other one reached bump limit

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Why do I fall in love so easily? I think something is wrong with me.

posted a bunch of shit in the previous thread that no one will ever read because it hit the bump limit.

3 hours left.

Today i made an appointment to get my iud removed next week and then we'll try to get pregnant. I'm so excited but i can't tell anybody yet...

God give me a sign I'm on the right path. The silence is tormenting.

>>17722446
I would do anything for silence.

>>17722388
I fall in love with every second girl I converse with.
This is getting bad because I no longer feel love as it is but as a temporal emotion like one may find a kitten cute. It all fades away until you say it to the next cat. Maybe I am just falling in love with the body type or the fact that the one I love is female? I fall in love so easily but I am unable to express my love or to make it take shape.

I miss you. You miss me. Why is this necessary, again?

I don't know what you want from me anymore. Why can't either of us act like adults? Are we done? I feel like you've been done with me for a long time now. I'm too scared to leave, though.

>>17722376
I don't know what the fuck you want want from me. But if it's gonna keep on like this then you better give me what I want.

I almost want to talk to the cute girl sitting outside my classroom. But then again, what would I even say to her? "Hi I think you're pretty?" what would that even lead to? Probably just weird her out for a few minutes and give her a story to tell her friends about a creepy guy who approached her for no reason in the hallways today.

God, I'm lonely. How am I even supposed to meet women? Is tinder really all there is?

Please don't leave me in the dark. I lost your love now I'm losing your friendship.

Are you still there? Please help me.

>>17722527
I see you and people like you posting shit like this every thread.

If someone doesn't talk to you they don't want to talk to you and if they cut you out completely they definitely don't want to talk to you.

There are more women than men out there and people are all the same, stop imprinting that hard on people and have some dignity and move on.

You're a human not a tibetian mastiff.

>>17722596
holy shit you sound like a pleasure to be around fuck

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I've been going through spirals lately. No one tells you that being in your mid 20's can be such an emotional strain. Kids I grew up with have gotten married, others have had children in and out of wedlock, everyone keeps moving on. That doesn't bother me, but having my childhood friends move to states that you cant drive to in a day does. I love having a tight social circle, but building that back from scratch is maddening. Coming out of a 2.5 year relationship that ended in flames because she lied to me, manipulated my trust, and cheated on me was a huge blow. 7 months have passed right on by and I still get hung up on her. One night stands didn't help the longing but at least I have a better understanding of what I want from a relationship. Watching my beloved grandfather slip away to alzeheimer's brings me to tears at least once a fortnight. I've got to buy a new suit and prepare to become a pallbearer for no less that 12 funerals in the coming decade. I love my family so, and this experience will change me, but holly fuck.
I keep spiraling. My mother and my cousin tell me that life begins to become grounded once you hit your 30's, and that may be true. I should be well into my RN at that time. But why I am I so sad? Was it always going to be this way? I find little interest in whats popular around me. I want new friends and new loves to chase, to one day find that partner to come home to every night, but I can't cast a wide net. I want depth in a relationship. All the others around me seem normal enough to have vast social circles and never ending dates to plan. Why.
I'll keep pushing through school, enjoying my studies, making new friends, and doing the same old dance. But when does it come? When can I finally find stability and happiness? I want a connection to this world through loved ones, not superficial parties and whored out music. Doesn't anyone wanna talk for a change? Stand outside in the dark, sharing booze, and just letting it all out?

Procrastinating doing my take home midterm essays. Thinking I'm going to just bs them. I'm already skipping every other class and I'm dropping out after this term anyway. I'm too stupid to take prereqs for grad school and I'm definitely too dumb for grad school. Not like I could afford it anyway. I just want to slave away and pay off my student loans. Going back to college was a mistake.

I'm better than most guys, why do I still have no gf?

>>17722677
It's not a rat race but a piece of clothing.

You don't have to be the best, you have to fit.

The shoe of the best quality will still hurt your foot if it isn't a fit.

>>17722376
Why are Youtube videos stopping and reloading themselves after 8 minutes? Is this a shitty Halloween prank, or do I have a virus?

>>17722590
initials?

Am I deluding myself at this point? Are you stringing me along until you meet someone better? I don't deserve you, and I think you know that.

I don't want to believe any of these negative thoughts could hold an ounce of truth, but whenever there's a dip in communication I don't know what else to think. I'm trying to trust you with every fibre of my being, but I've been burned so badly in the past.

I'll never bring this up, as I've already tried to address the communication issue in the past and you reassured me that nothing is wrong. I don't want to come off as needy, and I certainly don't want to accuse you of anything malicious because I really believe you're a good person. I'm sorry I'm so insecure.

I miss you.

>>17722747
(you sound like her but probably aren't. I'm just going to say this anyways)
I miss you too little baby. You know I love you and couldn't possibly find anyone better. The thought to look for anyone else has never even crossed my mind.

Sometimes you can be the biggest pain in the ass imaginable but that's just what you do. But you're truly an amazing woman and the thought of holding you in my arms again makes my spine tingle in happiness.

>>17722596
i agree completely with this

The summer sun
It blows my mind
It's falling down on all that I've ever known
Time to kiss the world goodbye
Falling down on all that I've ever known
Is all that I've ever known
A dying scream
It makes no sound
Calling out to all that I've ever known
Here am I, lost and found
Calling out to all
We live a dying dream
If you know what I mean
All that I've ever known
It's all that I've ever known
Catch the wheel that breaks the butterfly
I cried the rain that fills the ocean wide
I tried to talk with God to no avail
Calling my name and out of nowhere
I said "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time"

i need to take a huge dump right now

My girlfriend left me after she started abusing drugs. I was really worried about her after that and snapped at her often, because I loved her like no one before. Then she completly dissapeared for 3 weeks. About a week before she came back one of my best friends killed herself. I completly lost my shit and after a week of intense depression I tried to kill myself, but some people stopped me. I met her later that evening, she told me she felt she needed to come. She said she locked herself away to get away from drugs and it seems like the truth. She told me that she needs me and that I can always talk to her. But Im already at a point where I dont even know what to feel anymore. I just turned 18 this summer and despite always beeing popular I have extrem problems with girls, because my first gf killed herself after beeing raped by her stepdad when he became wind that she isnt a virgin anymore. Im over the suicide, I wont try again, so first thing is I want to make up with her. But I cant decide how, I really feel used and betrayed by her and Im scared itll happen again, but I still somehow love her. What should I do.

>>17722596
There's someone I miss terribly that I've agreed not to contact, but desperately wish to. It's not always the way you imagine it.

>>17722766
fuck Oasis

>>17722762
Thanks, I know you're not him, but this made me feel slightly better.

wonder how ur going to react when i send that text

>>17722596
First world countries have a tendency of having more men them women check out https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio

Also I happen to have completely cut out a person from my life out of frustration and anger yet I do miss them, and if they ever would contact me I would gladly reconnect with them if they understand my reason for cutting them out in the first place.

>>17722819
after how long did you realize you'd want to reonnect

>>17722838
Around three and half months after.

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>>17722819
>>17722795
Congratulations on being an idiot

HAHAH
YOU FUCKING RETARD! Everyone saw this coming from miles away. I knew you guys couldn't make it until the new year (let alone to your wedding day), but it only took just over a week for it to all go to shit? This is fucking incredible.

I wonder how long it'll take before you get back together with the drug addict who has been involved with robbery, attempted murder, and manslaughter. He's in prison currently but I'm gonna say it'll only take another MAYBE month before you're head over heels in love with him again. You'll just continue to act as if he's done nothing wrong, that he's your perfect little angel.

>>17722596
>hi I'm 14

I hate her with a passion.

The line between love and hate surely is thin. She crossed it. She fucking crossed it.
We were the closest couple, we could discuss anything from ridiculous fanfics to religion or anything really. Except her feelings.
She hid them well and truthfully, so did I. I never could keep it in my pants, but I'll never admit this to anyone but this single post. Not even to the people I pay to listen to my ramblings.
She's been gone for a long time now and my life is good again, after a somewhat long period of self pity.
I remember when thinking about her made my chest feel tight. Now I unconsciously grit my teeth. Remembering anything about her makes me angry.
What she did... I hate it. I hate her.
Not to say I didn't do it too, but I didn't hurt her with it.
I used to want her back, but now I just want her gone. Completely gone. No way for me to hear, see or even remember anything of her.
I'm a happy person nowadays, but I'm not whole. The notion of maybe never being whole again pains me.
She is my phantom limb. Ironic, isn't it? The aching part of me that's gone.
Looking back, I don't even find her attractive anymore, her personality was rotten and yet here I am. Caring. It's useless, it's useless.

To my phantom limb,
You're my curse. The ugly scar I'll carry with shame, regret and resentment. The self inflicted wound, for it was my own mistake that drove the knife this deep.
It's thanks to you I'm not much more than I could be.
But it's also thanks to you that I could repair myself. I was broken, but make no mistake, it wasn't you who broke me. However, being without you gave me strength to do something about it though. To mend my cracks and fissures with gold.

Thank you, my phantom limb. It's with mixed feelings that I end this rant.
With hate, love, shame and pride.

You know who you are. Don't address me again.

Fuck, I love you. It's my birthday. I want you. I have so many fucking problems, and am so fucking screwed up in the head, but I want you nevertheless. I cannot tell you those sides of me, as they are prohibited to those who are unprepared to face it, but I need you. Please give me the strength I need to face my hell.

>>17722938
are your initials MH?

You sure sound like someone I know

I've got so much to tell and explain. I'm entirely stuck into my own head. I'm handling so far but everyday my conversations get briefer. My excuses to leave become more-farfetched. I force myself to talk because I can't stand awkwardness and because I want to have an impact on the world. Increasingly, everyday I loose the will to talk to other people. I just want to sit all day and think. Thinking is all I want. I want to know all about the world. About how other people think. What they fear. How they interpret and spend the finite years on this earth. Others don't seem to be into that. Conversations always dissapoint, unfortunately. I like other people. I'm stuck in this brain and threedimensional body and I'll loose the perpetual fight against entropy. I'm completely powerless. Please let them tell me I tried.

I feel like a complete fucking loser over my high school senior project and how horribly it has been coming along, and I cannot program for shit so my product was a poor decision.

