Is it normal to experience suicidal ideation on a daily basis?

No.

See a therapist, shop around until you find the right one.

>>17704745
Same here anon. Want to make a pact to kill each other?

>>17704766

Okay but I've been managing it for 12 or 13 years just fine.

>>17704784

No, I'd prefer to keep on living. I hope you cheer up.

>>17704800
> daily thoughts on suicide
> want to keep living, thanks
Get the fuck outta here

>>17705147

It's true. I don't like dealing with the constant misery associated with thinking about killing myself, but I prevail against it.

>>17705147
Not them but
I definitely want to keep living but I can't stop thinking about jumping in front of a train so riddle me that

>>17705168

Nice, let's keep up the good fight together.

>>17705166
I honestly feel relief when I imagine killing myself. Sliding into a deep sleep that never ends sounds so fucking good I can't help but think about it when something shitty happens. Which is basically everyday now. People caring about me is the only reason I haven't done it yet. I associate death with the relief of mental anguish and a release from my own conscious mind. A positive thing that I can't accomplish in any other way. It seems like you've bought into the meme that suicide is ignoble or wrong to think about. What exactly do you mean when you think about suicide and do you have any intent with your suicidal ideation?

>>17705197

>It seems like you've bought into the meme that suicide is ignoble or wrong to think about.
No, I just sincerely believe there is more to be gained from living. We deserve the opportunity to do so. If somebody prefers to kill themselves, I won't think less of them. Although I'd be sad. And of course we all have to consider how the act would affect those who care for us, as you mentioned.

>What exactly do you mean when you think about suicide and do you have any intent with your suicidal ideation?
I mean that I imagine killing (or greivously harming) myself in various ways. There is no common thread to all those thoughts, except of course the underlying craving for relief that you mentioned. I empathize with that. Anyway, there is no intent; or at least, if there is, I have defeated it in my subconscious.

If you have intent, I hope you'll seek out help.

I'm going to bed now, but I'll check back in the thread tomorrow.

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>>17705197
>>17705257

Everything you said is pretty much me at this point. I stay up nights thinking about all sorts of bull-shit relating to life and it's values, finding none of it worthwhile. I'm figuring if I can ease myself to the idea of suicide, it won't be such a hassle when the day finally comes, a seamless action with no pause.

If you can find deep within' yourself the drive to keep pushing on despite all this, then more power to you I guess. You're the one who'll have to trudge through all this fucking shit.

>>17704784
I want to, havr been looking for someone for long now.

I used to have thoughts of suicide every night, so badly I couldn't sleep, it was pure agony. In my endless search for a cure, I ended up learning that low Testosterone could be a possible reason for my symptoms, and since I've tried most of all psychiatric drugs out there, I decided to give Test injections a shot, without medical examination of any sort.


250mg of Testosterne Enathate in my butt, and 4 hours later, I was feeling like never before, no more anxiety, no more depression. That struck me the most, was being able to watch the scenery without that feeling of dread I had grown used to.


It's been a while since I stopped Test injections, although recovering was hard, I have never had a night where I wanted to kill myself again. Just knowing that there's this thing out there I could take at any point that totally erases those feelings, is reassurance enough for me.

>>17705622

Yes, I certainly know how you feel. I really hope you can work through the darkest of those thoughts, whether that means enlisting professional help for them, or finding a worthwhile purpose.

>>17705665

That's kind of amazing, although I don't know if I would ever try it myself. How does one even obtain testosterone?

>>17705197
I fantasize about getting into a coma and having good dreams. It's better than the actual life I live in, ha.

>>17706163
Not him but go to your GP and get tested. If you have low testosterone they give you TRT (testosterone replacement therapy) as treatment.

>>17706183

I would, I don't want to lose my guns though.

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>>17704745
yes , if you're suicidal.
meditate
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLjelIPg3ys


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GSeWdjyr1c

try the book 'peace is every breath' by Thich Nhat Hanh

Idk if its really normal, but if you aren't thinking of actually going through with it idk if its grounds to sound all the alarms yet. Still though, it can be the start of something worse.

I know I used to be suicidal in the past, I no longer am, but I am also not happy. Ever since though, I've noticed I've always found comfort in the idea of it being an option even if I don't plan on doing it.
Like for example, when I'm faced with an option or choice that might be risky, it kind of helps me make those risks/choices by thinking "Well, think about how bad this can go. Even if it does go absolutely horribly, you can always kill yourself and then it won't be an issue."
Of course, no choice I've ever had to make has ever had the realistic chance of going /that/ horribly, so it's just kind of the safety net I give myself to make the plunge. Otherwise, I think I'd just be petrified of making any move in life and I'd be a complete shut in instead of a mostly shut in lol.

