, it's already over. You're just keeping it on life support, time to pull the plug. It'll be better in the long run to do it now while you still have some dignity.

>>17732778
>She's been introducing me to her family and all that stuff
Yeah but all her other male friends including the fwb probably know her family too so that doesn't really make you special.

How did she act the day last week when she was all dolled up to go out and you dropped by?

>>17732801
>That 20 minute warning bullshit is a huge red flag
totally fucking agree. that is the kicker and she had the balls to ask for notice so she could speed home before you got there but also allowed her to spend as much time as possible with her other guy. The other guys is likely laughing his ass off at this shit.

>>17732503
Honestly, this. If you can't have an open dialogue with her, just end it. There could be a ton of stupid reasons that she would lie like this that don't have to do with cheating. Instead of being a fucking stalker, talk to her. If you still don't trust her, end it.

>>17732814
>There could be a ton of stupid reasons
name a few then

>>17732805
She acted fine. Nothing out of the ordinary besides what I already knew. When I got there, I was a little quieter, trying to process the lie, and she asked why I was being quiet. I just said I was tired.

>>17732864
she cheated on you bro, only reason to hide that you went out is when it's to cheat

I would not get too serious with her. What does she need a heads up for? Shady. If you can just deal with her and not catch feelings continue if not break it off before you get attached.

>>17732340
Sorry that your gf is cheating on you, OP. Dump that nasty hoe

Why is a 20 minute warning needed in the first place? Does she always give you this or is this a new development?

I could see this in a very new relationship, but if you have been dating awhile this does not make sense.

Go through her phone/social media if you want proof, it's probably there if you have any way to access it. It's kind of shitty, but it seems like she's just going to lie to you anyway.

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>>17732340
RED FLAG

>>17732981
I dunno, I had a LTR with my girlfriend, and while a lot of the time I didn't care when she came over, I did like to have an ETA on when she would be there, and all I did was play video games.

>>17733076
That's reasonable, but knowing an ETA is very different to having to give prior warning