I don't have any confidence in myself for this in general

I just get in the way.

I'm poison.

I'm afraid to look at my bank account after a few close friends died and I drank and spent money like it wouldn't matter and I'm scared as fuck and shaking now despite it being Halloween

I want to be out, dressed all slutty and having fun.

I don't know if I can get into a relationship.

Right now I'm fresh out of college, still have to find a job that pays decent, work on getting a reliable car, and hopefully find some kind of purpose in life. But I don't know what to expect from a relationship and I certainly don't want to find out while I'm figuring out the rest of my life. I miss having friends around the most, and even though we're in the age of the internet nothing quite compares to just hanging out and watching stupid YouTube videos.

With regards to finding a job and finding a girlfriend, people have told me, "It will eventually happen," but that sentiment seems hollow to me. I'd like to make my way back to Chicago to hang out with my friends, but I don't have the finances to make the move permanent.

You think you're poison and dragging me down and would rather sink freely without worrying about me. I, however, would prefer that to not having you in my life. I know you feel so much pressure when people care and worry about you, but you can't see that there's a happiness to caring about the people you love. If I didn't enjoy being there for you, I'd have left myself before you ever got the chance to push me. Stop thinking that loving you is a chore; loving you is certainly a challenge, but it's pretty fucking rewarding.

>>17723114
I told you before, but I don't think you believed me. The whole point about love is that I'll gladly be there for you. Key word gladly. It's not something I dread, it's something I derive happiness from. You really need to break down those walls and let yourself depend on people. You gotta let people love you, man. I ain't the first one to tell you so. I laughed when you told me about what he told you, but he was right. So let yourself be loved, and then you'll see how easy it is to love back. Yeah, easier said than done, I know! Still, though, the point stands. I miss you, dude. Still waiting on you.

More collection calls today have me nervous. I got myself in 10k credit card debts when I started getting help for bipolar I wasn't working for 3 years, and all my cards went to collections. I'm waiting to see a vocational rehab place to see if they can help me find a job because I'm just now stable enough that I can hold one but I'm worried the cards are going to sue me every day. Not having worked for 3 years is a big red flag to potential employers but I'm worried judgements and garnishments will ruin my chances to get a job. I live at home and I'm going to dedicate all of my paychecks to pay off the damn things if I can get a job. I just worry every day they are going to fuck me over before I can even start working. I want so badly to restart my life but if I can't get a job I might as well kill myself.

I can't express how much I love her for putting up with me.

forced to lie about shit due to stupidness please kill me now and save me from this shit

Really not sure if I'm in love with my girlfriend or not. I think I LOVE her, because I care about her desperately, but I don't know if it's something I see lasting. On one hand I could see it, but on the other I don't, and I get the feeling sometimes that having that kind of doubt is a bad sign.

I talked about it with our friend recently. He expressed his worries that we were becoming codependent. He's half right. If we broke up tomorrow I would be very upset, but I would be able to get over it and move on. She would be broken, I'd really be concerned about her state.

I know she loves me deeply, and that makes me so happy, but I wish she was able to be happy independent of outside influence like my own. I'll happily support her through depression, but it starts to get gloomy when every night is a conversation ending with "I'm so sick of being like this, I don't want to exist anymore, I don't know what I'd do without you, I love you so much." It almost feels like I'm being arrogant to talk about it when the issue is affecting her so much more than me.

I can see the relationship lasting another year or two for sure, rock solid. But beyond that the future seems hazy. She could be the one I marry, she's the most genuine person I've ever met and she's really amazing. But I have no way of knowing if that love is founded since she was the first.

And whenever I think about it I just feel like a shitty person. I hope I'm not sitting on a house of cards here.

(Thank you imaginary audience, I'm not looking for advice but pretending someone is listening does help, considering I can't talk about this with anyone IRL)

Text me Melissa

>>17722388
same, anon. i think i'm in love with the prospect of being in love, too.

Yeah, nah, fuck off you attention seeking ass. Get back together with your Australian ex-girlfriend and keep yourself to your own business like you had the common sense to do back then

i don't know what made you think you weren't the right person for me, i was always happy when we were together, maybe i didn't show it but i was truly happy. You are the love of my life. I miss you so much. I miss everything, laughing with you, going out, holding you, saying i love you, sleeping next to you, making love to you. How can i be your friend if i'm still in love with you?

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>>17722376
there are gaps in my memory of playing with my half brothers cousins as a kid where it got violent and i thought i blacked out from getting hit too hard but i remember laying underneath him, he was 6 years older than me and he had put me in one of those kid playpens and the fence was so tall i coudlnt get out on my own

i remember being 11 or so and my 10 yr old half brother touching me inappropriately and i punched him and he never did it again

i was told i'd get fired if i didnt do certain things with 2 shift leaders from my work

i was too trusting of older men who told me they were into artsy stuff like photography

i didnt expect to be having sex for the first time and i begged him not to hurt me

now i cant have a normal loving relationship i dont feel like they really love me unless theyre abusive and its scaring my gf away.

i rape people in my dreams now

>>17723300
How long have you been dating?

Make a list of pros/cons regarding your girlfriend and the current state of your relationship. If the pros outweigh the cons, stick it out for a while and decide from there.

>>17723516
We will have our one year anniversary this month (November) but we were hooking up for months before that and knew each other for two years prior, though that doesn't really make a difference.

But that actually sounds like a really good idea, thanks anon.

Link to previous thread? I was following a conversation.

i would say watching sitcoms during formative years which most middle class people do brings a bad view of relationships. Watching Rachel on Friends say "I want him but I don't want him and I don't want to ruin friendship" when you're a 10 year old kid who's never done this sort of stuff leads to you thinking that this is how the adult world is and should be

>>17722938
Just another whore

There's so many things I want to tell you about

>>17723730
then tell me

Every day I get closer to the real me and what people would call my ''destiny''.

Soon I'll have a knife in my belly and be sleeping

>>17723756
I will later lmao hold your horses

Why am I saving up money for a gun to kill myself?

I just realized I can take out a fucking loan.

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>>17723791

godspeed m8 see you valhalla

>>17723791
lmfao don't kill yourself dude, and if you're gonna follow through, cross somethings off your bucket list.

>>17723791
thanks for the laugh

>>17723795
See you there.

>>17723797
Fuck off. Killing myself is my bucket list.

Take out a 5,000 dollar loan. Do a bunch of coke. Have an orgy. Then eat my rifle.

I've always been agnostic, but sometimes I wonder if I should try to become more religious and start going to church.
Christians always seem happier.

Everyone I've ever met ends up being so shitty to me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Ive become one of those people that cant be happy by themselves. After such a long time without any female contact, i finally got some, and now its all i want. I have two girls ive been seeing and I always feel empty unless im with one of them. I dont feel motivated to do anything. I even think about suicide a lot. The loneliness is consuming. The fact that i know im just using them to fill a hole inside me makes me feel even worse. But i dont want to commit to one or the other because i only see them like once a week. And like i said, i feel empty when im not around them. I dont know why im like this.

I'm just about to start transitioning and my parents are so homophobic it's ridiculous. My dad said he'd disown me if I turned out to be gay and being trans is worse. I can't move out until at least next July but probably next September. What do lads.

>>17723915

Take hormones, convince yourself that you're a real girl, promptly tell all your old male friends that "all men are sex pests who just want one thing, all men are predators" etc.
When they look even slightly annoyed at your galls for shit-talking the entire gender (while you undoubtedly complain about sexism too), that you used to be a part of, no less, then all you simply have to do is call them a bunch of "misogynists".

Basically, do what all oven-dodging mentally ill trans-fuck-ups do. Piss off everyone till there is no tolerance left. Then complain because no one takes your delusions seriously, you fucking faggot.

Or, do the decent thing, and put your head into a fucking oven.

>>17723923
Outside of being trans I'm pretty normal so I wouldn't do that. Actually, I'm the one who's quite the sex pest...

Seems like you're quite upset. How's being a virgin going for you?

>>17723929
>so I wouldn't do that.

Give it time...
Once the hormones kick in, you'll literally be as hateful as every white radical feminazi ever, made even worse because you were once part of the gender you will despise so much.

Seriously, knew this guy, really chill, great sense of humour. Came out trans, took the hormones and acted exactly like that.

Burned away my once tolerant nature. Now I'm full /pol/-mode against degenerate scum like you.

Because seriously, you ALL act like that after the hormones. Better off locking you in psyche wards and studying you to find a cure, than we are humouring your delusions.

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I went to school for art. I realize how bad I fucked up, but I made that choice because I'd watched my girlfriend commit suicide. I graduated in December 2015. 2 days before my graduation my girlfriend of 2 years dumped me for another man. I've lost all of my friends and am openly mocked by everyone but my mother and sister. I lost my job. I got a new job that I can not stand. I just burned everything I created throughout my college career. I've concluded it's time for me to go.

>>17723942
>you ALL act like that after hormones

No, that's not true at all. From what I've seen (I've done a lot of research considering I'm about to go through this process) there's a lot of people who seem normal as well as the crazies you're talking about. I'm convinced they were just fucking morons beforehand, or maybe they regret their decision to transition and are in serious denial. Either way, that's not going to be me.

>>17723791
you can get a fucking shotgun for like... $150 man.

>>17723943

Don't give up mate.

Stop thinking about art the way you were taught.

Because they may teach you how to draw and create, but they don't teach you about the business aspect of art.

And despite the lefty "anti-corperation" sentiment, business can be art, and vice versa.

Look, there are a thousand images all showing the same meaning "We all wear masks, when you think about it". Millions of victorian baby portraits. Infinite landscapes pictures.

Hitlers art was actually not bad. He focused on buildings mainly. He wasn't outright rejected because his work sucked. He was told he'd be better off designing architecture instead.

Don't flood the market with "art" that has been done a million times before.


What I'd look for if I was investing in art:
>Style - the artist has to be easily identifiable by his unique style. Think about it, you could easily pick out a Picasso or Van Goph based on the style alone, or at least tell if they were inspiration behind it. It needs to stand out.
>Marketing - how are you putting yourself out there. Do you have a website? Do people know your name? Will they know it in five years? Do you have a plan for success?
>Amount of art - too many will "flood" the market with your work, rendering each piece less valuable, too little will make it difficult for you to make yourself known.

