Let's Talk, Anon

24 yo
Just finished medical school, currently studying for residency admission exam
Kissless virgin
Friends from medical school decided to koin the army so I'm gona lose contact with them soon
Avoiding thinking how shitty my life is gonna become by studying or reading for several hours
Living the dream.

>>17714688
A lot of people end up continuing with a daily routine to keep themselves from thinking negative thoughts. While it's productive, it's not exactly healthy, but I'm sure you're already aware of that. I would definitely say be proud that you've finished med school, not many people can accomplish that! I know I was going to try, but organic chemistry destroyed my asshole.

That being said, there's more to life than just studying for your future. What seems to be the biggest problem for you then, losing friends, or your overall social situation as a whole? Mentioning the kissless virgin thing kinda sets off some bells as far as how you are perceived is a big thing for you

>>17714688
seriously dude? you think your life is shitty? You have a medical degree, friends, and your biggest worry at the moment is studying.

You are living the dream you entitled shit.

Wanna know my stats?
>finishing university with a shitty philosophy degree
>lost my virginity to a fat whore ten years older than me, haven't had sex since
>family is falling apart and I'm torn between trying to help them and trying to make something out of my life
>lost all friends because they were all alcoholic drug addicts who cost me the best years of my life
>body is fucked due to the habits said friends led me to pick up
>unemployed and burning through my savings while living on my own
>can't find the will to finish my studies because I realized how much of college is indoctrinated bullshit

Put things in perspective, you have a future as bright as a thousand suns.

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Reposting for whatever.

Anyway, there's this girl, obviously. To preface, I'm 21, she's 20.

We talked for about 8 months, we met right before she went off to Europe to study abroad. It was amazing, but then around month 4, she started to get distant.

Around July, I asked her about this and she said that I romanticized things. Okay, understandable. She said she was perfectly fine with hanging out AS FRIENDS when she got back.

She got back in August, so I hit her up. Gave me an excuse that she was busy. So I didn't talk to her.

I hit her up last week, I just showed her a picture that reminded me of her, just some meme. She respond blandly, and didn't even mention that "How are you, by the way?" that I added.

So now my problem is, is that I am in love with her. I can't eat, can't sleep. This is so new to me, and I don't know how to control it.

I need to get her "back", but I'm not sure how. She lives about an hour from me, so the chance of randomly seeing her is low.

What do I do?

Have some art.

>>17714748
He does have a bright future, but that doesn't ensure present happiness. Just the same as inversely you sold present happiness for your future. Everyone makes mistakes.

All that being said, you have a degree, even if it is in philosophy, and that can go a long way if applied right. Philosophy majors find jobs in business, government, literature, and tons of other spots if you can pitch yourself right and create a basis around you of experiences through volunteer work or academic involvement.

I think the biggest thing you need to get past is shame and regret. It's important to cut out friends that are poisonous to you, and kudos for doing that. Seriously, that shit is hard and you ought to recognize yourself for it. Your body may be a bit banged up but the human anatomy is amazing and can mend it's self with the right health habits. It really will all start there, but I feel like you haven't given yourself enough introspection; verbalize all of it. How have you been affected since you lost your virginity? Seriously, write it out or say it out loud, it helps you understand yourself far more than keeping a jumbled bunch of emotions and feelings without having a clear cut meaning; that can just lead to "I feel like shit," which, with cognitive distortions, can lead to "I am a piece of shit."

I'm not trying to make you out to be a perfect human being, you fucked up getting into the vices as much as it was the friends raking you in, but that doesn't mean that now you're fucked and have no future. You have a lot you can do if you really apply yourself and move on from the past.

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>>17714773
get fucked commie, I don't do therapy.

>>17714762
First off, not even being sarcastic, that is actually a pretty fucking cool painting.

Anyway, I know you say you're in love with her. Here's the hard part: putting yourself on too thick looks desperate and will more than often drive her off. Let her respond for once, and don't force it. I know that it's super fucking hard because I've been there, but if she's not going to pay you any attention, she's only hurting you and she's more harm than good. You're only putting yourself out there to feel shittier, and if she's going to treat you that way, she isn't worth the time. Period.

In the meanwhile waiting for her to initiate conversation, look around and work on yourself. Most often, especially at your age, relationships can become obsessive because they are trying to fill voids. Was there a void she was filling? Did you perhaps grow up in a less than supportive household? Look into yourself and look for the answers. If she doesn't get back to you after awhile, again this is going to suck, but move on. She isn't worth it if she isn't going to at least treat you with respect. You're 21 dude, you can be great, greater than great, and you have the most prime sea in which to fish. I guarantee you there's someone better out there for you.

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>>17714781
Thanks, have another.

Yeah I definitely get what you mean. As far as a void, I mean, I have never had a relationship. I am tired of one night stands. I want just one person to come home to. Perhaps it's that void.

Me and my family are heavily traditionalist(Traditional Catholics, etc) so me finding a girl to settle down with is expected.

But what you said about her not even paying attention to me is right. I shouldn't throw down everything I have for her.

If she responds, then great. If not, then okay.

I have a feeling though, if I focus on myself and start working out again and doing a lot of our shared interests, she's gonna hit me up. Girls have a way of staying in your life just enough to make you not forget them.

