Are my goals already unachievable?

>>17706976
>>Do professors truly never slip up in their academic carriers?
It happens, but it's extremely rare, rarer than guys who quit uni and succeeded in becoming a billionaire in tech field. I know of 2 cases: Stephen Smale, Rob Kirby.

look at it this way OP.

ten or twenty years in the future, when you're giving a lecture, do you really think people are going to scrutinise and go "oh hm, I would have taken him seriously but I see he took a couple extra years to finish his degree, into the trash it goes"? no they're not. they'll be reassured that you have the degree, but beyond that they shouldn't be thinking about it - they should be thinking about the content of your lectures and whether they are learning anything from you. that should be what you focus on. shit, look at henry rollins - he has 0 degrees and he still gives lectures that inspire people.

by the way, if you're hoping to inspire people, a success story of how you overcame mental illness and other obstacles will be perfect material. so make that your goal. and even if you still have depression at that time, you will have made considerable progress in coping with it by the time you finish your doctorate. but only if you are working at it.

>My study advisor says that it my mental health should be my primary priority right now and that my schedule can be adjusted according to my needs.
you should listen to your study advisor. he knows what's up.

>But I cannot stop worrying that I already fucked up my future by not bringing my A-game from the very beginning.
it's natural to worry about that. but like I said before, nobody's going to hold your progress up to some kind of meter and judge you for taking extra time to tend to your health. what you also need to realise that when you are dealing with serious mental illness, the fact that you are going to school at all means you ARE bringing your A-game! you're already doing it. you're making a sincere effort in your studies and you're dealing with an exhausting and mentally draining condition.

cont, sorry for wall of text

>>17707228
the challenge for you will be accepting that what constitutes your A-game may not meet the standards you set for yourself. so part of your goal in therapy should be figuring out what are realistic goals, and working toward those. I have found that with depression and personality disorders, it's better to have a long-term goal but not be too specific about it, and then have smaller, more specific goals that advance you toward that long-term goal, but can be paced so you're not rushing yourself into burnout. in other words, have the big picture sketched out, but focus on the smaller parts that are more manageable. if you do that, much of the big picture will take care of itself.

again, sorry for the wall of text. I hope this helps. do take care of your health OP, nobody can do it for you. if you push yourself too hard you will just end up having a breakdown and dropping out, and then where will you be?

>>17707013
I understand. Smale is a professor in maths. Maths does not demand 'reputation' like other subjects.
You can win the Abel prize from your home, if you are brilliant.

>>17707228
>>17707241
Assuming this is same anon.
Thanks anon for your kind words. Yet I am not all to worried about my perception in the eyes of students (I am confident that I can lecture quite well).
It is more about university admissions and gate keepers of the academic community. From what I have heard, they mainly look at grades and even if they take into account personal circumstances, how can a person with my outcome stand up against AAA honour students in front of uni admission.

I myself have already tried creating smaller goals (wake up earlier) and sticking to them. But when emptiness strikes those things become hard.

>>17707297
>how can a person with my outcome stand up against AAA honour students in front of uni admission.
then maybe you need to change your criteria for what kind of school you're trying to get into. maybe you can't compete with the AAA students. maybe you will have to settle for a lesser school. it's unfortunate but that is often the case with people who have chronic health problems. the point is, wondering whether you shot yourself in the foot or not is useless. you did the best you could, right? if you had tried to do more, how much worse would your mental health be now? don't worry about what could have been.

all you can do is to do the best you can, take care of your health, and make the best of what you have. if you're worried about your grades, I can tell you right now that overworking yourself will not help. you are better off taking a more relaxed schedule if possible.

look, talk to your advisor. let him know you're worried about your grades and why. if he tells you not to worry about that, then don't. what else can you do? I suppose you could talk to other professors and get a second opinion from them, but that's about all.

and yes, I know how hard it can be to stick to even small goals. I have depression as well. I don't meet my goals a lot of the time. but I keep making them because over time I get better at finding ways to accomplish them.

OP I feel like you will ultimately get where you want to go. but you may end up taking a very different route than you planned or wanted to take. please be open to that and remember to keep looking for alternate ways of getting to your goal of being a lecturer, besides the current plan you have.