Ideally, as an artist, consider yourself a corperation. A brand.
Your art? Intricately designed shares representing your brand.

They buy art, they are investing in the artist, rather than just the art piece itself.

So my suggestion? Keep doing your art, because it's fun and you enjoy it.

But for work?
Business. Branding. Trying to get that art in an exhibit, or win some contest. Building a website. Market yourself. Generate a brand, for yourself.

Think like an art investor would think, then find a way to market your "shares" to them.

nothing is more depressing than my birthday

I don't care about Valentine's or Christmas or any of that

New Years sort of sucks

But nothing makes me more lonely and absolutely numb than being alone on my birthday. I remember every single birthday where I made sure I reminded people in school so they can tell me happy birthday and it makes me cringe how obvious I was and then doubles down on the misery for even getting to that point

It's really starting to make me cold. Tomorrow I have to put on my fake smile and lie about doing something other than hating my life except I'm starting to get tired of hating my life and hating others is looking like a better release.

>>17723987
Thank you. I've been in a really, really dark place lately and I've run out of almost all hope. I've really developed severe social anxiety the past year. I'm borderline agoraphobic at this point and I'm humiliated to admit it. It's gotten very difficult for me to find the capacity to pursue my interests and hobbies, but when I do things do get better. If only temporarily.

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I'm a sad pathetic NEET tranny with no future and honestly I've wanted to commit suicide for almost a year and can't just get the guts to do it. I feel like I've ruined any chance at breast growth and even though I've gotten a lot more than normal transgirls do, it just...doesn't feel like it's enough. and now I'm just spiraling thinking about all the things in my life that are going wrong

so, you bailed on me for what reason exactly?

Stupid fucking cunt can't make any time for me so I'm done.

>>17724008
lmfao I was flaked on too just a few days ago

they apologized for it but man how insufferable to deal with at the moment

just tell me you want to do something else

>>17724000
before you off yourself, pls let me kiss your feet

>>17724016
exactly. If they just want to do something else say that shit. It's not hard.

>>17722446
Why are you tormented by silence? Think about that.

I really fucking miss you.

I miss when you loved me back.

We haven't spoken in a month. It's been 3 since shit happened.

I'm contemplating messaging you right now. Just to say hey. Just to see what you do.

But I'm scared.

I HAD A DREAM WHERE MY GF HAD A HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE COCK
Her good friend was there too and I touched her puss

>>17722613
You find happiness when you stop pretending it's out there somewhere. You are anticipating a girlfriend so she doesn't come. You are watching that pot and it will never boil. Leave it alone stop anticipating it. It will happen perfectly on its own. There are a lot of people like you, who so long for love that they marry the first person who comes in, and realize years later what a fool they were. You have all the time in the world my friend. Do yourself a favor and cultivate love for people instead of insisting they love you first.

I really don't hate you, I like you, this isn't a confession but I like you as a person, I like A and J and all of you make the class that much more bearable. I didn't say this outright in class because I didn't want to get hurt. I lived so long being alone and keeping people away that I've become paranoid of every word and action. I want to change, I want to be friends and learn to be a better person. Please give me that chance.

[spoiler]I wish I had the courage to tell her this. Any /adv/ice?[/spoiler]

>>17722677
Maybe because you are arrogant?

>>17722766
You're wasting your own time looking for God out there. Meditate friend.

You know,i really want a kid but i dont want it conventionally. How i want it to go down is i kidnap someone ,take them hostage,impregate them and then keep them alive until the kid is born.i dont see any use in keeping the mother around past the 18th month.

>>17723038
To get in someone's way, implies you got out of someone else's.

>>17723193
Killing yourself because you can't land a job? Are you Japanese sir? Patience my friend. The worst case senario is bankruptcy, which isn't so bad. I've been there.

>>17723894
They seem happier? This is a religion based on fear and guilt. If they seem happier it's to wrangle in people who don't know any better. If you are interested in religion, study all religion, as a whole. To devote to any one practice, is just to close yourself off to the big picture. I wish more people understood this.

>>17724256
Why on earth do you want to impregnate a captive?

>>17724282
I want a son/daughter but i dont want the hassle of having a mother and risk having her take the kid away from me because of her natural whorish nature.

Fuck all of you. I can't wait to kill myself.

>>17724239
I have a strong desire to message/tell this to my classmate next time I see her.

Please talk me out of it if it's social suicide or a bad idea

>>17724236
I'm in no rush to marry and finding a gf isn't all that's on my mind. Losing friends, losing family, these things play a big part of why I'm sad. And I hear ya, love will come when it comes, which is fine. Ive become more particular with my choice in women over the years which is also for the better. I'm more frustrated with my ability to make new friends who are on the same wave length. I have fun at parties and meeting new people, but maybe I'm just an asshole? I'm use to having my little tribe, and with much of that gone I've found it hard to genuinely connect with others. Like, we can be friends, but that person probably doesn't give a shit about my hobbies or opinions, and the same could be said of me. I find some people around these parts to be painfully dull. The friends I do have are wonderful, but even they tend to run in much larger circles than I do.

I know we just broke up but really? Nothing for my birthday? And all I wanted for my birthday was to spend time with you, my family even celebrated it early so that we could go somewhere. You don't care you even had to have your mom break up for you. You really are a little girl who can't back up that holier than thou attitude you have.

>>17723197
Initials?

>>17722376


I've taken lsd several times. Each time is like getting shot into the atmosphere. I get to see my whole life from the outside. Each time I do this however, I realize how little everything matters. I'm ok with that realization in itself, but I don't feel like I can communicate this feeling with others, which makes me feel out of sync or otherwise disconnected from those around me.

I feel alienated.

I've only ever had one girlfriend and it didn't last incredibly long because while she was sweet I didn't feel she liked the authentic me, just the image I was projecting.

I feel so unattractive because every girl I've ever pined for has rejected me, both pre and post my terrible weight and style issues.

I like to think I've grown as a person, but sometimes I feel like I am incapable of escaping this image of myself that I've built. I feel like everyone else just sees that face and that there's no convincing them I've grown up.

I'm either quiet and awkward or loud and obnoxious and I don't know how to find a happy middle ground.

I just don't know how to be happy

Cat

It's been three years now. It still hurts to think about you. I sincerely wish it didn't. But you're the only woman I've ever thought about and felt something genuine.

M

I think I have CPTSD. I'm going to see a hypnotherapist on Wednesday to see if the suppressed memory I have is actually there. After investigating my past, it seems I was sexually abused as a child. All the evidence leads to it. Also it seems that despite all of my physical symptoms my body is completely fine according to doctors. This means that my symptoms are psychosomatic.

Since I've realized that I've been burping like crazy and I seem to be able to interpret reality better and I find it easier for me to get up and do things. I've been able to achieve a couple things in my life but it was never enough to be able to leave out and live on my own.

So while there seems to be improvement, I'm still afraid it won't last very long like it always does. I could ramble on about all the details but I just want to stop being emotionally, physically and mentally crippled all my life. If it turns out to be made up shit again I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life.

Today was the first day I explicitly imagined an act of suicide. It played in my head while I was in class. I think if I'm going to kill myself I should do it in a way that makes it look like an accident or something

I MESSED UP

This will never work the way I always think and hope it will will it

>>17724503
Don't fear that you will fall back into the seas of despair. Your taking of steps towards improvement are the beginnings of a journey away from being "consumed".

From experience, I can tell you that the biggest impediment of prolonged stability is a deficiency in discipline. Stay on track and keep your eye on the prize, whatever that may be.

Falling back into old habits is counterproductive to progress and akin to giving up for the sake of comfort. Don't get washed away!

>>17722488

Sounds like a virgin/never had a girlfriend to me, am I right?

>>17722527

Social conventions and fear of effort/change. Or maybe the fact that you don't understand his/her point of view and lie to yourself.

>>17722589

Even Tinder won't work if you're a shut-in/weird dude.
The best way for you is to get in some kind of activity or club you like and socialize with other people (different than the ones you hang out usually). You need to level up socially and this will help you. Bonus point, you may meet a girl there.

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>Terrible at communicating and expressing myself
>Feel completely disconnected from my country's people and culture
>Have never had a gf for a multitude of reasons including: fear of intimacy and sex, cognitive dissonance, inferiority complex, fear of women, poor social skills, low self-esteem, no confidence, lack of any significant life experience, never "switching off". The list goes fucking on, man
>No job - Too scared to go out and deal with being criticized, making mistakes, working life away
>Constantly criticizing myself, can never let myself have a victory
>Can't really "feel" emotions very much anymore
>Compulsive porn-viewing and masturbation which has fucked me (heh) for 10 years
>Too scared to make the effort to change
>Horrible at dealing with people and beginning to think I'm just not meant to be with people
>No hope

>>17724725

>I'm just not meant to be with people

No, you're just not used to be with them. Unless you have some mental disorder you can do shit.
You just have to switch from boredom/hopelessness to enough anger to get you started.
Then just start by easy things.

Is the dude with paranoïd schizophrenia still alive?

>>17723197
Initials pls

>>17724767

What's the thing with initials in here? You clearly won't know who I am. Or is it a way to remember people here?

God ZR I'm an idiot and of course I don't want to admit it. We both know we don't like admitting we're wrong. I know I made that stupid mistake of thinking you were a loser and I was better than you and I can't apologize enough for it. It was immature of me to think like that and I was just projecting all of my stress onto you. I've told you before that I just get frusterated that I do all these things and I live such a busy life and I'm jealous you don't do anything. Just please stop thinking that I still think this way of you. I don't anymore. I really do value you. I'm sorry I can be an asshole sometimes but every relationship has its downs.

I'm just scared. Please don't ever think about leaving me. I have never, once thought about breaking up as an option and it really hurts me to know that you see it as one. I won't ever give up on you, and I'll take care of you for as long as you need me to.

I got drunk off my ass last night... I woke up asleep on my office floor to my computer locked (it's never locked), my pillow in my office, and on my computer me logged into fetlife and flirting with people on 4chan.