I'm 21 and I'm in love with a 15 year old girl. I've tried to get her out of my head but she's just stuck at the forefront of my mind. She's nice, shares a lot of my hobbies, is cute, and seems to be going through a lot of the same stuff I went through at her age.

I want to be clear I'm not dating her and haven't told her how I feel. It's just we have a lot of mutual friends that are between our two ages so we wind up hanging out alot.

>>17714798
In my state it's legal to have sex with a 16 year old if you're 23 or younger and in others 16 is legal regardless.

>>17714793
Again bad ass

And yeah, the whole finding their way back into your life is something you have to prepare for. And I mean think about that shit as time goes on. If she's not talking to you, but has you on social media and sees you getting better and THEN wants to start talking, then hold strong and say fuck that, because that's when you know they don't want you for you, they want a certain kind of person that they think you have bent yourself into, and that'll just lead to more headaches and turmoil.

But yeah, about feeling that bond, it's easy to get caught up in that, especially when that was a kind of emotional first encounter for you. Love is like a drug, theres a reason why no one has been able to shut up about it since the beginning of time, more so than even sex; neurologically your body is going to program your mind to yearn for it. This is where you can step up though and say fuck this, I am not just some kind of driven machine. Make a better you and reap the benefits. Don't look back. She certainly won't be the last of your life dude.

>>17714798
I would not suggest pursuing that romantically until she does some growing up. She may change a lot, she's 15 for gods sake and if you know the shit she's going through you know she's going to have some identity things going on here soon as well. You still will be too, more than likely. Give it time and play it safe, there's no point in acting on an impulse like that when you can widen your vision and let the world come to you

>>17714688
>Just finished medical school
How did you get into medical school? What are some study methods you used?

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>>17714818
Dude, honestly, thank you so much. I have talked to so many people about this, just because I didn't know what to do. But you made it understandable.

If she has me on social media and stuff, but we don't talk like at all, is that strange? Why would she still follow me on stuff if we didn't talk at all and she thinks I'm clingy and stuff?

I'm gonna leave humanity behind. Thanks familia this really helped.

>tfw all I want is pic related

I used to think the reason I don't ask girls out is because I'm scared of rejection. Now I'm wondering if it's because I have a fear of intimacy. How can I overcome this fear?

>>17714829
The psychology around social media is still a fucking mystery dude, I have people on my facebook that I haven't even spoken to since high school. I'd say just don't read into it. If she's going to stalk you that's her worry. If you want to just get her off of yours so you don't have to worry about her, that may actually help. May create some flags for her too if she gives a shit, and would give her a reason to respond a create a platform for you two to discuss how yall are feeling.

I stick by working on yourself though. You're 21 dude, its the prime of your life. Be everything you can be, there's no reason not to.

And no problem dude. Hope it all works out for you

>>17714821
That's what I tell myself everyday. All the same, I can't stop myself from thinking about her. I've been considering spending a week away from her and our friends. Do you think that might help?

>>17714837
Explain what you're feeling. Put it into words. It's easy to assume the cliches are right, they're cliches for a reason and usually are the case, but if you don't have that sorted out first I don't want to start leading you down the wrong path. Fear of rejection and fear of intimacy are two totally different things. Is there any history with you that may lead you to think one way or the other?

>>17714844
In my mind I can't see it hurting any, it's usually a positive. Gives you a shot to rethink some things too during and at the end of the week.

I just want to go back to school.

My mom stole thousands of dollars of tuition money from me so I have to take time off and make that back. The worst part is how nonchalant about it she is, like "yeah I spent it, everybody has those days" wtf? I can't even begin to get mad because I still live at home (19) and I have nowhere else to go and I just don't care enough to get noticeably upset, although I learned not to ever let her near any of my money ever again. All of my friends are into their second year pursuing their degree while I do nothing but go to work 8 hours every day of the week basically running the store for slightly above minimum wage because the managers are fucking incompetent. Fuck this all.

>>17714840
Thanks mate, really. Good luck with your studies. I know you'll do good.

>>17715024
What are you wanting to pursue? And what kind of institution were you using? Like a community college or a big league school like Big 10 or something?

>>17715036
I appreciate it bud. Good luck in your endeavors too

>>17715074
The University of Toronto. I'm in Ontario. Studying computer science. I genuinely miss the stacks of calculus and linear algebra homework and compsci assignments I'd get first year.

>>17715104
I'm not familiar with the collegiate system of Canada so I don't know if this would be much help, but could you possibly be pursuing some credits here and there at a smaller, cheaper campus and then try to explain your situation to the university? Colleges are known for helping out those in peculiar situations when they show they have the drive.

That's all just a logistical forethought. It sounds like you already have your problem laid out with a solution that's tough but has to happen. You did great taking that first step and separating your finances from your mother, definitely give yourself a pat on the back. At 19 and funding your college, with the work ethic you have, is no small feat. That's fucking awesome. The next step, which will be hard but rewarding once you've made it, is solidifying your sense of self, and doing your best to separate yourself from your family problems so that you can be living your life the way you want to be. It doesn't have to be immediate, but if you feel like the one place you're able to escape, your home, is just as stressful as your job, then you're not going to be doing much better in the long run. Maybe look for a new job to fund getting your own place, who knows. You could Tutor on the side, get into the math that you're great at and start saving up, whether it's to afford going back to your original uni or going your own way with your own place and starting small. You have options, and while they can be daunting, they're opportunities, not forced choices. Talk with friends to get an idea, use connections, hell, maybe even get in contact with a professor you got along well with.

