Jealousy

you worship his dick so he dont leave ur ass

>>17716342
I'm not scared of him leaving me. He's loyal.

this didn't "happen to you", you are responsible for the quality of your reality, no one else has the power to define it

you have the capacity to control your emotions, you just haven't learned how yet. we all do. if you want to be happy and for your relationship to succeed, learn to enter state the way your bf can. read up on emotion regulation, meditate, study cognitive behavioral therapy and internal family systems.

>>17716350
I do try to take responsibility for everything I do and feel in life. its just hard being next to someone who seems to have everything in comparison and doesn't understand what I'm struggling through.

>>17716356
every aspect of your post, and the fact that you haven't solved these issues for yourself yet, indicates that while you may have acknowledged that this is 'your problem' you have not truly accepted responsibility for it.

>>17716339
OP, be prepared for a breakup. hes going to view you as a burden to his future accomplishment if you cant keep up or if youre constantly depressed. hes going to think he deserves better eventually. and you shouldnt be with someone who makes you sad for feeling sad. been there, was horrible.

>>17716376
this
is exactly why i was being so direct here
>>17716373
>>17716350

>>17716373
I feel like you're judging me to be honest.

>>17716376
We've been through too much together to just break up over something like this. But yes I'm trying very hard to turn my depression around because I think it would be better for both of us.

>>17716404
Advice sometimes requires judgment, anon is just trying to be helpful. Cant take the heat dont play w/ fire ya doof

>>17716404
I am. You don't have your shit together, and you need to hear that rather than be coddled and told 'its okay baby im sorry you're depressed and life has delt you such a shit hand'.

>>17716433
I've already heard it. You don't understand my situation. No one's ever coddled me.

>>17716343
>I'm not scared of him leaving me. He's loyal.
>Women will literally throw themselves at him because of his fame.

Good look holding on to him, OP. That's one of the costs of fame. He'll have his pick among any of the hordes of women he comes into contact with. The more famous he becomes, the larger that pool will get. Just because he hasn't left you yet, does not mean that shit isn't going to change. Especially with all your problems. "Better" women will be throwing themselves at him too. Why would he stay with you if you can't even keep yourself in a good mood, and be happy for him?

Good luck.

>>17716428
I know that they are trying to be helpful. I didn't imply they weren't.

>>17716408
How are you trying? Are you seeing a therapist and taking medication? If you're not, you're not trying. And you're never going to get better.

>>17716452
I am happy for him. In fact I'm part of the reason for his success because I introduced him to a very powerful friend in my family that produces movies. I want him to succeed and I do everything I can to support him. It makes me happy when he is happy. It only makes me unhappy when he doesn't understand that I am not the same type of person that he is and he acts like I am doing something wrong by just trying to fix my own tough problems.

>>17716456
Yes I am seeing a therapist. I'm doing a lot anon. I don't need to be told I'm not doing enough. In fact thats whats so upsetting for me is that is exactly what my boyfriend tells me. Even though I'm doing everything and taking responsibility in every way that I can. Okay? I'm going to therapy, I've tried medication(made me feel worse so I take chinese herbs instead). I work out every day. I even do exercises specifically so I can be better in bed for him. I spend hours studying. I read books about mood management. I'm doing a lot. I just want people to stop treating me like I'm doing things wrong just because I'm not a rock star.

Your advice isn't helping me, its just a mirror of what he does. And yes I know you're just trying to help and I appreciate it but you need to understand this.

>>17716463
Well, you should fix it. Part of being a good partner is wanting to build them up and making them the best possible version of themselves. You being jealous of him, constantly comparing yourself to him, and dwelling on how unfair it is that he's had an easier time at things, does nothing but generate your bad mood.

>>17716339
>I'm up against a lot.
>everything amazing seems to fall in his lap.

Trivializing the hard work and determination of men. Could you be any more of a stereotypical woman?

>>17716494
But I just explained how I do build him up and I actually helped him succeed. In fact I don't even think I'm jealous of him. And I certainly don't label it as "unfair". I think I'm just sick of people thinking that because I have challenges in life, I must be doing things wrong. Because thats how he treats me. But I feel he doesn't understand that my challenges are real and they are my own. And I gladly take them on. But I wish I was appreciated for that instead of being talked down to all the time.

But you're right about the fact that thinking of all this stuff does generate a bad mood for me... being in a good mood is part of my goal because like I said before. It would help both of us.

>>17716339
For a start you should STOP posting Star Trek pictures on 4chan and maybe pay attention to him.

>>17716515
But your post is titled "Jealousy?" And when saying that your path is "tougher" it is implied that it isn't fair. You could have easily said different, if there really is not connotation of better or worse, but see, if you viewed it like that, there wouldn't be a problem, would there? I'm not saying you should feel stupid, but it is a negative way of thinking.

