i've realised that i'm a passive contrarian with no opinions of my own and that i've established a personality that's founded on 'i'm different from and more intelligent than everyone else'
it's like i've built a house on sand that's now collapsed and i need to gather up all the salvageable bricks and rebuild on concrete
i'm think starting to see what i find interesting with clear eyes and it happens to be that i'm more interested in myself and my own thoughts than the people around me. i'm completely passive in conversations to the point where i seem to be sucking any energy out of the room
i think my actions at the moment reflect those of someone with schizoid personality disorder
my question is should i force myself to be interested in others and sharing my superficial thoughts and ideas or should i just let life go by and let my interests and desire to connect form naturally on this new slate?
>'i'm different from and more intelligent than everyone else'
More like I am too much of a recluse and an anti social twat that I can't communicate my thoughts properly to other people, therefore to safeguard my fragile ego I will pretend I am on a higher intellectual path than them.
See a therapist because that isn't healthy in the least. Also the fact that you describe your thoughts as superficial shows low esteem.
>>17725541
This. Google "special snowflake syndrome".
>>17725541
>More like I am too much of a recluse and an anti social twat that I can't communicate my thoughts properly to other people, therefore to safeguard my fragile ego I will pretend I am on a higher intellectual path than them.
that actually sounds spot on
would getting a therapist actually work, i thought this was something that i should fix on my own merits?
i can't tell if that feeling is just some remains of my ego in its former state
>>17725558
I say therapist because they are a trained licensed professional to deal with multiple scenarios and situations of their patients. They are qualified to answer and guide you to a solution. As opposed to some stranger online giving you advice which might have any validity. Sure some of us might relate to your problem but we don't particularly have the necessary steps to follow in order to rebuild to yourself mentally.
Shop around, see different therapists and find the one you like.
>>17725522
"The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem." Hats off to you, OP, you've already made it farther than a lot of people ever do. A therapist may be good and might help you figure out who you want to be.
OP, you're self-aware of your own failings - this is a huge marker of intelligence and also shows that you aren't schizo or whatever.
You don't need therapy, you just need to learn how to distinguish what information has merit and what doesn't.
Being contrarian and closed off to other points of view, as you've already deduced, is extremely limiting and detrimental to your own intelligence.
If you don't agree with someone, fine, but you have to first consider their point of view. In other words, if you're incapable of saying, "I disagree with that opinion because [tangible information that suggests a different conclusion]." then you're unfairly dismissing what could be (partially or completely) valid information.
These are fundamentals of intelligent discourse.