I'm worried my bf saw these and that's why I was sleeping on the office floor with my pillow under me... I can't remember last night at all. I hate myself.

I miss my ex I dumped 3 years ago. We met on /b/. He was so fat it made me feel like he'd never find anyone willing to cheat on me with ;_;

>>17724821
You need help dude you can't get drunk and betray your partner like that, that's not healthy behaviour on so many levels

I'm reaching the end of my tether. I've been such a piece of shit this year. I can't see how I can change myself for the better.
Nothing at all feels real now. What once were occasional bouts of disspmociation have now become occasional feelings of reality. Is this what existence supposed to feel like? Everything before your eyes being like a video?
I've fucked my life over. I'm glad I never planned to live long anyway. The question now is /when/ I'll bring myself to do it.

I still eat my boogers, but in secret away from prying eyes.

I don't know why, I just like doing it.

>>17724829
I was gonna post again but you nailed it for me, thnx

>>17724824
Oh and even though I never intend on getting back with him ever, I would be so mad if he has moved on. I hope he posts my nudes somewhere and gets done for sharing cp lol.

>>17724825
What should I do?

I have a fetlife account to keep track of local events, because I'm into bdsm and I'd like to get him more into it (rope classes and such). I was flirting on 4chan because I like exhibitionism. He never seems against me posting/doing stuff online when I bring it up, but I can't tell if he's serious...

... Those are just excuses though. I'm not usually like this (drunk off my ass and whoring online), but last night was still fucked up and I'm worried he's done with my shit. What should I do when he wakes up?

>>17722376
I hope I didn't just get myself fired from walmart

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Why do people with functioning social lives, jobs, plans for their future, etc. come to ME for advice? These people know me and understand how much of a loser I am, yet they still ask me about life like I have something to offer. I need the answer to those questions more than you do fucks sake.

>>17724848
Dude just say you'd like to talk to him when you have the time to do so. Say its important to you that you clear things up a bit. You can't remember how you ended up on the floor last night, ask him if he knows.

You realise that you aren't sure of how he feels about your posting habits, appologise for your behaviour and ask him to be honest about how he feels about that.

Make it clear that you really mean it and that his opinion matters to you.

>>17724853
because everyones confused and autistic about some things in life, we just have each other to reassure and hopefully guide us to make slighty better decisions than we could make on our own

i finally left this shithole about 5 months ago but now here I am, shitposting as if i never left

Fucking parasite

To my Black classmate:

When you said, "I know you guys don't think I'm smart," all that followed was silence. I really regret us not responding or denying that.

I was shocked you felt that way, and didn't think we treated you any differently. After all, this was the 2nd day of me ever talking to you.

Maybe on some level, we felt guilty of unconscious bias. I'm very sorry we made you feel that way among us.

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Hey N.

I'm sorry we always faught. Every time afterwards we'd always make up but this time it seems it's the end for us. I miss staying up all night talking to you, I miss all the talking we did. I hope we can talk again someday...

I guess you just don't care about me. You already have those orbiters to give you sweet texts anyway.

Damn. Just damn.

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I think want to kill myself.

Wish we could spend today together. I miss you, man.

D

esdtrftgyjhukijljkhj,ghvncbvnvbmmvbcxfgf

when it comes to online friends i like to use private alternative programs and stay in touch that way but rarely do i find someone that uses them and it's a constant debate on convincing them to switch and debating with myself whether i should give in and get kik/skype/or whatever because it's such a pain in the ass figuring it all out. it shouldn't have to be this stressful

>>17725322
what's wrong anon?

I seriously considered committing suicide earlier even though the idea just popped into my head. These last few months have left me feeling atrocious but I found myself tearing up whilst making my way to the bus station. Ended up having to leave uni and come home because I kept having bouts of extreme sadness and it was difficult to hold in the tears.

I'm one of the only reasons my mother hasn't killed herself and I'm one of the only reasons that my friend's circle hasn't fallen apart. On top of that, I wouldn't want to put them all through the grief and stuff. I'm too kind to kill myself aha.

Would probably hang myself though.

I'm the funny one in the group that makes everyone laugh and smile and girls love that so I've got all these attractive female friends but none of them know that I'd probably off myself if nobody would care.

>>17724883
A literal parasite or a person?
It's the latter, isn't it?

>>17725437
Not happy at all. I feel so alone nobody can see that I'm falling apart. Grades are low and lots of stuff is getting to me.

>>17724687
Thank you for your kind words. I'm discouraged on how my abandonment issues makes me want to kill people though.

>>17725659
that's not good. have you tried reaching out to anyone and expressing how you're feeling?

Really sad, brother died, father died.
I don't want to tell anyone because I feel it sounds like I want pity that I miss them, but I also feel less strong, as if I have to let go of my childhood now. I have to let go of old times, I have to be responsible because no one watches over me anymore, and my brother died because no one lead him on the right path, especially me.

I'm unhappy with my life, feel like I can't die. Feel alone, everyone in the family having rougher times too. See them all cry, my family has since been more dysfunctional than ever.

I don't want this.

i'm so sad, i wish you would talk to me right now

>>17724899
Well, niggers do have a lower IQ than Whites.

I'm starting to really hate women.

>>17724899
He's the one who feels worthless he's projecting his own insecurities on others. He thinks everybody feels that way because that how he see's himself.

Probably the awkward silence was caused by the fact that everybody felt the same way as you did. If he lacks confidence and think he's unintelligent, he will act consistently with his subconscious beliefs.

>>17725659
Let's be lonely together. Are you me? I'm sure you're working hard, but the same methods you used to get good grades are suddenly failing? And people might give you advice, but you just don't have the time to implement them due to the long time you spend working hard on your studies?

>>17724503
Things will turn better be strong anon

kinda offtopic if its even possibly
>taxi my "friend" around for 7 months(he has no license), take him occasionally to shops, even If i dont really need to go to one, we went to gym together and shit, never have I asked money
>always everything was good and shit, I have tendency of complaining about random shit sometimes
>Today we were supposed to go to gym and then he was saying some random bullshit once again I was not interested in, while both sitting in my car
>I was just saying like "what fucking ever dude" I was busy texting someone and did not have time to pay attention to his stupid remarks or whatever
>he then said like: i'll hit you if you wont stop complaining
>I was like fuck you see what happens, I didnt really expect him to do anything
>this fucker actually grabs me and shit, Id knock him out if I wasnt fucking seated with seatbelt on, he released me and I decided ill just be the bigger man and tell him to fuck out of my car
>He was all apologetic and shit like man cmon im sorry I shouldnt have done that, but I also have emotions, you complaining really pisses me off and shit

I basically told him to fuck off and drove away. If im any kind of man I should not accept his apologies, right? Because hes just a ungrateful dog that bites the hand that feeds him

My girlfriend is a controlling ass sometimes, but I like paying only 1/2 the normal cost of rent.

>>17725763
Be strong anon, you can't feel guilty eternally
Don't look at the past too much, go ahead, bring some love to your family because they really need it, just like you

I know you don't want people to have pity on you but maybe there is just ONE person you would like to talk to, maybe it could helps
It can be anybody, even your family

Keep your head up anon, excuse my english I know it's bad

much love

>>17725767
Hi anon what makes you sad ?

>>17725945
I lost a person that's very important to me. Things are not the same between us anymore. I wish i could have them back but no matter what i do, nothing's gonna change. All i want is to talk to them and see them again but i feel like i'm bothering him everytime i talk to him.

>>17723902
same thing is happening with me. stick with one dude. the one that makes you happy and is the best to cuddle with. pick very carefully, and dont be fooled by aperances. the thin one with the great tits might just turn out out to be the most boring and dull one and not good to cuddle with at all. so pick.

dont worry about the one day a week thing. as you guys bond i am sure she will make more time for you and prioratise each other. its early. dont be clingy and always be confident and not arrogant

I just hope you can avoid a situation where you pick the wrong onel

>>17725975
i'm a guy going through the same thing kinda

shit sucks

>>17726048
what happened to you?

>>17725864
Thank you for your kindness

been with bf for over 5 years, he asked me to marry him in year 1 hear we are over 5 years later hes broken up with me several times only for us to try to make it work we never got married tho. the other day he was like you know we can double our taxes if we were married.... like yeah but i dont want to marry you just for tax purposes you jerk..... now if we ever do get married thats what im going to think about.... wtf

Few months ago all I wanted was to get into a serious relationship with someone that I actually cared about, when I met this girl things did change and I felt like I belonged to something, met her family, everyone liked me and we dated for 3 months. But these past weeks we started to drift apart, barely had anything to talk about and that was getting worse each day so we broke up a few days ago, felt it was better than to be with someone that you're not really happy or enjoying at all. I don't think I'm really sad that it ended, what feels bad is that I had another girlfriend that I thought would go somewhere but it didn't.

>>17725867
It depends. If you're a constant whiner, to the point where it makes people feel the need to get physical with you to get you to stop bitching - then it's you. If you just complain a few times every once in a while like all humans do - then this guy has anger issues. And you driving around people on your dime is really nice, btw

Managed to meet up with a girl that seemingly friendzoned me. Turns out that she just did't want to do anything at the time relationship wise.

Now today, we were able to get talking for a hour or so, and it seemed like we had some chemistry. At the end, when I was getting up to leave, she leaned in and kissed me.

>>17722677
cause youre a C U C K

>>17722677
because you think you have to be better to get girls.

>>17724710
I'm the exact same way and I am. Any suggestions?

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My life is a lie.
I'm a 23yo kissless virgin.
Only friends I have are online.
I spend all my day at the computer.
In the morning, when I should be in Uni, I go offline on all my accounts(skype, steam, etc.) so my online friends didn't know I'm not attending lectures.
The 1 person I know @ Uni, I tell I'm working so I can't make lectures.
When it's afternoon, I get online and play shit with my friends, lie that I was @ Uni.
When my mom calls me, lie to her that I'm doing ok in Uni, when I'm actually doing nothing and have a lot of homework already late, some even more than a month late.
I lie to myself every day that this will stop tomorrow.

This is my 4th year of uni, I can't fail now, and yet I can't find any willpower to push on anymore. Nobody bot me knows how shitty Im doing in life right now.

>>17726279
Are you in Uni for yourself or for others?