If it weren't, you'd take the difficulties in your life in stride, and just figure them out, instead of depressing yourself and wondering where things have gone wrong, whether it was within your control or not.

It's tough to get people who've never had depression to understand what it's like. If all else fails, you'll just have to give up on him ever understanding, and just focus more on what makes the relationship you do have, work. Yeah, it's frustrating to not have your partner understand you 100%, but would you rather that fact drive you apart than be happy with what you do have?

Ok I'm probably gonna leave this thread because too many people judging my situation means I probably didn't explain it very well, or maybe I just can't explain it to others.

I'm just gonna work on myself more and try to think more positive about my fixing my own life.

I don't think most of you /adv/ users have been in my position and understand what its like and I don't blame you.

The person who did help me is the one who pointed out that thinking about all this is what generates a bad mood in me. Thoughts create feelings, so I'm just gonna leave this thread and not think about this problem which don't make me feel good, and I'm gonna do some yoga instead.

>>17716439
So what you're REALLY asking is not for advice on how to fix your situation, but for validation from us; futilely wishing that your boyfriend would just accept you for "who you are" and stop pushing you to do better.

>I secretly want to be successful and be a rock star too but I've worked really hard to succeed in life but it just didn't work out as smoothly for me
There is no such thing as failing for an external reason. The reason you failed is always, always because you did not try hard enough.

>Subject of thread is Jealousy
>>17716339
>And honestly, I get jealous a lot.
>>17716515
>In fact I don't even think I'm jealous of him.
>And I certainly don't label it as "unfair"
> I think I'm just sick of people thinking that because I have challenges in life,
I must be doing things wrong.
>my challenges are real and they are my own. And I gladly take them on.

That's a lot of contradicting statements, OP. You're doing some crazy, wild mental gymnastics to avoid actually attacking the problem head-on. I hope this greentext of your words helps you see the inconsistencies and how very badly you do need to face the reality- that you are not trying hard enough.

>>17716510
Hard work and determination only get you so far. Any successful person tends to admit that luck was a big part of their journey too and it doesn't negate anything either.

>>17716339
You care about irrelevant shit too much. Focus on your own crap and how to get your life on the path you want, not his current successes or your current lack of them.

> I'm not always in the same good mood that he's in because I'm up against a lot.
What does it mean exactly? Does he expect you do be smile-y and happy all the time or do you bitch about small shit and let your bad mood out on him?

>and it makes it hard to relate to him sometimes
It shouldn't be. You sound similar enough just with him being a step further, why would relating to him be so hard?

>>17716538
O fuk i am laffin

>>17716533
You're right I titled it "jealousy" but now reflecting on this thread, I don't think I'm jealous of his success. I just don't like how it makes it harder for him to relate to me.

>It's tough to get people who've never had depression to understand what it's like. If all else fails, you'll just have to give up on him ever understanding, and just focus more on what makes the relationship you do have, work. Yeah, it's frustrating to not have your partner understand you 100%, but would you rather that fact drive you apart than be happy with what you do have?
You're right. I don't want it to let it affect me to the point that it damages my relationship so I'm just gonna let it go.

>>17716538
>doesnt get the validation, but instead receives concrete advice on how to be long-term happy
>ignores it and "leaves" thread (i know you are reading this)
your boyfriend is definitely going to drop you like the bad habit you clearly are, and you'll STILL never see it coming when he does

>>17716540
>There is no such thing as failing for an external reason. The reason you failed is always, always because you did not try hard enough.
Yeah, all the burger flippers in McDonalds only need to try harder, soon they will roll in billions like their CEO.

>>17716552
i'm obviously not talking about becoming the next bill gates. happiness is attainable by everyone on the planet, regardless of situation or circumstances. so if OP doesn't have it, she's not trying hard enough. period.

>>17716540
>There is no such thing as failing for an external reason. The reason you failed is always, always because you did not try hard enough.

Ok, not OP, but that's bullshit. Sometimes things that are completely out of our control end up dictating what happens to us. Like your boss not liking you for whatever reason, and you not getting a promotion you deserved, even though you're the most qualified, because of this which has nothing to do with your actions.

Shit like this happens ALL THE TIME.

>>17716560
read
>>17716559
in retrospect, always was a poor word choice. however -almost- always is pretty accurate. even in that situation, there's always something you can do to get it. whether you know what that is or are smart/focused/capable enough to execute it is a different story

>>17716559
Happiness is only a fleeting feeling and actually pretty easy to achieve unless you're depressed or something.

OP seems to talk about actual success which takes a lot more than trying.

>>17716566
success takes trying. no more, and no less. blaming lack of success on any factor other than yourself is absolutely counter productive. For example, Al Gore didn't just lose the election because of 'factors outside of his control'. He didn't have enough electoral college votes. He should have worked harder to get more. Period.

