Divorce

>>17707745
>Do you think I am doing the right thing?

Is being with her in spite of not loving her doing the right thing?

>>17707756
I mean it's not like I hate her, I don't even dislike her company. We've had some really good times. I guess you could say I don't love her. More accurately I don't want to be with her for the rest of my life.

>>17707791
Well, it's sort of shitty that you've wasted so much of her life (she might have met someone who actually loved her were it not for you), but what are you going to do, waste the rest of yours to make up for it?

She's 36 - she's no spring chicken. Her value as a woman is on a downward slope, while you haven't even reached your peak. It really sucks for her, especially since she's done nothing wrong, and completely trusted you not to do this the whole marriage.

Yes, it's shitty. But, can you live with it?

>>17707745
Hey, you made a commitment, she hasn't wronged you or anything, what makes you think this is okay?

>>17707826
I get that it will suck for her too. Are you arguing that I should stay with her to keep her happy and in blissful ignorance?

My mom divorced my dad when he was almost 40. It was a similar reasoning too - no cheating, no abuse, just mom pulled a dick move and said she didn't need him anymore and that was that. Life isn't over at 40. He picked up the pieces and returned to a successful, happy life eventually. So I get that it sucks to get divorced so old when you can't just hop on tinder and replace what you lost. But in the long term, everyone gets over it.

>>17707872
I'm not arguing for or against it. It's really your choice. The most important thing that I mentioned is, can you live with your decision. That's really what it all boils down to, and by "your decision" I mean to either stay OR leave. Which could you personally live with, most?

>>17707840
Theres nothing virtuous about upholding a commitment for the sole sake of upholding a commitment without regard for the circumstances under which the commitment was made or how the commitment is stifling the well being of people involved.

What would you say if I held you to all of your pinky swears?

>>17707745
Answer me this op whats happens after the divorce ? like whats your game plan if you get a divorce

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>>17707906
Are you comparing pinky swears to marriage vows, 7 years later?

>>17707745
Holy shit dude you married a Craigslist dependapotamous when you were basically a kid of course you feel dissatisfied with your decision. Divorce your shit up before it's too late for the both of you and you're old and bitter.

>>17707883
I can live with leaving. Even if, for whatever reason, she couldn't recover, I could still live with it. Happiness in the short term is worth sacrificing for important relationships. Happiness in the long term, as in the next 45 years, as in the rest of my life... I don't think that's negotiable, and I think that's worth seeking out even if it means you have to disappoint people.

>>17707928
Right. OP, ignore everything else said in this thread (including my other posts), and listen to this guy. He's right. This is why she hasn't stirred the pot in any way. Your her meal ticket. Good luck with the messy divorce. She's going to take everything she can!

I MAY NOT ALWAYS LOVE YOU
BUT SO LONG AS THERE ARE STARS ABOVE YOU
YOU'LL NEVER NEED TO DOUBT IT
I'LL MAKE YOU SO SURE ABOUT IT

>>17707921
So I'm guessing your excuse would be "but I was young and dumb". Well I was 20 years old with no self-esteem who agreed to marry a fuck buddy just to avoid having to look for another woman. I was young and dumb too. It was a mistake. I can fix the mistake. If given the option to fix a 7-year mistake, would you not take it, knowing the alternative would be a 45-year hell that you willingly endure just to stay true to your word?

If you were a wife, would you rather:
be 36 and hear your husband say "I'm not happy, let's split up and find happiness elsewhere"
be 80 and hear "You know I never loved you and was never truly happy with you but when I was 20 I said I'd stay with you forever so I kept my word, aren't you proud of me?"

>>17707996
You are seriously equating pinky swears to marriage vows. Oh boy.

I am currently in the same situation with my husband. Larger age difference, (I'm 26, he's 49).

If you spend your entire life struggling to be 'content' with what you have because the other person is okay with things, it is going to eventually reach a boiling point and explode. Better to end it on amicable terms in my opinion.

The guilty is still terrible, though.

>>17708070
What's your story? How long have you been together, and what were the circumstances of your commitment?

No kid? Then do it.
Otherwise, you're in until they're teenagers.

>>17707745
>she may lose her shit and tell everyone I know every dirty secret I have
prepare yourself for this possibility by sharing those dirty secrets with us

>>17707840
people aren't allowed to change?

>>17707745
Fuck everyone in this thread, move the fuck on. I'm 29 and just dumped my gf of 7 years because I was sick of everything she'd become with me.

I have not been happier since I started dating her. I don't mean she was a terrible gf or anything, but the stagnation I gained from that relationship lead me to what I realized a few months ago when I finally cut it off was a mild form of depression or bipolar disorder. I have twice as much energy, I'm not irritable anymore, I sleep better, it's just overall a better situation now that I realized I'm not settling for something that I don't need to settle for. A lot of the kids here are so desperate for a relationship this whole thing seems foreign to them.

try open relationship m8
maybe shes into some freaky shit

>>17708214
7 years married, met him when i was 18. Never dated anyone else before him, first kiss, no sex before marriage etc. Raised in a a religion the only encourages you to date others inside the religion. He was laid back about religious stuff and we got along great working together. He's significantly overweight, but his personality is very warm and jovial. We are great friends but basically room mates, and I've realized for a long time that i basically married a new dad not a mate. No sex life really, we are just room mates.

As i grow up i realize i don't want to pretend to believe in this religion anymore, and finally growing up and living for myself instead is a major goal.

Feels bad because he still loves me, he wants to make it work. He says a sexless marriage would still make him happy if he could take care of me and that he won't date or find anyone else if i leave. He can be quite passive aggressive with the guilt trips, as leaving this religion involves being shunned by family and old friends and hes very quick to remind me how much i have to lose.

I'm currently saving up for a down payment to buy a house and move up. I don't even have my highschool but i have a good stable job. Financially I'll be tight on my own, but I'm confident i can make it work. I think part of being a good person is being honest, and since I've started this process i finally feel like ive stopped lying.

Tldr, do what you think will make you happy. Being honest isn't easy, but theres relief mixed in there too. Hopefully light at the end of the tunnel.

>>17709329
Move out*, not move up

I was in an unhappy marriage at 27 and I left. Wasn't with a 36 year old mind. Ask yourself this, are you prepared to live in this marriage another 50+ years? If that vast period of unhappiness stretching ahead isn't worth it, end it now. I'm much better off.