>>17726294
For myself mostly, because people look down on you if you don't have a higher education degree. It's not like this degree is actually going to help me get a job, since it's Computer Science and employers in this field are not looking for people with degrees, but people who actually know their shit. And I really dont know my shit, if you know what I mean. I feel like my knowledge could be on par with 1st year. All these years of uni I was just riding on other peoples back, manipulating them so I get homework assignments done.

>>17726310
>people look down on you
>employers
>For myself

Something doesn't work here. You're meant to do something else but you won't because X, Y and Z right? Like because other people said so and you don't trust your own judgment?

>>17722376
I have a crush on a woman that I thought I was over but it's slowly creeping back. I can't completely cut her out of my life because she will be involved in a creative project I'm working on and I don't want to go foraging for someone new, and also I feel it's not worth the hassle of explaining to the other people involved why she has to leave because I'm an immature crybaby not capable of handling my emotions. She brought in her boyfriend into the project before I realised it was her boyfriend so now I'll have my emotional dilemma dangling right in front of me.

I did all the logical steps:
>Talk about it with crush to have it out of my system
>Distance myself as much as possible
>Try and focus on other things
>Try and find new potential crush

Nothing helps. The moment I think it's laid to rest I have some utterly random encounter that brings it all back up, again.

It's never been this bad for me.

I really miss her but I know she hates me

All the terrible things i've done and siad to her nut I still believe I can put it right somehow but I'm sure I'm just deluding myself and I don't know what to do or what can be achieved

>>17726114

You think you're in love while what you feel may be not exactly that. What you have are crushes, streghtened by the fact you never had a girlfriend.

You need to level up first. Know that you have plenty of time so don't rush things, and put yourself in social situations where you can meet people, including girls, without feeling pressure. The way to do that is if these social situations are activities you like so you can do something else than just think about the girls.

>>17726438

If said things are truly terrible:

1. Write to her that you're sorry and that you're going to try to let her be.
2. Let her be and be a man about that. Time heals.
3. Don't start again with another one.

Buuut now, if it isn't that terrible and you're exaggerating stupid shit like a friggin pussy:

1. Be a man and stop that. Analyse how terrible the 'things' really were. You can get help from friends if they're not assholes with you and with women.
2. Decide if you stay and try to patch things up or let it go.

>>17726438
fix yourself first. There's something inside that hurts. Look where this aggression came from. We tend to project so it might be that your fears and all that icky stuff inside you made you do that. Don't blame yourself just look honestly at yourself and try to figure out what is the thing inside you that makes you act this way. Acknowledge it and fix it. By then you'll know what to do with her.

So I matched with this girl on Tinder. She didn't have a profile description and had just one photo of her face. Normally, I would ignore that kind of profile, but I thought that the one photo she had was adorable. Little to no makeup, large glasses, soft features, beautiful eyes, intelligent stare. Exactly my type of girl.

I messaged her and we just clicked. Same taste in movies and tv, great sense of humor and she's an artist just like me. I asked her out on a date, but due to us both being away, we had to put it off for a couple of days. We've been messaging each other since then and I've been liking her more and more. I could tell she felt the same about me.

But then she added a new profile picture. Strong makeup, no glasses, red lips. seductive stare. I think she was trying to make herself look pretty for me, but it had the opposite effect and I couldn't quite recognize her. It's not that she looked ugly, far from it, but the image of her that I had in my head was ruined. We're supposed to finally meet up tomorrow and it's driving me crazy because I really want to like her and I fear that I will end up being disappointed when we actually meet.

What should I do? I'm not too experienced with dating, especially online. I can tell that she's a sweet girl and I wouldn't want to hurt her in any way, especially with her being 5 years younger than me. I realize this might seem extremely shallow on my part, but I got really into her early on and this is fucking with my head.

>>17726438
Do you want to be with her? Do you think she'd rather you disappear or try to work it out? If you both want it to work, then it's an easy answer - talk to her.

>>17724008
This, holy shit. Finally gave up on a chronic flaker and I'm feeling good about it.

Get out and find someone who will make time for you, anon. Much better in the long run.

>>17726523

Meet her IRL and see for yourself, that one's easy.

And remember that this is fucking Tinder and that you can't be considered an asshole if you don't want to go further after the first date.

>>17725859
Yep, the stress combined with this shit feeling is killing me from the inside.

>>17725749
No one to reach out too, I have friends but they would not understand. They are happy.

>>17722376
I find it difficult to focus. Like I want to do homework and get shit done but I'm having difficulty focusing getting my shit together.

>>17726582

Uninstall mobile phone games, remove your fav tabs like 4chan, facebook etc and train your focus. You will probably find exercises online.

>>17726487
>>17726519
Thanks for the advice

>>17726528
>Do you want to be with her?
We're way past this point

>>17725859
Not him but literally me, there are a few wins though when it comes to escaping out of the loneliness
>>17726279
Very similar, same degree but 20, if you want to get in touch drop your steam, if you seek contact like me though, I feel like online would be good training with someone that you can be real with.

Even after all these years and fucking quite a few other people, I still have feelings for my first ever boyfriend. I'm so tired of it.

>>17722376
>Appointment for Autism evaluation in three weeks
What do I do until then? This wait is killing me. I just want confirmation on whether it's going to be difficult to understand people forever.

its been so long and i still have feelings for my first and last girlfriend. i dont know why, i know shes emotionally abusive, i know at some points i hated being with her, sometimes she drove me crazy. but sometimes i also felt amazing and loved, sometimes i felt really happy i could love someone, and i loved her as much as i possibly could..

i was feeling better overall but then i saw her with her boyfriend once. she purposely showed him off to me. that was weeks ago. that still hurts me.

today i accidentally ran into them, and i literally feel fucking sick. every day i feel so anxious that i might see her, and when i did i felt like my head is spinning. whenever i look at my blocked people list, i see her there and i immediately feel my stomach rise straight up to my throat. everything reminds me of her. i think about her literally every single day. every day since i met her, i thought about her. for over 2 years.

its tearing me up inside. i cant handle this anymore. i cant focus on school, i cant focus on anything, it totally sucks all of the energy out of me and i feel terrible. i want to visit a psychiatrist, i really dont think i can do this alone anymore. it's been so long and i still haven't made any progress. i feel so hopeless. she controls my emotions and i feel so horrible about it. i dont know what to do anymore. i dont know if a new girlfriend would help...

i wish i were like her, so easily able to dump people, forget about them and then move on. i wish it were that easy for me.

She doesn't realise that tonight was the last time that she'll have me for a long time.

Peace.

Yes, I have an actual accredited degree. I have no debt I got a full ride scholarship and funding. I had an emotional breakdown. Nothing new...ummm lets see I don't have any kids nor have I ever had any. Been watching movies stuffing my ass. late night venting. I get laughed at a lot, but they always do that. A hunched over poor retard is funny to anyone especially when they're as naïve and confused as I am. I guess it makes them feel better. Welp, back to my movie

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I'm a smart, motivated, decent looking guy. I have a say anything kind of humor that can get a little morbid, and I'm pretty creative. I'm a loyal, down to earth person too. There are alot of postive traits I have, but my negatives are that I have PTSD from a long history of abuse that ended with HIV positive status.

I've tried opening up about it, but aside from my doctors I've only trusted close family and my previous partners with the information.

Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about a girl that might want someone to love them. But then I realize the moment I tell them, they are deciding whether or not to settle for me.

It hurts a lot because I'm a really strong person that perserves past so much, but in that instant I could get thrown away for something I am victim to. My defenses tell me I should just forget about stuff like dating and focus on being a better person. I do. I get better and better, but no matter how good I am - in that scenario they'll always be settling for me.

I want to believe that I don't need anyone to love me. But really I just want someone to love me in the ways none of those people will. To hold me at night and feel happy like that. I don't even prioritize things like sex because what I want is far more sincere.

back to my hobbies.

Sometimes you can be a real ass, but I love you too much.

I feel like I was born to be alone. I just don't like being around other people.

Even though it's mostly bait... I'll bite I'm bored, my reading skills might suck, but why would I need to de code green text? I assume it's all trolling. I have no diseases no std's. it was an ugly rumor from someone who hated me. its nobodies business, but im negative. some people just take it too far sometimes, and don't even know why. wont care to explain it in "autistic terms" not autistic btw. slow but not full blown retard

Have a gf but still been in love with another girl for 3 years no. Gf gets depressed, and suicidally easily so I'm weary of breaking up. Also have kinda long distance thing with girl I'm in love with. Everyday when I'm with gf I think of this other girl idk what to do nigs

I'll send it soon

I want things to work, I really do, but I can't compromise my beliefs and feelings that heavily just so you can be happy. I do so much of what I can for you and I know it's not always enough but I can't go that far with things if you're not willing to try to even meet me halfway. I'm not religious and I have no desire to be at all, but I want you to be who you are if that makes you happy, just don't think that you can mold somebody to be everything you want and nothing less.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK I'M SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT HER

I FEEL LIKE SHIT AND YOU DONT FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT

YOU KNOW WHO

I CAN'T CONTINUE LIKE THIS

I stood up a girl last week and I feel like shit for doing so.
Nobody likes to be rejected, and especially led on and ditched.
I feel like karma will bite me back tenfold for this. But I am sorry about what I did.

I fell in love with a friend of mine a week ago.

I'm not retarded I know it's not like a thing or somewhat.
But it redefine how I think about love.

We were talking together after not seeing each other for months.
In the beginning she was all like "I missed you so much, I don't know anyone I can talk to like you"
I mean that's nothing special. I mean shit, we both study history.

But when we were both proper drunk and I was leaving we got to talking about communication and how communication between people is impossible.
Like we each exist in our own world and any sort of communication outwards is a pale shadow of what we really mean inside.

But fucking the fact that I could talk to her about this type of impossibility was beautiful.
On the way home, I realized that I could love her wholly and know that she understood me.
And I could understand her.


I'm not going to take a plane to where she lives and hold a boombox over my head to woo her.

It's just that then I understood what true love means.
To really connect with someone.

I think from now on, I'll always judge my relationships against that conversation.

