If you could go back in time for 5 minutes and only interact

>>17702163
i would tell myself to study instead of starting another episode of galavant

>>17702163
I'd go back to high school and tell myself to lose weight and all tell myself the names of all the chicks who wanted to fuck me.

I'd go back to high school and tell myself not to take any shit and that my low self esteem isn't cute and not to focus so much on boys and what they want.

You're not just fat and lazy, you are sick. You have a tumor in your pituitary gland -in your brain- that is fucking you up royally. You will be labeled as disabled in the future because of it. These 'F's that you're getting in college, the weight gain, the depression... It's all connected.

If that doesn't get you off your ass, you will develop partial blindness in one eye. The vision isn't gone, but it's going. So, what do you do? Go to a doctor. Don't listen to your mother, she doesn't know fucking shit about any of this. You are not accountable for any of this. None of this is your fault, like you think it is. Do not own up to this because you have nothing to own up to. You did nothing wrong. Go. See. A. Doctor. Now.

I will abort myself as a fetus. Life is not worth it.

i would go back to high school and tell myself to not get depressed over getting kicked out, which eventually got me a chronic illness and several hospitalizations

http://youtu.be/Red3R17FlUQ

>>17702163
i would say get a loan to move to canada fuck your parents

I would go back 1 day and tell myself the lottery numbers

Don't let that girl walk all over you and don't give her so much attention.

You think you're gonna be happy with him, but he will lie to you. He's going to go behind your back for the other girl you forgot about. He will lie to you. And you're going to think about him and that pain you felt every single day for the rest of your life.

Don't take any shit. Get into more fights if it means standing up for yourself because nothing you do before age 18 even matters.

Don't stop working out because you got depressed, working out is the killer of depression.

Don't go to community college, go to a 4-year and study general ed so that you don't feel unmotivated as fuck when you realize your major isn't something you want to do.

Don't take cash advances. Don't even get a credit card.

Don't smoke as much weed or even quit smoking weed if you can muster. All that money could be spent elsewhere.

Stop trying to be perfect.

Just try to see if girls wanna fuck, beating around the bush is a waste of time.

That cute girl that lives like 2 miles away wants you to fuck her lifeless. Go do that.

>>17702163
Hi me, please quickly google: Bitcoins, Java+Minecraft, Hasbro, /pol/, getting rid of introverted personalities and "How to be a good entrepreneur, video game director, animation director, project director". Don't think about off

Ok thanks for your time. I'll be going now. Please do not off yourself and please get rid of your autism.

1: kill myself at a young age so future me won't suffer.

(Unless I can't do it) 2: Don't be afraid of risks. It's worse to wonder what could have been. Instead of knowing it.

>>17702163
i would go back to 2001 and tell myself to bust my ass earning money and invest everything into google and apple, and tell myself exactly when to sell to maximize profit.

>>17702163
Month before highschool.
Tell me not to freak out.
Write this down
You're gonna meet Lauren in art class. She thinks your kinda cute and will like you after a month of school. Try to date and fuck her. Brandon will probably hate you because of this.
Work out like crazy. A lot of girl will like you at first but only fuck the following people. Lauren, abby, Christine. Stop playing with Legos and action figures. Study hard the first year please. Highschool will be so much easier. Don't be afraid of all the black people. Ben is a fagget but an okay friend. Matteo is your friend. Play volleyball as much as you can. Try out for the team. Try playing volleyball with your friends. Play at windycity and ask to be the volleyball girl manager. Actually email amanda not the asian at school and ask to help out. Lauren will be there don't be autistic. Try to learn from amanda. Don't fuck linda. Luis is a faggot. Buy skinny jeans for your freshman year, also do good in math because they'll move you up a class and you can hang with omar. Lorenzo ends up dropping out. Try to plant the idea that dropping out is bad. Misa is cool. Senior year buy ripped jeans. Invest in Nintendo with your money. Flor is crazy junior year and has a fake baby. Yes it's crazy. Fuvk abby in the ass. DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH ABBY, DON'T FIGHT ANYONE FOR HER. DUMP HER AFTER 6 MONTHS. Don't fuck Christine without a condom. Tell her that David just date whoever is close to him and that he's gay. She's pretty funny and accepting of your man child shit. You can marry her if you want. Buy a ps3 and fallout nv. golden state win 2014/15 then the Cavs 15/16. Bet money on that

Welcome to high school.

Take care of yourself like a normal human would.

You'll make some good friends over the next few years. They'll not betray you or some shit I promise. Most of them even come back home from college.

You won't get a relationship with the petite fiery girl. She's a good friend in the future though but I'm saving you some trouble now. Don't let her control you.