To sum it all up, that is a shit situation. You don't need me to tell you that though. What you do need to hear, though, is that you're not stuck there. You have tons of possibilities, and if you hold the drive you're describing, you'll be back on your feet and that much more confident as a person in no time.

>>17715104
Student loans

I turned 18 a couple of days ago, and ever since coming out of HS I feel like life is just slowing down. I have less motivation, and aside from transferring to a four year, I feel like I have nothing going for me. Not to mention that a girl that I've been infatuated for around 2 years now has been going out with one of my friends.

How did you guys deal with growing up?
P.S. I smoke weed like 2-3 a week is that bad?

>>17714661
You're fucking lying. Why would anybody sacrifice their precious time to HELP me? we are all GOING TO ROT


me in a nutshell also I don't really believe you are legit

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>>17714661
Hey OP,

So: I called it quits on art school just at the start of the semester. Now, I'm in community college, thinking of transferring into a university. Despite the tough call and being nervous for the future, I feel good about my decision. But I think I'm having trouble socially.

Just to preface: I moved to a place where I knew no one for my first year of school. I lived off campus and commuted everyday. I'm still here now. During my first year, I didn't make a lot of friends. I made a few - the ones who have stuck around are great! I would like to make some more now, but it just isn't working out? I see people too irregularly, and I /always/ hear I come off as intimidating, so maybe that's why I'm so off-putting. I don't know.

I also want to start dating again and maybe find someone nice, but I'm a 19yo virgin navigating a fucking college town. It's literally impossible. Tinder sucks. The boys I can and want to see are either too depressed or don't want to date. What do you think?

Hi OP. I'm 18 and I'm studying medical technology which is a course I really hate and I tolerated because I never really knew what I wanted in life. I choose it because it was practical and I wouldn't have to worry starving myself. Although I stopped going to school, missed a lot of exams and my professors are probably gonna drop me already, I just feel lost. I've been staying in a terrible relationship because I'm scared to be alone and no one else cares about me other than my grandparents who adopted me. They're good people, I don't know why I deserved them in the first place. I feel guilty to death that they're wasting their hard earned money on a piece of shit like me. I wish some accident would kill me so they wouldn't wonder what they did wrong their whole lives if I killed myself.

>>17715210
Also I think I really need a therapist but I'm too scared to open that idea up to my parents. They'll assume I have a problem and try to make me talk about it to them themselves which I know will not go well

>>17714661
I've always wondered if I had Borderline Personality Disorder. I get paranoid easily, and overthink my friends intentions, and make a lot of assumptions. Because of this I take things the wrong way, and say something off base or get self rightous about them not helping me, and how they and others always seem to help each other out, laugh and joke around. But, I think everyone thinks I'm stupid, and it's hard for me to express myself, and started believing people being nice to me are faking it, and no one is genuine. People who I think are friends I cling to fast, and get overbearing and overly excited when i think I found someone who has something in common. But, I begin to realize they get bothered by this, and my mood swings going from that to not wanting to talk, or saying bad things about myself. I'd like to be more like "them" but for someone reason when I open up and really want to know how to have experiences like them, and always be in the know... It just gets weird and they assume I'm just envious, and need to relax. I feel very misunderstood.

Oh, and I'm a 30 year old Male. Very lonely, and out of touch. Lost as hell.

>>17715178
It's a tough transition, when you're going to a new place with a new schedule and new people around you you're bound to be affected somehow with your mood. It's important to try to bounce back, make sure you're not going home too often to force yourself into making new friends, and getting used to the atmosphere of making your own choices. You just have to make sure your choices are also responsible enough that you're doing things for you that are healthy, not just a "this looks fun and would make me happy," but a "I'm going to be on top of shit because I'm worth it to myself." Utilize the resources at your four year; look for clubs to make friends, go to the gym if it's free there, take time to yourself in the surrounding area and nature. Find something that interests you, a hobby, and pursue it. You have to know you're worth it.

As far as the infatuation situation goes, see above
>>17714762
>>17714781
>>17714793
>>17714818
>>17714829
>>17714840

It's easy to let one girl get the best of your whole life. I was there too, and it sucks, but if you're not getting what you want out of it, there's no reason to pretend things are going to magically turn around for you and sweep all this horseshit away for you. Stand up for yourself. If you're getting more hurt than good, express your feelings, and if she's not down, then there's your cue to try and move on. There's no point in sticking around a situation that's just draining you and providing no other benefit. There's plenty of other people out there, especially in college, and if you work on yourself and have some kick ass hobbies, you'll be able to pull anyone you want with your new found confidence.

>>17715185
I mean whether or not you want to believe is up to you. We all are going to die so yeah, none of it really matters. I like to look at that existentialism as: Since it doesn't matter, who cares? I'll make the most of it and go out without regrets.

I can understand being hesitant about someone with a pseudo background wanting to help others on a platform like this though. The reason I do is because in a professional setting there are therapeutic boundaries; I can use my personal life or examples to help out others, it breaks a line and almost seems like a relationship rather than a professional service. So that's why I do this; I get to relate and make it more personal than I am otherwise allowed to do.

