Did I dodge a bullet or shoot myself? Let me explain a little

>>17698386
Assuming it isn't your kid? You did the right thing getting the fuck outta there, even if she was a mentally sound 10/10 raising some other dudes kid is just shit. You'll never be its "real" father, always playing second fiddle to the biological dad in the kids eyes, plus you'd have to hang around the dude you got your gf pregnant semi frequently assuming he has visitation in at least some way.

You don't need any more drugs to take away your problems, by turning the chick down you've already avoided your biggest future problem.

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>>17698407
Yeah the kid isn't mine, I always felt awkward being around him even tho he's cool/cute. The real dad is several states away and wants nothing to do with either of them so I don't think that would have been a concern. She hasn't "ended" it yet but it's absolutely inevitable. It hurts way more than it should, we were only together for like 4 months. I thought the first love hurts the most thing was a meme

>>17698460
>I thought the first love hurts the most thing was a meme
nah its not. you'll move on though, trust me. If you want to move on faster, try focusing on the things that you disliked about her if you ever think of her. It might be a kinda toxic way of ending it all, but its a surefire way to quell any feelings of romance/lust you still might feel towards her.

>>17698386
>The cons: has a 2 year old kid

That's an immediate no. No. Just break it off.

>>17698616
>>17698618
Thanks guys. I'm always going to wonder why I wasn't good enough tho, and why this happened all of a sudden. I never wanted to raise the kid, but I was willing to raise him because I liked her so much, or at least give it a shot. Like if I'm not good enough for a bastard kid and a single mom, what's the point of doing anything

Page 10 bump

>>17698821
Oh God no. She sounded insane with a track of bad choices behind her. Definitely dodged a bullet. No one "good" would ever be good enough for her. That has to do with her poor decision making ability which is evident by:

>21 already has a kid (bad life decision; no planning)
>Dad not in picture (bad judge of character)
>Attractive, but somehow still insecure (mental issues)
>Moving so quickly (desperation)
>Demanding so much, so quickly (desperation)
>Wanting to change YOU (irony, motherfucker)
>Anxious and Depressed (unable to handle her own problems, let alone yours)

She knows her life is a sinking ship. She's looking for the "best" way out. She's looking for a dream come true, but she's too stupid to realize she's already used up, and damaged goods to boot. You're so lucky!

>>17700054
Thank you for all the replies guys. It makes me feel better but still sad. I feel like I got emotionally played, does that make sense? Like between her needing constant reassurance several times a day I love her, and getting to know the kid more, just to have her be the one to start questioning everything and not wanting to be together all of a sudden makes no sense to me. Maybe her mental problems are bigger than I originally thought. I already have my own lifelong depression and anxieties I battle everyday, I really don't need anymore stress.


How do I get over the kinky, fetish, nasty sex? I was originally in it exclusively for this, but then all her insecurities came out and I acted on them foolishly

>>17700128
She's not the only one. Besides, it was probably a ploy to manipulate you into doing with you what she wanted anyway. Just consider yourself lucky because she lost interest.

First love is difficult to get over, but nowhere near impossible. Find a healthy relationship, and you'll look back and understand the bullet you dodged.

lol, that's like every single red flag in the book, if that doesn't count as dodging a bullet nothing will.

You should be more worried about how the hell did you end up in a relationship with someone like that in the first place. Well, ultimately you did the right choice. Live and learn.

>>17698386
how in the fuck do you get yourself in a situation a girl with a two year old is your first love. Fuck her and run. Other guys, including the baby daddy did and there will be dozens more after you. RUN

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>>17700153
>Besides, it was probably a ploy to manipulate you into doing with you what she wanted anyway

I felt this very shortly after being together with me, I always felt like she had an agenda of some sort.