Keep the girl from KY. She's fantastic and you should help her stop being so afraid of the world instead of getting upset with her over it. She's not experienced in anything and is just nervous.

There's going to be some heartaches you have to go through. You use to be a prick and you need to see how it feels to be on the other end of that.

You'll have two friends who marry and fight all the time. Don't get involved. If she starts to talk about how she wished you two had got together after high school don't listen. I don't know if she's serious or not, but I didn't pursue it and it still ended up ruining things.

If you're interested in something pursue that. Don't read up on it, and then let the time investment scare you off. You can do lots of cool shit if you keep at it.

You don't know what to do with yourself at 26. That's fine. A lot of people get upset the moment they graduate and start working. At least you're not in debt over it.

You're not perfect and no one expects you to be. It's fine to try new things and it's fine to drop other things. It's not fine to numb yourself. You don't deserve the bad things that come with your family and you should leave. Save your mother from them too.

Here are the lottery ticket numbers for every big jackpot for the next 10 years. Give some to your friends and make sure you're all set. Don't become an asshole. Live semi simply and off interest. Donate what goes beyond that.

You're doing fine bud. Life wouldn't be fun if I spoiled everything for you.

Start brushing your teeth, though *big ugly nasty toothed smile*

>>17702174
Low self esteem is cute though.

>>17702824
Or maybe stop yourself form getting kicked out?

I would go back to like Summer last year, and Tell my self.

1) Lose weight and get into shape
2) Be more assertive and confident around M
4) Tell R to fuck off if her tries to get between M and I
3) Study more

>>17702163
I'd go back to when I was a kid, tell myself to talk my mum out of marrying an asshole abusive stepfather she is now divorced from, tell myself not to mouthbreathe, and to let my mum know if I can't breathe well through nose, and tell myself not to slide under ramps like a retard, cuz you will end up with a broken nose and asymmetric eyes.

It's not one thing, anon. It can never be just one thing.

Ahem.

You've fallen in love for the first time. The same day you tell him you love him, he's going to tell your friend that he loves her. And she will tell you. And he never tells you whether he likes you or not. And it will hurt more than you thought it ever could.

But wait, we're not done yet.

A year later you'll fall for a girl for the first time. Long, dark brown hair. More socially awkward than you, I mean she makes you look like a social butterfly. But she doesn't feel the same. And it's an awkward split. Which sucks, because you two were good friends and you should have kept in touch. Turns out you weren't a lesbian after all, you just loved her more than you loved yourself.

The following years you're guarded. You've been hurt, and no one looks at you as a romantic interest. You don't fit in and you dress like a moron and you're not a skinny blonde girl. You're big, but you're not fat. You're tall, you're stout, you're strong. Your knee caps are the size of softballs. You buy baggy clothes and give zero fucks if your hair is wet when you show up to school.

I really did like you, back then. Much better than I like you now.

And then, it happens again. Slower, this time. You fall for someone who works with you and it's... Good. For a while. He spends time with you, he does things he doesn't want to do because it makes you happy, you talk about things he can't STAND and he listens to you. You bake for him. You cook for him. You boost his ego... Probably more than you should have. And you come to love him. But as the years go on it becomes clear to you that you don't belong with him. You both begin to grow up. He's handsome. He's popular. He's apparently got a big dick because holy shit it's high school and the boys won't stop talking about it because what is homo... And you stay the same. He moved on before you had a chance to be brave.

And then you turn bitter. Because you've always been 'brave'.

You're 15, get your shit together.
Your dad may not have cared for you in the past, but thats just because he wasn't able to, he's old and ill. Give him a break, he tries so hard to make you happy, even if it doesn't seem like that.
You're right about your mother though, you should visit your brother more often. Don't mind her.
You're gonna get a lot of complaints from other people for sometimes no reason at all, but you shouldn't keep quiet and just let it happen, stand up, and when you got something to say, say it, you think so much but you rarely talk.
You'll do good in school, you don't have to worry, you'll find your purpose soon enough.
Don't think about love until you finally get yourself back on track.
Life's gonna be fun soon, trust me.

>>17702163
Back to freshman year of college. Don't get a social science major. Do NOT take the LSAT. Your score will make it seem stupid not to go to law school, but it's not worth it and will make you miserable.

That's all I'd need to hear and my life would be totally different.

>>17703703
You've always been the one who has initiated everything. You've always been the one who's laid her feelings out on the table and waited for a response. That's all you do is WAIT. Waiting for someone to get back to you, waiting for someone to open up to you, just waiting.

And then it's 2012. And you got sick.