I cleaned everything today. Cut my hair, put some stuff on eBay, organized, packed. Being on the precipice of suicide is the most peaceful I've felt in a decade. Nothing feels more calming, just knowing that there's nothing left to worry about.

my pc is broken and i'm fucking pissed off

>>17727341
I know that feel.

When you have nothing, the small things mean more.

Like when I cook, it feels amazing.
I just sit, drink a beer and eat my food.
And it's amazingly calming

PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME CHANS VALDEZ

EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU'LL SAY NO

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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Y'all aren't very good at giving advice.
There, I said it.

>>17727374
make sure to not ask for advice on how to make crystals

I feel completely and utterly lost.

I'm in school right now and am close to finishing associates, but I also currently really don't want to even be in it anymore because it doesn't feel like what I want to be doing or need.

But I also just very recently found another career choice that really appealed to me and would also most likely get others off my back for the original career path I thought about (though I would still most likely do on side). At the same time though, it makes me realized how much time I've wasted not knowing what to do when this option was available and very obvious once I realized what it was.

But I'm also afraid of the future, afraid that in the end, these problems aren't things I should really think too much about or really care for because they aren't as important as what's really on my mind.

But what's on my mind only results in frustrations because no one will believe me. It'll end many things. I don't like starting problems, but if it must then I would try to push through it. But how?

I don't know where to start or begin, what to ask or how. Anytime I even think of starting, I think "not yet", or "this isn't the right way." But then what is the right way? When is the right time?

I'm so lost, but also afraid.

Why is this so hard. I got super clingy to the girl I lost my virginity. She knew I was fucked up but was still understanding. I fucked up a lot and she always forgave me. But I knew something was wrong cause she became distant. So I decided fuck it I'll forget about her. Then every time I'm about to not care about her and I feel like I'm starting to move on, she texts me asking how I am. But then she becomes distant again. And I couldn't handle it so I blocked all forms of communication with her. For the most part I'm moving on and working on bettering myself so I don't make the same mistakes if I get lucky enough to meet another girl that makes me feel like that again. But some nights when I can't sleep I still think of her and about unblocking her and calling her. It only happens at night cause otherwise I keep busy enough to keep my mind active. Fuck nights.

I am currently having the worst diarrhea I've had in years. I can feel another wave coming over me and I'm worried to fall asleep because I just might crap the bed.

Why the fuck would you put your pups on me you crazy bitch

When I tell you that I want to die, you say, "tell me in advance so that I can fuck your corpse". Is this your way of telling me that you love me?

>>17727699
No it's his stupid way of appropriating a meme

I told you before, if I develop a crush I'll simply watch it pass, or watch them develop one on someone else. Sure, this one was stubborn, but I didn't "defend" them because of the crush. That's passing, and from his fondness with Z to his now crush on Rhiki, I have no interest in ever pursuing such a useless crush.

You can and will hit on anyone you develop a crush on. That's fine, you do you. I don't, and I won't. Now if you and your friends are done, you can continue with your business and your wish to get back together with your ex-girlfriend, and I'll continue doing my own thing.

I have awful teeth and skin problems, shit that I would have to get fixed or I can't just fix, only make "bearable".

I'm studying at this new place and now some girl is trying way too hard with me, where I can no longer be in denial. I want to bang her too. But I can't. I have these issues.

>>17727704
>Everything must be a meme
He's trying to lighten the situation because she uses depression as a means for attention.

Imagine how much better you would feel if you stopped pretending and told the truth.

I haven't been in love in ages and it's killing me

either she broke me or I'm just not seeing the right people

tired of being depressed and unemployed

why do i have no empathy

>>17727816
Work on yourself and the girls will come naturally.

I hope not be cast aside as before when I fell in love. I feel I'm falling for you and I can't stop, or leave and I don't want to. I hope I'm not just an aside to you

A second chance at life would be nice. I wish I had more confidence in who I was instead of being hypersensitive to what others thought. If it wasn't for that, I don't think I'll be filled with this regret.

Just got let go because my manager felt threatened by me. Was thinking of quitting anyway, but still sucks. Whatever, not my fault he's getting caught in his own mistakes. I can easily find opportunities elsewhere.

For the past 2 years I've been on 3 different medications for my depression, I don't think my doctor knows what he is doing.
I've lost my job at place I liked due to it being closed down still haven't found another to support myself. Jobs are scarce in this small shit town.
I really want dive back into university with the goal of going into animation or film or SOMETHING.
Why go waste my money at university? To stay the hell away from my siblings and their whining offspring that get pushed on to me while they do fuck all.
Now every day I wonder what will be my end result in a year; suicide or a single drip feed of success?

I have burned 5 (five) tissues in 2 days due to this fucking cold just let this suffering end already I am so sick of this shit

Perpetually trying more for other people

>>17728123
>For the past 2 years I've been on 3 different medications for my depression, I don't think my doctor knows what he is doing.

This is how it works anon. You can go through dozens before you find one that has any effect at all.

They honestly have no fucking clue how anti-depressants work. The human mind is too complex.

Some might say that because it's impossible to tell exactly how the meds are working that you shouldn't take them in the first place.

These people have no fucking clue what it's like to have real, chronic depression. Someone that is truly depressed for any length of time does not care if they fuck shit up in the process if it means they will stop living like they have been. This is why people kill themselves... people don't commit suicide because they want to die. No one wants to die. They do it because that's the only option that's left to cure themselves of the disease.

>>17724687
skin
in
my

I like to lurk 4chinz to try and find my fat slob of an ex even though i never intend to get back with him

A, your dick is the smallest I've had

>>17728318
That sounds perfectly healthy :,)

This whole "time" thing isn't working for me at all. I've fundamentally changed the way I see you and think of you: I've realized things I didn't understand about you, and let go of things I thought about you which weren't real. I still love and miss you, though, as much as ever. I'm in a weird position, in which I'm no longer in grief but I still cherish you. I miss you, my favorite person.

I think I just got ripped off. I'm pissed, because I just let it happen. I could have said "that's too expensive, you fucking codger" but instead I assumed the problem was me. And I got taken advantage of. Sure, it's possible that the produce he sold me was biological. I calculated the price from a supermarket website, but even then he's STILL more expensive than the supermarket.

I want to go back and get my money back. Regular produce costs HALF of what this piece of shit charged me. But who the fuck ever went back to get money back for fucking vegetables? Vegetables. But he still sent me up the creek for five fucking euro's for fucking vegetables, and I'm not a rich man. It all adds up, and he knows that, too. Of course, I'm never going back there, but somehow that doesn't feel good enough. I want to tip this motherfucker's market stall into the canal. I want to burn it down. I want to ram every piece of overpriced shit he sold me straight up his ass until his colon bursts. The eggplant has a nice girth to it, too.

I should be less meek. I should have told him to stuff it, right there. Fuck me. But no, just like all the other grey mice I paid with a frown on my face, because that's what you do, and that's why I'm a fucking loser.

God I don't even know anymore.
I just want to go home and be alone.

>>17728318
Not what you said when you were cumming & squirting everywhere lmao

Ahh kind of funny how you dumped me just so you could go out and party & fuck other people but ended up just turning out chronically depressed, not partying at all, getting fat as hell & by your own admission, being in "the worst mental state of my life". Karama's a bitch isn't it?

>>17728407
that's a great revenge, enjoy it as much as you can

I am going to make something out of myself. I'm not going to sit on my ass and collect money like the rest of my family is. I need to feel like I deserve it, because at this point I don't. I will work my fucking ass off. Once I've moved, all my energy and focus is going to be shifted towards writing and creating the music that I want to (I should have a practice space rented soon) and getting my computer science degree. It'll be hard work, but it'll give me a sense of direction & purpose, something I've severly lacked.

I like you too.
If I didn't promise myself to her, I'd spend the rest of my life with you.
But she matters to me too, and though I wish we could stay friends, I know that's unfair to you.
Goodbye Hsien.

I hate my gf's lack of confidence. I been trying for years to get to believe in herself a bit more, but I'm slowly reaching my breaking point.

I miss smug women.

>>17728488
What kinda gay shit does she do senpai?

Am i fucking up by not doing what I worked so hard for, am i taking the path less traveled because I'm so afraid of being alone, or because I'm so afraid of failing at the only thing I ever worked for? Are you really the right one for me? or am i really the right one for you? I wish I could just know what would happen because if this goes wrong it will literally ruin the rest of my life.

I recently spent all my savings on hookers and fetish porn. How long do I have to wait to kill myself in order for it to appear to be unrelated?
>actually a legit question

I don't know how much I hate her now.
Fucking snake.

>>17728511
Are you me?

>>17728516
Who knows that it's spent on that? Can you hide it?
If so, do that and kill yourself tonight. :^)

>>17728534
>Who knows that it's spent on that?
I have like 4 cash withdrawals of 300$ from my bank account (what it costs to hire a decent escort for an hour in my town), and many different charges to varying porn sites on the account.
>Can you hide it?
I have no idea how one would go about removing those.

I also had a "sugar baby" attempt to black mail me through my father awhile back, but I just told him to let me handle it... Basically, she gave up when no one responded to her.

I don't want to go out as a lonely pervert, and a disappointment to my family.

I want to molest little girls, for example my 11y old cousin

Good thing I'm never going to do it because I know its wrong and there are other things

I've been head over heels in love with my ex for months now and nothing has changed.

The only difference is that I'm pretty much numb to the pain now and I can get through the day without crying my eyes out every few hours, or randomly having emotional breakdowns in front of my friends where I just sit with my head in my hands completely disconnected from the rest of the world, or having panic attacks because of thinking about the future without her. None of that happens anymore because I'm numb to the pain, but the pain is still as strong as ever, I'm just used to it.

I feel like a complete pussy all the time, I feel useless. I don't really have anyone to properly let it all out to. My mates knew I was having a tough time at first but they think I'm alright now because I pretend to be alright but I don't see this pain ever going away.

I do what everyone says: I hang out with my friends whenever possible, I talk to people and never keep myself alone, I go to the gym occasionally (although I do want to start going more often I'm a skinny little shit lel), I've even gotten with other girls at clubs and shit. Nothing changes. Still love her. It's just kind of something that sticks with me at this point.

I believed in us more than I believed in anything and I think that if the tough circumstances we had to work with (and successfully worked with 99% of the time) were gone then we would've made it all the way.