>>17700167
>You should be more worried about how the hell did you end up in a relationship with someone like that in the first place

Alright, there are multiple reasons. First, we fucked the first time we ever hung out, I was more in it for a hit and quit but she seemed to really like me a lot, so we got together, and hell it was good for a while, but I guess after a bit her insecurities kicked in and then she wanted to rush into the relationship at full fucking speed. So there are multiple reasons, but the main bullet points of how I got myself into it are simple: sexually deprived, wanted more sex, thought our relationship would be stable, etc.

>>17700891
>there will be dozens more after you

Is it mad this makes me incredibly sad to think about? To the point where I tear up like a fag?

>>17698386

The son isn't the issue, it's her personal red flags. Don't let these anons (including me I suppose?) act like you should be worried about kids on anything more than a case by case basis, if the mother is not fucked up it'd be fine.

But she is fucked up. And you were about to get used, man. If you aren't certain she's looking out for you the way you'd look out for her, move along.

>>17701506
>Is it mad this makes me incredibly sad to think about? To the point where I tear up like a fag?

Well, she is your "first love." You just still have these feelings of caring for her. Once you let them die (which you should because she was basically looking to use you, and that's not cool), you'll no longer be all faggy. Don't worry about it too much.

>>17702420
It's like I know this but can't accept it. I'm in denial of what I already know. Maybe part of it was because I thought that "i" would be the one to break it off considering her deep feelings towards me. Or maybe it's shock, cuz I seriously didn't see this coming.
>>17702994
I was looking into borderline personality disorder and I'm wondering if she has that. I would feel guilty somehow if she did. Somewhere in life I've developed feelings I didn't know I had, do drugs suppress emotions? When I was with her I basically stopped, but prior to that I was always curved, like for years at a time.

>>17703546
God, you are sprung like a motherfucker. Anon, you'll get over it. She was no good. Eventually you'll realize that.

>>17698386
most people in their early thirties will already have children anyways, so why not settle down with someone you actually care about?

they'll be gone by the time they hit 18 if things go right, and you don't have to be their parent (most kids don't want you to be, anyways).

nothing says you have to act like the kid's father if you date her.

>>17700128
>>17700054

I change what I said earlier about dating her despite having a child, if she has this many issues, it sounds like the real issue isn't her having a child but her in general.
Not worth the hassle and pain.

as for the sex, find someone else. if the sex isn't great, teach them what you like and vice versa, it isn't that hard to have mind blowing sex. everyone is capable of learning what the other likes

>>17698386
I've gone through this myself. She's got borderline personality disorder and you were codependent.

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>>17704595
You're right, in the long run its really not worth the pain or hassle. Not to mention I can barley take care of myself, much less a girl and her child (economically and physically). Just sucks dick looking back on everything. I didn't want to like her, was just looking for a fuck, but overtime she wore me down man. She's had multiple relationship problems in the past, which should have been a red flag, but I guess maybe I took advantage of it? Thinking she wouldn't hook up with me; or best case scenario "I" would break it off. You're right about the sex, I suppose. I feel like the majority of girls aren't going to be as open minded as her though which really blows.

>>17704609
I had to Google codependency because apparently I'm fucking retarded. You may have hit the nail on the head here. I didn't feel "obligated" to help her or be with her, but after hearing about her past relationships, trust issues, personal problems, mental issues and child issues, I wanted to help her and be there for her even tho I'm broke as shit and can't take care of myself.

I must have issues too, ones I didn't know I had.

>>17704836
i was pretty much in same situation and trust me you dodged bullet and NEVER EVER GO BACK TO HER! NEVER! stick to your decision!

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>>17704924
She ended it on a "let's take a 2 week break and see what happens note". I'm not holding my fucking breath. I feel like if I can make it past a week without feeling like complete shit, by the time week 2 approaches I should be alright. I think I'll have enough self control to not go back if she actually follows thru, but hey, I'm a fucking idiot, take a look at this thread.

>>17704924
Share your experience anon.

>>17704924
>>17705682
Seriously want to hear your experience. I hope you see this. If anyone else had a similar experience please share

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>>17700054
[triggering commences]

> (bad life decision; no planning)
Little clue there, Dexter: birth control is only 99% effective. If you fuck even 2x a week, within a year there's a good chance it will fail at least once. Do the math.