>>17715189
I had a friend that quit art as well, which is a real shame. If it's your passion and your insecurities are what got in the way, I'd say reconsider or at least continue to follow your passion. All artists have the problem of seeing the mistakes they made in their paintings every single time, but when you look at someone else's art you don't see the mistakes; it seems like they were made that way. Like with Mona Lisa, heralded as the most perfect artwork in the history of man. I garuntee you there's something that Da Vinci fucked up and just stared at til the end of his days, pissed and thinking less of it / himself.

As far as the socializing on campus, that shit is hard. My best advice is to force yourself to be on campus, and to join some clubs that you're interested in; hands down the best and easiest way to make friends. It sucks at the start, and can give you anxiety, but people are bound to invite you into their groups at some point. Also, coming off as intimidating is a good thing; it's most likely just unrefined confidence. If you can figure out what you're a little too heavy on, you have yourself a good problem right there that is fixed easily with a few good friends willing to help.

Now, dating in college as a woman I am not so familiar with, as I came in already without my virginity and as a dude. I will say that virginity is not some high - pedestal thing that society makes it out to be; make it as important to yourself as you feel it ought to be. If you plan on having sex pretty regularly, then don't feel too pressured to do it "right," often the best memories are spur of the moment, right? Just be safe and trust the person it happens with. Finding guys too shouldn't be too hard; it's a campus! Just keep your head up, channel that intimidation right, and you shouldn't have a hard time at all. Is there something I didn't touch on enough?

>>17715210
>>17715221

You do need a therapist, a professional one. But here's the thing: That's not an insult. Everyone has some bullshit going on in their life, some more than others. Even all the people on facebook who are like "My life is perfect, look at all these good things and trips and blah blah blah." Fuck that. EVERYONE has problems, it's just sadly looked down in society to express that you need help, see >>17714777 for instance. But, the fact that you are starting to challenge them and try to solve them is the big thing. Good on you for recognizing them and trying to make an effort to follow through; you may feel like a piece of shit, but you're already miles ahead of those who are eager to be ignorant.

The biggest thing I can say is communicate. You're in a university, odds are there is a counseling service that is available to you and for cheap in comparison to private practice. Tell your grandparents what's up, be honest with them. That may even take a load off of your shoulders. I know it sounds tough, but it's 100% worth the anxiety. If they love you as much as you say, they sound like smart good people and will understand the situation.

Next, take up the university on the counselors. You may not like the first therapist you have. Or the second. They can do things differently at times. But I promise you when you do find the right one, you'll know and it'll turn your life around 180.

Last, take proof of your therapy visits, get ahold of your professors, and explain the situation in person if possible. It's a place of education and understanding; if you can come in, respectfully explain your situation and say look, this shit is hard for me but I don't want this to be my fate, I garuntee you 4 out of 5 professors will say "Ok, let's see what we can do." The worst thing that can happen is they say "sorry, sucks." In which case, hey, you're better off because you're at least on top of getting help. One shit semester can be triumphed through hard work

>>17714661
What's it feel like to be in a bullshit field?

>>17715223
I'll begin this with I'm not anything close to a licensed anything; I do work in the field as I'm working through to getting into graduate school, so I am not in any position to make diagnoses.

BPD usually effects women, though while it is known to affect men, I also believe it is very easy to over diagnose it and for patients to fall into a cycle of hypochondriatic behavior. What it sounds like to me is you have some depression laced with several cognitive distortions. I would look into that phrase, "cognitive distortions," and see how many apply to you. I would also strongly recommend seeing a professional, as they would be far better suited at helping patterns of behavior in person than I am at trying to help you over the internet.

That being said, I think the biggest thing for you is to communicate with those closest to you and those who are affected by this behavior, and try to explain what's going on in your head. You may be afraid they'll think you're crazy, but my favorite thing to tell patients is this:

There's only 3 ways that communicating a problem can go:
1. They are not helpful, ridicule you, or don't want to hear it.
2. They listen and want to understand, but aren't sure how to help you.
3. They are there and are actually able to help you solve the problem.

All 3 of these are amazing outcomes and I'll tell you why:

If someone reacts like in 1, then you find out really quick that these are the types of people that are not going to be able to be around the actual you, and you may want to either cut them out entirely or keep your distance when you're having trouble staying in control of your emotions.

If someone reacts in 2 or 3, then think of it like this: remember when your siblings, parents, or friends came to you and said "Hey, I've just got this shit going on right now and I could use someone to talk to..." ... That made you feel good, right? That's because when you or they communicate, it shows trust, and that in and of ... (Cont)

>>17715287
>>17715223

(Cont.)

it shows trust, and that in and of itself can help you not only feel better about yourself, but of your relationships and the fact that though they may not be able to solve your problems, you have someone you know you can fall back on and receive help from when you need it, or help them out when they do.

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>>17715258
I didn't really "quit art," just "art school." If there's anything I'm confident about, it's my abilities. Of course, with enough self-criticism for it to be healthy, haha. But it's still hard. In the end spending all that money and time just wasn't worth it to me, so I left.

Cool, I'll try to make more of an effort to go to clubs and stuff. Social anxiety is kind of a bitch, but I'll find a way to deal with it. I'm more hesitant when it comes to dating. It just feels like everyone out here is looking for something super casual, you know? I'm not so down with that, and I feel like a loser if I try and play along... then chicken out (which has happened before). I've been thinking about whether or not I've been too picky, trying to chase a nice (first, real) relationship. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing myself? But I'll try to loosen up on that front too, I guess.