Anyway, I don't think there's too much wrong with finding comfort in the idea that you have the control and choice to end it whenever you seem fit, but I do think its an issue if you actually have thoughts of following through and you should probably see someone about it.

>>17704745
Every day? Who knows. But, if it makes you feel better, what you've described (thinking about it, but no actual plans to follow through) is not as bad as it seems. I've had a therapist explain that it's a form of trying to soothe your anxiety/depression. It may sound weird, but knowing that you always have "a way out" of your problems, regardless of how bad they get, can be comforting.

That's all that is. Having no plans means you're not seriously wanting to die. You just like the fact that if push comes to shove, you always have an option.

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>every waking moment is filled with thoughts of death and decay
>I still go to my shitty job because idleness makes them much more intense
>on the other hand, any routine task that other people do just fine, exposes my pathetic and incompetent nature even more so it's just as bad
>I interact with pretty girls on the job all day, obviously I'll never have a single chance of having close relations with any of those beautiful women, ever or anywhere
>I'm working class and poor, therapists and psychoanalysts are something only rich, white people have the privilege of having access to

>>17704766
Fuck this normie adv

I've ended up getting a girl pregnant who is totally crazy and so is her family. I fucked up bad. But yeah, I'm taking solace in the fact that if I can not get away from this I can kill myself.

>>17706670
Oh wow, you dun fucked up, son.

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>>17704745
yes im pretty sure it is. Having daydreams about my own suicide every two to three days. sometimes a couple of ideas a day, for the last 15 years.

married with kids and enployeed. at least when you dont try stzff out more then once a year u are safe

>>17706484
Literally the opposite will happen

>>17706554
>>17706574

Hey, I'd never thought of it quite that way before. Thanks for the insight.

>>17706691

Wow. I mean that's my situation exactly, but having a family on top of that must be something.

>>17706719

I meant that they'll be taken away.

>>17706670

If you are successful in killing yourself, your child will become exponentially more likely to attempt suicide themselves. Once you have a kid, it's time to stop being selfish, even if it hurts.

That depends. Thinking, "Life is not good. I wish I were not live. Killing myself would be satisfying," is actually pretty common.

The kind of suicidal ideation you don't want is...

"Why am I alive? People would be better if I were dead. I wish I had the guts to kill myself. I can't handle anymore of this." That's the kind that is really dangerous.

Well, there's a distinct difference between thinking of suicide and actually being suicidal. Would you ever actually pull the trigger? Have you ever made plans? Would you rather live than die?

>>17706993
Why would people take your guns away? Are we talking firearms of testicles?

>>17707062

I live in Washington. Also I assume NICS would prevent me from purchasing new guns in the event of a diagnosis.

>Are we talking firearms of testicles?
wat

>>17707011
The crazy mom is likely to make the kid off themselves too lol. Also growing up at best not knowing their fathers gonna fuck them up, or at worst knowing theyre the reason their father wants to fucking die but is staying alive out of some dumb obligation. Thats a great feeling on the kid. Like the kids gonna wake up every morning going "Wowee I sure feel so excited knowing my dad, someone I love, is in an incredible amount of pain every single day and hopes someone will knife him in an ally just so he can escape it all, and it's allllll thanks to me! Wow I have such a great life!"
Honestly the best course of action is for the mom to not be selfish and fucking abort the damn thing while she can.

I never understood this whole mentality of "Oh suicidal people youre so selfish!!!1" in general.
Like you really think the dude ready to kill himself gives a fuck about being selfish? He won't be anything at all in a little while. The selfish ones are the ones asking someone to live like that just for their own personal gain.

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Same here anon. Same here.

Been fantasizing about killing myself for 6 years. Every time I fuck something up, or something goes wrong, I think about killing myself or wish I was dead, but then I congratulate myself for making as far as I have without doing it.

I too, often feel like jumpin off the railwaybridge near mine and stepping in front of the bus/tube during my commute.

Im not in a bad position job wise, i just dont feel like going on to be honest. Just not really feeling it.

>>17707104
Having low T doesn't remove the rights of owning firearms. What the fuck dude.

