Ex reconciliation.

Any advice, anons? She read my offer of friendship, but didn't respond. That was at 3 PM today. I know sometimes she will take a few days to respond, but my gut is telling me she won't and that I have to move on and accept it. Leave the ball in her court and if she wants to talk, she'll talk.

Any advice whatsoever will be appreciated. I feel very depleted.

Mostly sounds like you friendzoned her.

Re-read your post with that in mind, then respond with more clear questions. But be quick about it, im having a bedside wine, then im off to do sleep

>>17726993

I don't even know man. I'm drinking wine too and fighting off the growing urge to blow up her phone just to get a response out of her.

I basically did friend zone her in a weird way, but I made it clear that I know I made mistakes and wanted to work things out.

I said it'd be nice to be friends and no response. My intuition is telling me my only course of action is to give her time and focus on my needs in the meantime. If she never gets back to me, I have to be prepared for that.

But it sucks, man. We fucking did DMT and LSD together. MDMA. Experiencing that together with a lover makes the attachment so much stronger.

I really don't know what to fucking do, but I know what my only option is: nothing. Taking any more course of action will only worsen my chances of getting her back. Which sucks, because as a man I have that ingrained feeling to act if things aren't going my way.

I miss her bro. I've had two short term girlfriends and hooked up with a lot of girls since we broke up, but I'm still burning inside for her.

I really hope she wants to stay in touch. That to me basically means she places value on our relationship, and has hopes for it to come back in the right way some day. But the fact that she read my message and didn't respond, even though it was only seven hours ago, still hurts like crazy.

>>17727000
It's not just that we did stupid drugs together, we both had kindred souls and I don't think I'll ever have what I had with her with anybody else.

I lost a golden opportunity for life long love.

OK i believe you. Also envious about the psychedelic experience.

I'm not going to greentext and comment on each step, since I'm in my phone, so this will be from top of my head.

You got a few things backwards, but deep down you already know the crucials, and that's why you won't blow her phone up. Don't send her anything when you're the way you are right now.

Yes, you kind of did friendzone her, and she's not having it. Good for her.

Seven hours is nothing. You don't know what she's up to - she might have decided your text was too important to act on affect over, or she might be panicking again. Just leave it for now, and consider it a seed you planted. She probably got her reasons for not responding, and you shouldn't take it personal.

Cont. need to read your posts again before writing more.

I'm not saying your gut feeling about her not responding is wrong, but I disagree about you not having any other chance than to treat her the way you are now.

Consider this
>I told her I agreed, and I was glad there was no conflict.
Your intent here is good and you're being mature about it-- but
you're not telling her the things she wants to hear, or rather, the things that you should want her to hear. Key word here is 'conflict' - this is a reminder to her about reasons not to give in. Don't mention things you don't want her to think about.

You come across as someone who somewhat understand women and their needs, but your white knighting yourself by paying too much attention to what you believe is the honourable gesture - being a friend to her. It's not what you want, and it's not what she need. If you want any future with her, you must think as her lover.

Telling her you want friendship makes her back off for a reason. If you understand this, we're half way there.

With me so far?

I might as well type my most important point before I read your response.

You know you got things to say you're sorry for, if I read this correctly
>she ask why she's not enough
>you tell her stupid mistakes

You know you could have done things better. Before you figure out how to get her back, you need to fully understand what these mistakes were. You need to be able to put it to words at the drop of a hat, because you don't know when she'll want to hear it, and when she does you must make sure that's the last time you need to have the conversation. You're not allowed to talk to her until you can tell her sorry in a way that makes her stop questioning it, and she is left in appreciation.
And I don't mean "sorry for everything," I mean "I know I did blank and blank, and it's made me realise such and such, made me so and so, and I want to thank you for that, no matter where things go from here, because it lets me do much better choices with the people that mean the most to me."

And obviously this is not something you tell her next time you talk to her in the phone, it's something you tell her after you've gained some more of your trust back, opened her up for doing something casual, having casual talks, which leads to having a few drinks, and ONLY if you with no doubt in your undramatic heart know that she'll be greatful for having such a heavy conversation.
Sorrys are effective when heartfelt and the timing is right.

What you need to figure out before then, is how to create the right timing.

>>17727088
Well I switched to an offer of friendship because treating her as my lover made her back off. I tried twice and gave up.

So if the seed is planted, I shouldn't message her again? Just wait?

>>17727944
You have to make it seem like you are fine and you are going to move forward with your life without her. Tell her the truth about how you feel, apologize for your mistakes and say goodbye (its not really goodbye... hopefully)

Get your own life on track right now and start working out, being social, having fun, etc. Do EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO NOT THINK ABOUT HER AND DO NOT TEXT HER.