Thanks for the reply.

>>17715317
Oh I'm sorry about the insecurities thing then! I didn't mean to assume, I just had a roommate do the same and it's a shame to see good art go to waste, is all.

As far as trying to find a real relationship in a college atmosphere, it will be really hard to find a good looking guy that isn't trying to keep things casual; it's what a lot of guys are raised to think, that more sex means more validation. Just look at a lot of the guys on this site for instance. I don't really think loosening up is the right way to put it; Just be yourself, know what you want, and be patient. There's of course a line where it becomes being picky, but asking for a decent guy who isn't just in it to be inside you is not at all picky; it's just sadly a bit harder to find. If you look close enough though, you'll find them, especially in the groups.

But yeah, you seem like you like who you are, so be you. Don't feel pressured to do something right. At the end of the day, who gives a shit if someone else judges you or doesn't like you for some reason? That's their problem. I'm a guy who likes candles and flowers, and I couldn't give less a fuck if that's a problem to anyone else. Follow what you love, be passionate, and all things will come to you in due time

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It's almost 3 am here in the midwest, I think I am headed to bed. Feel free to continue to post, I have a rare day off tomorrow and have not been deterred from answering. See y'all tomorrow.

Also, I think I'm going to start sharing some /wg/ love with some cool pics as wall papers, like

>>17715317
>>17715189
>>17714829
>>17714793
>>17714762

have done. Goodnight

>>17715267
The thing is whenever I talk about my problems I end up bawling and stuff that I can't talk properly. I think it would be easier to talk to a professional since they know what to do. I had our guidance counselor as a professor last year and i can say she's um... not very open minded. Though I will take your advice on informing my profs when I start seeing a therapist.

Thank you for the advice, OP. I'm glad your here to help.

>>17715492
*you're. Kek

>>17715246
ok i believe you

I feel really lonely all the time. I have a couple of close friends, like 1 or 2, and some other not-as-close friends, maybe 10 or 15 at most. I'm single and have been for the last 3 years. But I remember when I was with my gf, towards the end, I started to feel lonely again. I'm not sure if this was because I realised that it wasn't going to work out between us.
How do I cope with these feelings? Right now I feel as though if I had a girlfriend that I'd not feel this way, which is probably true, but I don't think it would last. What can I do to deal with being lonely? Feeling sad is shit.

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I'm scared to get into a relationship.

I'm not gonna bullshit, I'm an attractive man with a good body that constantly gets hit on and I don't want nothing more than a loving girlfriend.

But I also feel like I'd be missing out on my youth and a lot of experiences/chances and I don't want to dedicate years of my life to someone just to break their heart.

I don't want to miss out on experiences that I might not ever get but I'm also getting really lonely.
Maybe I'm just over stressing over stupid shit.

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>>17715492
Case in point with the whole "There's not always going to be the perfect therapist on the first try." But you should be happy that you are able to cry, there are a lot of people that have problems even expressing how they're feeling; it's a dichotomy of "I feel upset" or "I feel content," with the whole range of emotions in those two statements and the people often times can't describe exactly how they're feeling. So good on you that you can at least express that, that's the first step if you can muster up the courage to be able to communicate that.

Although I will say, communicating with the professors, even if it is kind of embarassing to get tearful, will at least still show that you really are trying and that this really is a real situation.

Either way, as long as you keep working on yourself and overcoming this hump in your life, things will find a way to set themselves straight; just keep at it bud.

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>>17715548
When you say you feel like being in a relationship would fix things, that's always a red flag that there's a void somewhere that you're trying to fill; apart from the social situation, what else do you have going on in your life? What was your past like? There are introverts that are happy with the amount of friends that you said, so what I'm guessing at is something may have happened that causes you to feel like you have to validate yourself socially. Do you mind if I ask you to elaborate so I have a better idea?

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>>17715553
Not to be rude, but I think you may be. I feel like you've got some black and white thinking going on, where it's either got to be a long term committed relationship, or you're going to get to experience casual sex and there's no in between. I'd say just live your life more in the present; don't try to keep looking into every person or situation as having a sign that "Oh this is going to be a long term deal" or something like that. Take things as they come; dating is meant for you to find the qualities you like in others anyway.

Casually date. Things don't have to last forever. If you're not getting that relationship vibe after awhile, like a rule of thumb for me is about 2 months, then call it off. Just be sure to always be communicating with the person. Other than that, people are going to come and go, and sometimes people will break it off with you first; just don't go into things with an agenda. Listen to how you're feeling and play it from there. You know you better than anyone, and if you've got the confidence, then enjoy life bud. Do what feels right for you.