> Dad not in picture (bad judge of character)
Yes, don't blame the guy for running off and not facing his responsibilities. Blame the girl for not being the Amazing Creskin.

> Attractive, but somehow still insecure (mental issues)
The only mental problem I see there is being a woman. If you want a mate that is never insecure, lrn2suck dick. Oh wait, you already did.

> Anxious and Depressed
I see you know nothing about being a parent, let alone a single one. You try and survive for a year with only 2 hours sleep a night, with a hungry little one that you HAVE to feed (And you can't just shove Ramen in its face when the funds get low), literally handling someone else's shit at 3 am, and let's see how it affects your happiness.

OP, single mothers are Expert Mode. Right out of the gate, you don't have the belly to handle that jelly. Stick with 18-year old barflies: they are at your level.

>>17706986
So much of an expert she can barely keep her shit together. Yeah, you're right. She's a keeper. OP, you're an idiot for not wanting to raise another guy's child and deal with this woman's emotional problems and baggage even though you're still young and have so many other options.

You're a fucking idiot. Enjoy being a used up whore, tho.

>>17707018
This probably helped me more than you thought. I need more of this. What else you got? Keep it coming.

>>17707531
1/10 lol

>>17706986
Somebody actually sat down and typed this.

>>17706986
>Little clue there, Dexter: birth control is only 99% effective. If you fuck even 2x a week, within a year there's a good chance it will fail at least once. Do the math.

What is, gambler's fallacy?

>>17707557
Not enough sting, too meme like.
You didn't even try.

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>>17698386
>>17706986
>OP, single mothers are Expert Mode.

>Implying you need a certain level of competence to be fucked and dumped.

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>>17698407
yes maybe you did or maybe she just wanted someone to ultimately make her feel so important loved and not feeling scared of the kat she saw herself as. If she had a man to truely love her and show her how to act maybe she would get over her insecurities. she loves you shes a unicorn shes a princess. love her give her a chance and you'll never regret it xxooxxoo blessing your love.
sincerely LOVEKat

>>17708540
Is this really advice or copy pasta?
Either way we're talking about 2 week break, her idea. I'm treating as a break up tho. I really need to move the fuck on it guese.

>>17707627
Some single moms Are really greT people

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>>17698386
>has a kid

ABORT ABORT ABORT

you absolutely made the right decision my dude. Now go to church and find yourself a nice wholesome christian girl who is kinky as fuck but will be faithful forever. Go, my child, and be at peace.

>>17708591
>implying she won't want to get married before doing kinky things

Nigga where u live?

>>17706986
Thats not how birth control statistics work.
If 100 couples use the pill 1 will get pregnant because the girl stopped taking it/forgot/threw it up.
Same with condoms and 87% effective. Its because 13% normally use it as protection but decided to skip it that one time and raw dog it while drunk.

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OP here.
So not to beat a dear horse, or actually, that's exactly what I'm doing, whatever. I talked to my buddy today, it's been a week or 2 since I've seen him, anyways he asked the usual small talk ya know. When the relationship came up he wanted to take a look for himself, so I showed him the 75~ texts. Hes also a couples councilor so I figured why the hell not.
Long story short, he says it's basically all my fault, I created more problems instead of fixing existing ones, and I'll be damned, the mother fucker has convinced me. I went back and read the texts in private after he left, and that son of a bitch was right.
I had to share the experience with someone, even if they are anonymous users on 4chan.

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>>17707594
>gambler's fallacy

>>17709379
Why the fuck is everyone saying this?

>>17709371
Trust me, regardless of who's fault it is. You dodged a bullet. Raising another mans kid is hell on earth, and will leave you ruined if the relationship fails.
You'll get over her and find somebody without baggage and you'll be better off.

>>17698386
>pretty cute 8.5/10

You lying piece of shit. Nobody would say "pretty cute 8.5" like that and mean it. If you genuinely have an 8.5 girlfriend, you'd say something along the lines of "she's hot as fuck".