You didn't realize it at first, but you went insane. You went absolutely insane. You made up a partner for yourself. Ollie never existed. You bought jewelry for yourself, you wrote letters to yourself, and you believed that it was real. You didn't lie to anyone, you BELIEVED it was real. You created a fantasy to live in and you legitimately fell for it. You created more than just him, you created friends, you created places, and even though you would tell that lie from time to time, you were the only one who believed it. But it's too embarrassing to admit, so as far as Ollie goes you lied that someone was playing a joke on you. Your fake friends that you swore were real? You just don't talk to "them" any more.

At first I thought you created your own world and people who loved you because you were lonely. But now I know it's because you were ill. And you've just now realized they don't exist.

The boy you worked with... You went after his sister next. Not as a romantic option, but for sex. She was curious about being with a girl and you just wanted to lose it. But you had changed. Your skin had turned splotchy. Your figure had swollen up for no reason. Your eyes had sunken in and your hair began to thin. You became physically undesirable. You bought a hotel room for the night. And she never showed. She claimed it was because she was nervous, but you know better.

And then Kris happened.

(I'm sorry for taking up all this space, holy shit, this is like the best confessional I've ever had.)

>>17703734
Your first online thing. Oh boy. You loved Kris. You LOVED Kris. At first it was just a friendship, she lied about being a gay male in the beginning. Some part of you knew, but you didn't really care.

Sexuality was a big topic between you two. And then one night, late night, she texted you that she might have needed therapy because she wanted to be male. You reassured her there was nothing wrong with this. You told her to wait a few years before making any huge changes. You supported her and she just kind of never texted you back.

Looking back, she was probably going through a lot. And six months later you two started talking again. She was good. You weren't. You remained sick, unaware to being ill. You just thought you were ugly. But then you went off to college and something... Happened. 2014, something happened. You fell for another one, again. Only this time was different. You were hurt. You were angry. You were ugly.

You bottled it up for months. MONTHS. And then she was attacked. She and her group of friends were attacked on a bus by a gang. She was okay, just scared. And it terrified you. You cried for nights afraid that you were going to never even speak to her again. So you decided to be brave again.

She never gave you an answer. And you never talk to her again.

>>17703756
Now you're just angry. You are just fucking furious at the world. Time after time again you try to do what people tell you. Grab the bull by the horns, seize the day, you continue to open yourself up and you keep getting hurt. And it destroys you.

Why are you like this? Why do you have to be the one who gets her heart broken over and over again? Why can't you be the little bitch that sits quiet in the back of the room and keeps her feelings to herself? At this point you have more than enough evidence that says it's not them, it's you. But you don't know what the fucking problem is and you can't figure it the fuck out because no one will tell you. No one will talk to you.

You revert to solitude. And you break. You try to kill yourself, twice. Both times unsuccessful because apparently you're immune to like 10 packets of Benadryl and you're too heavy for the ceiling fan to hold you. It's an old house, everything's built very shittily. You don't go out. You continue to be sick. And you get sicker.

Then you start playing a game you never should have played. A popular game you decided to just play on a whim. And in the beginning it's fun. It is just the best time ever. You are fucking stoked and happier than you've been in a long time. And then things change, people move on, you try to find your place again.

And wouldn't you fucking know it, someone says hi to you out of nowhere.

Keep walking away. Ignore it. Do. Not. Respond.

But you don't. You say hi back.

>>17703783
You've found a rag tag team of people, some old some new. And the next year to follow is one of the best that you've had. You begin to heal. You drop 50 pounds in 6 months. You make small buddies, not really friends, but buddies. And it's nice. And there's one that you talk to more than others. He's a little younger than you, a little scraggly, a little shorter. And he's smart. Arrogant, but smart. And you kinda dig it.

But fucking shit, look at your track record. You're guarded. And often drunk. Then, your computer breaks. And you give all of your buddies your phone number in case they want to keep in touch. You bond closer to some than others. You talk to them a lot. You have a job, too. And it's getting good.

But then you make a mistake. You make a big mistake. You get brave. One year and two weeks ago you took a chance that you never should have taken. You start to really like one of your buddies. It's not an intense love like before, it can't be. You've got a wall up. But somehow the weasel managed to get you to tell him that you liked him.

But this time it was different. He likes you back. This has never happened before. And it feels good. He's nice. He's kind. He's sweet. He spends a lot of time with his family, but he always makes room to talk with you. In over two decades this has never happened to you before. And it feels amazing. For the first time in your life things look bright. You work every day, saving up to plan a trip for the two of you. And you get in trouble a lot for texting him during work hours.

Christmas rolls around. And he's not there any more. Which, I mean, it's Christmas. It's a family season. He's busy. You're not very busy, but you know he is.

You know he is.

I would go back to the day my brother killed himself and give him a hug.