>>17714661
Welp OP, Just got out of a long relationship from a long time girlfriend in the worst way possible. She cheated on me with my best friend. At first I didn't know. She didn't tell me anything, broke up with me two days after she cheated telling me she was unhappy with how things were going and that we needed some time apart and she wanted to think. Although hurt I give her some time to think and a week later she tells me she had feelings for my best friend of which I hadn't known of at the time. I got really messed up about it but I thought we could get over it. She finally decides that she thinks we can work out and I take her back, but the very next day she tells me she still has doubts. I found out the same day from a friend of mine that she had slept with him two days before all this shit happened. We broke up for good but i'm pretty messed up about it. The worst part is that I still want her back but everyone is telling me it's a bad idea. She never fessed up to it, she lied about it, and she said that she still had feelings for him as well as me. She seems legitimately guilty and sorry about everything. But I'm so conflicted about whether or not I should move on now, or try to make things work. And i'm worried about whether or not I could ever re-establish my trust with her and can mend what is now broken between us. This is the first time I've been cheated on and I honestly don't know what to do. Any help would be appreciated.

>>17714661
I'm 22, and I feel like I'm disappearing.

It doesn't feel the remorseful cold of being depressed, or the agitation and fear that came with anxiety. My chest hurts a lot and I feel like I just wanna sit down and stare into space.

It feels like everybody just, wants me gone. I've not had many friends since highschool, where I was ostracised and pushed out of everything for being gay. It actually fucked up my grades, so I went back to college and worked hard, but people at college wanted me gone for different reasons. So I started a sport and worked hard at it, and I tried to just sort of keep quiet and out to a corner, just playing the sport, but people still wanted me gone.

In the last few months, my two best friends moved away. Another just, stopped talking to anyone. The last, his girlfriend had a stroke - how can I bitch and moan at someone who's got way more on their plate than I do? I don't think it's loneliness cutting me up, but more the thought that I'm legitimately just.. in the way.

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>>17716262
I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but this is where you gotta stand up for yourself bud. You put time and effort into this girl, it was a well established relationship, you trusted her, and she chose to go and hurt you in one of the worst ways possible. She's not respecting you or the relationship, and that's not something that anyone wants in their relationship, especially a close one. She slept with your best friend, turned around and said sorry, and then did it again.

You're better than that bullshit dude. I'm not going to say it will be easy, but leave that hurt behind and don't let it be anymore of a bother than it already has. You don't want to be with anyone who doesn't respect what you've got going enough to at least talk about it beforehand and say "hey, I've got thoughts that aren't exactly great for the relationship." She fucked up, showed her hand, and now this is your chance to get away from this shit.

It's like I've told a lot of the other guys on here: There's nothing wrong with being single. Be with yourself rather than by yourself; rediscover what you like, chase your hobbies, get on a health kick, become a better you. It helps put all that shit behind you and opens up so many doors. I know leaving a long-term relationship can be hard, no one ever said it's easy, but if you can get past the first couple of months and keep seeing the results of paying attention to you and growing your life, a confidence will come where you will be able to pick from any fish in the sea. Take hold of your life Anon, kick some fucking ass, and move on in the world. This all will feel like a learning experience and an annoying mistake you were able to avoid in the future.

>>17714688
HOW did you get thru medical school without learning how to control your thoughts and emotions. Buy Feeling Good by David Burns and read it cover to cover twice if you give a shit about your life at all.

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>>17716297
>>17716285
This is another case where I would say that looking up "cognitive distortions" may help you see that these are just your mind being an asshole, and really aren't the case. It's easy to self-isolate, where you sit down and don't let yourself interact with the world, and let the anxiety creep in. That shit is poisonous and ought to be the first thing you attack. If you're in uni, go out on campus when you feel like you want to self-isolate. Work on school work, go read, play a fun game on your laptop (I'm playing NetHack right now, actually). If you dont want to go out, change your room up as far as furniture placement and make it a new place, where you're not going to let yourself get into funks in there. Psychology shows that a change of scenery can really help get a new schedule or mindset going.

You're not in the way Anon. I think you just may be reading in too much to certain situations due to the cognitive distortions. It may also be because people are being bigoted, which fuck that noise. If you like sucking dick, more power to you dude; I know I couldn't do it. Just be who you want to be, and if people don't get along with it, then that's there problem. I'm not saying be a pretentious asshole, but if people aren't getting along with who you want to be, they're not worth chasing. The people who are will come in and you'll know who they are.

It all just takes some time and effort Anon. You can get past it, you just can't let yourself get in the way.

I still feel like my ex is controlling my life.

We were together for 5 years, but near the end he was controlling, manipulative, and in July I had to file a protection order for threatening to kill me. Through those years with him, he wasn't usually mean. It just got worse as time went on and I couldn't figure out why. He blamed it on his depression, which made some sense I guess because anytime I would try to leave he would threaten to kill himself. Yet it just got to be too much so I stuck to my decision to leave and that's when it exploded into a huge mess.

Even though I haven't seen or spoken to him in months, I still act as if I was with him. I'll not wear low cut shirts or shorts, feel guilty about talking to some of my guy friends, things of that trivial nature. The thing is that I don't even notice when I'm doing it. I only recognize it hours or sometimes days later thinking wondering why I feel that way or feel guilty about doing something. I know he's not here to say anything to me, yet I just act this way without thinking. He put me through way more than I should have allowed, but I finally broke free. Yet it's like he's still here. I don't know what to do.

op, I'm dealing with a very abusive relationship. I want to give details but he lurks. Anyway to do it privately?

i am seriously addicted to wifi and neglecting my school work

i dont need advice just wanted to share while i procrastinate

>>17716323
I don't know how I could convince myself it's just a perception bias.

The first scenario with school, it's pretty blunt when groups of people discuss if they can be friends with you or not, and one group even discussed how they could get me to kill myself.

