Forgiving

Honestly, forgiveness is not something you can just decide to give or not give. But you can decide to let her back into your life, however.

My my mom cheated on my dad and tried to take me away from him and make me hate him, forced me to live with the man she cheated with while giving him a different name and pretending he was someone else. Now, she pretty much has a new life and family with this other person, and I am very much removed from it. I maybe talk to her a few times a year even though we live close.

I resented her for well over a decade. But as I got older, I just one day realized that I forgave her. I don't hate her for trying to make the decisions that she thought would make her happy. I think they were poor decisions, but she was just living life the best she knew how, just like all of us.

Maybe one day you will let it go and forgive your sister, and maybe you will hold on to petty resentment. If you WANT to forgive her though, letting her back into your life is a step you have control over.

Yes, you should. Holding a grudge won't make anything better, and she will be alienated and lie more to appeal to people. Be honest with her, tell her that what she's doing is wrong, but forgive her.

I'm someone who has cut ties with all family but that doesnt mean I hold any resentment. I also see nothing wrong with NOT forgiving someone. As long as it doesnt take over your life why should you be the "bigger" person? Dont let people hurt you, you only have a few decades to work and LIVE before you retire. I took the posionous people out of my life that made me feel worthless, so why is that bad? Because they're family? Family should not owe each other anything, if you're there for each other that's great but of not so what? I feel like you need to make real connections with the people around you and maybe you'll find a true friend that way. Maybe even change you surroundings, start somewhere new? I moved states away from people I knew and built from square one a new life that I don't regret because I know who cares for me and who doesnt. Do some self reflecting and figure out what is best for you, good luck.

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Thank you for the replies.

First Poster, You are right, a person can't just forgive without meaning it.

I do not want to let her in my life. I thought about the pros and cons all night. I can not tell her anything. She is too big of a gossip. I can not trust her. She loves attention.

In July she hit my car while my car while parked at my Dad's house. That is the only possession I actually own. She started crying. Her emotions were all fake. She can cry on demand.

Our Dad was mad made the statement "Why did you park there!" That will resonate with me forever. I was parked behind my Dad.

Then she chased me around the car. She wouldn't let me leave. I told her to get off me. She tried to apologize and I left.

She has done things like this in the past to other people but on a slightly smaller scale. I hate that I was blamed for her hitting my car. I was in the house. Tara was the last one to return from the restaurant and there were no witnesses.

How do I know it was on purpose? She told me things she forgot I know. Master Manipulator. I do not want her in my life. I need to let the resentment go.

Second poster, I do need to sit down with her and let her know exactly why I am letting her go.

Maybe I can get some closure. I think about this everyday. I think I need it more than her.

I have been through a lot in my life. Forgiveness is a blessing. Letting go of pain is liberating.

I have done a pretty good job of not letting the world crush me. It hurts because I thought she was on my side always. She was not. She played both sides always.

She is popular. But not respectful. She uses people for her own gain. But she keeps me out of her life or circle of friends. I think it's because she cant run game if I am there. We live a good distance apart.

I will sit down with her and let her know how I feel.

To the last poster, I have thought about moving to another state. I have never really been anywhere. The only tie I have here is my boyfriend. He loves me very much. We never argue and he knows more about me than anyone on earth.

I do need to make friends. I want to. My situation doesn't really let me. I live in a bad neighborhood. Someone tried to break into my/ my boyfriends house over the last few weeks. If they succeed it would be devastating. I am looking into cameras. There are a lot more people walking around. I don't know who they are. I have lived here for a few years now. I want to go back home where my old friends are. I want to make reconnections. I want to meet new people. I want to reminisce about the past. I haven't been able to do that since 2001. Thats when I left. My ex was very violent. It would of been bad if I stayed. I want to move back to the country. I miss the trees and the fresh water. I miss walking in the woods. Here I don't feel safe walking around the block. I have to have money to do anything. I can't go back to my old profession till my strength is better. My back is messed up. 5 injuries and I fell at work. That was the final straw. I hate it. I hate watching life pass me by.

Thank you for the replies. I appreciate it very much. I hope everyone has a wonderful day. I will let y'all know how it goes.

>>17731637
You can let her in if it feels better just don't let her know anything important to you and don't rush in to help her or let her emotionally manipulate you. She might never change or maybe she will but you can get closer within a safe disgance so as to remove re chance of her fucking you or family over again. I did the same with a removed family member and it felt better to be amicable but I have had to say no a couple times to giving them money for "insert x situation" and it hurt but still I knew better then that and it felt good to k is I was both doing the right thing by denying them and the right thing by being amicable and somewhat close with them

sorry for being so blunt but,
she's just a woman being a woman,
she'll always remain this way,
deal with her as she is or stop talking to her

>>17731637
good luck OP, you seem cool and i would hang out with you.

i hope you have a great weekend.