>>17716548
Read Feeling Good by David Burns. It's a great book about learning to control emotions and beliefs that don't help you. You seem like a reasonable person. I'm sure it'll help you out tremendously.

Good luck!

>>17716591
omg I've been spamming that book title on this board for weeks, glad someone else picked it up too. amazing book.

>>17716373
i agree with this anon..

also leaving him because you think he might leave you... LOL.. "you played yourself"

>>17716588
>success takes trying.
In the same way that "coffee needs water". Sure you won't get anywhere without even attempting something but even if you attempt something and try as hard as humanely possible, it doesn't mean shit if other factors like your initial abilities and a huge dose of positive chance were on your side.

>blaming lack of success on any factor other than yourself is absolutely counter productive.
It is; then again most blaming is. Recognizing that there are other factors is important.

>He should have worked harder to get more.
He unlikely would get much more, no matter how hard he tried. US politics is actually a great example, due the party loyalty mentality, no candidate, no matter how good, can expect to get 70% of the votes.

>>17716627
ok
then when things go wrong and you fail
just throw your hands up!
it was inevitable!
nothing to be done about it!
just give up, it was all out of your control

>>17716543
>Hard work and determination only get you so far.
This is the type of thinking that destroys aspirations, and leaves people stagnant. I'm successful (whatever that means), and would never attribute any of my accomplishments to "luck."

>>17716645
EXACTLY THANK YOU
that's what I have been trying to get across

>>17716638
How did you read that out of it?

If things didn't go your way, you analyze why and try to do better next time. "Better" doesn't mean trying or working harder, just smarter and to act smart, you need to understand the situation and how relevant some factors are, and that some are out of your control, so you need to optimize the ones in your control, which are plenty too.

>>17716645
>This is the type of thinking that destroys aspirations, and leaves people stagnant.
And why would recognizing facts do that? If you have some kind of aspiration, you will try everything to achieve it, no matter how unlikely it is (if you don't, your ambition wasn't strong enough)

>I'm successful (whatever that means)
Let's talk multi-millions. Or some kind of scientific/artistic achievement. Though even if you consider getting some kind of good paying job as success, can you really not recall a single moment when things that could go bad actually went your way? Did you really plan every little step of your way?

(And this even ignores factors like having the luck to be born in the right country, with the right parents, the right abilities, not getting some shitty disease and yidda yadda)

>>17716603
I've had it for years and have been doing the same, lol. Amazing book.

>>17716671
the point is not whether or not certain events and 'fortune' has to happen for certain other things to happen, the point is that
>>17716645
>This is the type of thinking that destroys aspirations, and leaves people stagnant.
If you don't understand why that's the case I'm not sure there's much more I can do in the way of explaining.

>>17716701
>If you don't understand why that's the case I'm not sure there's much more I can do in the way of explaining.
Likewise it seems.

Say you have a retarded kid without legs who wants to be a famous football player for Real Madrid. No matter how hard he tries, he won't ever reach his goal because chance fucked him over already. If he really believes in his ambition, he won't stop trying either way.

If people stop aspiring something because they realize the reality (aka. without positive chance on their side, they will never succeed) they simply never had a strong enough drive in the first place, so it's unlikely they'd reach their ambition with all the bullshit about hardwork being repeated to them all the time.

>>17716671
>And why would recognizing facts do that?
>facts
Fortune and luck is not something that has ever been regarded as fact. Certain *fact*ors enable people to have increased ability in a field. If I walked up to an engineer and said, "Dude what fountain did you drop a quarter in to be an engineer?" It would sound asinine.

Persue what you are passionate about, and have biological gifts in. Stop searching for the God of the Gaps excuses, such as "luck" preventing you from being what you define as successful.

>can you really not recall a single moment when things that could go bad actually went your way?

My way? I just moved in a direction, and kept moving in that direction no matter how small the steps were. Set backs in of themselves are learning experiences that mold you into learning how to be successful in a field.

>>17716772
>Fortune and luck is not something that has ever been regarded as fact.
Hence I never used the words. Chance and randomness are facts.

> Stop searching for the God of the Gaps excuses, such as "luck" preventing you from being what you define as successful.
I thought I made it clear that it shouldn't be used as an excuse. One also should know all the factors and given that chance is a big one, ignoring it would be stupid.

>Persue what you are passionate about, and have biological gifts in.
Not sure if you have noticed but I never wrote anything against that. Everybody should pursue their ambition and people who quit are loosers. The point was simply to recognize that chance plays a big part and hence should be included into the "calculation" so to say, not making excuses about chance not going your way or belittling somebodies success because chance went theirs.

Can agree with the last paragraph too, although you didn't exactly answer the question. Was there not a single moment where things went the right way while having the potential to go very wrong? We tend to ignore this moments while recalling the negative ones pretty well.