When I went back to college to study, everything was fine, for a year, until one of the lecturers took a very heavy disliking to me - she was a mean fucking cunt, boasted about making a girl with learning disabilities cry once. Eventually their hatred for me became so vitriolic that people didn't wanna be around me, they didn't wanna be in the middle.

In that last example, at that sports club, I made a complaint one night that 6 people would only play amongst themselves, and that it made it hard to get good quality games when half the players won't interact with the others. We all got a strongly worded letter the next week saying "We have the final say on memberships and people should stop complaining about situations in the club", which I'm willing to bet was a swing at me.

I just, can't find anywhere to go.

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>>17716332
I would 100% recommend reaching out to a domestic violence shelter for women. They won't force you to stay or talk or anything, but they have the resources and the personnel to help you far more in this situation than I would.

First off though good on you for getting out of that situation. There are many women that are still stuck there, and to come out still being able to be independent is no small feat, I can assure you. To have some lingering fear or habits formed because of a 5 year stint is nothing you should be ashamed of. It may take some time to be really back on your feet, but again I can't stress enough how awesome it is for you to have gotten away from something like that.

Look into resources for this, use your community. Talk with friends. You never know where you can get the help from, but know that you're out of the darkest part, and I know if you can get to where you are now, you can keep pushing until you're back to being who you really are.

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>>17716333
Sadly I'm not aware of any way I could make it completely private. I could offer an email if that would help at all, a throw away one I made awhile ago, but I'm also afraid of being attacked on this site, just because it's this site. If anyone has a legitimate suggestion, or if you do, I'm all ears.

Either way though, I'm terribly sorry that you're in that situation, but I'm sure there's a way out somehow. Don't lose hope.

>>17716438
this isn't /b/ no one is going to 'attack' you
even if it were /b/ its 2016 everyone here is underage and no one knows how to operate a computer past the basic click functions

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>>17716346
There's not just perception bias, there's several others as well. This is actually the source I use when I structure a therapy session around this:

psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions

Try giving that a look. Regardless though, if you have a professor like that then fuck her. See if you can't find another lecture or class that can replace it if it's mandatory, or talk to your academic advisor.

With the groups of people talking shit, then like I said, fuck them and ignore them. There's no point in getting caught up in that useless bullshit. The truly good people will see through that shit if you continue to put the real "you" out there. I'm not saying that it's easy; if it were, you'd already be on top of it and not talking with me here.

I honestly think it may help you to see an actual counselor. I'd highly recommend it. There's only so much I can help you with, as far as not knowing your background much less your surrounding area and specific situations.

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>>17716333
>>17716444
Because of the two trips I'll give the benefit of the doubt and just go ahead and throw one out. I don't plan on using this as a new platform; please continue to only post on this thread, as I will otherwise not be watching this email

[email protected]

Also I'm probably going to take a break for a bit, just a heads up.

what the fuck is the point of working multiple jobs if its still not enough to move out and find an apartment? I spend more time working than I do with my friends/family and still never have enough money, im frugal as fuck too and really only buy gas and groceries

>>17716501
>>17716472
I read through the distortions. I can definitely identify points in my life where I've been guilty of some of those fallacies; for instance in the first example, I was convinced it was my fault. I really blamed myself for it, told myself I'm just an abhorrent human being, and this was the life I'd built for myself.

In the second scenario, I think to some degree it's filtered. Please don't misunderstand, that first year I was really happy. I had friends for the first time in years, I was working hard and it felt like I was really making headway in my life. There are ways I antagonised that situation, I felt like the lecturers were trying to pen me in or take me down a notch because I worked from the specifications and ahead of schedule. But I don't think I deserved them trying to fail me, submitting false reports to the exam board, the personal comments they made to try and humiliate me. Hell maybe pushing back was the only thing that stopped them failing me, maybe they would've been successful had I not gone to the administration with concerns and asked my work to be verified externally.

This latest one seems.. kind of cut and dry. I made a complaint and the next week we all got a letter saying "shut up and put up or get out". I don't really know how many interpretations there are to it. It's pretty fresh so maybe I'm just being screwy.

About seeing a real therapist? I'm afraid. The last time I put my faith in the health care system, shortly after that first scenario, they identified some of the cognitive distortions such as black and white thinking and tried to pawn it off as - and I kid you not - autism. I was lucky enough that I had conveniently studied psychology around that time, and one of those subjects was autism. I am pretty confident I don't fit that diagnosis, but they were going to try and throw a label at me after 3 weeks of refrained talking that would've burned me to the ground. That would've affected so many opportunities.

>>17716232
I guess I don't have a lot else going on. My hobbies are mostly games, /tg/ and /v/ varieties. I'm in university so I don't have a job, although I work at the uni as a tutor for a couple of hours a week.
My childhood was basically fine. My dad worked a lot, but other than that my family was pretty well off and nothing bad ever happened to me. I hope that answers your question, not really sure what you meant.
As far as I know, I've felt like this ever since I started puberty when I was like 12 or 13, and nothing in particular comes to mind as the cause.

NEET on the path to a job here.

What's a good website for meal ideas? I haven't made dinner thanks to my grandparents working hard on making dinner. And I want to try to make something.