>pretty cute
>8.5

Fuck off, you lying bastard. Good try though, I'll give you that, OP.

If she's ugly just be honest about it, no need to lie and make it any worse.

Lying son of a bitch, hehe.

>>17711463
Honest to God not lying. I don't like to brag like a pompous asshole. I would honestly rate her 8 or 8.5.

>>17711718
OP...

You're all right.

Just don't pull that 8 and a HAAAAYF shit on me again.

>>17711926
I wouldn't lie as anon. That's the whole point in my opinion.
Doesn't matter, she doesn't want me anyway bro.

Bpd is problematic as fuck.
Read up on it if you're unfamiliar. Sounds like what you're dealing with

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OP here, I think I only have 1 more thing to post here before I let this thread die. First of all I want to thank all of you for making this easier and opening my eyes, I'm almost certain she has BPD after looking into it as some of you suggested. Now, onto the questions.

1. Exactly how bad did I fuck up falling in love (my first love) with a BPD? Like is this a life changing, scaring experience I'll always feel down about, or is it the opposite and good to already have the experience for this already under my belt in the future?

2. What are the chances she DOESN'T have BPD, even though she's displaying a lot of the characteristics. I know right there someone is going to say "it doesn't matter if she does or not, just acting like it is a good enough reason to run", and I agree. But I was reading that people with BPD usually never change their ways and will continue this behavior forever, however people with other issues like low self esteem, depression, wanting to distance themselves, will actually try to better themselves and may actually recover.

Final thoughts before I lay this beautiful thread don't to rest?

just depends how old you are and how much money you have.

>>17713574
If she is displaying a lot of the characteristics of borderline personality disorder, she has borderline personality disorder. For some reason its actually super common in women nowadays, and you should avoid them at all costs, unless you want to live your life with a fucking emotional vampire.

Trust me, I've been there and done that. I'd sooner shoot myself in the head than do it again.

It doesn't really matter if you fucked up your first love because she is borderline. Just move on. It isn't good or bad, just don't let it happen again.

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>>17709379
His argument >>17706986 was that using birth control 2x a week for a year (52 x 2 = 104), would make it so the statistic 99% effective meant that 1 out of those 104 times (1/100; or the 1%) would result in pregnancy. That is not how that statistic works. To believe that that's how it works is to believe that every time you have sex, the odd of something happening increases (or in this case decreases), as in first time having sex it's 99% (99/100 birth control will succeed), second time having sex it's 98% (98/100 birth control will succeed), and so on and so forth until by that person's logic it ticks down to 0% (0/100 success rate), and BOOM, you're pregnant.

Instead of the actual meaning, which is, it's 99% effective EVERY TIME you have sex. So next time you have sex, it is, once again, 99% effective. Effectiveness does not diminish over time.

To say that you MUST get pregnant 1/100 times having sex while on birth control is to ignore the fact that the chances reset to the default 99% (99/100) effectiveness every single time it's used again.

If that is NOT Gambler's Fallacy, I don't know what is.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gambler%27s_fallacy

>>17706986
Jesus, I can tell you're a dumb fucking Americlap if you think that is how statistics work.

You're so fucking retarded it is actually unbelievable.

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>>17713580
Why is this relevant?
>>17713598
I wanted my first love/fuck to be special, or at least mean something. So let me flip the question then: what traits should I look for in the future?
(My first red flag with her, if I didn't already mention it was withing the first week of being with her she was 100% certain I was the one, without a fucking doubt in her head, constantly told me and all of her friends she's never felt like this towards anyone before) (from what I read fucking on the first 'date' is a red flag too, but I was looking at it as more of a hit and quit, without the intentions of a relationship) (fuck now that I think of it, it only gets worse, one of the fist condos we ever had was about her being drugged and raped, and the first time we ever hung she was in tears about past relationships, but that's what they do right? They play on your reactions to these things don't they.)