>>17704745
>think about killing myself every day because I'm a loser with no social skills, no friends, never held a girl's hand, and crippling insecurity and lack of confidence
>realise that I actually have potential if only I could develop some self esteem
>realise that I've been trying to overcome this for years without a shred of success
>feel even worse than I did before

I just keep spiralling down and down and down. In my low points I know that I can't keep this up my whole life, I'll have to kill myself at some point if I can't change. I'm already a 26 year old loser and every year that passes without change makes me realise I'm drifting further away from what I want to be as a person. I can't imagine being 40 and still in the same state as I am, but that's where I'm headed.

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>>17707746
You're stuck in a depressive cycle. You need to break out of it. That's the only way. What don't you like about yourself? If you're overweight, work to lose weight. If you feel socially inept, go to a bar and meet some people.

It's not going to be easy but you can do it. It will be hard work

>>17707724

That depends on what the State of Washington deems probable cause for seizing firearms under I-1491.

>>17707769

>If you feel socially inept, go to a bar and meet some people.
Anon that's typically the problem with being socially inept...

>>17707769
>and meet some people.
Not him, but at my age people will find me weird for all the mannerisms I have accumulated.

>>17707782
>>17707785
Yeah, maybe that was a poor choice of words. I still stand by what I said. Depression is something you need to work at. It's not something that'll just go away if you hope long enough

>>17707782
Your tinfoil is showing

>>17707789

Right, I agree with your underlying premise.

>>17707798

Whatever m8, I'm not trying to thrust some grand conspiracy worldview on you, I'm just explaining my own risk-reward assessment.

>>17707769
>What don't you like about yourself?
Everything. Physically I have a very weak chin and jaw, it's just plain ugly and so I hide it with a huge hobo beard. I'm a bit short, I'm weak, I have a small dick. The only thing going for me physically is I have nice hair.
Mentally I just cannot carry a conversation with other people. I will literally mix up words and sound retarded, and that's when I'm not mumbling so badly I can't be understood. With casual conversation the majority of the time I cannot even think of how to respond to a person, if they say something I just stare or look away and laugh in that little insecure way some people do. If I say something it usually comes out wrong anyway. My parents got concerned enough about that they set me up with a therapist and one of the things he recommended was getting out to stores and things more, having small talk with cashiers when I buy things. The more I did it the worse I felt because after talking to the same person several times I felt like I was expected to say something a little more than hello, thanks, and bye. I've tried talking to people online but I run out of things to say after a single conversation. In the real world I see people get along with people I know better in a week than I do after knowing them for years. I can't make anyone laugh and any sort of emotional reaction makes me want to die anyway. Inversely I can't express emotions and that makes it hard to establish any rapport with others.
I've had friends call me boring and I'll always remember the time a girl I was friends with thought it would be good to tell me that I would never have a girlfriend. I don't blame them because it's all true, and I say friends in a very loose sense because I don't feel a connection to these people despite knowing them for a long time.
TL;DR nothing worth reading anyway, but it feels good to say it once in a while

>>17704745
Just commit sudoku already
solving newspaper puzzles will clear your mind

>>17707836
I share your pain anon.

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>>17707851

You're alright.

>>17707865
Thanks man, that's why I like this website. Nowhere else can you find such a group of like-minded people.

>>17707898
Have you ever felt thus difficulty? I know I was always the weird guy since middle-school.

>>17707900
It's hard to know for sure. I was more outgoing as a child, I had actual friends, but at the same time I can identify memories which are completely consistent with my current state. People telling me they weren't interested in playing with me, staring at the ground when with others because I couldn't think of what to say, and other small things like that. It's hard to know if they've been coloured by my current mentality though. I was at least always a bit weird too.

>>17707942
That's such a shitty situation because there's no clear origin and therefore a solution. It feels that that's just like we really are and there's no way out, and I personally feel that I don't deserve to be happy or having connections like other people because it's all my fault.

>>17707982
Yeah, sometimes when I'm really angry I like to blame my parents (not actually say anything to them) but honestly I'm 26 years old, I'm responsible for myself now and it's on me to change. I just can't seem to do it.

>>17707942
You sound like me. I was really outgoing as a kid and I wouldn't even bat an eye if any of the other kids didn't want to play. I was almost too outgoing on retrospect. Like it annoyed some people and even got me in trouble in school. Then I went to camp one summer and I'm not entirely sure what happened exactly but I came back super introverted, never really wanted to do anything and just couldn't carry a conversation normally anymore. I was kind of humbled I guess. It was like that episode of King of the Hill where Joseph comes back from camp and he's super awkward for the rest of the series

From your thread responses, I feel you have an underlying mental condition, especially with your paranoia.

How old are you?

>>17708257
24

>>17708257

Who are you speaking to, exactly?

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>>17707982
>>17708024