Even before we were romantically involved we were the best of friends. She's the best friend I've ever had and I'm the best she's ever had. It hurts so much that she seemingly wants nothing to do with me anymore.

I can't stop thinking about her, about us.

I wonder if you're cheating on me right now. You're again at that place. I bet she's there too. It's not like you to wait two hours to text me back each time, only to grant me a one word response. I've barely heard from you all day

Here's what I think is happening: you're drunk off your ass flirting with that girl again. You probably haven't brought me up once and are ignoring the promise you made to me.

You fucking know how you do stupid shit when drunk yet you still happily throw yourself at these situations. If only you were an asshole who didn't care. But no: if something happens you'd genuinly regret it afterwards.

I try to keep calm and collected because I know starting a fight won't amount to anything. But god, if you only knew how much it's killing me inside. If you knew how many tears I've shed over this. I truly don't understand why your love for me isn't strong enough to ignore those desires.

I don't want to lose you.

>>17722747
>>17722747
I don't know what im doing replying to a stranger, but if it's you R, I know. I am forever sorry. And I'm trying, but I'm afraid you'll leave me when you realise that I might not be able to change the worst parts of me. I am so sorry for all the hurt I caused you. I don't want to lose you again. I love you and I don't want to be with anyone else.

Not like you ever gave a shit to begin with fucking liar

Youre one fucking cuck.
You really disgust me. The only time you ever fucking come up to me is when youre hungry. I know I act like I like it, but bear in mind that i dont always enjoy your drool on my neck and claws digging into my tits. i know about your probable respiratory infection you piece of shit. is that why you breathe so heavily or are you actually retarded? do you think youre a dog? and then you still chase after that vegan bitch even though she attacks you as she pleases. but at least she can keep her mouth shut, you loudmouthed pussy.
you dont deserve a quarter of the wetfood i woefully serve you. im fed up with this friggen bullshit.

J.

I really don't want to lose you. I'm terribly confused, and the only thing that's clear is how much I miss you. Please make this easy for me. I suck at these games, I just want to hug you and look at your smile. I miss you and really need you right now. I don't know how I feel about anything, I just know I want to hold you.

I'm also still terribly hurt by you, which is why I haven't contacted you at all. All I want is to forgive you and forget about these past few months, but I can't do that on my own. I need your help for that. And so I silently wait for you. Fuck I love you so much it hurts. Please talk to me soon. This is too hard, too confusing, too painful.

D

>>17728891
Talk about crazy cat lady, calling a cat cuck maybe means you need a time out and unwind.

>>17728891
wow i see meow it is mraow. im the cuck? im the cuck? ill walk steps and STEPS to SEE YOU only to find what is this? you rubbing your greasy face all over her frisky furry neck. you see me and what do you do? nothing just a glance.
its ALLERGY SEASON i dont breathe loudly im just an AFFECTIONATE PURRER. something you know nothing ameowt. i thought that when i knead you it felt purrrfect but ive cat to guess knot. maybe i only eat wet food because its easier to swallow, unlike your catty attitude.
dont expect anymroe snugglss from meow, im pawsitive about this.

You shouldn't have left me when I was going into rehab. It was unbelievably cruel, after half a decade together. At the very least, I thought you would have been there for me, considering all we had been through, and all of the sacrifices we had both made.

We were so close to having it all, and the change I undertook has kept. I wonder, now and then, what would happen if we were to meet, again, or if you had stood by me through it all.

No one has ever hurt me as badly as you have. No one has ever made me... feel, as you have. I will never allow another woman to get that close.

I was a fool, to take the chance I did with you, to invest so much, but I was a happy fool.

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Whenever I go to do errands etc in the city, I get pissed off.
The people there fucking disgust me.
God damn degenerates, druggies, foreign shitskins that don't belong here, coal burners, hippies, trashy women with technicolor hair, bums, beggars etc human trash.
Sure, there are ordinary folk there as well, but I recon most of them are there doing what I am doing there, their jobs, or running errands. I can't fathom any sane individual willingly LIVING among those god damn disgusting excuses of human beings.

The purge can't happen soon enough.

It's all started as stalking other faculty facebook page for shits and giggles. I just happen to found this one girl is cute. Next I found her socmed accounts. Today, three years later, I still haven't even say a single hi.

Suddenly I started dreaming about dating her. How? Have I gone crazy? I always being in denial, thinking getting a girlfriend is not an urgent necessity, but maybe I feel lonely after all.

>>17727108
Just know I'm killing myself soon. It was nice to hear from you last night/this morning. We last met on terrible terms. But I'll be gone soon.

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Guilt. I made a stupid decision which hurt someone I care very much about. At the time, I thought it was for both our betterment; as the weeks turned into months I'm starting to doubt myself. I assumed he'd get over me eventually, even if it hurted him in the shirt term. He's still suffering, though, and in a very real, raw way which makes me doubt my feelings of holding him down and not being good enough for him. Maybe he really does need and love me, and I was the one being blinded by my own insecurities? I also thought I'd be relieved - and I was, for awhile. I'm now realizing the magnitude of what I lost - my best friend and partner - and am filled with guilt and regret. I feel as if I should go back to him and apologize, and ask him to take me back; but I also feel as if I don't deserve that after what I put him through. On the other hand, if doing that could make us both happy, why shouldn't I?

I know he still loves me, and I still love him. I want him back and know he does too, but the guilt and regret are stopping me from asking him. The same guilt and regret which pushed me away from him now keep me away. How do I get over all these petty, idiotic non-reasons and allow myself to be happy? I can't shake off the feeling that as much as he and I might want this back, he deserves much more than shitty old me, and I don't deserve him anymore.

I should just be a man and fix my mistakes instead of wallowing in self pity, especially if we both want the same thing - each other.

Thanks for not even giving me the fucking decency to break up with me yourself. I found out you were done through your fucking mom. What the fuck is your problem? Were you that much of a fucking coward that you couldn't even do it yourself? Buthe no that's fine, because that was at my personal expense, not yours. So who the fuck cares. Thanks for lying too, and leading me on in some the worst ways fucking possible. You don't promise someone your virginity then at the end of everything just shrug your shoulders going "eh someone else will take it". You fucking disgust me you whore. Thanks for taking a piece of me that'll I'll never get back. Thanks for damaging how I'll ever view relationships. Thanks for throwing my mental health completely out the window with zero fucking regard. And you seriously thought things would just go smoothly.. do you have any foresight at all? Are you fucking stupid? Was it even malicious or are you just that dumb of a person, honestly. Thanks for only adding on to the problems I had at the time.

>>17729110
Ahh I see. If I get wind of it I'll stop it, I'm stupid & have enough dosh to do whatever anyways lmao

Sometimes I wish you'd never talked to me

>>17729174
Sometimes I wish I'd never talked to you.

>>17729198
Why is that

I hope that you find happiness soon.

>>17729212
My happiness is located in the barrel of a gun.

>>17729208
Because I welcomed you into my life and gave you my all, and now you leave me broken, unable to even love myself. But hey, you didn't mean to hurt me, so that makes it all right, doesn't it?

>>17729271
No, I hurt you because you're bullshit was so fucking comcically absurd that that was all I could express. Don't even know how you are desu

>>17729142
You won't get wind of it. I just won't be there all of a sudden.

I wish I knew how to approach and talk to people. I have been alone for such a long that I can't even speak coherently.

>>17729019

Tiers and types in society. While I do not approve of ignorant lifestyles, know that someone higher on the totem pole probably looks down at you with the same disgust. Shit is fucking stupid.

>>17729323
Tell if you have a way to fix it

>>17729369
Maybe, maybe not.
I am just a very average looking dude, that doesn't stick out at all, unlike the fucking degenerates I was speaking about, that stick out like a sore fucking thumb wherever they go.

I'm tired of thinking about other and doing things on their behalf just for my actions to be misinterpreted and my intentions ignored. Fuck people, I'll just care about myself from now on.

You wouldn't care if I were dead.

>>17728185

YEESSS IT JUST DISAPPEARED AFTER I'VE SLEPT YEEEAAHH

Don't lose control of it. Don't be so enthralled by the possiblities and lose focus. Don't let your fears or hesitations keep you stuck, just like they did before.

Do it.

i want to fall in love.

>>17729304
Yes I would now stop being a retard

Girl I love wants to call her, after 3 weeks of not talking. I'm just starting to not care but now I would like to talk to her. I don't even know what to say to her anymore, I made my feelings clear to her already. I'm don't know if I really want to talk to her or not now.

Application for a loan was denied. Two separate places denied it.

Guess I'm using my debit card as credit haha.

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I have a bit of a crush on this girl. She seems really interesting and super cute. I haven't had the balls to straight up talk to her yet, but there's been a couple times I've tried to be really friendly with her.
I see her at a specific time everyday when classes are over, and we smile at each other (we somewhat know each other since we have a class together). Knowing this, I planned on looking straight into her eyes and giving her the most sincere smile I can. Surprisingly, she shot one right back at me at the same time. It made my heart race.

The same thing happened again when we were in said class together and something was getting passed around. When she handed it to me, I was going to look dead straight into her eyes and give you a warm smile and thank you. Once again, she shot one right back at me and it really made me feel flustered.

>>17729916
>give you a warm smile and thank you.
give her a warm smile and a thank you

Happiness can only be given. The more you obsess about selfish happiness, the further away you get from it. Happiness is found through making other people, people you love, happy. If they love you back, they'll return that happiness to you.

These selfish thoughts of yours will get you to a place of loneliness and bitterness. The fastest way to being loved and loving yourself is to love others selflessly.

>>17722376
I'm scared, I always have been, I just want to know if what I'm doing is right, I just want someone to be there for me and show me, I am not a functioning adult I need help

I need help, I can't do this alone

This is fucking bullshit, C
I'm keeping my cool when I talk to you because I care but I want some fucking answers

>>17729990
Loving others selflessly is also a good way to have your heart ripped into pieces. I agree with everything else though.

