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Hey /adv/, as cringy as this sounds, I need help getting over my first girlfriend.
I'm 20, she's 20, we're both students but at different universities, albeit only an hour away. Rival ones at that, but I digress.
We only dated about 3 1/2 months, but man I have never gotten along with a girl as well as her, and I've had my fair share of women, albeit it's never progressed to the point of dating before.
She's so fucking gorgeous, sweet, smart, ambitious, fun and funny. She isn't without her flaws, but no one is. I accept those flaws and like them.
But it just didn't work out I guess. She didn't like the sweet/romantic side of me that came out after we became "official".
Said she liked it so much better when I was just her friend/fuck buddy and we were just chill.
We started arguing somewhat more after that. Had a few small breakups. Not giant arguments but just, I don't know, after that her usual jokes and shit would just get to me and annoy me, as opposed to make me laugh from the teasing and me teasing her back. Same went with my jokes towards her and how she would react. Stuff like that. Her anxiety disorder didn't help once school started back up.
After a particular argument a while back I snapped and called her a cunt. And apparently, that absolutely destroyed her. Made her cry for hours.
She still hasn't forgiven me and probably won't ever. I finally gave a decent, genuine apology and she was appreciate and thanked me. I think that helped.
I still feel bad for ruining things like that, especially with a girl that I genuinely care about, love even.
And I find myself here sort of trying to hang on, hoping things can go back to being normal, but I realize I have to move on.
How do I do this? The thought of her being with another guy, both emotionally and physically, absolutely destroys me.
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Yeah, I've been there. It's not easy, of course, but you'll get through it.
Don't contact her at all, and don't check on her social media activity (block/hide/unfollow her if you need).
Focus your energy into schoolwork, exercising, other shit you have in your life.
And when you finally feel up to it, start talking to other girls (maybe download Tinder).
I went through this recently and that's how I got over it.
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>>17697212
It's weird because she's still in my life. We don't talk nearly as much but she wanted to remain friends.
Maybe the reason I can't/don't want to let go is because she's flip flopped so much on this stuff that I'm not sure if this is what she really wants.
I don't know if I have the strength to delete her number and shit.
I hate removing people from my life. Especially someone I'm so attached to.
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>>17697217
Yeah, but basically the first rule in getting over any break up is cutting contact. It sounds nice on paper to remain friends with her, but it's not going to work out if you still have feelings.
Try setting yourself a goal of one month without hitting her up in any way. You'll for sure feel better at the end of it.
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Yeah women lose respect when you show them your true self.
It has come unbereable to be this alone that when you find them you are just so happy and gratefull that you adquire the "devoted" trait so fast and it puts them off.
Bet your ass that if it was chad they would be súper clingy after the First ignored text that noteven you woulf want her
Anyway she used your insult as a way out, ignore her and just go out, send her some bait text once a week but dont tell her much about yourself but ask about how is she doing.
Then progresively start gaining trust and cut contact, that will blow her mind and will insist in see you IRL and have another chance
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>>17697227
I think something that makes doing that really hard for me is like, I feel the need to "prove" myself.
To "prove" that I deserve her, if that makes sense. That I'm not just another guy that's going to abandon her.
Prove myself to her friends, family, etc.
Which probably is stupid as shut.
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I wish I were straight.
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>>17697240
It isn't good that you feel like you need to prove yourself to some girl.
If you're just a strong, confident version of yourself, she will either want you or she won't.
She knows the deal by now, she knows your interested. Asserting yourself more isn't going to make a difference or "persuade" her.
Let things be, and focus on withdrawing and moving forward with your own life. She will contact you if she's serious about reconnecting.
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>>17697212
this
do not be friends unless your intention is to hurt yourself emotionally and stagnate the healing process
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>>17697255
>She knows the deal by now, she knows your interested.
Wow, that sentence right there just sort of clicked a light in my head. Thank you for that Anon.
And as far as the "proving" goes, maybe I shouldn't have said that. I'm having a hard time putting this feelings into proper words.
Perhaps it would be better to call it somewhat of an insecure impulse? As in, maybe I'm continuing to try and such to validate that I'm worth her. That I'm... capable of having her. I'm not sure. TO show that I'm not a loser maybe.
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>>17697234
this is weird jaded bitter strangeman advice, please disregard
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>>17697260
good job dave mate
not everyone is capable of that kind of introspection. that's exactly what it is. the impulse to 'prove' that you can stick around and be there stems directly from the insecurity you have because you were rejected by her- it's an attempt to build your ego, but in actuality you're hurting yourself by sticking around a girl who doesnt want to be with you.
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>>17697260
I understand why you feel that way. Whenever we experience a form of rejection, it hurts our self-esteem and self-image a bit.
We feel as though we're not good enough and that we need to work to win over that person's approval.
It's good to use this as motivation to improve yourself, but try not to let it dictate your emotions towards her.
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>>17697260
you're battling your own ego and self-worth. It's a tough fight, but you need to understand it's just that. Unfortunately, until you win that battle, you could mistake any infatuation for love.
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there's not much more to say man... sounds like this relationship is toxic. you crossed the respect barrier and I think it's best you just realize that it's done and you need to move on. Know better for the next girl
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