>>17703829
The messages come in fewer and fewer. All that you get are 'hey's and 'aw's. You try hard to initiate conversation because you've... Really grown to love this person. You understand it's kind of a silly little "relationship". And who knows. You're probably desperate for love that's actually requited.

Nope.

He doesn't love you anymore. The night before you leave for college he says he doesn't want to be with you. Out of nowhere. Just out of nowhere. At first it doesn't do anything to you. You just stare at the screen. It doesn't register.

Give it a minute.

THEN it fucking registers.

I'll be honest, /adv/, >>17702924 is me. Just wanted to elaborate a little bit because it's been eating me up inside.

He goes behind your back with a girl he's tried to be with before. A childhood friend. Something you've never had and something you have no hope of competing with. But he doesn't just tell you, you have to pry the truth out of him. You ASSAULT every messaging system known to man to get an answer out of him. You lay awake night after night, physically sick thinking about him going with another girl. Dream after dream about him leaving you, and good god, I apologize to my dorm mate for crying so much. Gave you a heads up when we first met, but still. Sorryyyy.

Somehow you do really well in school that year. To be honest, by now you should just expect this. This is how things are, this is how things have always been. And then shit kind of hits the fan. You fall. A lot. You get dizzy. A LOT. You start to gain back weight eating at 1000 calories a day and continue to do the human equivalent to molting until you finally go to the fucking doctor.

>>17702163
Shoot myself when I was a baby, so I wouldn't have to endure the torture that is existence.

id go back to when i was 22 and give myself a bunch of shit for being such a fag. i think it would have done some good

Back to year 2009. I would say I needed to work better on myself and forget about girls and stuff like that. Just study more, get to college asap and don't slip on the course.

>>17703859
You have... A lot of illnesses. It's not just one thing. You still don't know the extent of what you have. You're still learning things every day. And you continue to be ugly. You're medicated, but you don't really improve. Some things get better. A lot just stay the same. A lot gets worse.

Go figure the year you've decided you want a daughter you find out you can't have kids. And even if you could, you wouldn't. You don't know all of what you have, but you don't wish it upon anybody. You wouldn't dream about having a child at direct risk to get half of what you have.

But he's back. Well. He says he wants to come back. He says he still loves you. Don't believe it. You're a back up plan. You give him a very wary second chance, and nothing noteworthy happens, but the day you find out some of your illnesses he says he doesn't know if he wants to be with you. Again. You say fuck it and end it right there.

Before you did you should have asked him why he stopped liking you. Because even though he's wanted to be friends for a long time you two don't talk anymore. It's just you. Infertile, ugly, very much unattractive you. People look at you and they just feel sorry for you. You'd almost rather them feel disgusted by you. You're young, but what does that matter. By the time you even have hope to get better you'll be halfway done through life.

No one's here. Your friends have gone. Everyone you've loved just leaves you. And you have no idea why outside of looking in the mirror and seeing what they see.

When you started writing this you just wanted to get things off your chest. But now it's hit you. It doesn't get better. You just end up more and more hurt. You're alone. Your mother is the only person holding your hand through this. She is financially burdened by you. You're too sick to work. You're too hideous to be desirable. You should be done with college by now, but thanks to your demons and your illnesses you've been pushed back by at least a year.

I'd go back to when I was 18, before I had any experience with girls, give myself a copy of Models by Mark Manson and tell myself to read it. I'd tell myself not to rush into settling down with a girl or moving out and have fun fucking around for a few years. Also, I'd tell myself to sort out my style/clothing and to join the gym.

>>17703902
You have a meeting to get to, so you'll clean up and go. But you'll probably pass out later today because there's something inside of your head that's fucking you up. The doctors think it's permanent inner ear damage, but no one's sure. It just means more tests which means more money which means more strain on your mother. If you weren't around she could move home to her family. She could go be with her mother and her brother, her aunts and her uncles. The only thing holding her here is you. Quit being the rock that holds her down.

You think you have a lot to think about, but you don't. You're not alive for yourself any longer. You have no future. No one wants to be with you, your track record proves it. You're trying for nothing. Everything about you is disgusting and awful. You can't even do the one thing a woman's meant to do. It's over. It's actually over. There is no further point for you to be alive. You are living a pointless existence, so end it. The only people who would notice are people who would be better off without you.

I don't really know why I'm even typing this out anymore. I think it's over. I think it's done.

I guess I'll hit 'Post' to round it out. If you got nothing else out of it, hopefully it was an amusing read. Sorry.

>>17703862
Edgy

I wouldn't say anything. Hopefully, my depressed sack of shit looking appearance would be enough motivation for my younger, happier self to change.