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Ellie this is really it. I wonder if you feel bad about fucking the guy down the road or if you are with him right now. you probably are and it hurts but I need to say this: I went against my instincts going with you. when we met that day I thought you were not a person to get involved with but I was lonely and I felt good that someone wanted me. Although I thought you were somewhat delusional and not very intelligent I liked your spirit and your character. But you were just too much for me. Sorry I couldn't give you what you needed but I don't think anyone can ever do that. I don't hate you but I just want to get over you asap. goodbye

>>17730004
What's C's last name? Sounds like a familiar situation. He let it slip that he has met many (relatively speaking) girl who use this site.

I'm a despicable person, I have uncontrollable fits of rage and I destroy everything around me.

>>17730005
I never learn no matter how many times it's happened. But I can take some solace knowing they might have been happier for what I did for them.

I don't wanna fail this test. I don't. I CANT.

>>17730021
CR, but she's a she

Finally grieving over my ex. I left her, she was mentally abusive, it all makes sense. I told her to go after someone else, I have the chillest boyfriend, he's everything they weren't, and still I am fucking myself over. Still I am stuck wishing we could have been better.

>>17729118
If you could apologize face to face right now what would you start with?
The man I feel, but more often now felt like this about has been slowly becoming less and less important to me. Actions always speak louder than words, but when those words are so cold and scathing it makes me think that he's never appreciated anything. What hurt the most were the lies and opportunism.
If your words were meant for me, I don't know how I would cope with hearing anything real coming from you. You must know how I feel, but right now I can't play this game anymore, it's all or nothing.

>>17729990
Lmao yea that's bullshit you stupid fucking hippy

Why am I always the bad person in every situation? Why am I always at fault no matter what it is. Someone could chop my arm off and it'd still be my fault. Even when I return exactly what others have done to me, I am at fault. Why does it have to be me against everybody every time? Obviously I've handled because I'm still here, but I wish someone would just take my side and defend me for once. It gets old just having to attack, attack & attack. I'm really trying to get rid of that kind of negativity but it just stays.

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My social anxiety and fear of failure is becoming an overpowering beast that I can no longer suppress. Despite having these problems for years, only now do they decide to reach critical mass and threaten my sanity, and I don't know why. Is it because of college? I'm not sure.

I can't bring myself to take a step forward to try and fix these problems, because deep down I fear I'll lose a friend I've had for years, or I'll become something I don't want to be. I fear I'll discover something else that I want to do for a job, and all my time at college so far would have been for nothing. I fear that any action taken could drastically change my life into something worse, or damage people around me.

I try to talk about these problems with my roommate and my family, but I always censor or reduce the magnitude of these problems when I try to talk about them. I don't know if anybody really knows just how fucked my perspective on things is, and I fear that if they did they'd deem me as insane or unrecoverable or just plain pathetic.

I know that I need to do something, but I can't bring myself to do it. I know that I should talk to people about it, but I fear the whole truth is too much.

Even this post doesn't tell everything, because I'm scared. I'm so very scared of myself, the mess I'm becoming, and what people might say if they knew what was really happening.

I'm just so scared.

I wish you would just go away. I hate the fact that we're locked into six months of me faking it. I wish you hadn't followed me here and tied me down here. I shouldn't have knocked on your door and talked to you. I was lonely. And I wanted an easy solution. We aren't meant for anything together. There's nothing for us to talk about. Nothing for us to bond over. We shouldn't be together but I need your half of rent.

>>17728847
initial?

I was dumb to think you'd actually reply. But I meant every word I said. Oh well, if you need time, I understand . I needed a bit to stop being angry and resentful about it myself. Why can't you just tell me to fuck off? It'd make things way easier & I would've gotten out of your hair WHENEVER YOU SAID IT. Idk what your deal is exactly, but hope things are somewhat well. Please don't be cutting and self mutilating again. I will honest to God fly out to Birmingham & stop that shit if you are (Birmingham is fucking ugly btw hated it when I stayed there).

How bad you feel right now, how alien tied, alone, worthless, lazy & fucking stupid is exactly how you made me feel. That is karma of the highest order. All you have to blame are you & your selfish actions. You are at fault. There isn't anybody else to blame other than yourself. You pushed me to my braking point and openly mocked me while I was in and out of the hospital. You DESERVE every last fucking bit of this.

motivate me to run pls

>>17730144
bitch you crazy

>>17730076
1. I'm fairly certain it isn't you. I might as well get it out, though.

I didn't appreciate you. I didn't respect you. I treated you badly. I justified all of this as you being needy and sensitive. I pushed you away thinking everything was your fault. I convinced myself that we were fundamentally incompatible. I was afraid of opening up, so I kept everything bottled up. Instead of talking to you, I ignored these problems to spare your feelings. I let them fester into resentment. You sensed the distance and coldness, and tried your best, but it only drove me further away, which in turn meant you tried harder.

I should've respected you enough to communicate clearly with you. All our problems were easily fixable, and I let them spiral out of control because of my cowardice. I blamed you for my problems, and resented you for my problems, and tried to push you away. You were nothing but great. Yeah, you were kind of insecure, you let your jealousy get the best of you at times and we definitely spent too much time together. That wasn't the problem, though, since we could've talked about all those. You're smart enough, and mature enough, to reach a healthy compromise. I assumed the worst in you and decided to ignore the problems and play dumb until our apartment felt like a jail. I pulled away, and you pulled me back. I could've just talked about it with you, but I played dumb and kept on the same track until the bottle broke, the resentment spilled out and I left, feeling like I was doing the right thing.

I've been going to therapy for a few months now. Medicated. I've got a diagnosis for depression. And as the fog clears from my head, I see how much damage I caused you. How much blame I placed on you, when you were nothing but loving and caring. How much of a shitty person I was to the person I cared about the most.

>>17730115
Uh oh
H

>>17730209
It feels good.
I know that sounds like a sack of shit and it will be wrong for a long time.

But it will begin to feel good.
Not just doing it, but when you're at home and you sit on your couch after jogging, you feel 10X better knowing that you've "earned" it.

Weight lifting feels better, imo. Because you actually begin to look different for it

>>17722376
Goodbye.

>>17730076
2. How I preferred to ignore you and leave you than face my fears and talk to you. My fears and anxiety were stronger than my love for you, and I hate myself for that.

I felt empty and uncaring. I couldn't appreciate what you did for me, and saw only the annoying. I couldn't appreciate how my actions were damaging you, and saw your reactions as "craziness". I was surprised that you'd be hurt at me. I'd blame you for not telling me how I had hurt you. I'd blame our situation, my work, stress, existentialism, anything. In some level, I knew I was shitty, but couldn't see myself not being shitty, so I'd rather play stupid than confront myself. I'm sorry. You deserved a better me. I treated you badly and then convinced myself you were too sensitive and disregarded you. My depression meant I didn't care about anything or anyone but myself, and instead of talking to you and relying on you to get out of it, I let it push you away.

When I broke up with you, part of me thought you'd be better off without me. I thought it was less pressure to deal with. I could do whatever I wanted again. You didn't deserve me, and I didn't deserve you. But you still want me, and I still want you.

I'm beating the depression. I'm confronting myself, and as weird as it sounds, I'm ready to start confronting you too. I'm ready to open up and trust you. I don't mean "trust you with my secrets", but to truly trust you unconditionally. I'm ready to be ruthless with myself. I don't want fear to guide me.

All of this was caused because I was too afraid to talk to you, so little things became large things became unbearable things. That, in a way, is breaching your trust, because you trusted me to be honest with you. I'm sorry for everything. I love you and would give anything for a chance to show you how much I've changed, and how much I'm willing to keep changing and growing by your side. I'm still as afraid and scared as always, but I'm not about to let that defeat my love for you.

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I'm scared of what might go down in my house tomorrow (or tonight even), my brother and my dad got into a huge argument over some inane bullshit, I've never seen them yell at each other that much and my brother legit looked like he was about to either jump off a window or push my parents down the stairs.

The mood in my house has been kind of volatile these past few years since my brother wastes all of his money on dumb shit instead of looking for a place to live in, my parents have taken care of every need he has, laundry, food, clothing, pretty much everything, yet the selfish cunt acts like everyone in the family is a monster, he's never helped with a single fucking thing other than paying for his studies when he got a job, I'm scared that my mother might get depressed from this episode or that the discussion escalates to something violent when I'm not around.

>>17730106
Fear is normal.
Everyone feels afraid in someway.
It's a response to the world around you.

You can either change the world or change yourself.
There's no easy way to do either.

What helped me was exercise and alcohol. Both helped my confidence and helped me change how I saw the world. Going to a party getting a drunk enough to loosen up and not care helped me when sober.


You know that gif of a spinning dancer that you can reverse direction if you think about it?
That's fear.
The dancer doesn't matter as much as how you see it.

>>17730283
3. So basically now I'm torn. I want him back. He wants us to keep trying. I feel guilty for how I treated him, and undeserving of him. I feel he deserves someone better. But still, I want him and he wants me. I'm afraid this will only hurt him more. I'm afraid that what I've done is unfixable, and it's gonna leave a permanent mark. But I still love him, and he still loves me. I'm afraid of doing it all over again and hurting him even worse. I recognize the irrational fear and anxiety in my line of thought, which is exactly what I need to defeat, but it's paralyzing.

>>17730071
What is "mentally abusive"? Did they gaslight you, lie to you, cheat on you, insult you or yell at you? I've known too many people who rush to condemn someone as "psychologically abusive" when it isn't the case.

I said that tonight would be the night I end it all but i'm starting to back put again someone please just help me finish this I can't do this on my own. I don't want to live anymore. Fuck, it doesn't even feel like I'm living.

>>17730348
why is that you want to kill yourself? I've tried to off myself twice, maybe I can lend you a hand.

can't wait for karma to bite that fat, ugly, midget's cheating fucking ass

You're more pathetic than he is for trying to force himself into something he is unrelated to, Jose. Fuck off, you transparent, disgusting sex-obsessed fuck

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>>17723900
Same, dude.
I could only think that we're emitting pheremones that make people hate us.

>>17730715
Humans don't need pheromones.
Our faces do it for us.

People hate you because you act wrong

>>17728725
You are pathetic and weak and that is the reason this sad excuse of a person is constantly doing this. Dump this sack of human garbage and find someone that respects you and your relationship. Stop being scared of the fact that you will have to be alone.