Borderline personality disorder

>>17703654
You can't, eventually you'll fuck shit up, that's why it's a disorder.

>>17703660
bpd here, can confirm. only way to do it is to never get close to anybody. but nearly all humans, especially bpd folk, crave closeness with *someone*.

honestly the best way I've found to have lasting friendships is to
>learn from my mistakes
>learn to own my mistakes, not play the blame game
>try not to beat myself up too much if I lose a friend, because honestly it happens to everyone, bpd or not
>cherish your friendships with other people who have personality disorders and with those who have a high tolerance for crazy
>don't put up with a bunch of toxic shit from friends, there is a HUGE difference between your average occasional thoughtless act/comment and someone who's toxic, learn to know the difference so you know when to forgive people and when to kick them to the curb
>yup, forgive people when they hurt you, doesn't mean you have to let them back in your life but learn to forgive them
>also forgive yourself

seems like a big long laundry list of stuff, and honestly I'm 40 and not good at all those things. but I am better at them than I used to be! and as a result I have some good close friendships.

one thing about bpd is it gives you intimacy issues - you want people close but you don't, you need validation but you don't want it, shit like that. can be very confusing. make a conscious effort to cut through those contradicting thoughts. one thing I've found is that when you have conflicting thoughts, usually one is motivated by desire and the other by fear. identify which is which and address the cause of the fear. then it's easier to cut through your brain's bullshit and get to what's best for yourself and your friendships.

sorry for wall of text. hope this helped a bit.

>>17703654
try not to rant to your friends about your life theyll just stop talking to you gradually and make you feel worse or better depends how you take the loss

>>17703654
and you should ask someone to hold your debit card for you because i have - 39 in my bank and i couldnt care less "sometimes"

Just ended a relationship with my gf of 3 years who had BPD. Still love her so much, first girl Id ever been happy with. But there was a lot we had to get through together, her flashbacks, panic attacks, jealousy of truly innocuous stuff. Distrust despite my absolute honesty, getting mad when I needed to sleep early, go to school, work long hours, when I didn't buy flowers every week, and especially that I didn't want to get married YET.. I sure as fuck wanted to be with her though I just wanted to try to help her manage everything a bit better.

I had my own problems too, addiction, anxiety etc.. and I worked hard to fix them so they didn't affect either of us, but she did no such thing so I ended things. Hardest thing I've ever done and it feels like a mistake even though I know and everyone I trust says it was the right and only thing to do

Was it a mistake? You guys have a very unique perspective

>>17703735
may i correct, dont follow the desire and listen to your fear.

>>17703762
Please move on. I've been through it. I know the signs. She's the emotional abuser -- yet she can't help it.

Worse yet, you're co-dependent. Which explains why you have such a hard time leaving. So just please don't go back.

BPD isn't a matter of if they'll ruin your life, it's a matter of when. And you're lucky you came out relatively unscathed. I'm serious.

>>17703777
>BPD isn't a matter of if they'll ruin your life, it's a matter of when.
Any reason why BPD people shouldn't become heros? If they love the people around them they should remove themselves right?

>>17703777
Thank you my friend. It means a lot to hear that, and that's exactly what my counselor told me.

I was the codependent, but I really wanted to protect her from ever feeling bad, and now i get emails and texts from her saying how much I hurt her.

This will be best for us in the end right? I did the only thing I could do?

>>17703799
Well, it's a disorder. It's hard to break, but like with any disorder it can be done.

The tragic thing about BPD is that they'll never actually admit to themselves that they are broken. To do so would mean actually acknowledging something so deeply hurting to them or some repression -- this is near impossible. It just goes against BPD.

Anyway, I found that the BPDs that I knew in my life weren't always fucking shit up with their family or friends -- they just made it extremely hard to deal with, and I don't say this lightly.

But for those unfortunate few that end up dating BPDs, it can become hell. Sure, not every BPD is like this, but given enough time, you bet it'll turn out this way. Especially if they don't have even an ounce of control over their emotions you'll outright abuse, daily emotional pity parties, etc.

It's sad knowing that the one thing they fear the most is abandonment, but they act so toxic -- without out knowing it -- that they push their lovers away. A perpetual cycle. And a cycle most can't break.

In short? I truly think for the sake of others around them (and may be even for themselves), they should have an hero.

>>17703814
That's the thing. While you're trying to protect her from being hurt -- which by the way is never going to actually happen -- you're actually the one causing it.

Fucked up. I know. But to BPDs, this is how it works. Every misunderstanding, every slight, is just one more thing to hold against you when you leave. Don't take it seriously -- this is how they are.

Something tells me that often BPDs have had an extremely traumatic experience as a child, or perhaps they were harshly neglected (often by their mothers), which leaves them constantly hurting. It's as if their emotional stability was stunted the moment they actually processed the trauma -- and the brain stops emotionally developing then and there.

You know that black and white thinking they have? It'll never stop.

The constant anxiety? Neither will that.

Nothing you do will ever help them. They're like toddlers except in a grown-up's body, throwing tantrums every moment they perceive someone has hurt them. I'm generalizing, yes, but this is only what I think of BPD.

You just can't help her. It was the right thing to do. Just hope to god she'll get help, but don't push it on her -- to her, it'll cause her anxiety and insecurities to get worse. Because, she'll think to herself, "he sees that I'm broken, I can't have this, he won't love me anymore" but in reality, you're letting her know so that she can become happier

>>17703654
You cant, get ready for a life of alcohol abuse, unwanted pregnancies and daily extreme self loathing.

t, Male BPD

>>17703847
This is the most powerful thing I've ever gotten from 4chan.. that's more than ANYONE could ever explain about her, thank you so so much man.. and that's her, btw she was repeatedly raped and abused as a preteen/ 9-10 year old by a neighbor