She will be overwhelmed by this and feel what you are feeling, that she is losing you. Try to get a new girlfriend and be social media with her a little bit, you likely have your ex on FB, Insta, Snap, etc. Let her see you moving on and ignoring her. If you told her the truth about your feelings and then move on she will throw the ball back into your court.

When she does this ignore it or respond lightly. Right now she has the upper hand.. you are chasing her and she knows this. STOP CHASING HER but make it clear that she could have you back if she made the effort. She has to chase you for this to actually work.

Eventually she will talk to you/invite you out to see you for drinks or w.e but it will take a while man. Patience and focus on yourself.

I know this because I tried to do the same with my last ex of 3 years. When I FINALLY gave up trying to get her back (this past two months) she got desperate and weird, similar to how I must have been acting. Honestly at this point I'm so happy with the new girl that I met that I'm completely over it and don't really care. She actually invited me to a 3 day music fest, just the two of us (I also took MDMA with this girl, I know your pain bro). Even offered to pay for my ticket. I turned her down and told her that if we were going to do this then she would have to decide if she wanted to be with me or if this was to be our final goodbye. She couldnt accept either option and so I denied it and spent the weekend with my new girlfriend and honestly have zero regrets. I know she is going to message me again and try to get at me again.

>>17727975
It honestly feels really good haha, this is how she must of felt a few months ago when I was blowing up her phone trying to get her back and being a stupid fuck.

Now I'm feeling pretty smirky and happy about it that she is losing her cool and showing weakness. You gotta get her to come after you and get the upper hand my man. Once you do that she will give you the chance you want.

>>17727944
I didn't say treat her as a lover, I said think like one.

There's always a push and pull. She asked why she wasn't enough for you because it actually means something to her. All you told her was that there wasn't an answer, when you could have searched yourself and figured out if she actually could be. She's basically doing the same as you right now, albeit for different reasons (since your number was blocked, fair enough,) - but still. She won't get out of her way to give you satisfactory answers, when you didn't.

The other poster isn't wrong, he just gives the generic answer to how to deal with breakups, and isn't reading this in context of how long ago you broke up, or the fact that she has been reaching out.

As I said earlier, you need to search yourself for what you could have done better in the relationship, and use that as currency for when you've gained her trust back. To gain her trust, you should call what you've got any labels. Stop mentioning friendship as long as you want more. You want to 'see her' plain and simple, call it that. In her ears 'I can be your friend' sounds aloof.

But most important, be patient. This could take weeks and months. Count your gains, bro!

>>17728359
Damn son you're a godsend.

That worked like a charm. Thank you.

>>17726965
It's won't work. Stop wasting your energy and time.

>>17729249
It's already working bruh, keep hating

>>17729226
Glad to hear, senpai

I wrote "should call what you've got any labels", but meant
>shouldn't put any labels on what you've got.
English is not my first language, and sometimes I'm forgetting to check what I just wrote.

Any status updates?

>>17726965
>We date for four years. We broke up late May this year.
It has been nearly 6 months.
Let it go.
>I didn't see my ex once until Friday night
So you didn't see her for nearly 6 months
>They were both dressed as cops. Usually she wears conservative costumes, but this time she wore a provocative outfit. I could tell she was trying to bait me.
Or she just likes dressing like a slut because it's the occasion most women do the same, you probably didn't cross her mind.
>I bumped into her once, looked at her, she gave me a dirty look and walked away.
She isn't interested in you or trying to bait you
>After we broke up, she started dating a guy. When I found out, I told her that I cheated. She flipped out, and actually dumped the guy she was seeing.
She thought she had closure, you took that away and she wasn't ready for a relationship
>She said I was fine, but she just didn't want to see or interact with me, so she left where she was where she saw me. "In all honesty, that's about as smooth as last night could have gone."
That's not a good thing
>I told her I agreed, and I was glad there was no conflict.
The only reason there would have been is because you would get jealous and say stupid shit
>A few weeks before the party she texted me "why wasn't I enough."
Wow you really fucked her over with the whole lack of closure and cheating thing,
>I said it would be nice to stay in touch as friends, because we did have a lot of great times. She read the message but didn't respond.
Because she doesn't want to be friends
>To be honest, I asked if she wanted to be friends because I feel it's my only way of getting a chance to win her over. I tried being honest, saying I wanted to work things out, and try again, but it didn't work.
At least you realise that

You don't have a chance, you didn't talk about why you broke up, meaning it is your fault, you got possessive and jealous despite seeing other women without telling her, you couldn't stand to see her with anyone else.

>>17729472
Oh boy, here we go

>>17729504
Sorry to crash your pity party with a reality check.

>>17729524
I know what works for me. If the same works for op, then who crawled up your ass and died?

>reality check
I'll tell my girlfriends how they only think I know how to be around women. Thanks!

>>17729524
Wasn't even OP.

This is OP. I did what godsend said and it worked. Sorry you feel so shitty, bro. What happened to you? Need advice?