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>>17716580
I understand being afraid of mental healthcare, especially after that nonsense. There are certainly some people who over diagnose and those that just don't do their job as well as they should. I'll also warn that sometimes it can be very hard to find someone that you click with in the field, but searching is worth the trouble. It was the 3rd guy that I saw before I knew I was seeing the right therapist. I would say stick with it dude, it'll be a little rough, but I can't imagine you being in a more rough scenario than that one

I may get fired from my job for alleged sexual speech against a woman.

I work at a Publix bakery. She came in to fix a cake order she messed up the previous day. I asked her some questions about what she was looking for, what she did for a living, how her kids were, etc. I like to make jokes when talking to customers, so she told me she was a software engineer I laughed and asked if she was a nerd. Then she kept telling me about her kids, I listened, then she went on to the specifics of her cake. I took her order, read it back to her, and then she left.

Now she wrote a massive complaint to my boss claiming I was very sexually aggressive with her. I did flirt with her a bit, but nothing I said was sexually aggressive. Then she told my boss she is worried I have her personal information and that I may stalk her.

I am not stalking her, nor do I have any intention to. I admit some of my comments were inappropriate, but of course I denied it totally in my official statement. I worry I may get fired, but it's my first few weeks and my boss wrote that the proper action would be to have a warning.

I'm worried. If I get fired, it will make things really hard for me. I just want to hide under a rock. Sometimes I wish I did not exist at all.

>>17714661
Hey guy, I don't know if you're legit or whatever. But you seem alright.
Lemme tell you, I feel rather unfulfilled.
I believe I have some form of anxiety around others' perception of myself which I have dissociated from by way of numbing. I feel that others are always judging and that I always fall short. My immediate family exempted, mostly.
For this reason, I dislike getting close to people, as well the other reason being I have a very limited range of interests that further alienate me.
I entertain myself by way of vidya, which obviously does nothing. I play an mmo, and my problem even extends there, since I do things mostly on my own and I seldom speak with other players.
Another thing going on with me, is that I've a sort-of perfectionist attitude (mostly under control these days) which sabotages me when I am faced with a particularly difficult or unfamiliar task.
This helps me none, as I don't venture for scholarships, talks, and other stuff that would prove most helpful in bulding my resume.
And to top it all off, I never liked studying. It caused me so much anguish back in school (the performance anxiety related to it, rather), and this translated into me underachieving (still a cum laude) in uni, and also I feel like I've actually learned too little since I don't see much success in my job (which I only have thanks to parents, and its part-time)
And to top it all off, I graduated in psycology. It's like some big joke.

Therapist, I'm a complete mess of a human being. I can't accomplish any task or goals because I get distracted / can't maintain a good schedule. I have trouble focusing and get adhd stuff.

What are useful things I can do to get around this?

>>17714748
TThanks made me feel better about my situation. Cheer up m8..you made the right decision to cut those friends out.

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I want to start talking to this girl i like, I some times get near her when walking from class to class I had a biology class with her a year ago, would saying "Hey your ________ right? Did you have mr. s Biology class last year? That's where I remember you from, hows it going?" would that works as a good enter?

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>>17714661
Notice how thre are hardly any responses to posts other than this OP?
Just more proof people don't really care and just care about the attention they get from caring.

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>>17714845
This is hard because men are taught to keep that shit in, it's toxic but it's a necessary part of masculinity that makes men more emotionally mature than women who don't learn to deal with it on their own (which is why they always talk about their feelings.)
Opening up is difficult if not impossible for many men for this reason, especially when the idea of "nobody gives a fuck" is reinforced over and over again.
I mean it's not bad, it's just most men don't learn the difference between opening up and whining nor learn any means of balancing so they shut that thing out completly.
Pix not related btw

>>17714824
I actually failed the first time I took the exam for admission, and that left me devastated.
The following year I basically quit everything just to dedicate myself to studying. I quit swimming (which I did since I was 6), and met my friends and family once a week, only for a few hours. No studying tips, no highlights, just plain reading and reading until I felt asleep.
Quite stupid decision, because I spent the whole year feeling like shit and hopeless that I would ever be able to get into school.
I did pass that time. Still, I feel I don't have any tips for you; like I said, the "study method" I took now feels stupid.

I am going to try to make this short. I am 23, finished university, Economics. I speak both english and spanish (good writing skills as well) + my native language. I have the chance to relocate in London in order to start working. Problem is, I do not know how good I would perform (in any job for that matter). There are tons of shitty people in retail/services and whatnot, and my anxiety is through the roof just thinking about it. I am torn between moving somewhere else in my country, or abroad. What could I do? Or even better, what can I do to better myself overall?

I was born with a feet defect and even though it was operated at an early age, it isn't possible to completely cure it and in recent years it's been causing me increasing problems.

Last year I trained kickboxing (though already had some pain) and in my teens I loved karate.
Now I got a strong pain during a fucking table tennis warm up at my uni PE classes, and I struggled with legwork. It's hard to deal with.
It's hard to accept that I'm getting increasingly less abled. I sometimes wish I could enlist in the army or the police like a normal person; it wasn't a dream of mine or something but the idea has been becoming more tempting the less it's been realisable.
I'm taking driving lessons and it also messes up with driving. I'm sure I can overcome it in the end but it is frustrating that I've driven 15 hours already and I'm still having trouble with the pedals.